Octavia's Overture

A young mare, named Octavia ran away from her home, leaving her friends and family to be a famous cellist in Canterlot. Was it a good decision? Or was it the biggest mistake of her life?

Credit for the story is given to The Living Tombstone.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 2 )

Viewing 1 - 50 of 2
- Newest First
- Oldest First

Midway

Midway #1 · Jul 17th, 2013 · · ·

Okay now i have alot to say but do take what i say with a grain of salt i am now way versed in the art of writing and everything i say is personal opinion.

To be blunt the execution of this chapter was done poorly, you get thrown in without explanation to what is happening and you are assumed to know the story of the song produced by the living tombstone, instead tell your readers about it and make the reader interested and want to know more about it.
what this need is a prolog where you get to see octavia do her usual day and get to know her personality, where you get intuduced to Luca and possibly other important friends she have in canterlot. and you dont know why she left ponyville for canterlot more than she said that she "belonged" there give us more backstory as to why she thinks so, is it because her father was famus and she wants to surpas him or is it just a simple dream of hers?

On the subject of her father, the story of how her parents met didnt feel like it was important at all, as it is now it dosent really have any meaning and i dont understand why it is there.
give a more detailed explanation of her parents past, that he was a famus musician and he left all that fame and succses for a "simple" pony and how it affected his life, that he had to give up on his career but that he didnt regret it. and give mor emphasis that octavia is on the same career path if that is what you are going for.

i dont really know anything about her. and thats the main problem here i dont know why she left ponyville, i dont know the meaning behind her actions, why did she created an emotional wall when she left ponyville, did somting bad happen did she have a fight after she had made her decision?

Here you get thrown in and random ponies gets introduced and given an explanation on who they are or how they are even connected to octavia after witch works with the parents but you should have know about Luca before he knocked on her door.

and with in of the first couple of sentences you get introduced to her parents without knowing who she is and why she is so shocked to see her parents there.
This needs more backstory. and establish her as a character before throwing more ponies in.

im sorry for this rambly post. this is the first time im trying to give constructive criticism so im sorry if it looks as im trying to offend you.
i hope this helps with your future chapters

Discordismysexslave