Trashy Romance Novels
Twilight Ships Rainbow Dash With Everything In The Universe
Chapter 2: Trashy Romance Novels
Rainbow Dash was feeling pretty stupid.
She had completely forgotten about Twilight's coltfriend, and hadn't really ever considered the possibility of him leaving her. In her defense, they usually met in the library, and the most interaction Rainbow Dash had with the big tree was knocking on the door (or smashing through a window) to see if Twilight was home. She had never really talked to the guy, come to think of it. That, and she was extremely tired and sleep deprived and blaaaaaaaaah.
Still, all her entirely justified excuses didn't stop her from feeling stupid. Twilight was drunkenly bawling her eyes out after Rainbow Dash had picked her up in a hug. She was really upset about this, so upset that Rainbow Dash began to wonder if something else was going on. Sure, her boyfriend just dumped her, but would that really drive Twilight to get so hammered she passed out? Twilight was, admittedly, far more responsible than Rainbow Dash herself was, and this seemed very uncharacteristic of her.
"It's ok, girl, it's ok," Rainbow Dash patted Twilight's back as her sobbing was reduced to painful whimpering. "Are... are you gonna be alright? Do you wanna talk about it?"
Twilight let out a small whinney and nuzzled her friend's neck, but said nothing for almost a minute.
"He... he... *hic*, he said I was so obsessed with studying I didn't have any time for him, *hic* and I tried to exshplain but he wouldn't lishen and then... and then..." Twilight whimpered, clutching her friend. "He shtarted yelling at me about how I loved my work more than I loved him *hic* and now he's gone and I dunno what 'ta doooooo~"
She dissolved into quiet sobbing again. Rainbow Dash said nothing, waiting patiently for her friend to collect herself.
"I... I really did love him. At least, *hic* I think I did. D-did I not love him enough?" Twilight looked up at Rainbow Dash with heartbroken, teary eyes. "Is thish my fault? *hic* Do... do I have to choose between work and romance? I love my work! *hic* I really do! But... I love him! Why can't I love both? Why does everything have to be sho bucking complicated?!"
The gears inside Rainbow Dash's head began to turn at an agonizingly slow pace. Twilight's boyfriend left her because he felt she loved her work more than she loved him. It was as if... as if...
Oh. Oh.
It was like that one colt she had dumped back in flight school. It was like somepony telling her she had to choose between her dream of joining the wonderbolts, and finding a special somepony to spend the rest of her life with. Oh ponyfeathers, Twilight doesn't think anypony will love her so long as she loves her work!
Unfortunately, while Rainbow Dash was a lot more observant than most ponies give her credit for, she wasn't especially gifted with words. Even if she hadn't been exhausted, sleep deprived, and confused, she probably still wouldn't have known what to say.
"I... I don't know, Twi."
So instead, the pegasus simply held her friend in her hooves, until Twilight ran out of tears and fell into an alcohol-assisted slumber. Rainbow Dash was sorely tempted to simply dump her on the floor, but after hearing what had actually driven Twilight to such... excess, she felt obligated to carry her friend up to her bed.
She didn't tuck her in or anything, though. That was too much for her.
Chapter 1: Set Theory
"Hey Twilight?" Rainbow Dash asked, "Do you have any books on axiomatic set theory?" Rainbow Dash walked in through the front door, instead of smashing one of the windows for no reason at all and forcing Twilight to invent a spell specifically for fixing windows that Rainbow Dash smashed through.
"Wow Rainbow Dash, I didn't know you had suddenly developed a strange desire to learn about math! In fact, I'm pretty sure you hate math!" said Twilight Sparkle, who had definitely not just been dumped by her coltfriend. In fact, her coltfriend was sitting right next to her, nuzzling her lovingly while staying just far enough out of the scene to be irrelevant to the story.
"I know! It's like an incredibly convenient plot device used to keep the narrative flowing!" said Rainbow Dash, who picked a book at random off a shelf that happened to be the exact book she was looking for. "Oh wow look at that! Guess I don't need you your help, bye!"
Twilight looked out sullenly sordidly at the pegasus as she left without another word. Also she smashed through one of the windows too.
