Hurricane
Pain.
Throbbing pain, everywhere.
I feel like somepony took me on an artic expedition, threw me overboard and seconds before succumbing to extreme frostbite, they pulled me out of the water, then proceeded to shock every inch of me with a cattle prod. Every piece of me is simultaneously numb and burnt all at the same time in a perfect storm of misery. I wouldn’t wish this on my greatest enemy.
I slowly came to as I tried to move my limbs, to little avail. Every muscle movement feels like I’m fighting against a solid ton of lead, and only with great effort do I move my head up off the floor, which I have no doubt is grimier than need be, as is the nature of holding cells. I recoiled at the memory of the only time I had to see the inside of one of these infernal places, after getting arrested after disturbing the peace one New Year’s Eve, but I digress.
I opened my eyes to the flood of light and on instinct, I instantly closed them back up and shuttered.
‘Come on Blossom. You can do this. You’ve just been drugged and dragged and dumped here. The least you can do is inspect the situation. Cloud or Rainbow or Twilight wouldn’t give up. You can do this,’ my brain pleaded.
‘But it is hard and painful to do so,’ my body responded.
‘Everything worth doing requires effort. Suck it up and get up.’
‘But….’
‘Now!’
‘Ok…’ my body weekly responded.
With more effort, I opened my eyes and resisted the urge to close them as I began to inspect my holding cell. Much to my surprise, it is surprisingly clean and tidy with a futuristic utilitarian white motif and modern-esque furniture, if you can call a cushion, sink, toilet and a barely functional chair furniture. As the room came into more focus, I notice the door is made of reinforced steel with hinges hidden in the walls on a sliding mechanism.
I then glanced over myself. As I expected, I was worse for the wear, but surprisingly, my coat was fairly clean and even smelled lightly of shampoo, lavender to be specific. Several bruises were all over various places on me and my mane was wrapped with a hair bow to my annoyance. With an annoyed grunt I tried to remove it, but as soon as I tried to move my limbs, pain caused to me collapse in a heap as I shuddered to overcome the pain. My gosh, pain pills where are you when I need you?
Over the next few hours, I slowly worked my way past the pain as I had to use the bathroom, to much teeth gritting and preventing myself from screaming, I was able to relieve myself.
A subtle swipe of a plastic card on a card reader, followed by the whine of the door signaled the entrance of a visitor, but one look at the man before me made my blood boil. It is none other than the infamous Mr. Gonzales, Jessie’s dad. The man responsible for my current and Cloud’s current predicaments, assuming she survived all of this.
“You!” I angrily shouted.
“That is no way to address me,” as the man took a cattle prod from a nearby guard and gave a jab to my flank. My side erupted in new pain as I collapsed into a heap.
“Let’s begin again.”
“Hello, hellspawn.”
Another zap. By Celestia, I need to keep my mouth in check.
“I’ll give you another chance, elsewise no food for you.
I muttered, “Hello, sir.”
“Louder.”
“Hello sir!” I shouted.
“Better. Let’s start with basics. Who are you?”
“As a human I was Joseph Revert, as a pony I am Blossomforth.”
“Which name would you prefer for future investigations?”
“Blossomforth.”
“Ok, Blossomforth, what are you?”
“I am a pony, a pegasus to be specific.”
“Ponies on Earth are not sentient nor fly. Who or what made you?”
“I don’t understand. What are you trying to ask?”
Another zap. “Just answer the question. Who created you?”
“My mother and father?” I asked questioningly as I braced for another zap
.
“And who might that be? What species are they?”
“They are ponies as well. They are both unicorns.”
“So you mean to tell me that you are begotten from other ponies?”
“Yes.”
“That doesn’t make any sense. How are you here if that is so?”
“If I knew the answer to that, I wouldn’t be here right now, would I?”
Another zap, followed by another. “I do not tolerate insubordination. I will ask more of you tomorrow.”
