Chapter 8: A Night at Hoofington Part 1
“What do you mean I have to stay out here?!”
“Rainbow Dash, you do realize what you look like, right?” Twilight did her best to calm her friend. “We can’t risk the good citizens of Hoofington to go into a panic because of them seeing such a strange creature. No offense, Deadpool.”
Deadpool brushed it off. “None taken. I am quite strange.”
{More like batshit insane!}
[Hey! Watch your language, young lady!]
“You can’t just scold the other subconscious!” Rainbow Dash yelled.
Twilight eyed Rainbow. “...Not to mention you’re having some issues with the voices in your head.”
“I’m not having issues,” Rainbow Dash replied.
[It’d be best if you just lay your issues out right now, Rainbow.]
“No pony asked you,” she replied again.
“What was that?” Twilight asked in a more stern tone.
“I wasn’t talking to you!”
Twilight flinched. “S-Sorry! How was I supposed to know?!”
Rainbow Dash sighed. “Nevermind. Just go.”
“Must you always be so stubborn?”
Unfortunately, Twilight’s question came with no response.
Though it wasn‘t in her best interest to do so, Twilight became spiteful. “Hmph. So much for ‘loyalty.’”
Rainbow reacted as one would expect. “What’s your problem?!”
Twilight upped the momentum. “MY problem?! Here I am, trying to be as helpful as I can under these circumstances and you’re just pushing me away!”
“No, here’s what you’re trying to do: You’re trying to satisfy your big ego by thinking you’re some kind of messiah helping me with my issues!”
“I-I don’t have a big ego! I genuinely want to help you, Rainbow. We’re friends!”
“Yeah well no offense, ‘friend’, but I prefer to be alone right now.” Rainbow Dash crossed her arms and looked away from Twilight.
“You...I...I’m trying...and you’re...GRAH!” Twilight gave up. “There’s just no getting through to you!”
Rainbow Dash remained silent.
Deadpool approached Twilight. “Uh, Celestia’s probably waiting for us in the village, so we probably shouldn’t keep her waiting.”
Twilight sighed. “Fine. After all that’s been going on these past few hours, I just need some downtime.”
As Deadpool escorted Twilight to Hoofington, he looked to Rainbow Dash.
“Hey, Dashy, I’ll bring you food and some blankets when I get the chance!”
“Appreciate it!” Rainbow Dash responded.
“Pfft. Of course, if I had said that, she’d probably spit at me,” Twilight muttered.
“Now now, we’ve all had a long day.”
“I guess you’re right.”
Twilight looked back to see Rainbow Dash still sitting silently and refusing to even look in her direction. She sighed in regret as she walked into the village of Hoofington.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Celestia was the first of the group to enter Hoofington. She looked around and noted that it was quite a small village with only a few structures made for the public. The rest were pretty much individual homes. Luckily, she was able to find a place to stay for the night.
“Pri- Uh, I mean Celestia!” she heard Twilight’s voice behind her.
“Hello, Twilight. So did you tell Rainbow Dash the bad news?”
“Yes, but...she didn’t take it very well,” Twilight responded.
“Hmm, that’s unfortunate,” Celestia said. “Maybe I should talk to her?”
“I wouldn’t if I were you,” Deadpool came into the conversation. “I think she’d rather be alone right now.”
Celestia made a worried expression. “I suppose. I’ll be sure to make it up to her somehow.”
Twilight looked away and grunted.
“Anyway, I managed to find us a place to stay for the night,” Celestia said as she pointed to their destination.
Twilight and Deadpool looked to the building that the princess was pointing to. The sign read, ‘Twice’s Bed and Breakfast.’
“Ooh, a nice good ‘ol fashioned bed and breakfast!” Deadpool said excitedly.
“Twilight, why don’t you and Deadpool go ahead and check in?”
“Sure, but what about you, Celestia?”
“I’ll meet up with the two of you eventually. I have other business I need to tend to.”
Twilight nodded her head in agreement as Celestia walked off in her own direction.
“C’mon, Twilight!” Deadpool was already at the door.
“Be right there, Deadpool!”
Deadpool and Twilight walked inside the building and were greeted by a female pony with what appeared to be a bed for a Cutie Mark.
“Hello there, and welcome to Twice’s Bed and Breakfast, where you get twice the service for only half the price!”
“Geez, can this pony be anymore like an advertisement?” Deadpool whispered to Twilight.
Twilight quickly hushed him in response.
“My name is Twice Nightly and I am in charge of the night services. How may I help you this fine evening?”
“Uh, hello. I’d like to check in a group of three to stay for the night.”
