A Guardsman in Equestria

by Guardsman_Sparky

The Return of Chaos part 1

Alexander sat watching Twilight gallop back and forth across the library, searching for an explanation or solution to the unnatural weather occurring around Ponyville. As Alexander sipped from a steaming mug of recaf from his meager rations, a purple lizard walking on two legs came in, rubbing its eyes. "What's goin' on Twilight?"

Alexander spewed steaming recaf across the room, staring at the talking lizard. "Did you just talk?" He turned to Twilight. "Are talking lizards normal?"

Twilight looked up from the book held in her magic. "What? Oh, that's Spike. Spike, Alexander. Alexander, Spike." She returned to her book before tossing it aside and grabbing a new one off the shelf.

Spike crossed his arms, glowering at Alexander. "I'm not a lizard, I'm a dragon."

Alexander raised a brow. "Aren't dragons supposed to be, I dunno, bigger?"

Spike huffed a green flame. "I'm still a baby."

"I see."

"So what's goin' on? I haven't seen Twilight this wound up since she tried to figure out Pinkie Pie."

Alexander glanced askew at the purple dragon. "Haven't you looked outside?" Spike shook his head. "Well, you'll see soon enough I guess."

"I got it!"

Alexander and Spike turned to Twilight. She held up a book. "I've finally found a fail-safe spell for magical misfires and emergencies." She picked up Spike and ran out the door, book trailing behind in a magenta mist.

Alexander put down his recaf and scrambled after them, grabbing his flamer as he ran out the door.

"Wait for me!"

Alexander caught up to Twilight at a corn field, one that was filled with...popcorn? This was weird even for...shit, what the hell happened to those apples? They're HUGE! Alexander stood dumbfounded at the sight of full grown apple trees bent over like saplings under the weight of absolutely massive apples the size of pumpkins.

Alexander saw that Pinkie Pie was practically bathing in...chocolate milk raining from cotton candy clouds, while Rainbow Dash was covered in in the stuff. Fluttershy and Applejack were trying to stop a bunch of rabbits and squirrels from eating the enormous fruit as Rarity watched on, when the rabbits spontaneously sprouted long, spindly, hoofed appendages.

Alexander looked on in horror. "It can't be..." he whispered as Fluttershy started panicking.

Twilight walked up to her friends and tossed the book away. "Don't worry everyone. I've learned a new spell that'll fix everything." Twilight's horn flashed magenta, a wave of purple energy radiating out from her. Alexander shaded his eyes, and looked to see that absolutely nothing had changed. Twilight sputtered. "My fail-safe spell...failed!" She looked to Spike. "What do we do?"

Alexander stepped forward. "If I'm correct, there is nothing that can be done." Twilight turned, surprised at how grim his face was. He shook his head. "Though I hope my suspicions are unfounded."

Twilight frowned at Alexander's cryptic words. "Still, we can't just let these clouds and animals go unchecked." Twilight began barking orders. "Rainbow Dash, corral those clouds. Applejack, bring those clouds..."

Alexander tuned the ponies out as he poked at the engorged apples, his mind returning to the past as he recalled his first encounter with the forces of chaos. Some second-rate hive world in the Ultima Segmentum had been having issues with chaos cults for several years when a party of inquisitors had begun an investigation. After only a week, the inquisition sent for the Imperial Guard, and the Harlech 501st had been among the regiments to respond. The campaign had begun as a simple cleanse and purge operation. It was only when it started raining blood that any of them had any inklings that the cultists were not the biggest threat. Half the regiment died that day, and in the end, the Inquisition had declared Exterminatus, sentencing the planet to a fiery death by cyclonic torpedoes. In light of the horrors he saw that day, Alexander considered himself lucky that the Inquisition no longer purged those with knowledge of the fell powers as they had in the past.

Alexander returned to the present, turning his attention back to the ponies whose lot fate had thrown him in with. Alexander looked on in surprise as Spike gave a fiery belch, brows practically achieving orbit when the baby dragon coughed up a perfectly dry scroll of parchment. Twilight picked up the scroll in her magic and read it, gasping. "Come on girls. Princess Celestia wants to see us all in Canterlot immediately!" She looked at the scroll again. "And she wants us to bring Alexander."

Alexander followed Twilight and the other five Ponyville ponies into the royal palace, a majestic white alicorn with a chromatic mane flying in an unseen wind waiting anxiously for them, an image of a blazing sun on her flank. "Princess Celestia, we came as fast as we could," Twilight announced.