Without another word, the man walked out of the room as the door slid shut and locked behind him.
I groaned in pain as I watched the shadow exit the room as I slowly lost consciousness, like that of a movie reel burning out from a hot projector.
A scene began to play before my mind, uncomfortably familiar in its events.
“We’ve got to run Cloud, faster!”
“Everything is going to be OK.” She muttered to herself. She wanted it to be true. Hell, I want it to be true.
“Everything is not going to be OK, Cloud. The barer of the Element of Magic was vaporized before our very eyes. Vaporized! We need to get out of here.”
“What can we do against him?”
“I don’t know, but the truth of the matter is that we need to hide and organize a resistance effort. Hide in the Everfree Forest perhaps. Just get out of here.”
“Why? Why flee? I like it here?”
“What are you talking about?” I asked in a panicky whisper.
“Come on, everything is for naught. Discord has won. Let’s stay here and bang.” She claimed with surprising calmness.
Slowly I turned and saw for another time the surreal and terrifying image of my lover wrapped in the smoky tobacco ring-like serpentine clutches of Discord. Despite being prepared to see it, the image still made me gasp in horror.
I tried to lunge for her, but my legs became predictably bound in red licorice. When I tried to take a bite, it hissed like a rattlesnake and I decided that diplomacy not action will prevail.
“What have you done to her? Leave her alone!” I asked with equal measures fear and revulsion, even though I knew full well the answers to both of these questions.
“Little, pathetic, defenseless Blossom. You name suits you so well. You are but a delicate flower, beautiful to look at but at the slightest frost or underhoof you tremble and fall. Without Cloud, what are you? A shadow. A shadow Kicker as it were. But it doesn’t have to be like this. Give yourself over to me and I can make all you pain and suffering go away. See Cloud? She is in perpetual excstasy. A permanent orgasm if you will. One small word is all it takes, Blossom. Just one word.”
“No! With every fiber of my being no! You cannot break our bond and you cannot break our spirit! We will not yield.” I proclaimed defiantly and triumphantly.
“Oh,” he said with mock disapproval, “And here I thought I was going to get a new agent of disharmony. Very well. Your choice is made.”
Bodies and minds changed forevermore
Five score divided by four.
And then a flash of light overtook us as I returned to consciousness as I screamed as the spell washed over me.
Suddenly I felt a shaking on my whole body. In my adrenaline fueled state I prepared to attack the perpetrator as I moved my muscles to break the hold this phantom person had on me. A grunt, cessation of shaking and a very sore hoof signaled that my kick struck home as I returned to reality to find two scientists in white labcoats before me. One was human male in his early twenties clutching his stomach as he lay in obvious pain against the wall. The other was a slightly taller female in her mid-twenties with long black hair tied in a ponytail and geeky box-shaped glasses.
Confused but still fueled by adrenaline I made a motion to get up, should I need to defend myself, but the stimulant was swiftly leaving my system as I struggled to stand.
“Who are you and what do you want?” I said in a voice as menacing as I could, which didn’t turn out very menacing, more like a whimper.
The female spoke up, “We are researchers working on you and your friend to gather data about you.”
“That is just peachy. Wait did you say friend as in Cloud Kicker? She’s here? Can I see her?”
Her countenance instantly changed to a much more reserved although it looked more forced than genuine, “What I meant to say was about your kind. Other reports of anthromorphic ponies have been reported and we are attempting to gain more of those specimens.”
“What about Cloud Kicker? The other pony you captured simultaneously with me.”
“I’m not at liberty to say.”
“You can’t say or you don’t know?”
She looked visibly shaken as beads of sweat began to form on her brow.
“Enough of this. No more information. We were worried about you because you were shaking, had elevated breathing and heartbeat and you were screaming toward the end of your last sleep cycle. I was concerned we were going to lose a specimen.”
“What he means is that he was worried about you. To be fair, we both were.”
