Chapter 1
Well, hello again Mr. Diary. How are you today? I know it's been a while since I have written inside you, but I have just been so busy with these Crystal ponies. They all want an audience with their their new Princess. Dammit all, can't they just leave me alone for five minutes to be with my sexy, sexy husband. Five minutes is all I need. I mean, he can finish me so fucking easily. It like he's not even trying. But we don't have much time for that anymore, what with all the Crystal shit heads interrupting every time we almost kiss. He is out patrolling the city now. He has to make sure we have no threats trying to infiltrate our beautiful empire. Otherwise I would be fucking him silly right now.
Seriously, why the fuck do we need patrols. We already fucking killed Mr. Sombrero... er... I mean King Sombra. That stallion was one scary mother fucker. I mean, he put so many stairs in my palace. Who the fuck would do that? I don't even like stairs. Stairs are the devil. Whoever invented them should be shot. With a magical beam of course, seeing as that petition for things called firearms was put down immediately by my aunts. Fucking pussies.
As the Princess of Love, I'm feeling a lot less of it now that I'm here in the Crystal Empire. Yeah, my subjects love me, but I am one kickass ruler, who wouldn't love me. I'm talking about Shining Armor. He is always on patrols with the new soldiers. Either that, or he is training with new recruits. He hardly ever comes up to our chambers. When he does come up, it's after I fall asleep, and he always leaves before I wake up. The only sign to show that he has been with me at all is the rumbled covers on his side of the bed. I just want to feel him inside me again. Is that to much to ask. I'm lonely. I could have all the attendants in the world and it still wouldn't fill the hole that he usually fills when we are together. (HA! Double entend- entand- you know what? Fuck it! Sex reference!) I hardly ever see him now, except from a distance. My Shining Armor is spending more time with HIS soldiers than with HIS Cadance. Next time I see him, I am giving him the rut of his life time.
Cadance drops her quill from her magical grasp as she hears the door to her and Shining Armor's chambers unlock. She places the bottle of rum behind her back as she turns to watch whomever it is enters her chambers. A shockingly two-toned blue mane proceeds the so-handsome-it should be a crime white stallion, his coat glistening with sweat. He looks up and sees the so-hot-it-can't-be-legal mare sitting at her writing desk.
“Oh, you're awake,” he states.
“Well, no shit, Captain Obvious,” she replies as she walks over to him seductively.
“H-honey, what are you doing?”
“Taking what's mine!” She leaps at him, grabbing his-
Five minutes later, Cadance is back sitting at her desk, her bottle of rum sitting firmly in between her hooves. Shining Armor is lying on the bed, passed out. She takes a long swig, finishing off the second half off the bottle before picking up her quill again and turning back to the diary.
Wow, diary! That was amazing. I had no idea he would be coming back this early tonight. I mean, he never comes home this early. It was as if some unknown higher power granted my wish and made him magically appear. The way he-. You know what? I'm not going to tell you. These are my memories and you can't have them. I will say, though, the only thing that could have made it better is if his sister was in there with us. I mean, what a knockout! I would rut her from dusk to dawn if given the chance. What's that, you say? Shut up, So what if I'm bisexual. Shining loves me for me. He knows I'm bi. Hell we have even had a threesome with that one really hot salon mare. You know, the one that kinda looks like that candy flanked pony from Ponyville. Stallion, that was awesome, but Twilight would have made it so much better. I don't think Shining would go for it though, them being siblings and all. Oh, well, a mare can dream, can't she. But, seriously, Shining would be the luckiest stallion of all time. Who has ever had the chance to say they have slept with two Princesses at one? Well except for Starswirl the bearded, if Auntie Luna is to be believed. From the way she tells it, that staliion gave her and Auntie Celestia the best night of their lives (though the author of this drunken fic thinks he could do better. HA! What a joke, his wick is so dry it- huh, I lost my train of thought.). I bet Shining would jump at the opportunity if one of the Princesses involved was not his sister. Well, it's getting late. I had no idea. I thought Shining was home early. In fact, he was half an hour later than usual. I was just so wrapped up in talking to you that I had no inkling of the time. Hehe, silly me. And ponies say that Applejack is a silly pony. I am the true silly pony. Screw that G! AJ. And also the new one. Literally. She has such a nice flank (as Distorted loves to point out). Seriously, what an apple bottom. She may not be a Princess, but I bet Shining wouldn't mind a threesome with her. All I would have to do is summon her to the Crystal Emipire and... Oh, what fun we would have. Granted, Shining would then have the hulking mass of rage that would be Big Macintosh to deal with for deflowering the middle Apple. Well, I guess we will have to find out. Don't worry Schnookums, you pretty Cadance will always be here to protect you. Good night, Diary. Sleep well.