Princess Celestia looked at the ponies with relief. "Thank you, Twilight. Thank you all." The princess turned to Alexander. "You must be Alexander. Twilight wrote to me about you, a warrior from the stars who has lost his way."

Alexander saluted the solar diarch, hands crossed across his chest to form a facsimile of a two headed eagle. "It is an honor your highness." He knew from Twilight's dissertation on the train ride to Canterlot that the princess was to be respected. He wasn't sure he believed the part about her controlling the sun and moon, though. And he wasn't too sure how he felt about cutie marks either. He couldn't believe that he hadn't noticed them before.

Alexander shook his head, returning to the matter at hand.

Twilight interrupted, frantic to get answers from her teacher. "Is this about the weather? And the animals' weird behavior? What's happening out there? Why isn't my magic working? Is there–"
Princess Celestia held up a hoof, silencing her star pupil. "Follow me."

Princess Celestia escorted the group through Canterlot to a magnificent ivory tower. Opening the intricate double doors with her magic, Celestia led them into the tower. They walked into the hall inside, gazing at the various stain-glass windows depicting important events of equestrian history. Fluttershy stopped, staring at a stain-glass window depicting a strange chimera like creature.

It had the head of a pony, but had a deer antler on the right, a blue goat horn on the left, one long fang, different-sized pupils, a snake tongue, a goat beard, and white bushy eyebrows. Its right arm was that of a lion, the left claw that of an eagle, the right leg was of a lizard, and the left leg was of a goat. On its back were a bat's right wing, a Pegasus' left wing, and a horse's mane. A dragon-like snake's tail with a white tail tuft completed the strange creature. All in all, Alexander thought it looked quite...bizarre.

"I've called you here for a matter of great importance. It seems an old foe of mine, someone I thought I had defeated long ago, has returned. His name... is Discord."

At that name, Fluttershy gave a terrified squeal, latching onto Alexander's leg with all four hooves.

Princess Celestia continued, passing a window depicting the strange creature using three ponies like marionettes. "Discord is the mischievous spirit of disharmony. Before my sister and I stood up to him, he ruled Equestria in an eternal state of unrest and unhappiness." She paused for a moment in front of a window showing the creature turned to stone by a pair of alicorns, one purest white, the other darkest blue. "Luna and I saw how miserable life was for Earth ponies, Pegasi, and unicorns alike, so after discovering the Elements of Harmony, we combined our powers and rose up against him, turning him to stone."

Rainbow Dash popped into the air cheering. "All right, Princess!"

"I thought the spell we cast would keep him contained forever but since Luna and I are no longer connected to the elements, the spell has been broken."

Twilight stopped. "No longer connected?"
Princess Celestia came to a halt before another set of double doors, Alexander noting with interest that these particular doors appeared to be those of a high security vault. "This is Canterlot Tower, where the Elements are kept inside since all of you recovered them. I need you to wield the Elements of Harmony once again and stop Discord before he thrusts all of Equestria into eternal chaos."

Twilight was confused. "But why us? Why don't you-"

"Hey, look! We're famous!" They all turned and looked at the pink party pony that was standing in front of one of the stain glass windows. Alexander and the other five ponies stepped in front of the window, Fluttershy still hanging onto his leg like a barnacle to a ship. The window showed six ponies shooting a midnight blue alicorn with magic streaming from their heads. Looking closer, Alexander realized that they were the six mares that he had begun to think of as friends.

Princess Celestia stepped next to Alexander. "You six showed the full potential of the elements by harnessing the magic of your friendship to beat a mighty foe. Although Luna and I once wielded the elements, it is you who now control their power, and it is you who must defeat Discord."

Twilight drew up straight. "Princess Celestia, you can count on–"

Pinkie pie raised a hoof, interrupting the lavender unicorn. "Hold on a second! Eternal chaos comes with chocolate rain, you guys. Chocolate rain!"

Alexander shook his head. "Eternal chaos also comes with death, destruction, and despair. Trust me, pure chaos is something you never want to see, let alone live. Chaos is insipid. It will twist your hopes, your dreams, your insecurities and your fears, turning you against everything you've ever held dear. The only defense against true chaos is to remember who you are, and to project an aura of contempt."

