Discord Writes a Ship Fic

by Phoenix Quill

Weekend-Final Section. Sunday in Ponyville....

It was something that could be described as a bad opening to a story, the birds were chirping, the sky was clear, and the sun shone on the good ponies of Ponyville. Yes, clearly it was one of those lazy days that almost any budding author that just got his or her cutie mark in fiction would start with in a story. This however, is not the beginning of a story.

It was in the field between the Everfree Forest and Ponyville where if one cared to look, they would have seen an unusual sight beneath a mighty oak tree. "Well Miss Sparkle, it's as I promised, it goes through both time, and space."

"But Doctor," the unicorn replied. "It looks exactly the same. Are you sure this is the future?"

"Oh yes, but it's not that far off for you. Just wait until you see the crowning of the new princess."

"New princess? But that's impossible! Princess Cadence was already crowned in my past!"

The Doctor smiled as he pulled open the doors to his blue box. "Well, my mistake then," he said with a slight twinkle in his eyes. Suddenly he paused and looked into the air and his ears perked up. "We must get going. Tell me, have you ever seen the moons of Zaphrini?"

Eager to see where he might lead her next, Twilight hopped inside the blue box and shut the door behind her. All was silent for several moments before a grinding whine began to echo softly with the fading of the box. All was still for almost a full second before the box reappeared. It wasn't until after the noise finally stopped that the doors flung open to let the Doctor out once again. "And that's basically how she works, and no I will not tell you how to make one, that's not apart of my job description."

After The Doctor, the six ponies that had entered the Everfree Forest stepped out, more dazed and confused about things than ever before. "So, that's it," Wordsmith said with a frown. "We won't ever hear from that thing again?"

"Nope, sent away to a time and place far from the here and now. Besides, I'm sure he'll be much happier entertaining kids in his own way."

"So, why am I still looking like this?" Discord pointed a hoof at himself as if to prove a point before continuing. "I mean, the jobs done! Shouldn't I go back to my usual self?" As if the universe was listening in on him, without any ceremony or even really interesting visuals to go with it, Discord changed back to his usual chaotic form with the soft sound of a pop. "Huh, well I guess that answers that. Well," Discord slapped his mismatched digits together and rubbed them back and forth a few times as his grin grew. "I guess we can call that a success. So, how far till I get my new holiday?"

"Holiday?" The ponies around him gave some questioning stares before The Doctor stepped forward. "Um, no offence to you, but..."

"But?" Discord leaned forward, several of his bones popping as he actively stretched out his neck at the brown stallion. "But what my little employee, where I can eliminate your French benefits that are supposedly magic?"

Random Thought slammed a hoof to his face at the phrase and muttered, "That's fringed magic benefits," under his breath.

Screwball and Fluttershy looked at each other for a few moments as the silence grew. Finally, Fluttershy looked at an empty spot on her foreleg with fake shock. "Oh my, would you look at the time! I think I need to go home to feed my animal friends."

"And, I need to, see my mother!" With that the pair of mares took off in opposite directions, leaving Wordsmith, Random Thought, and Hearth Stone to figure out their own escape.

"What I mean is," The Doctor said with a deepening frown, "Is that you failed to actually do anything yourself successfully Discord, I was the one that did the actual work!"

The three remaining stallions looked at each other and gave a silent nod as they backed away slowly from Discord and the mysterious Doctor. "You did the actual work?! Only after my team and I wore him down!"

"Oh please," The Doctor spat back. "You were engaging him in a pillow fight, that you lost by the way!"

"Real mature, come on guys back me up! Uh, guys?" Discord looked around, only to find that the other five ponies that were with him had left no sign that they were ever there. Except for Twilight, who was rapidly taking notes of everything, in the hope of finding some vital information about her future. "Right, well then I guess I have no choice but to take a more executive route."

"Oh?" The Doctor leaned forward with a small grin, knowing he'd won. "And what's that?"

