The Talk
The Sparkle Dash Family
Prompt # 194: “The Facts of Life”-Sitting down to have The Talk.
Disclaimer: I do not own My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
This could not be happening. She refused to believe it! How could she be stuck having to deal with this the one time Twilight had to be out of town to visit Princess Celestia. It wasn’t fair! She should just wait until Twilight came back and let her deal with the whole mess.
But that would be totally uncool. Besides, she was the one in charge here, she couldn’t just be shirking her responsibilities just because she didn’t like them.
She looked at the filly and dragon sitting down in front of her as she continued pacing nervously. Spike was twiddling his claws while Scootaloo was looking on in confusion. Rainbow Dash quickly averted her eyes from the orange filly’s wings in embarrassment. Scootaloo’s wings were still stuck upwards, refusing to fold against the filly’s sides ever since Rainbow Dash had walked in on her and Spike...
Rainbow Dash shook the thought out of her head and gave a sigh. Better to get this on with now, or she’d just keep stalling.
“Alright you two,” Rainbow Dash began, her voice sounding strained to her own ears, “I um... I guess we need to talk about a few things.” Rainbow Dash took a deep breath to steady herself.
“I wish Twilight was here cuz she could totally explain all this to you guys better than I can. But she won’t be home for a couple more days and well... we really need to talk about this.”
“Uhh Rainbow Dash, I-” Spike began, but trailed off as Rainbow Dash held a hoof up.
“Look Spike, you don’t have to explain anything to me. This is going to be hard enough as it is, so let me just get through it and then you guys can ask any questions afterwards.” Spike looked like he wanted to argue, but reluctantly nodded his head. “Good. First I just want to say, that there’s nothing wrong with what you guys were doing... I mean, you’re not technically related... hay you’re not even the same species, and you are getting to be that age.”
Scootaloo looked on in confusion. Surely Rainbow Dash wasn’t talking about what she thought she was talking about.
“So I guess we should go over the basics. Sorry Spike, but I don’t really know that much about dragons, so you’ll probably have to cover most of this with Twilight. I obviously know a thing or two about pegasi though, so we’ll just go over that and things that apply to both of you alright?” Rainbow Dash said, her cheeks growing redder as she progressed.
Both Spike and Scootaloo opened the mouths to speak, but Rainbow Dash plowed ahead with her discussion. “Now when a pegasus filly gets to be a certain age, she’ll start to notice some changes in her body and thoughts. She’ll start to notice her wings getting bigger and more... sensitive.” Rainbow Dash could feel the blush covering her entire body at this point. She was sure that her coat must match the color of Twilight’s with how hard she was blushing. “Umm... she’ll also might start thinking about migrating during the winters. Don’t do that, it’s really embarrassing.”
Spike slapped a claw against his face in annoyance as Rainbow Dash continued on her “explanation”. Scootaloo just looked on in ever growing horror.
“Now then like I said, as a pegasus grows up their wings become more sensitive. This can cause some uh... awkward situations if the pegasus is touched on their wings, or if they have... certain thoughts.” Rainbow Dash was totally committed to seeing this Talk through, so much so that she had resumed her pacing, and thus had completely missed it as Scootaloo began slamming her head against the floor.
“When a pegasus’ wings become um... overwhelmed I guess... they tend to stick straight up. I can’t remember what the scientific name for it is, but most ponies call it a...uh... a wingboner...”
“It’s called ‘wing tumescence’, or 'nocturnal wing tumescence' for when it happens when a pegasus wakes up.” Spike said in a deadpan voice.
“Oh yeah! That’s it, thanks Spike...” Rainbow Dash trailed off, staring at the young dragon in surprise. “Wait a sec, how’d you know about that Spike?”
“That’s what I was trying to tell you Rainbow Dash, Twilight gave me the Talk right after we moved to Ponyville.” Spike said in exasperation.
“Oh uh.. heheh, my bad. What about you Scoots?” Rainbow Dash asked.
Scootaloo gave Rainbow Dash and embarrassed glare. “Ms. Cheerilee had us go through all this in class already! I can’t believe you would put me through that again!”
Rainbow Dash returned Scootaloo’s glare with a defiant one of her own. “Well, after what I walked in on, I had to! I mean, I didn’t know the two of you already had the Talk, and I was worried that...”
Spike groaned in annoyance. “Rainbow Dash I tried to tell you, you didn’t walk in on anything. I was just rubbing Scootaloo’s back.”
