Shady Deals
Several hours after Sereneighty’s not-quite-graceful landing, Derpy followed Bon Bon through the crowded megacity of Beaumonde. The pegasus hauled a cargo sled full of engine parts behind her, but some of the larger components would have to be delivered later. The nice stallion working at the salvage yard had been very helpful, even if he let his eyes wander a bit too much in Bon Bon's direction. She was pleased with her haul, and couldn’t wait to start working on Sereneighty.
Derpy stayed close to her guide, awestruck by the sights and sounds of such a huge city. She had never seen anything larger than a small Rim town, and Beaumonde seemed like something out of a storybook. The buildings were so tall that she wouldn’t have been able to see the sun even if the planet wasn’t shrouded in a permanent haze of smog.
“Look at all the pretties!” she exclaimed, pointing to a clothing store as they walked by. There were live models posing in the windows to show off the many different outfits. “So many different colors!”
“We should go clothes shopping,” Bon Bon suggested. “This is your first time in a big city, isn’t it?”
“Sure is!” Derpy chirped. “Everything looks so big and shiny. It’s, well, shiny. But won’t the Captain be mad? She only told us to go buy parts for the ship.”
Bon Bon rolled her eyes. “The first rule of living on Sereneighty is to do what the Captain says. The second rule is to take comforts wherever you can find them, because there aren’t many out in the black. We’ve got plenty of time, so we should at least try to find you some practical clothes. Lyra can’t be mad about that, can she?”
Derpy followed her into a clothing store and was immediately accosted by several salesponies. “Gentlecolts, please!” Bon Bon called. “Give the poor mare some room. I am quite capable of helping her myself. Derpy, let’s see if we can do something about that mane first. Do you want to keep it long?”
“I’d like to,” Derpy answered. “I mean, I can cut it if I have to. Usually at home I just pulled it back into a ponytail when I was working on something.”
Bon Bon nodded approvingly. “We’ll need to find you something durable to wear. What would you like? Look around and see if you can find something with lots of pockets.” She smiled wickedly and added “Maybe we can find something nicer for special occasions, just in case you meet a handsome stallion you’d like to impress.”
“W-what!? No, I-I don’t think so.”
I’m going to love spending time with this mare, Bon Bon thought. She’s positively adorable. “No?” she asked teasingly. “You don’t think you might like to find a special somepony? That doctor pony Lyra hired is awfully cute.”
Derpy shyly examined a nearby dress, obviously clueless as to what she should look for. “D-do you know what’s popular in the Core right now?”
*****
Octavia knew that Vinyl was happy to be on her home planet again, but the skies of Beaumonde were clouded with pollution that hid the stars and moons from view. It wouldn’t be long until her wife was desperate to see them again.
For now she was able to tolerate being on ground, but she was still miserable. It was the doctor’s visit that had Vinyl unhappy, and Octavia wished that there was something she could do to make it better. Unfortunately, all she could do was sit and wait until the doctor was ready for them. Vinyl hadn’t said a word for hours, and Octavia was getting very worried. “How are you feeling?” she asked, unable to take the silence anymore.
“How do you think?” Vinyl snapped. “I’m scared out of my mind and I can’t do any of the things I normally do to get over it. Sereneighty’s grounded and I’m stuck on this jung chi duh go-se dway of a planet and I might h-have…I-I might….”
“Everything will be fine,” Octavia assured her. Vinyl hugged Octavia and cried into her chest, taking in big gulps of air and smudging her goggles with tears. Octavia was glad that the waiting room was mostly empty, because Vinyl would have felt very self-conscious about such a public display of emotion.
Octavia removed Vinyl’s goggles and placed them gently in an empty chair. She felt like crying too, but Vinyl needed her to be strong. “You are not sick, Vinyl. The doctor is just going to run some tests and then we can go." She gently nuzzled into her wife's electric blue mane. "Everything will be alright, baobei.”
Vinyl let Octavia hold her until she finally stopped crying. It took a long time, but eventually she ran out of tears. She looked up at Octavia with her big, soulful red eyes and sniffed. “But what if I h-have cancer? I was so Gorram s-stupid and I hurt us and now it’s…what if it’s too late?”
“You have not touched locoweed in over two years, Vinyl.” Octavia ran her hooves through her wife’s mane, wishing she could say for certain that Vinyl’s fears would not be realized. It was not likely, but there was no way to know for sure.