Celestia looked at the armored human, interest apparent in her eyes. "It appears that you've had some experience with chaos, then?"

Alexander snorted. "Understatement of the year, your majesty. I've seen things that would make your hooves curl." He shuddered. "Chaos, in any form, is not to be trifled with."

"Well said." Celestia strode to the locked double doors. "In this vault lie the elements of harmony." The solar princess placed her horn into the lock, and opened it with her magic. Alexander rubbed his chin. There's an innuendo here, I just know it.

The vault doors opened. Inside sat a beautifully crafted wooden box on top of a stone column, flawless gemstones set into it's surface. Celestia picked it up with her magic, displaying it to those assembled. Rarity swooned. "Ooh. You can keep the Elements. I'll take that case!"

Alexander facepalmed. Could the white unicorn really be that shallow? The fate of the world was at stake, and all she could think about was how pretty a box was?

Princess Celestia chuckled. "Have no fear, ponies. I have total confidence that you will be able to defeat Discord with these!" She opened the box with a dramatic flourish.

Everypony present gasped as Celestia dropped the case to the ground in horror. A stream of invective that would make an Inquisitor blush spewed from Alexander's mouth. The case was empty, the Elements of Harmony were gone!

Pinkie Pie trotted off. "Oh, well. If anyone needs me, I'll be outside in the chocolate puddles with a giant swizzle straw."

Alexander grabbed her by the tail, dragging her back to the group. "Pinkie, now is not the time!" He shook his head in disbelief as the pink pony awed in disappointment.

"The elements!" Twilight blurted. "They're gone!"

Princess Celestia stared at the empty case, unable to comprehend the loss of the six Elements. "That chamber is protected by a powerful spell that only I can break! This doesn't make sense!"

A deep, ominous laughter filled the hall. "Make sense?" A deep, echoing voice asked, emanating from nowhere and everywhere at once. "Oh, what fun is there in making sense?"

The Solar Diarch searched the room. "Discord... Show yourself!"
A malicious chuckle resounded through the air. "Did you miss me, Celestia?" One of the stain-glass portraits of the strange chimera came to life. It moved into an adjacent window, lounging lazily against a stain glass pony. "I missed you. It's quite lonely being encased in stone, but you wouldn't know that, would you, because I don't turn ponies into stone."

Alexander drew his laspistol with a curse and fired at the embodiment of chaos. A sharp CRACK-hiss, and a violent red beam of light shattered the pane of stained-glass where the draconequus had just been. It reappeared in another window. "Now that was rude, you didn't see me shooting you while you were yammering on about how evil I was."

Princess Celestia snapped at the mischievous entity. "Enough! What have you done with the Elements of Harmony?"

Discord smiled, the representation of the elements in his window disappearing. "Oh, I just borrowed them for a teensy little while."

Celestia glowered at the demon a gold-slippered hoof pawing at the ground. "You'll never get away with this, Discord!"

Discord held out its lion paw, staring at the nails in boredom. "Oh, I'd forgotten how grim you can be, Celestia. It's really quite boring."

"Hey! Nopony insults the Princess!" In a rage, Rainbow Dash charged at the two dimensional Discord, slamming into the window as he disappeared. She peeled her face off its surface, eyes briefly gone googly.

The draconequus reappeared in front of her. "Oh, you must be Rainbow Dash, famed for her loyalty, the Element of Harmony you represent."

Rainbow Dash puffed up proudly. "That's right! I'll always be loyal to the Princess!"

Discord vanished from the window. "We'll see about that."

Rarity tossed her head in derision. "I can't believe we're wasting our time talking to a tacky window."

The chimera appeared in the window next to Rarity. "The beautiful Rarity, representing the element of generosity, if I'm not mistaken?"

Applejack snorted. "So you know who we are, big deal."

Discord grew to fill the entirety of the display. "Oh, I know much more than that, honest Applejack."

Twilight stepped forward. "You seem to know our strengths, too?" Discord moved to a different

"Yes, Twilight Sparkle, and yours is the most powerful and elusive element, magic. Fluttershy's is kindness and Pinkie Pie's is a personal favorite of mine - laughter." Discord gave a laugh, eliciting a snicker from Pinkie Pie.

Twilight glared at her friend. "Pinkie!"

Pinkie Pie burst out laughing, pointing at the window Discord was in. "He's standing on your head!"