“Erm,” he said while blushing, “But it doesn’t sound quite as professional as the way I put it.”
I was taken aback. Here were two people clearly working with Jessie’s dad, but were not inherently evil. The depressing side of my brain does acknowledge that this could all be an act to disarm me, but my heart says that they do genuinely care about me. Perhaps not all is evil that walks on two legs.
“Uh, thanks for your concern. I’m fine really.”
“Your hooves are shaking. Clearly things are not fine,” the female remarked. I looked down at my hooves to find them still shaking up a storm.
“It’s personal and complicated. And I’m not sure I should trust you guys. You do work with him,” I said with emphasis and venom on the last word.
“I heard about your torture. If it is any consolation, he is a bastard to humans as well. I hate working with that guy.”
“But he does pay the bills and I owe my career to him. He found me and offered me this job straight out of college. Said I was one of the brightest geneticists he’s ever seen and wanted me to work for him.” The man recalled fondly, “and as I recall you owe him your fortune as well.”
“Yes,” she begrudgingly admitted.
“Anyway, what would help you trust us?”
“Could I go outside?”
“I’m afraid that is impossible. You would fly away with those wings of yours.”
“You could tie them down. A little sunshine and some turf would be nice to stretch these legs of mine.”
“But you can hardly lift them.”
“I won’t be incapacitated forever. The drugs will wear off.”
“About that…”
“About what?”
“We’ve been drugging your food to keep you docile.”
“You WHAT?”
The female slapped her hand over his mouth, “Now look who is a blabber mouth!”
“I can’t believe this!” I fumed.
“Tell you what. I’ll see if I can get OK to reduce the dose and maybe slip a non-treated treat for you under the door when nobody is looking sometime,” the female stated
“Well, it is a start. Thank you for you kindness.”
“It’s what FLuttershy would do,” the male added.
“Wait, you know Fluttershy?”
“Not personally, but through proxy via My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.”
“The show is fairly accurate, but after knowing her for a few years I can tell you that she not quite as portrayed on television.”
“You know her personally? You’ll have to tell me everything! That is so awesome! (squee)”
A slap across the face followed by the female sternly adding, “Stop fangasming, Carl. We are here to find answers, not answer fantasies. Keep your head cool and ask her if we release her.”
“If you release me?” I asked incredulously.
“The point of all of this data collection is that we need is to decide if ponykind is a treat to humanity and if so how to stop you.”
“If you really considered me a threat, you wouldn’t have told me that.” I deadpanned.
“To be honest, I don’t think you are a threat and we have all the data we need, but we still don’t have the go ahead to release you.”
I sighed. “Thanks for the solidarity of sentiment, how much ever its worth.”
“Alright, well thanks for the talk, but we must return to our duties. Goodbye, Blossom. “
“Goodbye,” I repeated as I yawned and laid my head upon my cushion and thought back to the researchers. It would seem my heart was right and those two are nothing to fear. Perhaps I may have a friend in this hostile, stark place. Perhaps best of all, there is hope that Cloud is alive and even perhaps here in this same facility. For the first time since my capture, a small smile crept across my face as I fell back into a dreamless sleep.
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U sir ... Have pleased me thanks for writing this I was pissed and thought this was there end but appearantly not so yay keep doing what your doing
Yeah nopony is gonna trust anyone after treatment like that. And im pretty sure there are rules against treating prisoners that way...
3043355
Sorry that I took so long. I was thinking about adding a comment saying that I'm still working on it, when I decided to just put forth the effort and finish it.
Sleep deprivation for the win.
3045689 nice when do you think the next chap will be out
3046138
I cannot say with full certainty. I *hope* cross my heart (but not hope to fly. You cannot break a Pinkie Promise after all) to have it in 1-3 week(s). Life and inspiration are not always forthcoming and my Blossomforth muse doesn't speak to me on a regular basis. She's kind of sporadic like that.