“Then why does she have such a massive wingbo- er... you know, what’s up with her wings?” Rainbow Dash asked.
Scootaloo rolled her eyes in annoyance. “It has nothing to do with Spike! I asked him if he’d rub my back because my wings were already stuck like this after flight practice! I think I pulled something, and well, Spike’s claws are great at working out knots.”
Rainbow Dash’s face paled as she realized what exactly she’d done. She had just royally embarrassed herself in front of her two children. She was never going to live this down.
“Uhh, heheh.” Rainbow chuckled nervously, “Well looks like that’s all cleared up then. Why don’t you two take a few bits from my Daring Doo fund and go get something to eat huh? SoundsgoodokayI’mjustgonnagoliedownforabithavefun!” Rainbow Dash was gone, a rainbow colored streak tearing through the open window of the library.
Spike exchanged a bemused look with Scootaloo. “Seriously, haven’t I made it obvious that Rarity is the only mare for me?”
“Awww, you mean you don’t like me Spikey-wikey?” Scootaloo asked, fluttering her eyelashes at Spike.
“Yeaaaah, I don’t think there’s a right answer to that question. Wanna head to Sugarcube Corner?” He asked, heading over towards the sack of bits Rainbow kept for “Daring Doo Emergencies”.
“Hey, don’t go trying to change the topic mister!” Scootaloo called out in mock anger, flying after Spike as he fled the library.
Rainbow Dash watched the two head towards Sugarcube Corner as she flew through the air, rubbing her head as she went. She was going to need some therapy after this... or at least get Twilight to give her a massage when she got back home.
Deleted Scene (Why, because I can!):
Twilight’s laughter rang throughout Sugarcube Corner causing the other patrons to stare at her in confusion. The purple mare was currently doubled over, slamming her hoof against the table as Spike regaled her with the tale.
“And... and she seriously called it a wing boner?” Twilight gasped out.
“Oh yeah, you should’ve seen the look on her face!” Scootaloo said, laughing right along with Twilight.
Twilight wiped a tear from her eye, still chuckling. “Oh that is priceless. Thanks you two, I don’t think I’ve ever had a prank go off on Rainbow Dash that well.”
The three of them laughed again, enjoying their sugary treats, not noticing the figure that slunk past the table, despite her rainbow mane.
“Oh it is on!”
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No more tears, only smiles.
Oh GOOD. I was seriously hoping a pair of teenagers didn't need the sex talk :D
...
Oh WOW Twilight
That was BEAUTIFUL. I laughed SO hard. Thank you!!
What in the hell is a Daring Doo Emergency?
Did my almost story comment about 'Princess Scootaloo' (more specifically, the joke I threw in at the end) have anything to do with the inspiration for this part?
Hilarious, btw.
this is by far the best chapter in the history of chapters
i was laughing so hard by the end, you handled that wonderful!
Awwwwwww yeah, looks like the egghead knows how to pull a joke. And a really good one at that.
2641316
FangirlFanmare emergency, obviously! Pfft, don't you know anything? What if there's suddenly a new Daring Do movie out? How's Dash gonna get the money for a ticket to see it, huh?Perfect 10!
This appeared in my updates right after I finished the last one. Talk about timing.
And also, that is friggin' hilarious. Well done.
Screw calling it a "Deleted Scene", you have GOT to make that into a two part deal.
Rainbow Dash gets Twilight Sparkle back!
~Skeeter The Lurker
dude, why is that a deleted scene?! that's an awesome set up for future chapters about an all out prank war!
2643365
I second the motion. Or would it be fourthing the motion?
.
.
.
Huh
2641596
Well, a fangirl/mare generally knows about any upcoming movies months in advance. A really hardcore fangirl/mare also buys her tickets about that far ahead, too.
Something tells me Scootaloo is just sitting there with this exasperated expression on her face:
images.wikia.com/aceattorney/images/c/c0/Apollo_Thinking_1.gif
Like, "Really? You're saying this?"
2641316>>2641596
I think it's more if she sees a piece of merchandice that she really wants, like clothes or a figurine.
Well done. The idea is not exactly original, so it's always nice to see when an author can still pull it off with a - more or less - new angle.
The last bit really made this chapter 18.36% more awesome (that's how Twilight does it).
Ohh no! This sounds fun!
Yes, because BIRDS migrate during the winter. Bats can hibernate, though some do migrate. Pegasi are horses/mammals, not birds.
Rarity has made it clear that's not going to happen.
That's the best you come up with? Seriously? Glad you did not include it in the "canon" story.