Alexander looked. Sure enough, the two-dimensional figure was doing a moonwalk on stained-glass Twilight's head. It disappeared, reappearing on the floor in front of Alexander. "Finally, we have the wild card of the group. The human Alexander. The lost warrior of a xenophobic race. What's the matter, Guardsman? Your Emperor unable to help you?" The draconequus disappeared before Alexander's lasbolt struck the floor. It reappeared in the first window it had shown up in, wagging its finger at the irate human. "Temper, temper."

Princess Celestia stomped angrily. "Stop stalling, Discord! What have you done with the Elements of Harmony?"

Discord grunted. "Oh, so boring, Celestia. Really? Fine, I'll tell you, but I'll only tell you my way. To retrieve your missing elements just make sense of this change of events. Twists and turns are my master plan. Then find the elements back where you began." The frieze returned to normal as Discord's laugh hung in the empty air.

Fluttershy trembled, once again latched onto Alexander's leg. "Can we go home now?"

Applejack scratched her head, not hearing the yellow pegasus. "What do you reckon he meant? Twists and turns and ending back where we started?"

Twilight started pacing, murmuring to herself as she pondered Discord's riddle. She stopped, and stared out the window, one of the regular ones that separated the one of stained glass. "That's it! I bet Discord hid the elements in the palace labyrinth!" Out the window could be seen a vast maze grown from tall hedgerows.

Princess Celestia stood tall. "Good luck, my little ponies. The fate of Equestria is in your hooves."

Twilight stood proudly. "Thanks, Princess. We won't let you down." With that, Twilight and her friends galloped out the door. Alexander turned to the worried princess.

"Don't worry, I'll keep them safe." Saluting, Alexander followed the ponies out the door.

That unnatural laughing filled the empty air once more.

Alexander and the ponies stood in front of the entrance to the Palace labyrinth. Fluttershy shrunk away from it. "We have to go in there?"

Rainbow Dash shot into the air. "Nope! Dopey Discord forgot about these babies!" She flexed her wings. "I'll just do a quick flyover and we'll have the Elements in no time." As she shot off towards the maze, her wings vanished in a burst of yellow light. Crashing to the ground, Rainbow Dash stared in disbelief at her back. "My wings!"

Fluttershy, Twilight, and Rarity screamed as their respective wings and horns vanished as well.

There was a flash of yellow light in front of the maze entrance. There, in the chaotic flesh, stood Discord, cackling wildly. Alexander jumped between the mares and the draconequus, chainsword drawn. "Oh, you should have seen the looks on your faces," Discord gloated, ignoring the angry human.

Twilight pushed her way in front of Alexander, pawing at the ground with one hoof. "Give us our horns and wings back!"

Discord smile evilly. "You'll get them back in good time. I simply took them to ensure there's no cheating. You see, this is the first rule of our game: no flying, and no magic."

Rainbow Dash frowned, confusion evident on her face. "The first rule?"

A smaller Discord appeared from behind the wingless cyan pegasus, disappearing again as Alexander lunged for the offending being, reappearing up on top of a hedge. "The second rule is everypony has to play or the game is over, and I win. Good luck, everypony!" He laughed, disappearing in a yellow flash that had quickly become very annoying.

Alexander stood and brushed himself off, cursing under his breath as he did so.
Twilight rallied her friends. "Never fear, girls. We have each other!"
"Yeah! Like Twilight said, there's nothing we can't overcome if we all stick together!" Rainbow Dash boasted.
The mane six lined up side by side outside the maze, Alexander standing behind. Twilight thrust a hoof forward. "All right, girls, let's do this!" The ponies marched into the maze, Alexander close behind.

No sooner had they made it two steps into the maze when hedges sprung up between the ponies and the human, separating the ponies inside the maze and trapping Alexander outside of it.

Alexander revved his chainsword. "Hang on girls, I've got this." Chainsword screaming, the guardsman began to hack away at the offending plants. After several sweaty minutes, Alexander stopped to catch his breath, glaring at the bush as it grew back in place.

"Right, no more mister nice guy." Clipping his sword to his side, Alexander pulled his flamer from his back. "Stand back girls, things are about to get hot." Lighting the pilot light, Alexander hefted the flamer and pulled the trigger. The flamer coughed. Shit, I forgot it was empty...what the hell? Alexander stared in astonishment at the pink bubbles spewing from the nozzle of his flamer.