Locoweed was a dangerous, mind-altering drug that had become very popular on planets like Beaumonde. It was extremely addictive, and caused numerous psychological disorders if abused. It also drastically increased the user’s risk of throat cancer.
“I think you would have noticed a problem before now,” Octavia said. She hoped that was the case, but she wasn’t a doctor. She wished they could have asked Tick Tock, but Vinyl didn’t want anypony to know what they were doing. She didn’t want the crew to treat her differently.
Finally, after Vinyl had finished crying and dried her goggles with a tissue, a nurse called them in. The doctor met them in his office and began looking over his notes. He was kind enough, Octavia supposed, but she would rather have seen a doctor on one of the Core planets. Unfortunately, due to the illegal nature of Sereneighty’s business, this polluted rock was the closest they would get.
After looking down Vinyl’s throat with a tongue depressor, the Doctor fetched a long plastic tube with a light on the end. “I’m going to spray some novocain up your nose,” he explained. “After you’re numb we can feed this probe through your nasal cavity and into your throat. It won’t hurt, but it might feel strange and the medicine won’t taste very good. Please inhale when I tell you to.”
The doctor slid the long tube up Vinyl’s nose and into her throat. The poor unicorn looked extremely uncomfortable, but fortunately the test was over very quickly. “I don’t see anything too bad,” the doctor said. “It looks like you’ve got some problems with reflux.”
“Is that bad?” Vinyl asked.
“It isn’t good, but it’s hardly a serious health hazard. It just means that you’re suffering from heartburn every night. Don’t eat for two or three hours before sleeping, and think about sleeping on a very slight incline. You might also consider taking antacids before bed.”
Vinyl looked at Octavia with a mix of hope and apprehension. “S-so I don’t have….”
“You do not have cancer,” Octavia assured her. “We should do something to celebrate. How long has it been since you went to a nightclub?”
Vinyl eyed her suspiciously. “You hate nightclubs.”
“Yes, I do.” Octavia kissed her, finally allowing herself to relax after a long and stressful day. “But I love you very much. Pick a club.”
*****
Lyra and Thunderlane waited to meet their potential buyer in the basement of a small, run-down apartment building. A table had been set for them, and Thunderlane wasted no time in stuffing his face with whatever he could reach. Better keep my hooves off the table, Lyra thought. Wouldn't want to lose them.
She looked around and the cluttered basement. A large circle had been swept clean to allow space for the table and chairs. Our buyer is a cautious pony, Lyra decided. It would probably be pretty suspicious if he invited us into his office or something. He found a small, out-of-the-way place where he wouldn't be recognized and nopony would get nosey.
“Why is it we’re always waiting on other ponies?” Lyra asked. Thunderlane stopped eating long enough to shrug. It wasn’t so much a full stop as a momentary decrease in intake. “At least they sprung for a decent meal,” she continued. “That’s something.”
They only had to wait for a few more minutes. Lyra was nibbling on a sandwich when a brown earth pony trotted into the room. He was followed closely by a gold-colored stallion carrying a powerful rifle. “Very sorry to keep you all waiting,” he said, running a hoof through his immaculate black mane. He sat down opposite Lyra and poured himself a glass of water. “My name is Filthy Rich. I take it you are Captain Heartstrings?”
Lyra stood up to shake his hoof. “That’s me. I’m told you might be interested in buying our cargo.”
“I just might,” he said. “I’ve got a small terraforming operation going, but we need supplies. The stuff you’re selling is perfect, but it’s normally so expensive that we can’t afford it.”
“Always nice to help out ponies in need,” Lyra said. “As long as we get paid, of course.”
“Of course,” Filthy laughed. “Let’s talk price. How much do you want? As I said, my operation isn’t very big and funds are always hard to come by. Try to keep that in mind.”
Lyra glanced at the yellow stallion standing next to Filthy. He was smiling with the kind of cheer normally reserved for psychopaths and ponies that had won the lottery, but his hoof never strayed far from his rifle. She noticed that Thunderlane had stopped eating and was now watching the riflepony as well. “Two hundred.”
Filthy Rich’s smile shrank a little. “That’s…amusing. You don’t like negotiating, do you?”
He’s got to be kidding, Lyra thought. This isn’t a Gorram pawn shop. “Three hundred is not negotiating. I’m offering it for two hundred. You won’t find a similar product anywhere for less than ten times that price. This is the only chance you’ve got at getting some for yourself.”