“Very good, ma’m. Please follow me to the reception desk to work out the transaction.”
The pony named Twice Nighty led Twilight and Deadpool to the reception desk.
“So, uh, ‘Twice’s Bed and Breakfast?’” Twilight started to make conversation. “Is that a family name?”
“Why yes it is,” Twice Nighty responded. “You see, I share this business with my twin sister, Twice Brightly and she’s in charge of the morning services.”
“Ah,” Twilight said. “So that’s why you made a Bed and Breakfast.”
“Oh for Bea Arthur’s sake, this is so stupid...” Deadpool muttered.
“I heard that,” Twice Nightly said.
“Well shit,” Deadpool replied.
“”Apologize!” Twilight shouted.
“No no, it’s alright,” Nightly continued. “It’s actually an honor to be servicing you.”
“Um...what?” Deadpool asked confusedly.
Twice Nightly blushed. “It might be a bit unprofessional for me to be saying this but...I’m actually a big fan of yours, Rainbow Dash.”
“Um................what?” Deadpool repeated.
“Just play along,” Twilight whispered.
“Oh, oh yeah! Rainbow Dash. That is indeed who I am. Otherwise, why would even refer to me by that name? ‘Cause obviously, I am the perso-PONY you think I am.”
Twilight facehoofed while Twice Nightly stared at him with slight confusion.
Deadpool cleared his throat. “Anyways...so how did a pony such as yourself come to discover the greatness that is I?
“Well, you may not know this, but I was a witness to one of your amazing ‘Sonic Rainbooms.’”
“Sonic Boom, Sonic Boom, Sonic Boom,” Deadpool suddenly sang.
“And ever since that day, I became a major fan of yours,” Twice Nightly continued. She suddenly approached Deadpool and nervously looked at him dead in the eye. “U-Um, just for the record, I truly believe you have what it takes to become a Wonderbolt!”
Deadpool backed away from her close proximity. “S-Sure, whatever you say, ‘Twicey’”
Twice Nightly became flustered once again. “T-T-Twicey?!”
“Yeah, I said a thing,” Deadpool said.
The innkeeper pony’s face became even more red as she hid herself behind the reception desk to hide her embarrassed expression.
Deadpool and Twilight looked at each other confusedly.
Twice Nightly took a deep breath and eventually regained her composure. “Ahem, so...it was three that’s staying the night, correct?”
Before Twilight could respond, she was interrupted by a cheering crowd that was located in the side of the room. Deadpool looked at the area where the crowd was.
“Whoa, whoa whoa!” he shouted. “Is that place what I think it is?”
“‘That place?’” Twice Nightly repeated. “You mean the bar?”
Deadpool became dumbfounded. “B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B--”
“You serve alcohol here?” Twilight basically finished Deadpool’s thought.
“Well yes,” Nightly responded. “Do they not serve it where you come from?”
Twilight rubbed the back of her neck. “Yeah, you see I live in Ponyville.”
“Ah, one of the clean areas.”
“Holy shit, what are we waiting for?” Deadpool suddenly grabbed Twilight and started to run towards the bar.
Twilight immediately dragged herself out of his grip. “Will you calm down, Dead-D-Dash...Rainbow Dash...Will you calm down...Rainbow Dash?”
“Nice save there, Sparkletron,” Deadpool said sarcastically.
“M-Miss Rainbow Dash,” Twice Nightly looked at Deadpool in surprise. “I never knew you were a partaker in alcohol.”
“That’s because she’s no-MMPH!” Deadpool immediately covered Twilight’s mouth with his hoof.
“Listen, Twilight, I beg of you. You cannot ruin this for me!”
Twilight once again escaped from his grip. “Geez, what’s the big deal? Why do you want to drink so badly?”
Deadpool leaned in closer to Twilight so that he could be in whispering distance. “Look, back in my old body my healing factor prevented me from ever getting drunk off of alcohol. Now that I’m not in my own body I have a chance to experience it once again!”
Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Is that what this is about? Why in Celestia’s name would you want to get drunk, ever?”
“Have you ever gotten drunk?”
“Of course not! As Celestia’s faithful student, I must keep a respectable demeanor.”
“Well that’s your problem. I’m about to go get wasted.”
Deadpool started to walk towards the bar once again until Twilight stopped him. “Hold on for a second! May I remind you you’re in Rainbow Dash’s body? How do you think she would feel having her body used like this?”
“Pfft. C’mon, Dashy would probably do the same thing if she was here.”
Twilight sighed. “Y’know I would’ve disagreed with you, but concerning her actions in the recent past, I’m inclined to agree.”