Discord gave a cocky half smile as he held his paw over his heart. "Why, I'll just take all the credit for what my employee has done. After all, that's the executive thing to do." He then gave a bow to the flabbergasted earth pony before walking away. "Congratulations on earning your bonus! Your now a member of the jelly of the month club!"

---

"Thank you so very much for delivering these bolts to me! I know that today is your usual day off, but I was in such dire need of this particular fabric for an important client that I didn't know who else to ask."

Button Stitch gave Rarity a small smile. "It's no problem, really. With Davenport at sofa-con, I haven't really been doing much these last few days."

"Oh? Well, would you like to come inside for a cup of tea? I just got a box of tea imported from Draconia that's supposed to be quite divine!"

Button Stitch winced suddenly at the sudden outburst before smiling politely. "No, thank you. I think I'm just going to go for a small walk through town before I go home."

Rarity gave an understanding smile to Button as she started leaving. "Well alright, I'll be here if you change your mind."

Button Stitch gave a small wave as she cantered away at a leisurely pace. Moments after the shop door closed behind her she breathed a sigh of relief before looking back at the towering boutique behind her. "That was nice of her to invite me, but I just don't have the time."

"Why not?"

"Oh, I don't know. I mean, I suppose I have plenty of time, but I just don't feel like staying at her place for who knows how long talking about anything and everything that comes to her mind."

"Tell me about it."

Button Stitch froze in her hoof steps when she suddenly realized that somepony was in fact talking to her. She looked around only to find nopony in sight. "I could have sworn."

"Didn't you know that swearing isn't polite?"

Now slightly panicked, Button began looking around behind her. She saw nothing out of the ordinary, and was quite alone. Button Stitch tried to calm herself down as she continued down the road. "I must be losing my mind, maybe I need to see somepony about this."

"Nope, you just aren't too good at finding me!" Button couldn't help but whinny slightly at the shock of seeing the source of the voice looking at her dead in the eye, for above her head floated Screwball. "Hiya ma! I'm back!"

Button Stitch looked at the pinkish mare before her for several seconds before finally fainting from shock.

---

Meanwhile, in a bar on the outskirts of town, three stallions sat in a row. Each had the same look of dull lifelessness in their eyes as they sipped on beers and stared blankly at the mirror behind the drinks. "You know," Random Thought said. "I can't help but feel as if we were misplaced."

Hearth Stone twitched his wing and looked over at him with a frown. "What do you mean?"

"Well, Wordsmith here might get it more than you, but let's pretend for a moment that we were characters in a story."

The other two stallions stared at their counterpart for a few moments in silence before Wordsmith held up a hoof. "Bartender, I'm gonna need some tequila, now!"

"Wait, hear me out. Let's pretend that all our life, we were characters in a story, and in that story we were apart of the main characters."

The other two quickly downed a shot each before sipping their beer before nodding. "Go on, continue."

"Well, what if in this story, we weren't the main character, but only supporting characters. Let's say that the author of this story, just suddenly realized that he-"

"Why does it have to be a he?" Hearth Stone interupted. "I mean, couldn't a mare be the writer?"

"You're missing the point," Random said with a frown.

"Well," Wordsmith said with a smile. "There's lots of famous mare authors, I mean even Princess Luna wrote the first book on chess."

"Would you both knock it off I'm trying to talk!" The two stallions quickly closed their mouths before pointing at their glasses once again for the bartender to refill them. "Anyway, what if the author didn't know what to do with all of the characters anymore, and wanted to dispose of them, without killing them."

"And this has what to do with us sitting in a bar?" Wordsmith asked with a slight slur before drinking deeply from his glass.

"Well, hypothetically speaking, wouldn't a scene like this be the perfect place to drop of characters you don't know what to do with at this point of the story?"

"So," Wordsmith said with a frown. "Your saying that if my life were a story, I'm not even a main character, but rather a side character? You're telling me that everything I know about me, was made up by some hack author in a matter of minutes just to fill a void for the main character to have follow him around. Is that what you are saying?"

"Pretty much."