Filthy Rich considered her offer for a while, then nodded to his friend. Lyra and Thunderlane tensed as the riflepony reached past his rifle and into his saddlebag, but they relaxed when he tossed a bag of coins onto the table. “Take this as a show of good faith,” Filthy said. “I’m told this is the preferred method of payment for this kind of deal. Credits are so easy to trace, after all. Can I assume that the Empire will want their merchandise back?”
“Assume whatever you like,” Lyra said. “They’ll be looking for it, but we left a pretty long trail to follow. By the time they make it here you’ll have shipped it off with your settlers. Then you get to wring your hooves and complain about being taken advantage of by the mean pirates that sold it to you.”
Filthy Rich chuckled and drained his glass. “You have clearly done this before. Braeburn will arrange the details of the meeting. Unfortunately, I will not be there myself as I have a very important party to prepare for.”
“Ah, to be rich and at play,” Lyra remarked wistfully. “You have yourself a nice evening, Mr. Filthy.”
Filthy Rich winced and pulled at his collar. “I’d really prefer ‘Rich’, if it’s all the same.”
Lyra lifted her glass in acknowledgement. “You’re the one paying us. I’d call you High Priestess Sparkle if you asked me to.”
Filthy Rich smiled and bid them farewell. After he was gone his hired gun sat down in his seat and helped himself to a sandwich. “Hope y’all don’t mind if I join you,” he said. “I missed lunch. I gotta say, the Apple family is mighty grateful for your help. Without you we’d have a lot of trouble feedin’ ourselves ‘fore the first harvest! How about this deal? Where should we meet?”
“Near the docks, but not on them,” Lyra said. “Westgate, Bay Seven. We’ll call you for the meeting at four tomorrow evening. It’s a really crowded place, just in case somepony gets any unpleasant ideas in his head. It’s safer that way.”
Braeburn seemed truly hurt by her implication. “Shucks, I wasn’t gonna-”
“Don’t imagine that you would,” Lyra said quickly. “It’s just business. You never can tell with some ponies, no matter how nice they seem.”
Braeburn seemed satisfied with her answer and went back to eating. “Can I ask y’all about what you do? It must be real exciting, travelin’ around the whole ‘Verse and seein' all it has to offer. The Apple family doesn’t travel much; we’re just stuck here until the homestead’s prepared for us. Not that I’m complaining or nothin’, you understand? I like the farm life just fine.”
Thunderlane indicated Braeburn’s rifle. “You’re awful well armed for a farmer.”
The riflepony’s already huge smile somehow grew bigger. “I’m workin’ as a favor to Mr. Rich,” he said proudly. “He’s givin’ us one humdinger of a deal if I do a few little jobs for him. It’s nothin’ illegal, ‘cept for this part. Mostly I just arrange meetings. The gun is just a family heirloom, but it works. I keep it in case there’s trouble.”
Lyra nodded in agreement. “Can’t be too careful,” she said, looking at Thunderlane. “There’s trouble everywhere these days.”
*****
Thunderlane handed Lyra the bag of Filthy Rich’s money as they were walking back to Sereneighty. “I’ve got an errand to run,” he said. “It shouldn’t take long. You head on back to the ship and I’ll be there before dinner.”
“I remember when my crew used to ask for the day off instead of just taking it!” Lyra called after him as he trotted away. “Lazy jing-tzahng mei yong-duh bunch of moochers!”
Thunderlane soon disappeared amidst the hustle and bustle of the city. He checked to make sure that Lyra wasn’t following him before ducking down an alley and slipping into a seedy bar. He discreetly motioned for the bartender, eyes still trained on the door. “You got a Cortex connection?” he asked.
“Ten bits a minute,” the bartender said. “In the back, there.” Thunderlane grudgingly dropped some coins on the counter and trotted into a tiny back room with a computer terminal inside. He slid a small plastic card into the machine and sat down to wait.
*****
Derpy and Bon Bon made it back to Sereneighty well before Lyra and Thunderlane. “I need to get started on the engines, but can I use the kitchen first?” Derpy asked as they unloaded their bags at the kitchen table. “I’d like to bake something. I make amazing berry powder muffins, and it might be a nice way to thank the Captain for taking me in.”