"You don't.. need... me?"
"You don't want my"
"You don't"
"...Rainbow Dash?" Twilight blinked in confusion, staring at the rainbow-mane'd pegasus sleeping on a cloud in the middle of her kitchen.
It was morning in Ponyville. This time, however, everything was most certainly not fine. Twilight had woken up with a pounding headache, and was on the verge of purging the contents of her stomach before she managed to cast a detoxification spell. Apparently, she had been drinking last night, but she couldn't remember going to the bar. She did, however, remember why she got drunk. She remembered every word her now ex-coltfriend had said to her yesterday. Halfway through her morning routine, she'd thrown herself back onto her bed and cried into her pillow.
It was almost lunchtime, but Twilight had only just come downstairs. She absentmindedly set the papers held in her telekinetic grasp on a nearby table, oblivious to the CUI ticket still sitting there from last night.
"Rainbow Dash, what on earth are you doing in the library...?" Twilight slowly approached the cyan mare, whose napping cloud had descended down to Twilight's neck level. She leaned in, and gave the sleeping pegasus an experimental nuzzle.
"mmmmrrrrrffffulfugglesmugglesnugs" Rainbow Dash mumbled something incoherent, then abruptly grabbed Twilight's neck in a hug and snuggled up next to it.
"Ack!" Of the many things Twilight had pondered doing today, becoming a teddy bear was not one of them.
"Mummy, I dun wanna wake uuuuuup~" Rainbow Dash cooed. Twilight snickered, then stopped herself - she did not want to find out what unspeakable horrors she would be subjected to if Rainbow Dash realized just how endearing she was while sleeping. No, it'd be best to just wake her up as fast as possible.
"Rainbow Dash, wake up."
"Murrrrrr~"
"Rainbow Dash!"
Rainbow Dash made an adorable little squeaking sound before attempting to kiss Twilight.
"Rainbow Dash!"
The pegasus rocketed into the air, smashing her head on the ceiling and getting stuck there for a few seconds, vibrating like a struck tuning fork, until she finally fell back down to her cloud. The cloud took this opportunity to develop a sense of humor, and abruptly decided to stop supporting her weight, resulting in a rainbow faceplant onto the floor.
"Owwwwwwwwwwww..."
Once upon a time, in a land of lush green food and turquoise water, Rainbow Dash foolishly believed that today was going to be better than yesterday. Obviously, this wasn't going to happen. She just wanted to stay on the floor, pretending to be dead, and ignore the rest of the world. Unfortunately for Rainbow Dash, reality is something that, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
"Rainbow Dash, why are you sleeping in the library? For that matter, how did you even get in here?"
Rainbow Dash grunted, slowly dragging herself up from the floor. She leapt back onto the treasonous cloud, now using it as a miniature throne from which she could dispense maximum glare power, all directed at Miss Princess Drunkitude standing in front of her.
"Gee, I dunno Twilight, what do you think?" asked Rainbow Dash with enough snark it would've made Twilight proud, had she not been on the receiving end of it. "Where do you think that massive, pounding headache I'm sure you woke up with came from?"
Twilight tilted her head, lost in thought, before her eyes widened. "Oh. Oh no. Oh nononononono. I must've... I must have gotten so drunk you had to walk me home—"
"Carry," Rainbow Dash corrected, "I had to carry you all the way to the library, because you passed out."
Twilight bit her lip. She looked so guilty Rainbow Dash was worried she was going to start crying again.
"Oh ponyfeathers, I'm so sorry I put you through that, Rainbow Dash. I can't, I shouldn't— I don't know what to say."
Rainbow Dash dismissed her concerns with a wave of her hoof. "Aww, don't worry about it. I'm the motherbucking element of loyalty! You're my friend, that's all the reason I needed. Course, I wouldn't mind a little thank you..."
Twilight nodded her head a little too vigorously, "Of course! I'm in your debt, Rainbow Dash. If there's anything you need, just let me know."
