This is it. No more running. No more hiding. This is war.
For months now, two forces have been battling all over creation: one seeking to preserve harmony for the sake of the millions of species that populate the multiverse, and one to destroy it. Now, the forces of good have discovered that the darkness has Equestria in its sights and must ready a counterattack. Leading the charge is a strange, semi-omnipotent being known as "Swarm," who will confront the forces of evil together with his allies from Earth and a few familiar faces from around Equestria. But will it be enough? Can Harmony and Light stand against the encroaching darkness, or will Equestria become the first in a long list of conquests? And just what is responsible for this madness, anyway?
Bit of continuity with my other fic, "Trixie's Burden," so go check it out to find out how Swarm convinced Celestia to let a bunch of Jarheads into her kingdom!
"Union of Soviet Griffin Republics"
^This needs to be a thing. xD
Also, I'm going to say right now--I have no idea what's going on, but I like it. :3
2567249 Thank you!
63,000 words, just published, 'on hiatus'?
2567393 This is actually the second version of a story. The first had a rougher beginning that I think really turned people off. You can still see the old version on my user page, if the mood strikes, but I'm thinking I might tear it down eventually.
And also, it's on hiatus because I still need to write the ending
hey hey hey! would you mind changing the name a bit, so it's not confused with story, please?
2567480 Crap...okay.
It has to be done But
"Ramirez save Shinning's wife"
2601020 Um...wut?
2601020 OH MY GOD I finally get it.
"Ramirez, save Shining's wife!"
"Ramirez, defeat The Ridchir!"
"Ramirez, cure AIDS!"
"Ramirez, solve world hunger!"
Edit: delete the old address, and a new address for the vid would be appreciated.
3150059 Um...that video didn't show up. Apparently, that youtube account was disconnected. I take it it wasn't something positive though, right?
en.wikipedia.org/Antidisestablishmentarianism
YAY! UPDATES! so far really loving it! go 'murica!
3165273 Glad you like it! And...[youtube=7R5A0pg4oN8]
3166432
im not saying america is the absolute greatest country in the universe, but if a super powerful evil god is hell bent on enslaving the entire multiverse i think its safe to assume we would engage that god with a vengance.
neat, was kinda hoping for a cage match or something, but hey ramirez is cool too
3199512 Well, it might have been cool to have a pony vs. pony cage match, but honestly, do you think the original Twilight, Applejack and Rarity would have stood a chance against those psychos?
3199620
yes, yes i do
still woulda liked to have seen a cage match
3233490 Well, this is as close as you're gonna get.
3233946
3234063 *shrugs* Sorry, I'm just not sure it would fit the Mane Six's style to have an ultimate cage match with a bunch of serial killers.
3234783
i understand *sulks*
3234876 They do have a pretty awesome scene later on where they save every dude in the USMC.
3234973
you promised! i screen shotted it. no take backs
3235064
3150059 Oh, duh! Sorry, I can't believe it took me this long to see your comment! I feel like such a stupid heel...
the never ending german language and how they operate as a military kinda gave a big hint, but i didnt want to say anything incase i was wrong
3271473 When did I use German before this? Oh crud, the military callsigns, huh? Ugh, I can't believe it took until now for it to hit me how big of a giveaway that was.
3272517
its ok dude, i honestly dont think many people noticed it XD
heh never thought id see a seal participate in a group hug
3300609 That's Ramirez for ya.
Got back to reading fanfics and saw 10 unread chapters on this story half-an-hour ago. Challenge accepted. Mission complete.
And i like the story. Even though i must say that there is one thing that bugs me. Why don't Twilight and the other of the main six react at all at the constant swearing?
3315906 I never really thought about it. I guess to them, all the swearing is just funny little words the humans say, and they just dismiss them right off the bat as a human thing. Except "sh!t". Twilight's just taken a liking to it because she thinks it sounds funny.
Also, thanks for liking the story :)
3316967 Well, i guess that would make sense.
And no problems. It's a good story. Maybe a little bit to fastpaced. But it works
3317808 Thanks!
i really like your story. it's detailed and it really shows the unbeatable determination on the side of the good.
although why are there only Americans in this story you'd think that more countries would be helping? like (Australia) 
3400774 Oh, the entire UN is helping in the war effort. Equestria is just one battlefield of many, and Celestia only allowed a small, token number of troops into her nation for reasons that are better explained near the end of this.
3401590 ok then sweet, thanks for clarifying that with me
As always, critiques and criticisms are welcome, but this is NOT an excuse to troll.
mate your doing well
, keep the good work going 
3432668 Thank yew, thank yew!
This is good. really good.
3434434
That cliffhanger....
3470375 I wish there was a trollface pony emoticon. But for now, you'll have to make do with AJ.
Didn't see that one coming
3500995 And now, the threat has changed forms.
Hi there! I'm IncoherentOrange from WRITE, and I am here to review your story as requested.
