Equestrian Revelations

by DuskApproaches

Chapter 2: Princess's Approval

In company with this magical pony, Twilight, we approached a castle whose location was bizarre. One could only assume this is where the royal princess we were seeking resided. Well, this castle looks nice and all, but who was the idiot who decided that building two-thirds of a castle on an almost vertical side of a mountain was a good idea. It seemed like it was going to fall any minute. Oh well, I shouldn’t question the architecture of something that’s been around for a few thousand years.

Twilight and I walked towards the main gate. The gate was guarded by two soldiers. I had expected the palace to be more heavily guarded. As soon as I got to about 10 metres away from the door the two guards pointed their spears at me.

“STAY BACK FOUL BEAST!” shouted one of them.

“Okay, now my feelings are hurt from that insult,” I replied.

“Woah, dude! It can talk!” the white one told the black one.

“Thanks, Captain Obvious!” The black one replied.

“Woah, dude! Are you promoting me to captain now?” the white one asked in hopes of gaining rank.

How does someone so stupid get a job protecting royalty? The princesses must not have many threats to justify this sub-standard level of security.

“Hey guys,” Twilight jumped in.

“Woah, Twilight. Didn’t see you there, dude. Woah, like yeah, you can like, come in.” The retarded guard then proceeded to open the gate by pulling on it when there was already a big sign that said 'Push'. The other guard muttered something about how much his life sucks.

When we walked in, the court was in session so we decided to just stand back and wait. I noticed that there were two princesses. One of them was white with a flowing multi-coloured mane of cool colours. The other was smaller with a blue coat and a mane with colours that resembled the night sky. Remembering what Twilight told me about 'cutie marks', I noticed that the cutie mark on the white one was a sun and the one on the blue one was the moon.

“Hey, Twilight. What’s with their cutie marks? Do they control the sun and the moon or something?”

“Actually they do. I can’t believe I forgot to tell you that part.”

Thank you, Twilight. You continue to meet expectations in giving vital information, I thought to myself.

A few minutes later, the court was over. We approached the two princesses. Twilight was about to say something but I began my speech before a word escaped her mouth.

“You must be the most revered, Princess Celestia. Twilight has told me so much about you, my noble lady,” I said bowing before the princess in a most gracious manner. “It is such a great honour to meet you.”

Twilight opened her mouth again but I kept talking.

“That was most certainly a wise decision you made in the court today, if I do so say myself. But of course, if what Twilight said was true, it would be foolish of me to expect any less from one so noble. Knowledge is gained by age, and it seems that in your case, so is beauty.”

I have no idea what the court was about.

After some more random compliments given to Princess Celestia, I noticed that I had put in a good impression of myself shown in the smile that formed on her lips. However, Princess Luna looked rather upset with expessing this with a frown and so I began on her.

“And the elegant Princess Luna, with a mane that splendidly beholds the beauty of your night sky and its stars.”

I’m pretty sure that dying made my persuasion skills decrease. Either that or I could not find many metaphors because I’m just simply not used to pony terminology or social habits. After about twenty or so minutes of complimenting and worshipping, I ended my speech. Although that wasn’t my best, it still worked. Celestia was considering if she had use for me and Luna was blushing.

“Okay then,” Twilight said. “I believe you have already received my letter about him.”

“Oh yes, right,” Princess Celestia replied. “I’m hungry. Let’s go discuss the matter over dinner.”

“You’re always hungry,” Luna whispered in a voice that was small but purposefully loud enough for Celestia to hear.

Nonetheless, we exited the court and made our way to the dining room finding ourselves before a huge feast - for ponies.

“Why aren’t you eating?” Celestia asked me.

“Well, this is hay. I don’t really eat hay,” I told her quite bluntly.

“What do you eat?” Twilight asked curiously. “I didn’t ask you about that, yet.”

“Do you have any meat?” I asked.

The entire room stared at me as if I just brutally murdered their princess with a salad fork. Oh dear, this is not going to end well. What was I thinking mentioning I eat meat in a room full of horses? I feel really stupid right about now.

“You eat meat?! As in the flesh of animals!? This THING is dangerous to us! We should execute it imme-“ A white pony with a blue mane stated before he was cut off by Celestia.

I need to remind myself to kill him next time I see him. Yeah, there's a good thought. I might have some meat in due time, after all.

“Silence! This is a good man with good intentions. I will not have you judge him based on something he is not in control of.”

Gee! Good intentions? I didn’t even say that part. I guess my compliments worked after all. A first impression is always the most important for that’s the one that initially takes hold.

“No, we do not currently have meat. We usually don’t keep a large supply since the locals don’t eat meat. Even though we used to have a supply, the last group of the nobles from the Kingdom of Griffons cleaned it out.”

I’m quite happy she said that. That meant that she was accepting of my diet. Twilight and Princess Celestia began to discuss what to do with me. I just sat there and ate apples from the middle of the table. A few minutes passed and it seemed that the princess’s conversation with Twilight was over so I nodded and pretended to be listening.

“I know you have no idea what we were talking about,” Twilight said catching me red-handed.

“In result of our discussion, I have decided to dispatch you into Ponyville. Twilight is quite interested in you, and I will take every opportunity to feed my protégé’s curiosity. The mayor will be announcing your presence sometime this week. As for your need for meat consumption, there is no way that Ponyville will condone a meat supply and it would not be practical to have it just for one resident. However, I will permit you to hunt in the Everfree Forest. You will need a job since you were a soldier. I might have use for you in the royal military. What was your position and rank?”

“My rank was commander but I didn’t have any troops of my own because of my position. In the army, I was a spy who was dispatched into the heart of the Japanese bases to extract intel or assassinate important figures. I died during a mission to assassinate the general of a base located quite far off from the main army. It almost worked but I had one miscalculation. One of the traitors to my army switched sides and climbed the ranks of the opposing force. Having made it to the rank of lieutenant, he always had the general's ear and complete trust. One day, he saw through my disguise. The dire situation spiraled downhill from that point...and here I am.”

“That’s quite a story. We aren’t currently in war with anyone so I doubt your talent will be used if you joined our military.”

“It’s alright. I’ll find my own job.”

A stallion wearing a terrible suit and a fucked up hat came in.

“Your majesty, the chariot is ready.”

“Well, you guys better head off now,” Celestia said with a smile.

Fitting in was a lot easier than I had expected and I’m happy that it is.

“I must ask, Princess. I am a new species quite different to yours. How are you so calm about this?”

Oh gee, did I have to ask? Damn me and my curiosity.

“Well, everyone was alright when Discord was revived and moved in. Can’t see how you could be any more trouble.”

Ah, right, Discord - The spirit and embodiment of chaos and disharmony. I heard about him from Twilight. Apparently, he had made the clouds rain chocolate. Suddenly, a song got stuck in my head.

Chocolate rain. Some stay dry and others feel the pain. Chocolate rain.

“Wow,” Twilight said as we approached the chariot. “I prepared a whole speech about why the princess should allow you to stay with me. I didn’t even have to say a word.”

“Here are some words that come from experience, Twilight. It does not matter what is true; what matters is what others think is true.”

“Wow,” Twilight chuckled. “Quite the philosopher aren’t you? An iron fist and a silver tongue. What else are you hiding?”

Balls of steel, I thought to myself.

Author's Note:

I think I am doing a lot of plot building. But this is for the better good, bear with me.

Comments

[Fucks Ungiven]

I'VE GOT BAAAAAALLLLLSSSSS OF STEEL