Rainbow Dash sighed, too pissed off at everything in the world to really care right now. "Yeah, well, I guess I'll try to remember that. In the meantime, you have a problem over there." She pointed a hoof towards the CUI ticket on the table, and noticed Twilight's papers sitting a few inches away. Twilight must have noticed too, because she almost immediately grabbed them with a purple glow and flung them over to her desk, then dropped a book on them.
Before Twilight could whisk them away, however, Rainbow Dash noticed that the pieces of paper had words on them, and was proud of herself for noticing this, at least until she remembered that most pieces of paper had words on them.
"Whoops-haha-forgot-about-my-research-papers-that-are-obviously-way-too-boring-for-you-just-got-to-put-them-away!" blurted out Twilight with as much conviction as a filly caught raiding the cookie jar.
Rainbow Dash chose the path of least resistance, and simply pretended to believe her. "Uh, I kind of meant the ticket over there, not whatever 'research project' you have."
"Ticket? Oh no. Oh nonononononono..." Twilight started fretting all over again, as she frantically started reading the citation. "For your illegal activities including but not limited to: 'Conjuring Under The Influence', you are hereby fined... 30 bits?!"
The alicorn flew into Rainbow Dash's face, Twilight's muzzle pressing against the pegasus: "WHAT DID I DO Rainbow Dash? WHAT DID I DO?!"
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes and pushed the purple mare away from her personal space with a hoof. "You conjured a chalkboard. That's the only weird thing I saw, anyway."
Twilight looked confused. "A... a chalkboard? Why would I yank a chalkboard out of thin air while drunk?" She paused, "Well, I mean, besides being drunk."
Rainbow Dash smirked, "You were doing some weird math stuff. Tried to ship me with everything in the universe, or something. I also distinctly remember you mentioning explosions."
Twilight gasped in a dramatic manner that distinctly reminded Rainbow Dash of Rarity. "I was deriving while UNDER THE INFLUENCE?!" She then proceeded to gallop around the room screaming about how this was the worst thing in the world and she was going back to magic kindergarten.
There were moments, brief interludes in the ever-flowing tides of time when Rainbow Dash would actually understand Twilight. This was not one of them. Then again, getting more worked up about writing down silly math equations while drunk instead of worrying about how she could have blown up the entire tavern due to drunk spell-casting was pretty normal... for Twilight.
Rainbow Dash hopped off her cloud, walked over to where Twilight was running in circles, and stuck a hoof out.
"OOF!" said Twilight while faceplanting into the ground.
"Calm the buck down, Twi. It's not the end of the world. I mean seriously, we once nearly destroyed Ponyville with parasprites and we're still here. Just calm down."
Twilight picked herself up and hung her head. "You're right, I'm overreacting... again." She grimaced, "Did I... did I really ship you with everything in the universe by invoking the principle of explosion?"
Rainbow Dash nodded. She actually had no idea if that was what Twilight had been ranting on about last night, but it sounded close enough.
"I'm sorry you had to see that, Rainbow Dash." apologized Twilight.
Rainbow Dash stared blankly at her.
"Oh, right, you probably didn't understand any of it, anyway."
Rainbow Dash raised a metaphorical eyebrow.
"Wait, I mean, uh, I didn't want to imply that you— uh, I don't— um, that came out wrong?" she squeaked.
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes, again.
Twilight sighed. "Look, Rainbow Dash, I'm sorry about... everything. You're one of the best friends I could ever ask for, and I really do appreciate it." The alicorn gave Rainbow Dash a big hug. "Thanks, Rainbow Dash."
"Nice save, Twilight" remarked Rainbow Dash, "and I'm glad my awesomeness is being recognized, but uh, I really gotta go do the weather."
Twilight backed off. "Er, right, sorry! Again! See you later!"
Rainbow Dash sighed, and launched herself out the front door to attend to her weatherpony duties.
Twilight walked over and stared out at the rainbow blur fading into the distance. Then, she turned around and picked up those papers she had stuffed under a book.
She had work to do.
Rainbow Dash had lit scented candles in her cloud house, and dimmed the lights (did she have lights?). It was just the two of them now. Rainbow Dash and her axiomatic set theory. She had read the entire book that afternoon, which was pretty impressive considering it was like 600 pages of dry theorems and math. I mean, jeez, that's pretty hardcore stuff there.
