Discord Writes a Ship Fic

by Phoenix Quill

You are the rock in my life.

You are the rock in my life.
By Discord

Almost twenty miles to the north east of Ponyville, there's a small town with no name. There's not much to be found here, a general store, saloon, salon, and a sheriff. Sure, there's a few other specialty stores, but they hardly ever bother to actually be open.

This town with no name, serves the farms around it. A small outpost of civilization that's closer to them, than Ponyville itself is. All these farms shared the same crop, but the biggest of them all is the Pie Family Rock Farm.

Maude Pie sat still as she stared out to the setting sun, and slowly blinked. "Do you ever feel lonely bolder?"

The small rock next to her, did nothing at all. But that didn't stop Maude from replying back anyway. "No, you're right, there are lot's of rocks here. But sometimes another pony would be nice."

"You've still got us, and mom and dad!" Maude looked next to her to see the smiling faces of her younger sisters, Marble and Limestone.

Maude's face remained the same as she blinked and looked back to the setting sun. "That is not what I meant."

The other two sisters drooped slightly as they went in for dinner, leaving Maude alone once again. "I only sort of wish that I would meet someone different while I am at school. Nopony else is going for a rocktorate degree."

Silence was the only response from Boulder, but Maude nodded at the "advice" anyway. "Yeah, I guess so."

It was then that things became quite different for the pony, because in that moment, she was suddenly in the presence of quite possibly the most beautiful creature in all of Equestria. (Me.

Now, I know what you are thinking, Discord, you can't be in this story! Well, you put me in so many of yours, why can't I be in my own? So, go buck a tree, I'm in this.)

Discord walked up to Maude and gave off one of his classic smiles, and a glass of water. Because Maude didn't seem like the kind of pony that cared for extravagance. "Why hello my dear! You must be Maude, your sister Pinkie told me all about you!"

She blinked slowly, and said, "That's nice," in her usual flat voice.

Discord looked at her with a frown for a few moments, twanging his favorite fang, (I call him Steve.) "You know what I think you need? I think we need somepony to liven up this place, get a real hoedown on this rock farm!"

Maude tilted her head and pointed to a small building off the side of the house. "We have a few hoes in the shed. We use them to till the rocks on the farm."

He looked at the grey mare with some confusion before just slapping his forehead with the lion's paw. (Because it's softer.) "That's not what I... Oh never mind."

With a snap of his elegant talons, Discord tried to summon the premier party pony in Equestria. Instead he got (the background musician's friend) Cheese Sandwich. "Wow, my Cheesy sense never saw that coming!"

Discord blinked a few times before picking up the yellow stallion. "Hmm, you're not the pony I wanted. Where's the element of laughter?"

"The whosit of whatsit? I don't know what you are talking about slim, but-" He stopped, and looked around the barren wasteland of rocks. "Is this Tartarus?"

"No, just my home." Maude said as she sauntered up slowly to the pair. "And I want you gone."

"Gone?" The stallion looked around at the devastating scene before him. "Not without throwing an 'I-just-met-you-and-you-need-some-cheering-up-of-this-place' party!"

The dashing draconequus looked at the pair with a smile. "Well you met somepony new, goodbye!" And with that, the author disappeared in a puff of awesome.

The two ponies looked at each other for a moment. One was bouncing in place while thinking of all the things he could do. The other stood stock still as images of violence no doubt played in her mind. Finally, it was Maude that broke the silence. "Well, that happened."

"Oh you bet it did!" Cheese said with a grin of Gouda."And to think I was going to go to the Zebra lands instead!" He rolled his eyes and made a slight 'tch' sound before continuing. "But clearly this was the better idea!"

"Do you always yell?"

"Only most of the time, why? Do you always mumble?!"

"I prefer to be still. And silent."

"Well I know what can change your dower demeanor!"

"If you left?"

"Maybe," Cheese said with his trademark cheddar like voice. "But I'm getting payed by the syllable here, so I'm sticking around for a while!"

He then wrapped his forehooves around Maude in a tight hug, leaving her quite breathless. After a few moments of trying to push him away, she finally asked, "Can you let me go?"

"Not until you cheer up!"

She didn't sigh, all she did was say two words. "Oh joy."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Maude was turning over the rocks in the west field to make sure that they would get the proper amount of sunshine on their undersides. "Can you please let go of me now?"

"No," he said with gasp and a wheeze that followed. "Not until you smile!"

"Please get off my back before I push you off a bridge," Maude replied with a steely cool and calm voice.

"Aww you're no fun," Cheese Sandwich said with a pout.

"Pinkie would disagree."

"You know Pinkie Pie?" He tilted his head, now curious.

"She's my little sister," she said with her usual straight face.

"Hold on a second," he finally let go of Maude and jumped off her back. He then grabbed a glass of water from who-really-knows-or-cares-where-the-point-is-he-has-one-now, and slammed it back to do a spit take. "WHAT?! How can you be related to Pinkie?!"

"Well you see, my mom and dad love each other. And when a mare and a stallion love each other they-"

"Stop. Just, no. That's it. I'm done here." He suddenly made the sound of a microphone dropping. "I don't care how much you're paying me to read this, it's complete garbage!" Despite how close he was, the ranting seemed far away. Even though it was coming from his mouth, it was as if it was coming from across a room inside him. As he walked away Maude could clearly hear the sound of two voices yelling in a room, and steps coming from within Cheese Sandwich himself. It continued until he finally reached the vanishing point, and could not be seen nor heard by her anymore.

She shrugged silently at the strange pony, and continued turning over rocks in the field. After a few moments, she pulled bolder out of her pocket and stared at him. "You know what, I don't think I need anypony special in my life."

Author's Note:

Oh look, I did a thing, with the thing that the story is supposed to be, with the shipping done by the guy, that ships the ponies in the story.

I'm tired, I've been working six days a week for over a month now, I worked all day, and I came home and wrote. I hope you guys like it, I'm trying to get back to basics for a bit. Let me know what you think!

Comments

[pahnazd]

yeah I can see that is how interaction between Maud and Cheese would go. Good job!

And six days a week for a month? As a person who went through that too, I can honestly say that it sucks. In the bad way. But hey, money!
The bane of our existence.

Still, glad to see you're slowly getting in the swing of things again

[user123]

Am I the only one who laughed aat the image of the fic?

[CrowMagnon]

5039397

I'm tired, I've been working six days a week for over a month now, I worked all day, and I came home and wrote. I hope you guys like it, I'm trying to get back to basics for a bit. Let me know what you think!

And six days a week for a month? As a person who went through that too, I can honestly say that it sucks. In the bad way. But hey, money!The bane of our existence.

This. Ugh, I've been there too, and can completely sympathize. That sort of schedule can be soul-crushing after a while, so I'm glad to see you jump back in with a funny back-to-basics chapter of randomness. Loved the part at the end when Weird Al just gave up.

[Phil Srobeighn]

That was well done. Loved the voice actor walking away while the character being voiced is still there. Hope your life slows down and you can get some meaningful rest.

[Alondro]

5040025 Money's great! I mean, all you have to do is become the CEO of a bank, nearly ruin the world's economy, and then all the governments of the world PRINT money to throw at you because you have them in your pockets! Your pockets that are now overflowing with cash!

*maniacal laugh, maniacal laugh*

[Phoenix Quill]

5059240 Where?

[Tower of 0]

So I had to add this back to my favorites... for some reason.