Anima Mea Tenebre

by Nixus

Kindred Spirits

“Ok, why am I the one carrying her?!” Coppa asked as he adjusted the unconscious farmpony that was drooling on his back. Applejack’s stetson rested on his head as he trudged through the cool night air. Big Mac and Moe walked beside him, neither answering his question. Coppa panted as he stopped and gently laid Applejack down. “She is a lot heavier than she looks.”

“We wouldn’t be doing this if you hadn’t decided to drink her under the table,” Moe said as Coppa caught his breath. Rolling his eyes, Coppa adjusted the hat on his head as he hoisted Applejack over his shoulder. Moe sighed one last time before he began to chew out the dwarf. “Did you really have to go that far?”

“She started it, I finished it,” Coppa replied with a smug expression.

“By chugging a whole barrel of cider? What is wrong with you? I mean sure the showmanship was great but you made her faint!”

“The stuff is practically water! No offense Big Mac.”

“None taken,” the stallion said as the stalk in his mouth swished in the air. His half lidded eyes were slightly angry, but to Coppa’s relief it was mostly directed at the orange mare on his back. “Ah’m sorry about AJ. She had a bit ta drink before the party and was in a real sour mood. She was jus takin her stress out on ya.”

“I don’t want to interrupt, but this is as far as I can follow you guys,” Moe said as they stopped one more time. “Rarity wants me to help her out with the store tomorrow.”

“Wow, we’ve been here for two days and you’re already whipped!” Coppa laughed, causing Aj to groan in her sleep. Moe gave Coppa a slight cuff to the back of the head, causing himto stumble a bit. “Hey! I’m just joking!”

“I know, but it’s still fun to hit you,” Moe said as he turned away, waving goodbye to the two. “See you tomorrow, try to get along with Applejack in the meantime.”

“No promises,” Coppa said as he waved back. When Moe was out of sight, Coppa dropped Applejack before sitting against a tree. He faced Big Mac as he placed the hat on Applejack’s head. “You were saying?”

“The farm ain’t doing well an we all jus been so stressed,” Big Mac said as he pawed at the ground. Coppa leaned back as Big Mac tried to find the right words. “Don’t hold it against AJ. She’s been feeling tha pressure more than any of us. Money’s been tight cause of a bad harvest.” Big Mac’s face fell as he shook is head back and forth. “If things go on like this, we might have ta sell tha farm to pay off the loans.”

“So the reason Applejack hates me is because the farm isn’t doing well?” Coppa said as he stared at the sleeping orange mare. “Doesn’t that logic seem a little flawed?”

“It’s not just that, she’s angry about Applebloom and ya.”

“She feels like she’s being replaced by me,” Coppa said knocking the back of his head against the tree. He groaned as he realised his mistake. “I taught her sister in her place and now she’s holding it against me. Well, at least I know why she wants me gone.”

“If it’s any consolation to ya,” Big Mac said as he got up and motioned towards Applejack. Coppa followed his example and placed the mare on the stallion’s back as they continued onwards to the farm, “ah don’t think you’re that bad of a guy.”

“Thanks Mac, but I don’t swing that way.”

"Ah don't mean it that way," the bulky stallion said. "Ah just don't see any reason to dislike you. That's all I meant."

“Relax Mac, I’m only joking,” Coppa said as he calmed the large stallion. He patted Mac’s neck as the stallion’s breathing slowed. “How about we swap stories so the walk goes by faster? Sound good to you?”

“Eeyup.”

“You know,everyone keeps telling me you’re usually so quiet. Seems Booze does loosen the tongue after all.”

“Eeyup.”

****

“And that was the second time my uncle got crabs,” Coppa said as he concluded his story. Big Mac nearly fell over laughing, tears streaming down his eyes as they reached the farm. Coppa shifted a bit causing the mare on his back to sway with each step.