But no, it was not the set theory our beloved heroine was in love with, it was the universal set. The set of everything. Everything that ever was, could be, or could not be. Everything that could be imagined, and everything that can't be imagined. Everything. It was a concept so unintuitive it had created a paradox in early set theory formulations. She could not resist the juicy paradoxes that flowed from those abstract symbols. She was in love.
The only problem was, she had no idea how to make love to a book. And so, Rainbow Dash stared at her book, sitting upon its throne, sadly contemplating the bitter irony of her situation. Alas!
"Wait what? What kind of an ending is that? That doesn't make any sense!" protested Rainbow Dash, blissfully unaware that this was only the end of the first chapter.
Rainbow Dash’s wings were still a bit sore, but she managed to fly back to her house at a decent pace. She really needed a shower after yesterday.
*gurgle*
...And food, apparently.
After a bowl of Hooflakes and a banana, Rainbow Dash stepped into her shower and punched the shower-cloud above it. Warm rainwater poured down her cyan coat and through her rainbow mane. Pearls of water dribbled down her face as she closed her eyes and inhaled the steam filling the room. As she let her stress slip away into the shower drain, her thoughts turned to Twilight’s romantic problems.
Rainbow Dash couldn't help but feel a sort of kinship with Twilight's emotional issues; It reminded her of her own troubles with colts. Sure, she knew she was cool and awesome and hip, but that's all the colts ever fell in love with. They didn’t fall in love with the mare who wanted to be held at night. They didn't fall in love with the mare who was so frightened of failure she almost had a nervous breakdown at the young flyers competition. They didn't fall in love with the filly who was terrified that everypony would see through her act, even though she desperately wished that somepony would, just so she could have somepony to be herself around. No pony ever fell in love with the real Rainbow Dash.
Rainbow Dash sighed as the cloud ran out of water, grabbing a towel to dry herself with. She was already so late for weather duty it probably didn’t matter, but she was the captain, and should probably get there as soon as possible. Several minutes later, a rainbow blur rocketed out of the cloud house, headed for the weather staging area.
Being Rainbow Dash, it didn’t take her long to reach the staging ground, where a pink-maned mare was overseeing the few pegasi who bothered to show up. Unfortunately, she spotted the rainbow-mane'd pegasus sooner, rather than later.
"Rainbow Dash! It's 2 in the afternoon!" Wind Whistler, second-in-command of the Ponyville weather team, angrily buzzed over to Rainbow Dash. "Where have you been?!"
The cyan pegasus shot her a nasty look. "Sleeping, duh."
Wind Whistler crossed her forelegs. "Rainbow Dash, you have no excuse for—"
"FOR WHAT?!" Rainbow Dash exploded, "WORKING MY FLANK OFF ALL DAY YESTERDAY AFTER HALF THE STUPID WEATHER TEAM BAILED OUT ON ME?!"
Wind Whistler was taken aback. "You have no right—"
"I have every right to be late when my excuse is BECAUSE I WORKED MYSELF TO EXHAUSTION YESTERDAY!" Rainbow Dash threw her hooves in the air out of frustration. "I don't know why I even bothered to show up! We have nothing to do, it's clear skies today!"
"Errr, about that..." Wind Whistler nervously scratched the back of her neck with a hoof. "There was a last minute change to the weather schedule that didn't go in until late last night. It's scattered showers today. Luckily, it's scheduled for late afternoon, so you haven't really missed much."
"GUUUUUUUH! Why does the universe hate me so mu-- wait, did you say 'scattered showers?' " Rainbow Dash froze in the middle of a rather dramatic expression of frustration.
"Errrrr, yes?" Wind Whistler double checked her clipboard, just in case.
A twisted grin spread across Dash's face. "Well, you know what they say, when life gives you lemons..."
"Throw them back?"
Facehoof.
Luckily(?) for Rainbow Dash, the conundrum presented in the previous chapter’s end was really just a cheap cliffhanger, and not the beginning of a long and drawn out psychological examination of how we can’t always get what we want. That would just be boring, you see.
