Next Contestant

by bahatumay

Introduction

Guess I’ll start at the beginning. Every town has a darker side, and Ponyville is no different. Sure, ours is a bit lighter than some other cities have, but we have one. And at the center of it is the bar known as The Bar. Yeah. They thought for weeks and came up with that name. And every night, it's pretty full. I'd know. I'm here every night, too.

Ponies that are happy and friendly during the day seem to just be tired and defeated at night, and so we unwind the only way we know how: Berry Punch’s miracle working. Yeah, that's her, with the grape and strawberry mark.

What? Did you think we were here for the greasy hayburgers or the cheesy alfalfa sticks? Seriously. Berry’s mixing magic is the only thing that makes this smoky, run-down dump tolerable. She may be perpetually stumbling and she will probably forget your name nine times out of ten, but she can mix up any drink you can think of. I’m usually here for the classics, like cider, but on slow nights, I sometimes string a couple random words together, order it, and see what bizarre concoction she makes me. I have yet to stump her. If you ever visit this filthy place again, I definitely recommend asking her to make you a pink gummy bear. I don’t recommend adding the optional vodka, though. Last time I tried that, I... well, I don’t remember exactly what happened. I woke up hanging upside down by my tail from a tree in the park, though. That I do remember.

So pretty much every night I'm here at the bar, nursing my cider. I usually sit here at the bar itself, kindof back off into the corner, out of sight, and just under this burned-out light that they haven’t replaced in the year and a half I’ve been coming here. I’m kindof surprised you found me, by the way. I like lurking in the shadows until I’m needed.

Why am I here, you ask? Well, it's not because my life is hard, I can tell you that much. When my life gets hard, I just get more awesome. Proven fact. You can quote me on that. And it's not because my job is hard. I'm a cloudbuster. I'm pretty sure I could do it in my sleep. But I'm still here every night. I'll tell you why. It's my fillyfriend, Fluttershy.

No, no. It's not anything she does; it’s what she’s doing.

I’ll just come out and say it. She is adorable. You have to see her to understand what I'm talking about, and you’ll know it’s her when you See her. She's this sweet shade of yellow with a long pink mane, three butterflies on her flank, and she is... Well... The way she smiles, the way she cares for everything, the way she can be quiet and tender and caring and still firm when she needs to be? She’s perfection in a little yellow squeaky package.

A flat-broke yellow squeaky package. She's Ponyville's resident animal caretaker, and animal food doesn’t pay for itself, you know. And animals really don’t have a lot in the way of bits--not like she’d take pay from them anyway. So she works here at The Bar as a waitress. Every night.

I don’t know who owns this bar (the ‘owner’ photograph on the wall over there has been used as a dartboard by the waitresses since forever), but as you can see from Raindrops over there, he or she had the great idea that all the waitresses should wear these tight little saddles, ribbons, and gardener belt thingies. At least, I think that’s what they’re called. I've never seen a gardener use them, though. Whatever they are, they’re way too tight and way too revealing. Now, don't get me wrong. I’m all for saddles. They’re great for when you’re getting intimate (you would not believe Shy’s personal collection. The quiet ones, I tell you...), but not good for working in. They’re like a target, and she gets perpetually hit on. And I don’t like it.

Oh, I know that look. You think I sound too overprotective and controlling, huh? Look. Fluttershy is a grown mare. I respect her boundaries and her desires. If she wanted to go home with another pony, I mean, I’d be hurt, but I’d let her. But she just wants me, and who wouldn't? She's just too nice to tell them no and get those creeps to back off. So that’s what I’m here for--to make sure that the only one touching her cutie mark and or grabbing her wings and or groping her teats (yes, this is all in public and yes, ponies have tried this) is me. Not in public, of course. Fluttershy much prefers privacy when we’re getting it on. But I’m sure you couldn’t care less about my private life. And even if you could, you shouldn’t.

Yes, that’s a threat.

I have a reputation for being late everywhere I go, but none of The Bar patrons think so. Every night I’m here at a quarter to four, so about fifteen minutes until she starts her shift.

Yeah, guess I’m a bit early tonight, so what?

Nah. The clock on the wall is probably the only thing in this place that works right. And the dart boards, but then again, those are pretty much impossible to... actually, scratch that. I’ve seen some weird stuff here in this bar. Some really weird stuff. We got winners, losers, chain smokers, and I’m pretty sure that that mare with a heart on her flank who shows up every few nights is a hooker.

But all in all? This is our life together.

And I don’t regret it one bit.

What was that? You want to see my life? Wait twenty minutes, and you can see for yourself. It’ll be a story and a half, I tell yo-

You got another appointment in half an hour? Psh. Fine. I guess I can tell you about something... Eh, I’ll start with last night. Hey, Berry? Quick refill?

Comments

[Silent Wars of Minds]

Awesome!

[mayrothwell]

[Random Order]

I like the way this is written. Very unique.

[LegallyFluffy]

Nice Toby Keith reference.