when a close friend dies, Rainbow Dash gets wrought with guilt over the loss. Thinking it was her fault, her decision that made her friend die. Now she is left to deal with the aftermath of the death.
Chapters (2)
- Member Since 19th Jan, 2012
- offline last seen Jun 25th, 2012
JazzyFeather
I write stories for other people :D most of the time they will be short, one-shots kind of stories.
JazzyFeather
Joined 19th Jan, 2012 ·
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"Maybe i am...maybe i'm just your sub-conscience, or maybe i'm really here"
If this phrase were to be cut out from the fic, it would make it a lot better. Let the reader wonder about what's happening is nice, hmmm'kay?
There's some mistakes here and there. You also need to pour more emotion on the text. It somehow seems devoid of life.
But yeah, you know your stuff. 4/5
manly tears were almost shed
and that is not an insult to you btw, i just have no soul,
you got me as close as anything has besides mld
amazing writing, 5 stars
WHY FLUTTERSHY
*brohoof
I liked it, but there were a lot of random paragraph breaks. I don't know if that is just your style of writing or you just did it like that, but my eyes jumping down to a new paragraph every 2 lines sort of detracted from the overall effect at times. Don't get me wrong, as tubaguy said, manly tears were almost shed lol. ima say 4/5,
Fluttershy is my favorite :(
A great fic, though I always hate to read the ones where Fluttershy dies because I luvs her, but this was well done...it seems Rainbow's guilt is following her. I look forward to more of your work.
i stopped reading before i was able to cry,stopped reading pretty much right after shy was confirmed dead actually.....it seems most fics ive read that involve death in one of the mane six,(other then cupcakes)shy is ALLWAYS the one who died....why? X|
You could've gone into more depth with this whole story, like talking more about the accident, or maybe giving us more time to get used to the fact that Fluttershy is just barely hanging on. The perspective you've created leaves a lot to be desired. That said, the idea is a good one, and if it had more meat on its bones, it would be a great one.
I give this a 3 for lack of depth, but bless your heart for trying
209600 fluttershy is the weakest and kindest pony in the mane six, the only reason why you would hate her is because she is so timid. If any of the mane six would get hurt or killed in the TV show (which will never happen as it is targeted toward 6-year-olds) fluttershy would get the biggest reaction. I mean you can not hurt this
without regreting it.
Yeah,....
I am reading this 2 hours before my b-day party! I turned 13 yesterday!
I wonder
But wait.............. What? Why Fluttershy? I Wonder How it would look it Fluttershy and Rainbow's Roles in the story where reversed so Fluttershy would have to deal with losing rd....Hmmmmmmm
Rainbow was also a mare that weren't afraid of a thing in the world"
Wasn't*
Other than that, why whenever someone talks you don't put punctuation? Almost all of the time when someone talks there wasn't a period where it was supposed to be. other than that, really good!
209325
Thanks, i'll keep that in mind next time i write a sad fic like this.
209438
I just did that so the writing wouldn't seem so cluttered, i actually had less paragraph brakes before i edited it. But since it's dostracting i'll keep that in mind on my next story.
210156
Thanks for pointing that out for me.
209661
More depth, i got that. I'll spend more time on my next one.
209450
And i look forward to writing some more
209729 ....what is this about me hating her? cus i never said i did,infact she probly my second-fave of the mane six
212865 sorry you miss understood me, I meant the reason anybody would hate Fluttershy was because of her sometimes frustrating timidness.
i wish we knew what happened to Fluttershy
Great story. Good job!
This is definitely easier to understand and an improvement over your previous version. Good Job. I like the detail that you added and adding in the quote by Gustave Flaubert. That was a great touch.
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