She knew exactly what to do with her love, her book of 1432 axiomatic set theory postulates. Rainbow Dash took the book and... no wait, don't put it down there! What are you—
Oh, my.
That is definitely not something anypony should be doing with a book. It would ruin the spine!
It was raining at Rarity’s Boutique. Rarity found this rather frustrating, as she thought today was supposed to be clear skies. In fact, it had been sunny earlier, it was only now, in the late afternoon, this dreadful weather had found it’s way into her day. Just then, she heard a knock on the boutique door.
“Coming!” Rarity trotted over to the door, and opened it to find Rainbow Dash sitting on her front porch, getting soaked.
“Hi Rarity,” the pegasus said with as little enthusiasm as possible.
Rarity froze for the briefest of moments before recovering, “I, uh, Rainbow Dash! What a surprise seeing you here! And just in time, too, I wanted to ask you about this unsightly downpour we seem to be having. You see, I was under the impression today was supposed to be clear skies...”
“Oh, that.” Rainbow Dash shrugged. “There was a last minute change to the weather table last night.”
Rarity raised an eyebrow, “What? Really?”
"It's scattered showers today," explained Rainbow Dash, her smile quickly turning to anger, "over YOUR HOUSE!"
Rainbow Dash had gotten lucky that day. Or perhaps Rarity had gotten unlucky. The updated forecast called for several small cloud showers, and one large shower. No points for guessing where the large cloud ended up.
Rarity sighed. “This is about those... stories I wrote, isn’t it?”
“Wow, you must be psychic! How ever did you guess?” Rainbow Dash scowled. “What have you been writing about me?”
Rarity hesitated. “Uh, why don’t you come in, dear? You’re getting positively soaked standing outside in that rain!”
While Rainbow Dash wanted to retort that it was better than getting a bunch of slash fiction written about her, she had to admit that it was very wet and cold outside. She would know, she put the cloud there. She would later admit to having a good time doing it.
The pegasus stepped inside the boutique, and immediately shook herself off.
“Rainbow Dash, be careful! You’ll get my—”
“Shut up, Rarity. Now, tell me, how many stories are there?”
“Please, have some manners! You can’t seriously be asking me to just give you all the stories I worked so hard on!”
Rainbow Dash let out a very aggravated breath through her nostrils and lowered her head. “Rarity, if you don’t show me every single story you have ever written about me, right now, with Celestia as my witness, I will make it rain every day for the rest of your natural life.” She shoved her muzzle into Rarity’s face. “Show Me.”
Rarity was a lady. One did not push her around very easily. However, she also began to get the feeling she had unknowingly crossed a line, and if there was one pony you did not cross, it was Rainbow Dash. Deciding her works of literature were not as important as her ability to, say, walk, she reluctantly opened a small drawer in a dresser near the back of her studio. Out floated an ominous stack of papers. It was not a small stack.
“Here,” said Rarity, dumping the stack in front of Rainbow Dash, who glared at her before snatching the first few stories off the stack and flipping through them.
Rainbow Dash moaned sensually, shivering as a hoof brushed up against her flank. “Oh, Spitfire, I didn’t know you could be so... flexible about wonderbolt applications.”
Spitfire moaned sensually as she licked Rainbow Dash in a very inappropriate manner. Rainbow Dash couldn’t get over how hot it was. “Oh, my little rainbow-maned marefriend, the night is still young!”
Rainbow Dash couldn’t bring herself to read anymore. It was terrible. It was embarrassing, demeaning, grossly inaccurate, and just... wrong. Dreading what she would find next, she flipped to another story.
”Oh Applejack,” cooed Rainbow Dash, brushing a hoof through that gorgeous, blonde mane of hers, “I can’t believe you got me these flowers. That’s soooo sweet of you!”
Applejack blushed, and then blushed even more when Rainbow Dash planted a big, smoochey kiss on her cheek. “Aw shucks, sugarcube, ‘twas nothing, really...”