"Well how do you know that this bar isn't the main part of the story," the bartender said with a smile. "Why just last week I had to break up a fight between those ponies that dress as pirates and ninjas all the time. Why I remember."

"You're definitely not the main character," Hearth Stone said with a frown. "Seriously, this is a pointless conversation. What kind of universe would this be if we were at the bar because some author just didn't have use for us anymore?"

"The Great and Powerful Escape Artist, and Unicorn Extraordinare Trixie agrees with you!"

A grey mare with a darker grey mane and tail raised a glass of sherry in her hoof and nodded. "That's right, I mean what makes you think that we are extras just to be tossed around and forgotten, right Lyra?"

"Absolutely," the mint colored unicorn said with a smile. "I mean, that's like saying that when nopony's paying attention to me, my shop, house and heck even I myself disappear!"

"Everypony is the star of their own story, it's up to them how they live it." A purple pegasus said with a smile before looking back down at his drink.

Wordsmith suddenly looked up at the pegasus. "That sounds familiar, who told you that?"

"My neighbor from the apartment I live in. Great guy, too bad about him being turned to stone."

Wordsmith looked back down at his drink and watched the bubbles flow up to the top. "Sounds like a great guy, I'd like to meet him."

"Yeah, I've been keeping his place and get some mail for him sometimes. What's your name anyway?" The pegasus looked down the bar at the trio of stallions, and his smile dropped. Suddenly his eyes went wide with shock as he rushed over to them. "Oh by Celestia, IT'S YOU!"

---

Discord was feeling pretty good about himself as he strolled down the main thoroughfare of Ponyville, everywhere he looked, there were ponies shopping, eating or just hanging out in the general vicinity. The perfect victims for pranks.

Wherever he went, some small acts of chaos decided to follow, be it something as simple as a waiter would trip on his way to the table, or as extravagant as somepony accidentally allicorned for a moment or two before turning back to their normal selves. It was an interesting day.

The day however was going to become a whole lot more interesting. As he was making his way around, and just turned some mare's bouquet of roses into a bundle of poison joke, he suddenly became aware that somepony was racing towards him. He looked to his right to get a better look, and saw a grey blur streaking in his direction. "And how can I help you?"

The blur didn't respond much beyond a single word being shouted out. "DISCORD!" The next thing that happened, was the mare's hoof landed hard in the side of his head, knocking him for a loop as Ditzy Doo gave chase to continue landing hits on his body. "How DARE you come back to Ponyville again!"

Discord disappeared in a flash of light, only to reappear behind the enraged mare. "How dare I? My dear, sweet, Ditzellia, I don't recall us leaving on any bad terms."

The mare turned and spread her wings in an aggressive stance as she gritted her teeth. "You turned Equestria upside down for your own amusement, you tricked me into doing nothing until the last minute, and do you even know what you had that stallion try to do to me?!"

"So," Discord looked around sheepishly as he rubbed an itchy spot on the back of his neck. "I take it you're angry?"

The grey pegasus, rather than respond with words, decided to show her emotions by bucking him with both rear legs in the face, sending him flying into a tree.

---

Fluttershy was at home, fortunately for her. The reason why is because if she wasn't at home at this time, she probably would have helped Discord, if she knew what was going on. Or she probably would have had some conversation with one of her friends today only to wind up caught in some sort of epic mission.

But she wasn't out, instead she was at home, napping. In fact, the author is not sure why this is part of the story, maybe because she is his favorite pony. But, cut poor Fluttershy a break, she's been up all night helping Discord and his employees fight a terrible parody of Barney that the author ripped off from way more talented people from the nineteen nineties.

This has gone on long enough.

---

Meanwhile, not too far away from the area where Discord was currently getting his own tail stuffed down his throat, Screwball and Button Stitch were walking and floating down Magnolia Avenue. One was constantly talking, while the other was nervously looking around and wishing she were somewhere else, or that somepony would save her from one of the worst parts of herself. "So, yeah it took a while to learn Equestrian language, but that was no big deal. You know, I write you letters every month, why don't you ever reply? Oooh, hey is that a sandwich shop? I love sandwiches! Can we get some, with soup? I love butternut squash soup! And cream of mushroom, but I'm not crazy for cream of asparagus for some reason. Hey where are you going?"