“You can use the kitchen whenever you like,” Bon Bon said. “As long as you don’t let Vinyl help you, you should be fine.” Bon Bon glanced at the three wrapped candies on her flank and smiled. “You know what? I think we should bake something together. I haven’t cooked anything sweet in a long time.”
“Is that your special talent?” Derpy asked. “I hope it’s okay for me to ask. I didn’t want to ask about what candy has to do with being a Companion. I thought it might be rude.”
“It’s perfectly alright,” Bon Bon assured her. “Most ponies don’t bother to ask at all.” Lyra was the only one, she thought, but she decided that Derpy didn't need to know that. “I got my cutie mark while I was making candy with my mother. After that it only took me a year to decide that I wanted to be a Companion. I’ve always been great at making other ponies happy, and candy isn’t the only way to brighten a pony’s day. I like to think that my special talent is being sweet, not just making things that taste that way.”
Derpy smiled and looked at her own cutie mark. Naturally, one of her eyes refused to cooperate. “That’s a really nice story. I just got lucky; I replaced a coil of wire on one of the cars my dad was working on. It was a Mark 3 drive, so it burned through its conductors really fast. That’s what happens when you try to cram an anti G-bubble drive into a small housing, you know? Things overheat or get crushed by the fallout belt.”
Bon Bon heated the oven while Derpy rambled on about engines. She obviously had a gift, one that the Captain had been wise to put to use. Hopefully the life of a smuggler wouldn’t dampen her cheerful personality.
Shepherd Mac appeared as they were sliding the muffin tray into the oven. He smiled at them, pulled up a chair, and sat down at the table with a big book. “Have you seen Tick Tock?” Derpy asked. “How is he? Is his sister any better?”
“Tick’s doin’ fine,” Mac said. “He’s tryin’ to figure out how to help Vision, but Ah don’t think it’s gonna be a quick fix. She’s okay, though. Still a little raggedy, but she seems nice enough.” The sound of angry shouting drifted into the kitchen. “There’s still a long way to go, a’course,” he admitted.
“At least she’s making progress,” Bon Bon said. “What about you? Are you preparing to leave Sereneighty? I must admit, I enjoyed having a Shepherd onboard. It was nice having a stallion around that wasn’t… well, Thunderlane. The conversation was greatly improved.”
Mac shrugged and opened his book. “Reckon Ah’d rather stay, if that’s alright. Ah’ve got some money and Ah can cook. Ah’ll earn mah keep.”
Derpy stepped away from the stove to give him a big hug. “I’m glad you’re staying,” she said. “You were the first friend I made after leaving home. It wouldn't feel right to keep traveling without you.”
*****
Thunderlane made it back to the ship long before Lyra, which meant that she had taken a detour of her own. She was probably busy talking to a few corrupt ponies in high places and passing a bit of money around to get Sereneighty’s official records changed.
They had used a similar trick in the past whenever the Captain angered somepony a little too powerful for comfort. It was a smart thing to do, given the circumstances; Blueblood was still alive, and he knew the ship’s identification numbers.
Thunderlane found himself with nothing to do for the rest of the day. He felt like working out, but knew that his heart wouldn’t be in it. Instead he wandered the ship, looking for something fun to take his mind off of the nervous energy he had built up over the last few hours.
He started walking without any clear destination in mind, meandering through the galley and up to the bridge. He looked over Vinyl’s toy collection, noting that she had drawn different musical notes on each of them. He wasn’t sure what they were supposed to mean.
He ambled back through the galley and towards the engine room, passing through the cargo hold. Again he thought about hauling out his weight set, but decided not to bother. It would be more productive to see if Derpy needed help with the engine, though he was fairly certain that Mac was already there. Another pair of hooves couldn’t hurt, especially when the mare in charge was recovering from a bullet wound.
Thunderlane was slightly annoyed to find the engine room empty. How was he supposed to distract himself when nopony was doing anything important? Maybe he would go back to the cargo hold and work out after all, just to kill time.
“Hush,” somepony whispered.
Thunderlane’s mane stood on end even more so than usual. He spun around, eyes wide and heart pounding. When he finally found the source of the voice he wasn’t sure if he felt relieved or even more disturbed. Pretty Vision was huddled between the support struts of the ship’s main reactor. “What in the hay are you doing down there?” he demanded.