Both made their way to Applejack’s room where Coppa laid the mare down and slowly drew the blankets over her. As his hand retracted, a pair of orange hooves grabbed them and pulled him down onto the bed. Coppa stifled a gasp as Applejack’s forelimbs wrapped themselves around his waist. Big Mac tried to pry Coppa out of his sister’s grasp without waking her. Both froze as they heard the mare mumble in her sleep.

“Pa...” Applejack muttered as a tear rolled down the side of her face. Coppa saw Big Mac take a step back as a frown lined his face. He felt the arms loosen from around his waist and wriggled his way out of the bed as the red stallion left the room. He hesitated for a moment before he knelt by Applejack’s bed and wiped the tear off her cheek, pausing only to stare at her in the moonlight. He left the room and found Big Mac sitting out in the hallway staring off into space..

“You okay Mac?”

“Eeyup, jus some bad memories.”

“Are your parents...?” Coppa started but clamped his mouth shut as Big Mac slowly nodded his head. Coppa’s ears flattened as he placed his hand firmly on the stallion’s shoulder. Mac smiled as Coppa gave him a reassuring pat to the back. “Sorry, I didn’t know.”

It’s fine,” Big Mac said as he yawned. He rubbed his eye as he got up and made his way to his own room. “Ah’m heading to bed, ah’ll see ya tomorrow.”

“Night Big Mac,” Coppa said as he started down the stairs before deciding to grab something from the refrigerator. His thoughts drifted to Applejack as he grabbed an entire apple pie that was hidden behind a container of orange juice.

Sure, she hadn’t exactly been as welcoming as the other ponies, but he had expected that. He was an unwelcome guest in her world and she was treating him as such. Yet he couldn’t really bring himself to dislike her all that much. With each new thing he heard about the Element of Honesty, his respect for her grew a bit larger.

He reflected on the state of the farm as he swallowed the last piece of pie whole, wiping his mouth just as there was a knock on the door. Putting the pie tray away, he opened the screen door to find a brown envelope sitting on the porch. Picking it up, he used his nail to open the package and slowly read the contents. A frown lined his face as he crumpled the envelope and cast it aside.

“Something on your mind boy?” Granny Smith’s voice echoed, surprising Coppa as she came out onto the porch. She took a seat on her rocking chair as Coppa handed her a letter. She put on a pair of glasses as her eyes scanned the note. “A week’s deadline hmm? Filthy’s ain’t giving us much breathing room.”

“Let me help,” Coppa said solemnly as he sat on the porch step. “I know Applejack doesn’t trust me, but I can’t stand by and watch your family struggle like this.”

“Yer just like Crop Duster,” Granny Smith said with a slight chuckle, causing Coppa to look at her in confusion. “Always getting involved in things that don’t concern ya none.”

“Who’s Crop Duster?”

“Follow me and Ah’ll show ya.”

Coppa got up and followed the matriarch as she went into the living room and pulled a large red book from the shelf. She handed it to the dwarf who flipped through the pages until he saw a picture of two ponies with a younger version of Big Mac and Applejack. Applejack wore her trademark stetson as she stood on the back of a yellow-coated stallion with a shock of red for a mane. Beside them was a heavily pregnant red mare, her golden mane was tied into a long braid and her gaze was cast on younger Big Mac who was nuzzling her affectionately.

“These are their parents?” Coppa asked as he stared at the picture. “How far along was she when this was taken?”

“Ambrosia had Applebloom a week after this was taken,” Granny said as she flipped the page. The new picture showed Applejack holding a newborn Applebloom. The newborn filly was wrapped in a bright pink swaddling cloth while Applejack held her and stared at her new sister. Coppa couldn’t help but smile at the innocence of the two as he closed the book. It was exactly like the first time he held his own sister in his arms. It seemed like everything about the Apples reminded him of his own family.

Maybe that’s why I like it here.

“When did it happen?”

