• Published 17th May 2013
  • 1,951 Views, 111 Comments

The Thirty Minute Dash - Esle Ynopemos

Nopony's faster than the Dash!

  • ...

2: Coltish [Comedy]

((Prompt: A stallion for the time being.))

Rainbow Dash stirred as something pulled her out of her nap. She smacked her lips. Her jaw felt weird, like it was wider than it should be. Probably slept on it at a funny angle or something. She resolved to find a fluffier cloud next time as she rolled over to have a peek at what had disturbed her slumber.

Somepony on the ground was talking to her. She shook the last of her nap out of her head and took another look. Rarity stood below her cloud, an odd look on her face.

“Mmh. Hey, whatcha need?” Rainbow asked, rubbing her eyes.

Rarity reeled back in surprise. “Oh my goodness, I'm sorry!” she said, blinking in shock. “I thought you were somepony else! I beg your pardon, sir!”

Rainbow tilted her head. There was no way anypony in Ponyville, much less one of her friends, could ever mistake her for somepony else. Rainbow manes weren't exactly commonplace. “Who did you think I was?” she asked.

Rarity coughed into her hoof. “Well, see... are you, by any chance, related to a Rainbow Dash? You look like you could be her brother!”

“Ha, ha,” Rainbow huffed, rolling her eyes. “That's real funny, Rarity. Let's make fun of Rainbow Dash 'cause her voice is scratchy and she doesn't brush her mane as often as you want her to.” She turned back to her cloud and began fluffing it up. This time she wouldn't wake up with sore limbs.

“How do you know my name?” Rarity asked. She went silent for a moment before gasping aloud. “Rainbow Dash, is that you?”

Rainbow snorted. “Of course it's me, Rarity. Did you have anything you needed other than to wake me up and call me coltish?”

Rarity made a startled squeak that sounded more at home coming from Fluttershy than from her. “D-darling, whatever happened to you?”

Dash was getting tired of playing along with this unfunny joke. “What do you mean, 'what happened?'”

“Dear, you look...” Rarity's eyes shifted uncomfortably. “Well, I mean, I suppose I've needled you once or twice about looking masculine, but this...”

Rainbow's jaw tightened. She had had enough of this. With a flap of her wings, she kicked off of the cloud and swooped down to hover over the pestering mare. Somehow, it seemed to take a bit more effort than usual, like she was heavier than she used to be. “What is it, Rarity?”

“Great Celestia, would you look at the size of...” Rarity's face flushed bright red. She averted her eyes and cleared her throat. “Ahem! Darling, there's really no subtle way to break this to you... you're a stallion, Rainbow Dash.”

Rainbow snarled. “Yeah, I get it. My fur sometimes gets a bit scruffy around the chin, so obviously I look like a dude. It wasn't funny the first time, Rarity, so just knock it off.”

“Dear, I'm not saying you look like a stallion, I'm saying you are one,” Rarity replied. “With the complete... er, package, as it were.”

“That's real mature,” Rainbow growled.

“Oh for pony's sake,” cried Rarity. Her horn ignited and she dragged a full-length mirror from—where did she get it from, actually? “Look!”

Rainbow Dash took a look in the mirror. She saw a squarish, blocky muzzle, and a thick, muscular barrel. She saw a shorter, choppier mane and tail, and... um. Well.

“Huh,” she said, letting herself—or was it himself, now?—down to the ground. “What?”

“Those were approximately my thoughts on the matter, too, darling.” Rarity peered at her around the mirror. “Do you have any idea what might have caused this?”

Rainbow shut her eyes and tried to think. She remembered something about Twilight saying she had an experiment to run, something about one of Zecora's potions, and some kind of ancient artifact of untold power, but she hadn't really been paying much attention. She shrugged.

Rarity's brow creased. “Okay, well, I suppose I'll run and find Twilight. Will you be okay, darling?”

Rainbow nodded. “Yeah, sure, I'll be fine.”

Rarity took off at a trot, leaving her with the mirror. The transformed pegasus ran a hoof through her mane, examining her new jawline. “Yeah,” she muttered appraisingly, “I'd still do me.”

Author's Note:

Ehh... I wasn't particularly fond of this prompt, and I think it shows. What can I say? I guess I'm just not comfortable using masculine pronouns.