Vision held a hoof to her lips. “Hiding,” she whispered. “Ticky wants to give me a treatment.”
“Probably ought to let him,” Thunderlane said.
Vision peeked out from beneath the reactor and brushed her mane out of her face. Thunderlane was reminded of the sappy public service announcements that he sometimes saw when he tried to call somepony over the Cortex. "For only a few bits a day…" “I really hate needles,” she mumbled.
One of Thunderlane’s ears swiveled around as a morose voice drifted up from the infirmary. He trotted out to the catwalk overlooking the cargo hold so that he could listen in better. “I’m really sorry,” Derpy was saying. He hadn’t heard the first part of her apology, so he didn’t know what went wrong.
“It’s okay,” Tick Tock assured her. “Really, it’s fine. It was a good idea. I think she just isn’t comfortable yet. It’s going to take a while for her to get used to this environment.”
“Do you think you can help her?” Derpy asked.
Thunderlane glanced back into the engine room and saw Vision tangled up in the reactor’s support struts. Somehow she had managed to wedge herself between the reactor and the floor, and was now stuck. “I’ll try,” Tick Tock said. “This ship doesn’t have the diagnostic equipment I need, and none of the unicorns know any helpful spells, so I’m very limited in what I can do.”
“I think you’ll do just fine,” Derpy said confidently. “You’re a good pony, and there are other good ponies here. A nurturing environment can do a lot of good for a pony, right?”
Tick Tock snorted. “Right, nurturing. This ship is nurturing. This is what passes for nurturing on the Rim.”
“Nopony wants to make you feel uncomfortable,” Derpy assured him. There was a short pause while she reconsidered her words. “Nopony but Thunderlane wants to make you feel uncomfortable.”
Thunderlane trotted into the engine room and tried to help Vision out of her self-imposed prison. “Get out of there!” he snapped. He pulled hard on her forelegs and moved her just enough to let her slide out from between the struts. “Don’t come in here again. I don’t like the idea of some moon-brained little weirdo running around next to the machine that keeps us alive on long trips.”
“You aren’t very nice,” Vision muttered darkly.
“No, I’m not, now go! Your shee-niou brother’s lookin’ for you.”
Vision walked hesitantly out onto the catwalk and looked around at the cargo hold as though expecting some sort of ambush. “Do you have a brother?” she asked.
Thunderlane had never been comfortable talking about his family on Sereneighty. It felt wrong, like he was dragging somepony’s name through the mud. “Yeah,” he said. “I do. Now go on, go get your head looked at.” He made sure that she left the engine room and shut the door behind her, then headed back into the cargo hold to start his workout. He still didn’t give it his best, but he couldn’t stand being idle any longer.
*****
Thunderlane was still lifting weights when Lyra finally made it home. “H-hold up!” he grunted as she trotted past him. Lyra waited on the catwalk above him while he returned his weights to their cradle. He climbed the stairs with shaky legs and leaned against the rail next to her while he caught his breath. “It’s about our guests,” he said. “They’re dangerous, Lyra. They need to go.”
Lyra made a show of rolling her eyes. “Thunderlane, I’m dangerous. You’re dangerous. Everypony on this ship that knows which end of a gun the bullets come out of is dangerous!”
“But not like they are!” he argued. “They got the whole Empire lookin’ for them. We’ve never been in this kind of trouble before, and we’re in over our heads! Before now we could’ve been thrown in jail, maybe, but for this they’d kill us. It wouldn’t be quick, neither. They’d make us conveniently disappear, and I ain’t too eager to get conveniently disappeared!”
“I don’t care.” Lyra gritted her teeth in frustration and took a deep breath to calm down. “Haven’t you been paying attention? We’d do the same thing if it was your hide the Empire wanted. They’re on the payroll now, which means they’re my crew, which means they’re family. You don’t turn against your family, no matter what. That’s the end of it, understand? We’re not talking about this again.”
“Fine,” Thunderlane grumbled resentfully. Lyra left him alone in the hold, returned to her quarters, and locked the door behind her. Bribing officials and arranging illegal deals with shady characters was tiring work.
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I love all the little work you put into this.
What, other than Minear and Whedon's odd need to valorize prostitution in both series, makes the two shows related? I mean, although you can see the beginnings of the neuroengineering ideas of Dollhouse in River's story, the technological arrow is backwards, and there's no space oriented tech aiming at Firefly in Dollhouse.