Show me, Don't Tell me

by Kavorke

The Idea

Rarity stood there, stunned. Rainbow Dash, of all ponies and of her own free will, had just entered the Boutique and asked to commission a dress. Prior to the interruption, the unicorn was fairly unoccupied, her only work being to stitch together a pair of saddlebags.

"Uh, Rares? You okay?" Rainbow waved a hoof in front of her friend, who jumped.

"Oh! Yes yes yes of course, Rainbow Dash! I'm just...surprised to be getting business from...you?"

Rainbow looked away and crossed one hoof over the other. "Yyyeahhhh, I know it's weird. But I have a reason."

"For a dress? Why, if I didn't know any better I'd say you were smitten with somepony!"

"But you do know better, right?"

Rarity narrowed her eyes. "...right."

The pegasus looked around the front room, noting the designs on the ponnequins. Everything was so girly. Most of them had big puffs and frills around the neck and trim, while others poofed up around the midsection. Not one of them looked sleek, instead opting toward extravagant and flaunting. Dash didn't mind flaunting in a design, just not like-

Wait, since when did she have an opinion on fashion?

"See anything popping out at you, dear?"

"Yeah, basically all of it."

Rarity blushed a little. "Oh Dash! You do know how to flatter-"

"They all offend me."

"...yourself, apparently. Well, come on around the back. I don't have any current measurements of you, with how often you come by."

Obeying, she followed the fashionista through a doorway. The back room had scraps strewn everywhere. Large swathes of various cloths hung from ponnequins, from the lamp, or even just on the ground. They were cut in the strangest of shapes, or some had shapes cut out of them. There were even a few pieces so small and so oddly shaped that Dash had doubts they were even useful at all and Rarity was just too lazy to pick up.

"Oh, please don't mind the mess. I've been trying to come up with a new line, and it's just escaping me. But enough of that," Rarity jerked one of Rainbow's hind legs back, nearly throwing her off balance. "What sort of appearance are you going for?"

"Uh...good? I hope?"

Rarity trotted around in front of her, standing nose-to-nose with the pegasus and glaring. "Yes. Clearly. What do you want your outfit to say about you, Rainbow Dash?"

"Okay, um, give me a minute to think about that."

"Take your time." Rarity continued to work out various measurements all over Dash's body while she thought. What did she want to say about herself? Well, no doubt everypony knew Rainbow was cool, so the dress should show that. Or should it? Did she need clothes for that? No, she decided, I need the dress to show something she wouldn't think unless she gave me a chance. But what about me do I need to say before we even talk?

Rainbow looked at her friend, who was finishing writing down the numbers. "Rarity, could I ask you for a weird favor? I mean, besides that I'm already asking for a dress?"

Said unicorn raised an eyebrow. "Ehm, I suppose you could ask. I might not be able to fulfill your request."

"Just...describe me."

Rarity stared at her for a few moments. "Well...you're...blue? With a rainbow mane. Certainly, a fun challenge to-"

"No no no. Like, describe what you think about me."

She sat, putting a hoof to her chin and thinking. A full minute passed in silence as she thought, and just before Dash was about to bug her to get on with it already, she answered. "I think you're fast and arrogant. Not 'fast' as in speed, or well I guess you are that too, but, you need to live fast. You can't stay still and you have to be doing something at all times. This makes it hard to just sit and have a conversation with you, to get to know you, really. As for arrogant, it can be a bad or a good thing. Sure, you've gotten carried away in the past, but you really are the fastest pegasus alive. Or at least, I have yet to hear of anypony else fast enough for a Sonic Rainboom. You're always spouting how great you are, and it's very grating after a while. We, that is, your friends, do love you because you're great and you always come through. And the other part of that is that you don't let your pride bring others down; in fact, it's quite the opposite. Nowadays, you've stopped expecting the best out of everypony and instead expect everypony's best. And you stick with them and offer encouragement to bring them up, rather than compare them to yourself and put them down.

"Yes, I think...I believe that's what I think about you, Rainbow Dash."

Wow. Rainbow Dash wasn't entirely sure why she asked what she did, but she sure didn't regret it. Even if Rarity's speech cut a little at parts, it was very informative. She slowly nodded, lost in thought.

Rarity laughed. "Oh dear, I seem to have broken Rainbow Dash. Quiet and contemplative? Who would have guessed?"

Dash was brought back to the present. "That's what I need."

The unicorn cocked her head. "I'm afraid I don't quite follow..."

Rainbow Dash began to pace, slowly at first but building up speed as she spoke with more feeling. "Quiet. Contemplative. Well I mean, at least in part. I'm not those things, and I don't want to claim to be. I don't want to be, even. But, like you said, I need it to say that I can stop, and that I can listen and think and not be bored. Something...calmer. And, I guess, less extravagant. I don't want frills or flashes or be the center of attention. Because for this dress, it's not about me." Rainbow Dash stopped and turned to the side while Rarity watched, stunned, as she continued her speech. "It's about her. I'm there for her, not for myself. I'm there to talk with her, to get to know her. I need it to get that across immediately. I need to say, 'Hey, I'm excited to just be here with you. I want to hear your geeky rants. I like to see when you get interested in something, even if I can't follow what you're talking about. Flying is cool, but I'd stay on the ground and read and discuss whatever latest magical discovery with you, too. Or maybe at least listen and get lost in your voice."