“A month after Applebloom was born,” Granny Smith said as she took the book from Coppa’s hands. His hands went to the necklace around his neck as he listened to Granny speak. His ears drooped as he thought of how unfair it was to the youngest filly to grow up without parents of her own. “Ambrosia was feeling a little weak. She had caught rot lung an was never able ta recover. It made it hard fer her to breath or do any work. All she could do was sit in bed an waste away to nothing. Crop Duster passed soon after. Worked himself to hard and collapsed in the field one day.”

“AJ’s been taking on the responsibility ever since?” Coppa asked as he let go of his necklace. He felt a warmth on his leg and looked down to see the Apple’s pet dog rubbing against it. He patted her head while focusing his attention on the elderly mare. “She’s tougher than I thought.”

“No, AJ’s jus been good at bottlin up her feelings,” Granny said as a sad tone came over her voice. “She tries her hardest but ah think this is more than any of us can handle.”

“Who do you owe money to?” Coppa asked as he got up from the couch. Granny Smith looked at him with slight confusion in her wizened eyes. “Big Mac. He said you guys took out a loan and were having trouble with it.”

“Filthy Rich, he was a dear and lent us some bits to pay fer repairs to tha farm,” Granny said as she patted Winona who had curled up to her on the couch, “but the harvest didn’t go so well an we fell behind on tha payments. If worse comes ta worse we’ll hafta sell the farm.”

“No you won’t, because I won’t let that happen. I can pay for it.”

“Why do ya want to help us boy? You don’t owe us nothing an as much as ah hate ta admit it, AJ don’t really deserve yer sympathy with the way she treats ya.”

“AJ may not deserve it, but I’m not about to let your family go through what I had to,” Coppa said as he undid the chain around his neck. He passed it to Granny Smith who looked at it before opening the small pendant. Her eyes gave him an understanding look as she closed the lid and went to give it back to Coppa. To her surprise he refused it, pushing her outstretched hoof back to her. “Regardless of her pride, I’m helping either way.”

“What’s yer story boy?”

“It’s not that interesting,” Coppa said as he turned away and walked towards the door. As he reached the doorframe, his head turned slightly as he spoke once more. “I’m just a kid who knows your pain and made some bad decisions. I figure this is the best way to make up for my mistakes. If you want to know more ask Moe, he's better at storytelling than I am.”

The mare watched as the dwarf left the house and disappeared into the barn. She looked back down to the pendant in her hoof as many questions swirled in her head about the contents. Her attention however, was turned as the sound of creaking steps alerted her to the presence of her youngest granddaughter descending them.

“Applebloom, what in tarnation are ya doing up so late?” the elder mare chided. The small filly gave out a yawn as she went down the stairs and took a seat next to her grandmother. “How long have ya been up?”

“I woke up when Coppa an Big Mac came in,” Applebloom said as she nestled herself against the mare’s green body. Granny Smith gently stroked the filly’s rose coloured mane as Applebloom’s lay there. “What did Coppa mean?”

“Ah don’t know sugercube, but we’re gonna need all the help we can get.”

Author's Note:

Here is the answer to last chapter's question of why Applejack is being such a dick. Family troubles tend to bring out the worst in anyone. In the next chapter we'll find out about Coppa's past and why he's so adamant about helping the Apple's out anyways.

If you spot anything wrong or flawed in the chapter let me know. I had to rewrite this thing at least five times before I was happy enough with the outcome.

Comments

[shon]

like the back story on AJ and Coppa keep it up
ps: that was sooooooooooooooooooooo sad : ''('''''

[The Quill and Sofa Shop]

The following review was created by a reviewer in the A For Effort Group. It was created because you posted your story in the appropriate folder in the A For Effort Group. The following review was an attempt to be as objective as possible. If there are any questions, please contact The Quill and Sofa Shop or Lophane. This review was posted after reading the first chapter.

Reviewer: The Quill and Sofa Shop

Name of Story: Unexpected Heroes

Grammar: The grammar in this piece was severely lacking. You were missing a lot of punctuation, and had too many run-on sentences. You didn't follow standard dialogue conventions, and you had occasional issues with proper capitalization. Your grammar issues distracted from the story.