“Mmmmmm, you know what I love, Applejack?” Rainbow Dash giggled and leaned in close to her ear and whispered “you, my honey bunny.”
Rainbow Dash grimaced. It was so absurdly sappy, the cutie mark crusaders spontaneously started gagging almost a mile away and couldn't figure out why. Rainbow Dash continued flipping through the stories, becoming increasingly mortified.
“Why am I a lesbian in all of these?! I’m straight for crying out loud! And in this one I’m shipped with a toothbrush! What is wrong with you, Rarity?!”
“Actually, that one was for Colgate...”
Rainbow Dash did a double-take.”WHAT?! You- You’re writing these for ponies? Oh Celestia, what did I do to deserve this?!”
Rarity had retreated into a corner and was looking rather morose, but that didn’t stop Rainbow Dash’s tirade.
“Are these it? Are these all of them? Are there any other copies anywhere else in this celestia-forsaken universe?!”
“...Almost?” squeaked a terrified Rarity. Rainbow Dash slowly turned her head towards the white unicorn and gave her a look that would shrivel bowling balls.
“FLUTTERSHY!” Rarity blurted out, “Fluttershy is the only one who I’ve lent a story out to!”
Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow. “No one else?”
“No one else! Please, I’ll never do it again, I swear!”
Rainbow Dash sighed. “Fine. I’ll pick up the story from Fluttershy and then we can put this all behind us. Forever.” The pegasus began to pick up a few errant pages that had escaped the pile.
Rarity, deciding she was no longer in danger of being mauled by an enraged pegasus, took a hesitant step forward. “I must ask, Rainbow Dash, what do you intend to do with these stories once you’ve picked up the last one from Fluttershy?”
“I’m going to burn them all and throw the ashes into the deepest, darkest pit I can find.”
“But, but, it’s art!” pleaded Rarity.
“It’s a bunch of polished turds!”
Rarity bristled. “Why, I never! It’s one thing to just barge in here and—”
“You invited me in, remember?” Rainbow Dash was busy ensuring she hadn’t missed any scraps of paper. There must be no surviving evidence. Nothing.
“...You’re missing the point.”
“No, I’m really not.”
With that, Rainbow Dash flew out the boutique door in a rage, tightly clutching the sinful pages to her chest as she rocketed towards Fluttershy’s cottage, eager to put a stop to this madness once and for all.
Of course, it’s never that easy.
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She peeled it very carefully.
And that's all there really is to say on the matter.
im just gonna go see where this leads. be back when it updates!
I have more important things to do at 3:30 am, but damn it did I enjoy this. Congrats, you are now my excuse for procrastinating. 10/10 would ship.
Twilight has now learned a very important lesson: Never drink and derive!
Alas, Twilight, such are the dangers of drinking and deriving...
This is relevant to my interests.
...I have to see where this is going.
I could not stop laughing when I read this.
I nearly exploded when I saw that they were those kinds of fics...
Seriously though, great story and hilarious concepts. Keep on writin'!
XD You made me snort-laugh. While drinking. XD I hope you're happy. XD
Fucking GONE LIKE THE WIND. XD
SUGARCUBE CORNER! ....No. No wait, I got this... Uhh.... APPLEJACK'S APPLE STAND! :D ...uh... The school? D: XD I kid, I kid. Rarity had it coming XD
XD That's not crossing a line, Rarity. You sped past that line with your hoof on the accelerator, laughing like the freakin' Joker while under the influence. XD
DAYUMNNN~! XD
EDIT: Also, goes without saying, but this is gettin' faved on my end. XD
Bad Twilight, bad mare.
Everybody knows that Jack Harkness is the only sentient being to be shipped with everything in the universe.
God, for some reason I think of Family Guy when I read this.
...
I'm gonna go watch Family Guy.
But other than that, this story is positively splendid. And you should be thankful I said that, there are only a few stories I have actually used my favorite word to compare. Not even my own stories feel the Splendid.
RainbowDashxToothbrush best ship
Heh. This should be fun.
I'll be watching.
~Skeeter The Lurker
This is....well...this is.....
Hilarious! Don't you stop writing this! Do you understand??