3046529 oh lolz pinkie promise im gonna break one so shell break the fourth wall lolz and if you need any help with your writing like ideas or something you can pm bra fourth wall here i come
So, you may or may not be aware of this, but Chengdar, the mastermind behind 'The Life and Times of a Winning Pony' has issued a challenge for fans of his fic to write fics set in his universe, but not starring Cloud Kicker for the month of September.
So I've decided to write such a fic and as such, I won't resume this one until that is finished. So I will try to keep the wait minimal, but I fear it may be 2-4 weeks before I can get back on this one.
Sorry everyone.
3217083
Thanks.
3579989
I'm sorry for all the mistakes. I'll try to be more careful and try to catch them and I'll try to make corrections you indicated.
Thank you for your diligence.
This pesky little period just ran away from the sentence and went to the next line.
My guess is that the woman is talking now.
No! I was wrong. This is not only annoying, but confusing as well. Do something about it!
That what I said: WHAT? Blossomforth got food? When?
My first thought was that the woman said that. But that would be very strange so probably was the other scientist.
Seriously, who said that?
Missing period.
Capitalized “L” in Fluttershy.
You should not do that. Put that in the action tag.
The interrogation is just a bunch of questions and answer, and we do not know what is happening with Blossomforth. All the describe we got is just a “another zap”.
6129940
I agree with you on pretty much all the points. I still have trouble with proper pacing, description and to a lesser extent characterization. It's always that disconnect between the mind's eye and what goes down on paper and the key events you visualized, but not the interim between.
I've recently considered getting back into writing, now that I'm done with college and have a regular job and maybe advance the story, but I also don't see the point, since Blossom's and Cloud Kicker's fate is known for anyone who has also read 5s/4 as well (which I imagine is everyone who picked up mine). Then again, the how that came about is still ambiguous, so maybe there is something there after all.
It's not really a good idea to assume that your readers have read the story this was inspired by. I haven't, I found this randomly and decided to read it.
Also, the likelihood of someone reading the story is reduced by it being unfinished, I myself tend to skip over unfinished stories unless they're exactly what I want to read.
Is there going to be a new chapter soon
I want you to know that there are tags for both Blossomforth and Cloudkicker
They can be found bellow here:
https://www.fimfiction.net/tag/blossomforth
https://www.fimfiction.net/tag/cloudkicker
I don't want to be that pony, but I'm gonna be for the sake of this story!
Cloud Kicker is such a hilarious character here and the setup is almost typical of Five Score but there's some slight subversion of them both turning into pegasi so you know there's going to be flying involved. (And we know they're gonna bang at some point!) You spend the time (maybe only in the rewrite?) setting up the backstories so that we know that The Winningverse series is more or less canon to these characters. It's admittedly a crutch but you're using established fanon to flesh out side characters. The stuff with the dad is admittedly a bit much but I think there could've been something there. There's a military connection there with Cloud's Dad, Blossom is an orphan. There's potentially a message about family and who one can rely on.
Blossomforth is an adorable "straight mare" to the shit Cloud puts her through but is just easily excitable about anything pony related. Unfortunately, I think Cloud steals the show which is probably why you wrote it from Blossom's perspective. It's more fun to see your weird friend than be her.
Now to shill: I read a lot of Five Score side fics (literally almost all of them) to plan out mine. This one stood out to me as a promising start with characters not utilized elsewhere, stuff setup that was probably going to pay off... and I "needed" more pegasi and saw the potential connections: I stole these characters (and mention a Marcus in reference as a joke). I have these characters featured quite prominently as side characters in mine.
While it doesn't pick up right where this one left off and their side characters are overlooked since they don't factor into this story as it stands, there's an obvious throughline from this, through mine, to the main fic, to Dust on the Wind.
I tried to reach out to the author for more insight and for a blessing but they're quite logged off. Maybe if "Marcus" doesn't ever login again, maybe they'll at least see this or anypony else who wanted more of that horny pegasus friend.