Spelling (no more than 10 words per 1000 can be spelled incorrectly): There were rarely any spelling mistakes. The spelling was excellent.

Originality: The storyline seems fairly original. I haven’t read a Class of Heroes crossover before, so I commend you for thinking of a new crossover. Your first chapter was very intriguing, though the ending was clichèd. I like how you use the common link of magic in the two worlds, as that helps make the crossover more realistic.

Characters: I do not play Class of Heroes, so I can’t say how in character or OOC those characters were. The little I saw of the MLP characters seemed to be extremely in character.

OCs: I didn’t see any OCs present. If there were OCs, they were Class of Heroes OCs, so I wouldn’t recognize them. Sorry.

Synopsis: The description was thrilling and interesting to read. I enjoyed it. However, the bold text is unnecessary, as the Crossover should be tagged (and the fact that it’s not annoys me), and you can ask for constructive criticism in the author’s notes. Please remove this to strengthen your description.

Personal Comments: I feel like I would be able to give this a much better review if the grammar was better. It distracted from the story and made me lose interest. The only reason I read the entire first chapter was because I was obligated to out of my reviewing duties for A Is For Effort. If you take more time and effort to use all of your punctuation and to shorten your sentences, you would have a stronger story. In addition to this, the linking to pictures in your story disrupts the flow of your story and makes you look unprofessional. The fact that you need to rely on pictures weakens you in the eye of the reader-you have the entirety of the English vocabulary on your side, use it to make your character descriptions more vibrant and fascinating than a picture ever could be!
I also noticed that you have been struck with a minor case of Lavender Unicorn Syndrome, in which you seem to have a habit of referring to the characters by description, instead of by their actual name. Used sparingly and appropriately, this can work-for example, your decision to refer to Feinman as an “aged man” in the opening sentence was good, as it helped set the scene better. However, later on in the story, we have this sentence: “Twilight, are you sure this is gonna work?” the small purple dragon asked as he looked past the stack of books at the lavender unicorn who was scanning the pages of a book lying in front of her.” Referring to Spike and Twilight in this manner is unnecessary and clutters up your writing.
You also have problems with exposition. Instead of telling us about relationships or past events, show us. Instead of telling us that Twilight has slept and ate little, show us her hunger pains, her thinning body, the bags underneath her eyes and her unused bed. This allows the reader to feel more apart of the story, and is more engaging to the reader.

Verdict:
Denied

I will be placing this into the “Needs Improvement” folder. An admin will sort it from there.

[Nixus]

2723140 Thanks for the review.

Needless to say, I'm disappointed you didn't enjoy the first chapter but I understand that's what these reviews are for. I'll go back at some point and take the pointers you gave me. In all honesty I had no idea what Lavender Unicorn syndrome was but thanks for pointing that out.

As for grammar, that's my weak spot but I'll make every effort to try and improve it.

Again, thank you for taking the time to review it.

[The Quill and Sofa Shop]

2723563 I'm sorry that came out so harsh, I really don't like being that hard on people and your story wasn't that bad. I was just trying to be objective...I think you have some good ideas here, just the ways you present them could use some work. I look forward to reading this after a little bit of editing. Thanks for understanding. ^.^

[Nixus]

2723589 it's fine really. It's your job to do this and I appreciate the brutal honesty. That's what drives me to improve. This is my first fanfic and if I allow myself to be sloppy with this one then my future ones will just go downhill from there. I have one editor who I feel like I'm overworking with this piece but my mistakes are mine and I need others to point them out. That's why I'm glad you did this.

Also it's heartening to see that you might give it another chance which means I'll just have to work even harder now. Also I fixed the tags so there's a start. If you notice anything else don't hesitate to chew me out.

[Lord Krahtorra]

LOVE THIS STORY BUD! If it was your own original story I'd ask if you wanted to crossover for a few chapters, but it's a crossover...