MOAR!!!
Please?
Calling it now, Rainbow ends up with Twilight. Or possibly Rarity. Or maybe Rarity AND Twilight.
This is one of the few stories that I've come across, that actually maintains a sense of humor throughout the story, while entertaining us with a solid plot, and lots of juicy drama. I love it! Can't wait for more!
You'll have to excuse me for not writing an in-depth, thorough review of why I love this story as I usually do, it's just that I don't have the energy to do so, but do know that I'll be following this story very closely.
Sincerely,
WS37
THIS
2760471
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you put so many XD's in there im tempted to call you Walt
encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSVoCK_p41CLnCiVQn5x7EZH-h3LPWQk46ymxH3rSbOpYn5QJ9Z
Isn't it obvious how Rainbow Dash peeled the banana? She tickled it with her wing until it shat out all of its innards. Like so.
[img]data:image/jpeg;base64,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
Then this happened.
t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcT53Eradzp7YAwhHvDPeP6V0O0MiXPeEfxKROPaG_PwiwMbe1PtrQ
The feels... Ouch.
t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRqTC2iDP0tHxpL4Ck4rvDdKsfiX_rrK3csA2690e7xmWMbrCGSxg
2760742
Why not all three? Wait...
...Fluttershy has a story about Rainbow shipping...
...oh dear.
Be glad that you don't.
In any case, Dash metashipping is always fun. I hope she finds someone, especially after that moment of introspection in the shower. Definitely looking forward to more.
With her teeth duh!
First story and you get featured? Nothing personal, but I've been writing for months, written tons of words, and released a lot of fic, and I haven't even hit featured or EQD. Nothing personal but...
FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU!
2761353 That's nice, I've been writing just as long as you. I'm sure if your stories were worth reading, they'd be in the featured box. Nothing personal, but get over yourself.
2761413
I am good at writing. It's just that nothing I do ever takes off. Take a look before you try to tell me that my work is shit.
@ fic author: It's not personal hatred. I don't hate you personally. It's more of professional resentment.
2761424 Never said it was shit. Just said that if it was worth a read, recommended if you will, it'd be in the featured box. And yes, I saw your profile. I advise you not to insult before you do your "research". Practice what you preach.
Rarity! Stop representing the bronies!!
On a serious note, finally no lesbian RD, that is getting so old!
2760896 I'll Walt your Disney.
2761702
I have a degree in Applied Mathematics, so yes, I actually know what I'm doing here. Initially, I wanted to have Twilight re-derive an entire secondary branch of set theory using New Foundations, but it just wasn't funny, so instead I took advantage of her being drunk and just had her "forget" a bunch of steps.
If you are interested in more math, I'm currently trying to figure out a way to slip in some nonlinear dynamics in a later chapter, where all the variable names are replaced by ponies (which is still technically legal mathematical notation, since the symbols are simply placeholders). It's just tricky to put in math jokes without boring the non-mathematically-oriented readers.
I slipped in a mention of Twilight being an alicorn at the very start of the story:
2761451
I've been reading and reviewing stuff on this site for a while. Feature box is not indicative of quality, nor is unpopularity a sign of crumminess. Feature seems to have an alarming amount of luck attached to it.
Thank you for not having Twilight have that damn breathing exercise that Cadance taught her.
We proved so many things about God using that in my logic class.
DON'T make lemonade! Make life take the lemons BACK!
Get MAD!
I don't want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with there?!
DEMAND TO SEE LIFE'S MANAGER!
Make life rue that day it would give ME lemons!
Do you know who I am?! I'm the man who if going to burn your house down!
WITH THE LEMONS!
I gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that BURNS your house DOWN!
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw2864-sfdsg.png
All my laughs, here, have them.
This line sent my mind right to the gutter. The thought involved womanly parts and squeezing, use your imagination from there.
2761813 Indeed. I've read many fics that need more recognition than what gets into the featured box. There isn't set rules except that it has to be four thousand words and a lot of people have to read it in a short amount of time.
