• Member Since 28th Apr, 2013
  • offline last seen Apr 30th, 2023

Fireydude


E
Source

What if, Season 3 ended differently?

What if something, or rather, someone came to Equestria?

What if that someone happened to be... a child?
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Inspired by APoeticHeart's "A New Home"

Chapters (12)
Comments ( 76 )

Well you've got me interested, plus it's great to finally find a new "Adopt a Human" fic, there so hard to find.

inspired by one of my fav fics? you got my attention

I like it but there three things I do not think are quite right; "everypony had already begun start the day." that just sounds weird. if you put "everypony had begun their own preparations for the day." then give some examples like: "Apple Jack and Big Mack where setting the buckets under the trees for a day of apple bucking. While Twilight Sparkle was making breakfast for spike, having already had a sandwich herself" and then move on to Flutter Shy. Also you repeat yourself a bit, you only did it twice. Here: "The white rabbit gave a single paw salute in response, which caused Fluttershy to giggle in response." and here: "The Element of Kindness then headed out the front door once more, and headed to a nearby stream due southeast from where her cottage was." for the first one I would suggest instead of putting the second response (this is my just my opinion on what you should do) I would put " which caused Fluttershy to giggle at the rabbits antics" and for the second one I suggest saying " The Element of Kindness left her house once more and headed for a nearby stream due southeast from where her cottage was". Also unless you say what Flutter Shy was doing I don't think you need the soon in "she then trotted out of the bathroom and soon began tending to her animal friends". I know that I am being a bossy jerk but I just want to help the story, and in my opinion the above do no favors. They are not really mistakes but they just seem kind of off. Sorry for acting like a bossy know it all. :twilightblush:

2639741 Nah, it's okay. You're being helpful!

Besides it's my first fic anyway, so it was inevitable I'd make mistakes.. :twilightsheepish:

I really hope this has differences.. no offense to A new Home's writer, but a lot of things in that story were too odd to be realistic. Mainly the child's size seemed to change from time to time and it basically made humans as tiny creatures when compared to ponies, like too tiny. Looking forward to more, so... MOAR! :flutterrage:

Aww..I love this already. Oh, I hope Chapter Two comes soon. He sounds so precious. Can't wait for his reaction when he wakes up. :pinkiehappy: I am honored and humbled that I could inspire you with my story. :twilightblush:

2639778 glad to hear it! But they where not really mistakes, they just were funky bits. Sort of like wrinkles in a dress or a bruise on an apple, does not ruin the dress (or the apple) but is just a small problem.:twilightsmile:

I will be expecting great things from you. Please continue you have my full interest. :pinkiehappy:

2717361 Like I said, the second chapter will be out soon, just be patient.

............................................ :fluttercry:

Comment posted by Fireydude deleted Jun 25th, 2014

3233533....yeah sure, bit let me ask you: where do you live and what school do you go to?:rainbowhuh:

3234117
Glad that you understand..
But the only info about me I'm willing to disclose at the moment is that I live in California.

3234661 alright well a state for a state, Tennessee.

Comment posted by Fireydude deleted Sep 21st, 2013

I am saying this clearly and slowly, we..look...nothing...like...........MONKEYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage:

Oh God, the title.

It brings me memories of Age of Empires 2, with Furious the Monkey Boy and is absurd power.:rainbowlaugh:

3279534 Well I can assure you that Alan won't have ubsurd power of the kind.

He'll be a normal kid, who's as much flesh and blood as you and me. :raritywink:

3279575 good

also PLEASE no abusive family or bullies that brought him here it's OVER USED

3279575

Actually I wasn't fearing such kind of scenario, just pointing out this thing.

Who knew, maybe you did it on purpose.

3280539 Ah..

I never played Age of Empires, so the title was mostly just a coincidence.

I love how you wrote in a way the point of view of Angel while he was looking over Alan. :twilightblush: Very clever. Also, it was adorable how Fluttershy lifted Alan off her back after carrying him back inside. :twilightblush: I hope Twilight, Pinkie, and Spike doesn't scare him if they find out he's there at Fluttershy's cottage. :twilightoops:

3280844 Thanks! I was pretty much going with Angel having to communicate his thoughts and feelings through description of his actions rather than by resorting to internal dialogue. After all, the golden rule of writing is "show, don't tell". :)

Yeah, I kind of went with Fluttershy lifting/carrying Alan that way since not only does she not have hands (and being mostly quadrupedal) but he's small enough for it. It wouldn't be that big of a shock if other members of the Mane Six did the same thing with him. XD

3289245 Aww.. that would be cute to see each of the Mane Six pick him up like that I think. :twilightblush:

This was a comical, fun, and sweet chapter. :pinkiehappy::heart::rainbowlaugh: Pinkie's randomness was at full blast in this. :twilightblush: How cute was it the way she carried Alan down the stairs by his coverall straps, and was caring toward him. :pinkiesmile: Also, I wonder what kind of spell Twilight is going to cast?:rainbowhuh: I can't wait for Alan to meet Rarity. :twilightsheepish:

3523153Thanks! It took me a while but I think I made an acceptable chapter. Also, any thoughts on the offer?

3525003 Well, it sounds cool to me. I could try my hand at it. :pinkiehappy:

Transformation spell? Maybe but that's kind of quick lol.

3533714Nope! It's something much different.. ;)

Hi discord

Wow all you did was a horse head LAME

Also you are awesome

3551083 Don't encourage him!!

Discord: Well if you want more..

-snap-

Me: *Hands change into seal flippers, sprouts out cat tail, and develops polka dots on animal body parts* D8<... Dammit..

This was a very cute chapter once again. :rainbowkiss: Being a Spike fan, I'm glad that he is involved and he is treated right. :pinkiehappy: Also, Rarity's care and kindness toward Alan is super sweet! :rainbowkiss: Looking forward to what happens next, what his new clothes are going to be like, and whose he going to meet next. :twilightsmile:

"Excessive blushing, nervousness, shyness, and some difficulty speaking around strangers.. I wonder if.. Hmm, I'll have to read one of the child psychology books at the library later to be sure."

Shouldn't it be foal psychology books?

3571238Oh right.. Didn't think of that.. I'll go back and change it.. :rainbowderp:

*sees the discord troll face at the end then looks to nearest person and proceeds to give them a troll face*

4210047 It'll be here before next week, I assure you.

Aw.. a lovely and adorable chapter! :twilightsmile: The first flashback of Alan as a baby with his parents was special and sweet, and the bath time with Fluttershy was too cute. Great story still so far, and I am looking forward to see what happens next.:twilightsmile:

I hope Princess Celestia and Princess Luna would be welcoming to sweet little Alan. :twilightsmile: Also, I'm glad Twilight was calm and gentle with Alan while testing him. :pinkiehappy: And Pinkie... :facehoof: Well, she was just being Pinkie. :pinkiehappy:

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