Colt Cuddler: Friends To Lovers

by Starweardo

The New Colt

Trottingham High

The bell tolls as second classes start. A white Earth Colt with short, red mane and tail makes his way to a classroom of the tenth grade, looking about with his emerald eyes like a tourist in Canterlot.

Class seems to already be in progress as he nervously knocks on its door. Inside, the teacher had seized talking and instead is heard making her way to the door. She opens it, a soft smile on her face.

“Ah, you must be our new student, is that right?” she asks, gesturing him inside.
The colt nods vigorously. “That’s me!” he says, his nerves calming down visibly.

“Good to have you here. My name is Mrs. Paperback.", The teacher introduces herself. "Why don’t you tell us a little about yourself to start out?”

He takes a deep breath, closing his eyes to collect his thoughts before starting.

“Hey, everypony, my name is Shiny Rock. I come from Ponyville, but I was born and raised here in Trottingham. I know I’m here short notice, but after the incident occurred in Ponyville I was moved back here. My hobbies include botanics and other horticulture; also I’m an avid book reader.”

He stops and smiles. Mrs. Paperback then gestures him towards a free seat.

“Thank you, Shiny Rock. Take a seat over there next to Night Light, alright?” she suggests.

Shiny does as he’s been told, taking the open spot next to another male student, who seems to have fallen asleep on his desk. The teacher bellows out. “Could somepony wake up Night Light? I’m tired of him falling asleep.”

A nearby filly nudges the sleeping colt as she says this, sure enough, waking him up.

“Night Light.” the teacher starts. “Do try to stay awake during class.”
A couple of students give a chuckle as Night Light silently retreats into an upright seated position.
The lesson continues like it normally would until the bell tolls for recess.

As Shiny Rock packs his things together and leaves the room, he finds Night Light by his side.

“Hey, uh... can I help you?” he asks rather uncertainly.

“Uh, no, not really. Actually, I believe I can help you. I haven't seen you around here before, so I assume you're the new colt?” the colt responds.

There seems to be a faint unidentifiable accent in his voice. Shiny turns to look at him.

Night Light is a rather feminine looking dark blue colt, with powerful looking back legs, but rather lean front legs. His chestnut colored mane is tied together by a green hair band. He also possesses a pair of big, golden eyes.

“Really?” he asks. “How?”

“Well, you need somepony to help you out with your first couple of days here.” Night Light responds, a smile on his face.

“I guess so...” Shiny looks about. “It is a rather big place...”

“Don't worry. It's only the first floor that you're really going to. Also, you're gonna be away from here in about a month anyway.” he reassures the new student.

“Convenient.” Shiny remarks.

Night Light gestures Shiny Rock to follow him. Shiny Rock follows step as his 'tour guide' shows him around school, ranging from classrooms, science room blocks, the cafeteria and the many bathrooms before taking him to the secretary's office.

“Get a map here, just for second occasions. Really can be a life-saver sometimes.”

Shiny Rock nods, walks over to the secretary and knocks on the table.

The secretary pony gives him an intensely bored look while seemingly endlessly chewing some sort of gum. “Yes? Can I help you?”

“Hello...” Shiny Rock starts, a bit nervously. “I'd like to get a map, please.” The secretary uses her magic to levitate a map of the school onto the desk.

“If you want, I can get a student in here to be your guide.” she says, her half-lidded expression never waning.
Shiny Rock laughs a bit before gesturing a 'No thanks'.

“I've already got a guide outside.” he says, pointing at Night Light, who noticed this and waves at him through the window.

The secretary shoots a look at Shiny Rock as if he'd just made the worst joke possible. “You can't be serious.”
Shiny Rock takes a step back, tilting his head. “What do you mean?” he asks.

The secretary pony sighs. “Night Light is mute. We tried getting him to talk, but he wouldn't usher a word to us.”

Shiny Rock's eyes open a bit wider before chuckling a bit creeped out and retreating through the door, saying “Oh, of course, how silly of me.”

Turning back to Night Light, he asks “Say, um... am I psychic?”
Night Light gives him a confused look. “What d' you mean?”

“Well... I can hear you speak” he responds.

The earth pony giving him a tour can't help but laugh. “That's because I'm speaking to you.”

“Aw, so no psychic powers for me. But... why did she say that you don't talk, then?”

Night Light blushes a bit. “Well, I have this sneaking suspicion that I can trust you. I know this might sound really forced, but... hey, you look pleasant. OH! I'm supposed to give you this, by the way.” He gives him a sheet of paper. “If you want, you can sign up for an after school club.”

"Sounds good!" he replies, a wide grin on his face. "What's the options?"