Button Stitch sighed and looked to the skies as if expecting help from above. "For the final time, I'm trying to get away from here! I don't need to be seen with you right now."

"Why not?" Screwball replied with an innocent smile.

"Because," she paused to look around the corner. "I haven't seen you since you left last year, who knows what effects your being around me can do to my stress levels. Next thing you know I'll be speaking in random sounds and syllables."

"Oh I doubt that," Screwball said in an offhand way. She then looked to her left and her eyes went really wide.

There, for her to see above all else, was Discord making every attempt to escape the screaming mare that was trying to land blows on him, without actually harming her. Button Stitch looked on at the scene in awe as Screwball just stood there with her jaw agape for several more moments. "Oh my Celestia," Button said in awe.

"Oh my Celestia is right... You have a hobby shop!" Button looked on as Screwball zoomed past the battling pair and pressed her muzzle against the glass window displaying the little electric train set. "Mom, can I have one?"

Button Stitch trotted up next to the strange mare with a look of awe on her face as she continued to glance at the spectacle in the small square behind her. "Aren't you in the slightest interested in what's going on between your boss and that pony?"

Screwball blew a raspberry as she swatted the air with a hoof. "Please, he probably deserves it somehow I'm sure. So, can I have the train? It looks just like the one I rode into town on!"

---

"Wait who are you talking to again, me or them?"

The purple pegasus ignored Random Thought as he fluttered past them and landed on the bar. "Don't you remember me? Don't you remember I helped you with trying to get a story published?"

Wordsmith groaned as his brain continued to misfire and looked past the annoyance in front of him. "Uhhh, bartender? This pony knocked over my drink," he then looked for a few seconds longer before adding, "and is probably drunk."

The bartender, Barely Brews raised an eyebrow at the unicorn as he continued cleaning a glass. "It's a bar, most everypony here is drunk."

The pegasus blushed slightly as he hopped off the bar and continued staring at Wordsmith. "Don't you remember me? I'm your best friend, Steam Shine!" He smiled brightly as if saying his name would somehow make a difference to the pony he was talking to.

Hearth Stone flexed his wings slightly as he turned to Wordsmith and placed a hoof on his shoulder to get his attention. "Hey Wordsmith, you want me to get rid of this guy? He's creeping me out."

Wordsmith gave a relaxed smile as he waved him off. " Nah, I got this. Look, I'm sorry, but what you're saying doesn't ring any bells." Wordsmith then went back to face the bar as a fresh drink was placed before him. "Now, I've had a long weekend, I'm tired, and Random, Hearth and I just need to relax, I don't need some sort of plot development to happen around me tonight. Hope your friend gets out soon."

The pegasus, rather than looking distraught, started laughing. "Wordsmith? Really? Did you come up with that name all on your own or was it given to you when you got out of Celestia's private garden to protect your identity from the world?"

"I'll have you know, that Screwball came up with it so we could call him something other than new guy when he said he couldn't remember his own name." Random Thought suddenly clamped his hooves over his mouth as he realized just what he said, and he knew something was going to happen.

"So, amnesia huh?" Steam Shine began to chuckle as he reached into a satchel. "Well, if you really are Wordsmith, then I guess that these things don't belong to you then?" From out of the satchel, he pulled out a quill, some ink and paper, and finally an identification card. "Read it."

The trio of stallions at the bar looked at each other, Hearth shook his head while Random nodded, excited to see where this would go. Wordsmith sighed as he got off the stool and looked down at the card and gasped.

---

Discord and Ditzy were still going at it, despite how careful he was in attempts to not harm the pony, he couldn't do much without either accidentally causing her to harm herself, or wind up with a good blow landing on his body somewhere. "This is going on much too long."