By the time Rainbow Dash turned to Rarity, they were both blushing heavily. "Yeah. I think that's what I need."

Rarity trotted over to her work desk and cleared her throat. "Well, I think there's little doubt about who you're after now. And you seem to be rather serious."

Rainbow looked down and kicked a hoof, feeling completely exposed. "Y-yeah. I guess I got carried away," she mumbled.

A few seconds later, she was pulled into a hug from Rarity. "Dear, I'm so proud that you're willing to open up to me like this. I promise you, I'll do my absolute best on this piece. You've given me quite a lot to work with, but also a clear goal."

Rainbow returned the hug with one foreleg. "Thanks, Rares."

The designer trotted back to her seat, spinning it around and bring a stand up in front of her, going to work on a sketchpad. Dash stood there awkwardly for a couple minutes before Rarity spoke up again. "So, what is the plan, exactly?"

"Huh?"

"Well, I mean, you're serious, aren't you?"

"Of course I am!"

"Then what exactly are you going to do about it? Other than get a dress, of course."

The pegasus sat on the ground and looked elsewhere, lost in thought. "I dunno. I haven't planned that far ahead, yet."

Rarity chuckled. "Well then, let's come up with a Rarity-quality plan, with a Rainbow Dash spin."

Comments

[Dark Shade 75]

This is looking good. Not a mistake to be seen, and it was orchestrated well, I think.

[Neutrinos are Magic]

I need to say, 'Hey, I'm excited to just be here with you. I want to hear your geeky rants. I like to see when you get interested in something, even if I can't follow what you're talking about. Flying is cool, but I'd stay on the ground and read and discuss whatever latest magical discovery with you, too. Or maybe at least listen and get lost in your voice.

I wonder who she is...

[Skeeter The Lurker]

Ok, this seems good... Short, but good.

~Skeeter The Lurker

[FallenShadow000]

2780094 Indeed...
Why u be lurkin?

[FrostMane]

2779075

 I don't want frills or flashes or be the center of attention. 

[19jburner]

Chapter 1 Comment Attack.

I want to hear your geeky rants. I like to see when you get interested in something, even if I can't follow what you're talking about. Flying is cool, but I'd stay on the ground and read and discuss whatever latest magical discovery with you, too.
-- Yep, definatley Twilight.

Rarity chuckled. "Well then, let's come up with a Rarity-quality plan, with a Rainbow Dash spin."
-- Nice!

Ok, Chapter 1 done, NEXT!!!

[Knight of the Raven]

I like Rainbow and Rarity interacting. I found this scene cute, and we're not even into the romance proper. I also liked Rarity's description of her friend.

You don't need to use both indentation at the start of each paragraph and a blank line between each of them. Only one is necessary.

I advise you to use the characters' names or the appropriate pronoun as much as possible instead of descriptors such as 'the unicorn,' as long as it doesn't strain the reader's understanding of the scene.

Some lines made me laugh;

'Wait, since when did she have an opinion on fashion?'

'"See anything popping out at you, dear?"

"Yeah, basically all of it."

Rarity blushed a little. "Oh Dash! You do know how to flatter-"

"They all offend me."

"...yourself, apparently,'

'"What sort of appearance are you going for?"

"Uh...good? I hope?"'

and

'Rarity laughed. "Oh dear, I seem to have broken Rainbow Dash. Quiet and contemplative? Who would have guessed?"'

[statoose]

Pretty decent so far. I have a couple grammatical nitpicks, such as:

–But, like you said, I need it to say that I can stop, and that I can listen and think and not be bored. Something....calmer. And, I guess, less extravagant.
The presence of four periods here. Considering that "Something calmer" is one sentence, there should only be three; An ellipses – three dots – is treated as one punctuation mark, signifying a pause. An ellipsis and a period is two punctuation marks, signifying not only a pause, but the end of a sentence. Ergo, this is incorrect.

–Rainbow returned the hug with one foreleg. "Thanks Rares."
And the lack of a comma before "Rares". One must always put a comma before a name in dialogue like this.

Now, I don't know if these things are incorrectly typed punctuation or just accidents, so pardon me if I'm pointing things out that you already know.

Anyhow, on the content side of things, I'm looking forward to reading more of this story! Overall, it seems like RD and Rarity are in-character, save for one or two small places where I think Rainbow was just a tiny bit too well-spoken, but those are only tiny nitpicks.

[Renard Dashie Prower]

I love this!

With TwiDash being my OTP, I've certainly read a good many fics about them, and in a fair portion of those Dash is the first to come out about her feelings. But never have I seen a portrayal quite like this. What an idea! The mare-to-mare interaction between Rainbow and Rarity is fun and sincere, and while some may say that Rainbow's seriousness is out of character, it's really just a reflection of her devotion to her feelings for Twilight.

As was pointed out by another commenter, you don't need to indent and space your paragraphs at the same time; only one is necessary at a time, and in fact, doing both is incorrect.

I don't usually do this, but because of the uniquely appealing nature of this story, it's getting a favourite before I've even finished.

[ABronyJohn]

AWESOM !!!!

[TheNightstriker]

The way she just let it out with her feelings. It was beautiful.