Love,
Princess Mi Amore Candenza
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Well you're out of princesses so I guess the rest of the cast is fair game. How much you want to bet AJ secretly wants her brother?
Go for the random characters!
Like, say, Chrysalis!
~Skeeter The Lurker
I second the idea of drunken Chrysalis
so cadance is a fanfic writer who shipped starswirl with celestia and luna?
2588952 2588973 maybe. Youll see
2589862 it was supposed to be g1. Sorry bout that. I wont change it though because i am sober now and i will only touch these if im drunk. Ha! I answered you second question too
2589948 not at all. Luna told her bout starswirl and the bit in parenthesis is talking bout me
Yeah... this wasn't
as funny as it could befunny. People tend to overcomplicate "drunkfics" (in which the p0ni are drunk, not just the author) and they come out as... bland and boring. On one of the few instances in which it isn't boring, the characters are all bland all the same. Not only that, but they aren't even their true selves. Some people tend to blame alcohol for that; but I know what alcohol does on the body. Hint: it's not that.This is a story about a drunk pink pony called Cadance. This is not, however, a story with the Cadance.
But you know what? That's just, like, my opinion, maaaaan ~
2588863 Yeah. Because we haven't seen nearly enough of that.
2590337 So what if Cadance was out out of character. She was supposed to be. Why the hell would i want to write a character who has had dialogue in all of 4 episodes in character. That would be boring. Also, in my experiences with alcohol, it takes away mental filters. Also, it's her diary. Her secret diary, might I add. No one else will read it. She will right whatever comes to mind. (notice the title. It say Ramblings so she rambles on about stuff. I'm sorry if you didn't get a kick out of this. Some other people do.
2590387
I'm not saying you shouldn't do it. I'm just saying that I personally didn't like it.
In my experiences as a molecular biologist, that's not how it works at all. The fact that it's her diary is relevant, though. Small-ish-ly, but still relevant.
Yeah. That's what I said and that's what I'm hoping as well.
Thanks for the downvote. It tells me a bunch!
2590396 the downvote wasn't because you didn't like the fic. the downvote was because you took a harmless idea from one of my followers and insulted it. I'm sorry but I don't like it when people are rude to my followers
2590413 Oh, okay. So me being ironic without insulting them means that I'm insulting them? You know, irony doesn't need to be permeated with insults, right? Why, did I call him names? Did I insult his mother? Did I tell him to fornicate with himself?
No. No, I didn't. So either you don't know what an insult is or you're lying to me about why the downvote happened.
Wither way makes little difference to me, really. I don't mind being, how we say it, hated upon by internet denizens.
One last thing: He'll probably live from an "attack" from some random dude on the internet. Please, don't patronize your followers. They needn't be defended by attackers who weren't really attacking.
PS: He isn't your follower. He just commented.
2590428 Sorry I thought he was and yes sarcasm can still be rude. You don't have to call names to insult people
2590478
True. But still, my comment was not insulting nor condescending.
2590499 sorry the way it sounded made it seem like you were insulting him. Sorry about the misunderstanding
For once...I don't want to comment...
2593616 is that good or bad
Princess Discord. It must be done.
This
2593785 Kinda both sorry...
Seriously, I would kill to hear the ramblings of Queen Crysalis or Fluttershy
me reading this:
[youtube=www.youtube.com/watch?v=9zSHz7Thvbc]
Like, fave, 5 mustaches, 3 hearts and 2 derpys
Enjoy it!
2663085 thanks man
2663411 you`re welcome
why does everyone but twilight want to bang AJ?
hmmm... does AJ want to bang AJ?
i wonder if deep down, twi wants to bang her.
2684107 maybe it because the author wants to bang AJ
cadence.swf it fucked my mind so hard i regained my sanity. this fic made me think about it again. dunno why.
2588863 nope nope nope nope.
scottie did it.
I WILL be doin a reading of this one!
Fave and an Upvote!
Dude, that was awesome.
What else you got...?
I can only imagine what Rainbow Dash's would look like...
Maybe it's the cider talking, Shy, but you've got a flank that won't quit! They've got these big chewy pretzels here and they *unintelligible gibberish* FIVE BITS?! Get outta here.
This made me laugh a bit. Now that I've actually had time to sit down a read it.
Slightly creepy