Ditzy meanwhile continued to buzz close to Discord shouting a battle cry. After a few more near misses she landed one more successful hit to Discord's wing, sending him tumbling to the ground a few feet below. She wen't for another hit when suddenly, she found that there was a shackle around her hoof. "What is this?!"

Discord gave a smug smile as he snapped his fingers once again, and in a flash placed Ditzy in a cage. "There, now that you can't move, I think it's time that you and I had a little talk." Within a second the pair disappeared from the town square and found themselves in the heart of Canterlot's Ministry of Practical Chaos building. But they weren't alone.

"How in Equestria did I get here?" Steam Shine shouted from the back of the group.

"Ah, this is where I work," Wordsmith said with a smile as Random Thought's desk roller skated across the floor with a stack of the latest reports, and Hearth Stone vomited from the strange mode of travel.

"Oh my, what is this place?" Everypony suddenly noticed the mare that had tagged along with Screwball as she cowered behind her. "How did I get here? I demand to see the pony in charge!"

Discord smiled at the mare and bowed deeply. "My apologies, I'll send you to the arboretum to wait as I finish here. Please, help yourself to any snacks until I'm done, and I'll send Screwball in a moment as you were visiting."

Button Stitch snorted slightly as she frowned. "Hardly." That was the last thing she said before disappearing.

"Now," Discord said to Ditzy as she continued to give him the stink eye. "I don't know what it will take to say I'm sorry, other than that I am sorry. I did some things that I regret, but as I said in the past, what he tried to do was already in him. I never intended any physical harm to you."

The mare in the cage snorted slightly as they disappeared, and rather than attacking him again simply pointed a hoof at him. "You lied to me that day, you used me."

"You aren't the lone stranger there. I was a different draconequus back then." Discord suddenly felt the glare of every employee in the building as they stared him down. "Well, not that different, but different enough that I now know something I didn't before." He hung his head in shame as Ditzellia looked on with her wall eyes and heavy frown. "You don't have to forgive me, but I wish to make amends. We may never be friends, and that's alright, but when I tell you this, I mean it. I am sorry."

Ditzy Doo looked at Discord and her frown increased. Finally after a few minutes of heavy silence, she spoke. "I forgive you. But I will not forget." She looked down at a watch on her foreleg and frowned. "As far as friendship goes, you will have to earn it if you want it. Trust will go a long way, and it will take some time before I trust you. Now, I need to get to Canterlot"

Discord grinned slightly as he waved a paw around and a split appeared in the wall. "Well, allow me to say Welcome to Canterlot. Take a right outside that opening, and fly north to the castle."

Ditzy looked at the opening to the city with surprise for a moment before nodding. "Thank you." She then took off for the castle, her mail bag in tow.

"Well, that all happened," Random said as he continued filing through the papers, only to see a new one appear. He picked it up in his magic and gasped. "Lord Discord! Princess Luna and Princess Celestia require us at once!"

Discord sighed as he closed the gap in the wall. "Just you and I, or what?"

"You, me, Wordsmith, all of us!"

"Wait a minute," Steam Shine shouted suddenly. "I was in the middle of something with him, I'm not letting him out of my sight again!"

"Fine then come with us," Discord said nonchalantly. "As of now you work for me, and this weekend is over. So let's get to work ponies!"

Author's Note:

This took forever to update.
Sorry if you don't like some of it, but I tried. THUS ENDS THE WEEKEND STORY LINE!

Coming soon, Steam Shine's plea, Discord VS Celestia, and finally. FINALLY I get back to what this story is all about, RANDOM SHIP FICS!

Comments

[The Traveler12]

Just the concept of this...

[Shadow of the Night]

static.comicvine.com/uploads/original/14/147020/3816955-0893072922-mlfw8.gif

[vlaarith]

What is the thing with Ditzy? Did I miss something or?

[Phoenix Quill]

4529487 Yes, you did miss something, from another story.

Remember what Wordsmith told Discord, connect all the stories together some how to make the universe seem bigger.

[vlaarith]

4530516 you clever bastard....

in a totaly none bastard way