Since you haven't sent in any particular requests for focus on one particular area or anything of the sort, I'll try to give my feedback on some of everything.
Before we get started on the story itself, the description should be focused upon. As the exterior view of your story, what it contains is crucial to luring in a reader, as you might imagine.
The description tells a lot about what's going to happen, and hops all over the place, speaking of Swarm almost as though we're supposed to know him prior to reading this story, when the only continuity with other stories mentioned is supposedly minor, but seems to be pretty big. What are the "terrifying forces tearing reality to bits"? Should we know? What's Earth got to do with this, anyway? Why specifically Americans? Why are the Princesses and Discord predisposed? My point is that it's sort of a jarring, confusing way to start a story off.
Beyond that, there's no need to censor your disclaimer, it looks kind of silly that way. Also, if "extreme" violence is depicted, why is there no gore tag? And if it's so "extreme" why is it rated teen? Seems strange to label it as such. Anyway, the story itself. Quite a long one, this is, so I think I will give my input up until the tenth chapter. The initial chapters are very important to hooking a reader, and any grammatical mistakes will be present there.
The story starts as though it is being told by a narrator. Since the narrator is not a character, I don't think it's necessary to put their words in quotation marks (though you may wish to check that yourself). However, if there is any part of the story that is not told by the narrator or another character within the story, (i.e. in a perspective that is not the thoughts of a person), then a distinction has to be made. This appears to be the case, but you switch perspectives and the narration style changes with it. Make sure it's consistent between perspectives.
Grammatically, your story is quite well-off, and apart from some stylistic irregularities that I personally dislike (such as the phonetic expression of accents and usage of capitalization to portray emphasis), there's not too many things that strike me as technically incorrect. Still, you may want to have a second pair of eyes comb through your story for things you've missed and which do not sound right, like this:
(The full stop there should be a comma, but even that looks strange.)
As the chapters are quite short, the first one gives me little information. We're introduced to a mysterious villainous figure whose motivation appears to be simply power, and another figure who has United States Armed Forces members in Equestria for a reason withheld from the reader at that time (which is a fairly effective way of prompting people to read more if done correctly, it seems). Not a bad start, really.
The second chapter reveals a grammatical shortfall that appears constant, and it has to do with capitalization and dialogue. You already replace periods with commas when appropriate at the end of dialogue, but you don't treat other marks the same way. For the purposes of the capitalization of the pronoun, etc. after the dialogue, question marks and exclamation marks are counted like commas:
Anyway, I'm fairly sure helicopter pilots can get out of their harnesses just fine, not to mention that Chinook helicopters have a crew that includes a flight engineer and co-pilot as well as a pilot, which I'd imagine would be strapped in just like the pilot was. Also, humans are not particularly strong animals, and pulling up grass isn't a particularly difficult thing to do. I'm not sure why that would make Fluttershy assume that humans had great strength when a typical human has far less arm strength than many other animals of the same size or smaller, a well-documented case being chimpanzees. Ignoring that for a moment, when Fluttershy sees a creature she has never seen before, her reaction seems to tilt more toward amazement and intense curiosity than fear, especially when the creature is not evidently hostile. Regardless, this chapter introduces us to Uris and Bannon, both characters that are evidently important to some degree (even if one of them is quite possibly dead), however briefly.
There's an interesting multiverse concept being explored in this story, which is always a concept that I've liked. Strange twist in these beings like the titular Swarm, though. There's some useful exposition in chapter three, but not a lot else.
The rate of progression in this story is rather (pleasantly) slow and the chapters are short, so I'll stop going chapter-by-chapter and instead give my summary of the story up to chapter ten.
Your characters are alright, though there are quite a few of them and the strength of their characterization appears to differ quite a bit up to this point, and consistency isn't as strong as it could be, especially in Luna's case. (Her speech pattern varies wildly.)
The depiction of the U.S. Military in this story is more accurate than in other stories I've seen, but still a bit shoddy in that respect. More concerning is their presence in the story at all, which could definitely serve as a put-off for new readers. However, it appears that you've planned out their purpose well enough that it doesn't feel overly crammed in there just for cool factor, but it still leaves that slight aftertaste.
Grammar is alright, though it could use improvement in some places, and the perspective has some consistency issues. The phonetic spelling of characters' accents is taken way out of hand in my opinion in some particular areas, so toning it down or eliminating it might make that less jarring.
The pacing works fairly well; I'd neither call it too slow or too fast, and it seems consistent enough. The "meta" portions of the story are very irksome and should be removed if possible, in my opinion.
Altogether, I'd say it's a fairly solid story you've got here, which is something that can't be said of a lot of the other stories of this type that populate this site. Still, I urge you to make improvements where improvements are due, and I think your story would be all the better for it. Good luck!
~IncoherentOrange, WRITE's Rambling Citrus