Night Light's eyes scan the paper. "Um... aside from the race specific clubs, y' can attend chess, music, art, radio and other media. Take your pic." He puts the sheet on a nearby table.

"Well," ,Shiny Rock begins. "Chess sounds fun, I guess. I've always been one for mind games. Tick that for me then, alright?"
Night Light gives a smile. "Sure thing." he says as he ticks the box next to the chess option, then writing Shiny's name on it.

"If you don't mind me asking... what did you pick?"

"I took music. I play the piano."

Shiny Rock tilts his head a bit. "How in the name of sanity do you do that? No horn and all?"
Night Light gives a smirk. "Well, ya could come over to my house and see." he invites the young earth pony.

"Sounds like a plan. I'll go off then, my curriculum says I have Social Studies in a couple of minutes, could you drop that off for me while I look for the room on the map?"

Night Light gives a chuckle. "Alright. See you in lunch break."

The bell tolls.

Author's Note:

This is literally my first story ever. Sorry that the second chapter is taking so long. After the advice given to me, I'm running every segment of text through countless editors with experience. You guys will have it soon, I promise.

Comments

[Twilight Best Pony]

Good start!

[Feather Book]

I like this start. I'll keep my eyes on it

But could you please space out the paragraphs a bit more? I find them hard to read the way they are now.

[Starweardo]

2620526
Gotcha, thanks for the advice.

[Silver_Tip]

I'll agree that this is an okay start, but you've got a lot to work on. A lot of repeating words (like colt) and misused ones ("the teacher had ceased talking" - Watch your past/present tenses). Uselessly capitilaing words happens a few times as well. Really brief chapter too.

I think something that would help your story is to be a bit more descriptive and less linear too. Just basic editing stuff. One exercise you can do to help this, is braketing off repeat words (within two paragraphs of each other) or something this is just clutter. Have a thesaurus site up or something is a good idea.

FOR example!
"Night Light gestures Shiny Rock to follow him. Shiny Rock follows step as his 'tour guide' shows him around school, ranging from classrooms, science room blocks, the cafeteria and the many bathrooms before taking him to the secretary's office. “Get a map here, just for second occasions. Really can be a life-saver sometimes.” Shiny Rock nods, walks over to the secretary and knocks on the table."
----
You can trim out the repeats and take some creative liberty.
"Night Light gestures to his appointed follower. Shiny Rock stepped up hastily. The guide was necessary, but the newly re-nested boy was nervous about this stallion in-front of him. This fear was unfounded in anything about him, but it was hard to really focus. Classrooms, a science block (maybe), and why did this place have so many bathrooms? It was all a blur. Really should stop starring at that blue thing and pay attention. With the ring of a bell, the earth pony snaps to.

"...Really can be a life-saver sometimes,” Night says with a wide smirk on his face. The trip here normally took a good five minutes, if walking as slowly as possible. That white stallion was all the lazy student needed for an excuse to stall. Thankfully all the rest in class had trained the sneaky male to be as inconspicuous as possible. If only Shiny Rock knew how appealing he looked. Bitter sweet in the ending, the tour guide pasts the printed map. Maybe he wouldn't notice the distance from his classroom to their location?

You could even toy around with the idea when the return- they get stuck as partners because it took way to long and everyone else paired up. But I'm sure you have a plan for how everything is going down.
---

Also, this is a story about how two friends fall in love! Talk about how awe struck one is at the sight of the other. Describe some of that. All the two really do is kind of meet for the first time and go on a round about tour of the school. Now that can work for you. Like if Night Light finds himself unable to part himself from his newest acquaintance. I mean over half the story so far takes place there. How these ponies are feeling/acting can really make us identify with them and can even show how special the relationship is to the audience. (Check out the line up scene from The Usual Suspects. A really good example of just action and minor thought that sets up that entire film.)

Keep at it!

[Starweardo]

2622155
Mr. Silver Tip... words cannot describe how much I thank you for this...
My first language is German, where capitalization goes wild and sentence building is ass, sorry about that. I will use your advice on future chapters.
Thank you so much, my friend.

[Silver_Tip]

2623401
No problem!
I know it's hard doing a self translation at times.
if you need any help, there's a few groups here that can help you with editing.
Good luck on the future chapters.

[Stunt Monkey]

I'm reading the description. This Night Light character? Is that Twilight's Dad Night Light or another pony with the same name? Either way I'm going to read, I enjoy some hot sweaty steamy action.

[Starweardo]

2625781
It's another pony with the same name. When I made this character, I didn't know about Twilight's dad.
Also, enjoy! Chapter 2 will be finished soon.