“So can I go drink?” Deadpool asked excitedly. He dropped to his knees. “Pleeeeeaaaase! Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease!”
Twilight rolled her eyes. “Fine. Just try to be responsible.”
“Yeah yeah. Um...can I borrow some bits?”
Twilight rolled her eyes and sighed. She grabbed a few bits and handed them over to Deadpool. “Here.”
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Back outside of Hoofington, Rainbow Dash wandered around bored out of her mind. She spent most of her time studying her new body, trying to get used to it. She managed to get used to walking with two legs instead of four, but as of now she was trying to figure out how her new appendages worked. She kept flexing her hands, wondering why her upper appendages were different from her lower ones.
She sighed. “Deadpool’s sure got some weird hooves. What did he say these things were...’fingers?’”
{Psh. More like...’hoof wormies’!}
“I know, right?” Rainbow Dash said to her subconscious. “And look how his species stands! I never understood why some creatures stood upright like this.”
[Well not every anatomy has to be like ours]
“Well yeah, but still...this is so surreal!”
Her stomach started to growl.
[Heads up, we’re getting hungry]
“Gee, ya think so?” Rainbow said sarcastically. “What gave it away genius?”
[I’m just saying, we should probably start getting some food before this becomes more of an issue]
“Relax, Deadpool should be here any minute bringing me some food.”
[What about Twilight?]
Rainbow Dash scoffed. “What about her?”
[She’s also looking out for us, in case you forgot]
“Oh really? ‘Cause recently she’s been a real pain in the butt.”
[Does that mean you’re just gonna completely abandon her?]
“If she apologizes then I’ll consider forgiving her.”
[But why should she need to apologize? What would she apologize for?]
“I dunno! Being a complete nag, for one. Maybe for always breathing down my neck!”
[You know she’s only looking out for our best interests]
“Stop saying things like ‘our’ or ‘we’! You’re not a part of me.”
[Seeing as I’m now part of your subconscious, I’d say I am indeed a part of you]
“That doesn’t mean I have to listen to you...” she muttered.
[You’re right...it doesn’t]
Rainbow Dash kneeled down and began to lay on the grass. These turn of events have taken quite a toll on her and she was starting to feel the weight of it all.
My my, looks like the Miss Loyalty is feeling a bit betrayed.
“Ugh...finally decided to join in, Discord?”
There’s no need for that, Rainbow Dash. I’m merely an observer as my new powers demand me to be.
“Yeah, well can you observe somewhere else? I want to be alone now.”
Tsk tsk. As much as I’d like to fulfill your wishes, I simply cannot do that.
“Wait, 'fulfill my wishes’? Since when did you start looking out for my best interests?”
Since now. I already switched your body with that ghastly mercenary, so there’s nothing more I can do to you that would entertain me, so I’ve decided I want to help you.
“Help me? What could you possibly help me with?”
Well, I know that you’re feeling some animosity to your good friend Twilight Sparkle.
“...”
Er, a strong feeling of dislike.
“Oh....whatever.”
Now, Rainbow Dash, you know you can’t hide things from me. After all, there are still some things I am able to do.
While hesitating for a brief moment, Rainbow Dash decided to confide in Discord. “Look, it’s just that...she’s been on my case an awful lot recently and it’s getting on my nerves.”
Indeed. Miss Sparkle does have a tendency to pry into other’s situations.
“Hmph. Y’know what it is? It’s probably because I told her back then that I was starting to get sick of my usual life and wanted something different.”
Ah, so you originally imparted your private matters to Twilight?
“Yeah, and ever since then, she thinks she can come into my life and try to fix things herself. She didn’t even try to support me! In fact, she practically made a list of all the negative things of me trying to seek a life of adventure.”
[To be fair, she did make some valid arguments]
“Of course you would take her side.”
[I’m taking the side which is rational, and Twilight’s reasons were rational]
“What does she know?”
It’s a shame to see such a strong friendship go downhill.
“I’m the Element of Loyalty for Celestia’s sake! I’ve been with her through thick and thin, and the moment I needed her loyalty, she completely betrays me!”
[She never betrayed us! You know her concerns for us are genuine!]
“Stop. Saying. Us!” Rainbow Dash yelled. “You are not me! This is not what I want to think!”
[I am your subconscious! Whether you want to think it or not, these thoughts are lingering in your mind!]
“Just shut up!”
Ooh, such fury. Sounds like things aren’t looking so well for you, Rainbow Dash.
“No kidding. You want to help me? You can start by getting rid of these voices in my head.”
Ooh, sadly I cannot do that.