"Now, now, no Cheating," Discord admonished, leaning over the perplexed human's shoulders. "Besides, would burning them alive be such a good idea?"

"GAH!" Alexander screamed in brief terror, swinging a fist at the draconequus. Right before his punch connected, Discord vanished in a cloud of smoke, Alexander's fist connecting with something hard and unyielding. Yelping, Alexander nursed his hand, glaring at the short log he had punched with the yellow smiley face on it. Discord stood upside down on...nothing.

"What do you want, freak?" Alexander glowered at the reality breaking creature in front of him.

Discord laughed. "That game, that you so rudely tried to cheat at, was for me and the girls." He pulled a cigar stub out of...somewhere...and began smoking in reverse, the burnt stub growing larger until he had an unsmoked cigar. "I've got a special game in mind for you."

Alexander fingered his gun, frowning at the monster in front of him. Discord smiled, something that unsettled the young guardsman immensely.

"If you can get to the princesses in the palace, you win."

"That's it?"

"That's it!" Discord popped up sitting sideways on a tree. "By the way, there's an old friend to see you." He snapped his eagle talons, smirking malignantly.

The blood drained from Alexander's face as a roar like a landing troop carrier filled the air. He turned around, immediately regretting it. "Oh, crap." Alexander turned and began to run for the royal palace on the other side of Canterlot like the demons of the warp were chasing him.

With another eardrum-rending screech, the carnifex gave chase as Discord watched laughing, eating from a popcorn bucket filled with cotton candy. "Tag, you're it!"

Author's Note:

I lost count of how many times I had to watch the first episode of season 2 on youtube to make sure I got the exchanges between everypony and Discord just right. From this point on, AGiE will be exploring what happened while the mane 6 searched for the elements of Harmony.

Comments

[.Tzeentch.]

just as planed i wonder if its old one eye?

[Cobra of England]

Discord has a carnifex as a pet... Should anything surprise me anymore?

[Donute the spartan]

You are worth following!!!!!!
encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRO6vA50qg_-z-0kvxFkt9QeEdlg0d2PKmMfxq--Ovc9BMAoJsE

[the_marked_one]

Discord arrived...
142.4.209.25/~walkaway/WarHammer/1339992955699.png

Now we know the fate of Equestria.
4.bp.blogspot.com/-qTrzHoc03XQ/Td4GxUHxTpI/AAAAAAAAAt0/4zEOB3RqNvs/s1600/tyranids_hold_the_line.jpg

[Guardsman_Sparky]

2603446 hm, that's not a bad idea...

[JawsOnYou67]

Carnifex...that's not a daemon...that's a Tyranid.

[Guardsman_Sparky]

2611758 dude, it's just an expression. I took "like the hounds of hell were on his heels" and replaced hounds w/ demons and hell w/ the warp

[JawsOnYou67]

2612099 I understand what you were hinting at..its just to those with limited knowledge of 40k,k they might get confused as to what you were referring to. You named a specific 40K thing, at the end. You mentioned a Carnifex. Which is a tanking creature within the Tyranid horde.

[Guardsman_Sparky]

2612386 you think I should describe it next chapter?

[JawsOnYou67]

2612430 wait...you have a daemonic Carnifex? Why not just use some Bloodthirsters or a Keeper or Secrets?

[Guardsman_Sparky]

2612455 Well, because a demon with eons of experience seemed too intelligent for Alexander to outsmart, and I felt like using a regular carnifex. Few things are as brown-note inducing as a giant insect charging at you. trust me, it's better this way. Besides, this way, alexander only has to outsmart the equivalent of a t-rex from jurassic park.

[JawsOnYou67]

2612470 Bu...bu....acutally regular daemons are pretty easy to put down and you do realize that Carnixes can tear apart Land Raiders correct? Actually if he takes down a Carnifex it would make him seem really marry sue then if he took down a Daemon.

[Guardsman_Sparky]

2612483 Just wait, I'll be posting the first half of part 2 tonight. I'll add the rest once i've worked out how to pull off something very important to the main plot.

[JawsOnYou67]

2612504 if you say so. But as a massive Tyranid fan I will be watching the scenes in particular in how you use him. By the way I named him Chompers cause I could.

[Safhell]

What's the matter, Guardsman? Your Emperor unable to help you?"

Now Discord will see why the IG is called the Sledgehammer of the Emperor
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