I love the pacing of this story. MOAR!

2801179thanks lol

D: I demand another chapter! Really want to see how this plays out.

I have to ask this question.
Solaire.
Will he appear at any point? Why do I ask? Because I am one hell of a Sunbro

2801325Yep

2801330
Yes, This has fulfilled my need of Jolly Co-operation.

THIS IS THE PART WHERE TWILIGHT FALLS DOWN AND BLEEDS TO DEATH! Either that or she completely obliterates the demon with her magic.

2801397 Not a Twi-fan I take it?

Love Dark Souls.
I was kinda hoping that the skeleton of whoever it was they found initially would come to life and the story would take place in Equestria so that all the ponies we know and love would have an opportunity to interact with it, but this is cool too. Although why doesn't Twilight just levitate every enemy off a ledge? Or just burn them with her levitation? Should be easier than aiming the most useless weapon in the game, especially since she could just envelop them in her magic and not even lift them and they'd probably burn still.

Oh also, too bad the dude already explained the undeadness, it woulda been a cool moment if he "died" and then reappeared and THEN had to explain it all to a panicking Twi...

The more I read this the more I want to get dark souls.

2801649 Nah, I like her, I just like to use that "Part where you, fall down and bleed to death" quote, heard it alot in Oblivion, so it stuck.

I have a question.
Will Iron Tarkus and other summons/invaders make an appearance?

2804151Yep

Atop the tower opposite from Aston’s was what looked like a giant minotaur, a massive axe held in it’s hands. It let out another deep growl then it jumped off the tower onto the wall, it’s great axe smashing the ground in front of it.

images.wikia.com/vampirediaries/images/6/6b/This_gonna_be_good.gif

You did a good job explaining the Story of Dark Souls .

But for someone who hasn't played Dark Souls you should detail the enviroment a bit more .
Other than that it's alright

Really like the story, though found the lore a little of otherwise it's great.

2802390You won't regret it.

2810528How so?

2862106 Well souls aren't the object that is used to upgrade weapons titanite is and embers are used to create enchanted weapons, special souls such as Sifs are the only ones able to make weapons, though of course you do use souls as currency and allude to soul levels. Souls are not the source of life in Lordran but humanity sprites are, and for the bonfires it's not actually a flame but a form of magic. The immortality bit I have no qualms with just don't have anything to do with Darkstalker Kaathe in your story, also the chosen undead who I am assuming is the who Aston is, is the descendant of the pigmy and as such is the bearer of the 'dark soul', the lord soul that the pigmy has, this does not allow the chosen undead to hollow so feel free to have him die as much as necessary. Otherwise I really do enjoy this fic and it would be interesting to see you write something or allude to Manus from the DLC stuff. Also some of this may be a little wrong but that's what you can get from a game that doesn't like to talk about its lore.

2863560 Firstly, thanks for the comment. You make some good points as well. The main problem with what you said, what you said was a valid argument, is that we as players have the luxury of being near omnipotent in every respect in the world and have near encyclopedia entries for every weapon or item in the game and know a definite lore behind each item. Aston does not have the luxury of knowing everything as a third party individual like us, as a person in the world he only knows what he has been told and we all know how the people in the Dark Souls universe are almost always looking to further their own goals so he could have been fed misinformation. As for us players never hollowing, that's more of a gameplay mechanic than lore, if you died x amount of times on a playthrough that resulted in the loss of the character i'd imagine that would make a lot of people angry so From Soft decided against doing that. The Pygmy and the 'Dark Soul' will play a role later on in the story, and the DLC will play a role in the story as well.

2864480 You make an excellent point seeing as how almost everyone but Kaathe lie to you about your role in Lordran. I will be looking forward to what you right later on in the story.

2867304 How do we know that Kaathe is not lying as well? He says we are to bring about 'true dark', the 'age of man'. The dark did not bode well for poor Oolacile did it?

2867834 You have a point and seeing as how I haven't played Dark Souls in a while I probably shouldn't be saying who is saying what.

Very interesting so far, keep it up.

he looked at what looked like to her like a simple piece of cloth.

Oh my god, you used looked AND like twice in the same sentence. Please tell me you can see a way of consolidating this. Read that back to yourself and tell me it doesn't sound awkward as hell.

After an ill fated attempt by the Witch of Izalith to copy the first flame, which only resulted in her being corrupted unto a twisted reflection of the chaos of the flame and the birth of the first demons, Gwyn traveled to the kiln of the first flame and sacrificed himself and his soul as fuel for the flame.

This sentence fascinates me in its structure. For the main part, you totally foot-noted the genesis of the freaking Bed of Chaos. But more, it's just how long and awkward the sentence feels. You're trying to cram WAY too much detail in without being the least bit succinct about it.

Like here:

The Knight attempted to get up only for the undead to plunge it’s spear into his chest, the point glancing off his armor, the undead stabbed again, this time hitting the unarmored portion in between Aston’s chest and left shoulder.

Jesus H. Shit! Learn a few rules about formatting. "The undead" should be a new sentence.

The Knight sprawling to the ground.

No, not like THAT. That is not a goddamn sentence. You can't just turn commas into periods and have separate complete thoughts.

one of the cities many walls.

"City's," because we are talking about the walls of ONE city, not a plurality of them.

Okay, I was rolling with this at first, but after THIS chapter I'm hesitant to proceed.

If this story is going to be eighty-percent actions scenes... and the action is written like THIS... I'm going to die trying to read it. The weird spelling mistakes, the formatting, the long-winded verbose sentences that could be so easily simplified. I'm torn as to whether I should copy each chapter to Google Docs and proofread/edit this story FOR you, or stop reading altogether. It's that frustrating.