{*GASP* Even me?}
“No offense,” Rainbow Dash said.
{Oh, that’s okay then}
[*sigh* The sad part is, that statement was probably genuine]
{Of course it is! What...is it not okay?}
[NO! She needs us!]
“No I don’t! I’d be better off without you!”
[Is that right? I can recall a time when the voices in your head actually saved your life]
“Yeah, right. When was there ever a time when you actually helped me?”
[When Deadpool brought in the Ursa Major]
Rainbow Dash suddenly became speechless.
[You’re always complaining about wanting to have a grand adventure and face incredible dangers, well at that time, Deadpool brought about one of the biggest dangers in all of Equestria. However, you weren’t excited at all]
“S-Stop...” Rainbow Dash struggled to say.
[It was too much for you to handle, you knew it was too dangerous even for you]
“I said stop...”
[In fact, you were scared!]
“I SAID STOP!”
[If it wasn’t for me, you would’ve been dead!]
“I SAID STOP IT, TWILIGHT!”
Rainbow Dash immediately covered her mouth. There was a stunned silence.
Well well well. This is an interesting twist.
Despite Discord’s words, Rainbow still held her mouth shut.
All this time the rational voice in your head was Twilight’s? So why is it not your own voice, then?
No response.
Ah, not to worry. I can deduce this on my own. I assume it is because you yourself are not a very rational pony, so you can’t hear the rational side of your consciousness in your own voice, so as of now, you’re using Twilight to be your responsible side because you consider her the most responsible.
Again, Rainbow Dash gave no response, but she lowered her head with a sense of guilt.
Heh, and who says you two aren’t good friends?
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This is... this is just sad. Poor Dashie...
Was not expecting that twist about the voices.
Somehow, I'm picturing it turning out the orange voice is in the voice of Pinkie Pie. That would make too much sense.
Drunk Deadpool hilarity next chapter? Yes!!!
Oh my that is a delightful twist. I definitely didn't see it coming, but at the same time it fits in perfectly with RD's personality.
2832883
Oh god, you have to put that thought in my head, didn't you Tatsurou? Between you and LightTechnology I have seen plenty of great examples of alternative writing techniques to help me with my own story.
Dammit, not this shit
DISCORD! I'VE GOT A BONE TO PICK WITH YOU! *begins loading 10 gauge and other weapons*
2859473 *Places my hand down on your 10 gauge* No my friend, that is not the answer...
*Draws a .50 Caliber M2 Machine Gun* THIS is the answer.
2879689
Or, *Blows whistle* wait for it.....
*Rambo, Chuck Norris, Clint Eastwood, Bruce Lee, Mr. T, Jackie Chan, Vladimir Putin and Dovakin start walking over the hill with their personal arsenals* THERE WE GO! *pulls out 19-19 .50 caliber machine gun and KA-BAR* LET'S DO THIS SHIT!!
Ah drama, looks like Dashie's got adequacy issues.
Grrrrrr, the downvoter must be tracked down and hugged into insensibility! 
Seriously though, great story.
huh... damn. that ending was.... interesting. So Discord when's that next chaoter? or you just trying to think of ideas on how to mess with 'Rainbow Dash' when 'she's' out drinking tonight?
Wait dash likes twilight? !?! And where's pinkie pie!
2879689 Hah! You call that the answer? *pulls out a Nuclear Missile Launcher along with the Conference Call* This, is the answer. Whoops, almost forgot the Bee! *equips Inflammable the Bee*
3009448 Actually, my answer is a ton of Wave Motion Guns being fired from orbit. Planet, what planet?
This is the first time I've ever read a dead pool (STUPID AUTO CORRECT!) fic, and I'm lovin' it. (Ba dap ba ba ba!) MORE PLEEEESE.
3009586 My my my. None of you get it. That will not work against someone like Discord. *Pulls out Pinkie Pie and cocks her like a shotgun* (Shut up sick-o's) Say goodbye to reality because nothing is going to make sense from now on! The fourth wall no longer exists!!!
Ah Discord, ever playing with people's heads. How expected. So Twilight is Dash's rational side, interesting.
3206698
The 4th wall is obliterated, little surprise there, Discord is involved after all. The only thing that can beat a 4th wall breaker is a nother 4th wall breaker.
3206698
Pfft. just give me the Sword of Aeons, and name me Jack of Blades. Jack is best Anti-hero......next to Deadpool, of course.
Yeah, that better be! Jack may be a cool and powerful, but everyone loves my sexy looks and ninja skills!
.......Was I really asking for a reply?
5503849 Well, you got one