2761413 You are right anything worth reading makes it to the featured box, but you know what else gets featured? People with a lot of followers. You know how they got there? Many get there by writing, writing, and more writing, which is fair enough as they worked hard to get all of those followers. However the terrible logic behind this statement makes me cringe just a bit. I've read more new stories that I personally thought better than things in the featured box at the time. The problem with all of it, is getting the story out there. As for this story, it's funny, it's different, and it's making fun of other stories. It's good it deserves to be here even if it is his first story. He just got very lucky, or he knows what the readers like. As for Kalash down there, I read his first story, which is just as good as this one. It just wasn't four thousand words, plus I don't think he's played around on this site enough to know what really attracts readers.
Now please stop this petty squabble over featured box. Author I am duely impressed, good job sir. Also great story, thanks for writing it.
Stand aside, Naked Singularity, there's a new 'Twilight awkwardly attempts to write nerdy romance' fic in town.
This twas MOST ENTERTAINING
mtcowgirl.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/You-did-good1.png Anyways I demand MOOOOOOOAAAARRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2762024
Don't make me ship you with Rainbow Dash
2761765
It's a shame that of the canon cast, only Twilight can really be used for non-pun math jokes. Even then, putting a math joke into the MLP context can be quite tricky, unless you make a joke about Twilight's coltfriend being vacuously perfect.
As far as puns go, though... (Note: If you love math and hate puns, TURN BACK NOW)
In the story I'm currently working on, a character has an imaginary friend called Eye, and I'm planning on making comments about Pinkie being irrational (possibly by testing a rational characters limits...
). With Ponyville being such an open neighborhood, I can even add some original characters who play an integral role and provide the story with closure. The mane six are sure to be examples of unity. It's sure to require a full measure of my talent, but I believe I can avoid creating a derivative work, which would surely invert expectations. I might even establish an identity for my series of stories, although such a group might not be my field. Does this ring any bells?
2761765
I am but a Mechanical Engineer still working on a degree, college is trying to make me poorer and poorer everyday. Though, I read through the Wiki blurbs on the terms to drop and think, "Holy hell, I've studied this." Though, I never care to remember the names, I just remember how to solve the problem up till I take the final.
I think my intro to nonlinear dynamics was only a brief taste of the Navier-Stokes equations. But I may be wrong there.
2761994
I was mainly referring to the posted proof. But since I have not had the opportunity to take Discrete Mathmatics since I was not offered, I had to settle for Symbolic Logic and I have had to look up some of the meanings of the symbols. If you could explain it all, that would be great.
That was... actually very poetic. Good line!
I like how you've perfectly matched up Rainbow's snark, just gone a little more adult with it. All the dialogue feels perfectly natural, and the CUI is an excellent piece of world building. Keep going, this is pretty interesting!
2760879
New here eh? Well yes, yes they are one mustache(
) is equivalent to five rainbow licks(
). And one trollestia(
) is equivalent to 13.37 mustaches. Your emoticon currency can be redeemed at the rate of 500 mustaches per hug from fluttershy
Your writing is strangely similar to Double Rainboom. Whereas I hated Double Rainboom... I like your writing.
I guess I appreciate delightful diction more than art? Or maybe their artwork sucked!!!
Bwahahahaha. Your writing is rubbing off on me. Or did I write that backwards?
**Edited to replace "story" with "writing." Now it makes sense!
Ironic since somepony tries to write a story within your writing.
2762197
This all sounds strangely similar to TF2 trading...
Right, so, 2
for a 
?
2762057
Do it, you won't.
"Also, I have no idea how Rainbow Dash peeled that banana."
Rarity probably wrote a very interesting story about that one.
THANK you! Straight Dashie is Best Dashie.
This is very well-written, and fun. Faved!
Ugh, before anyone even thinks of getting butthurt, NO, I have no problems with lesbians. I just get tired of it seeing as how pretty much every popular shipfic is lesbian.
This story amuses me both due to its snarky humor and...well...math jokes. That basically describes my own humor in a nutshell.
I wonder what Fluttershy's fic is about...Who knows what dark, maniacal things go through that pony's head?
2760094 I'm surprised the citation wasn't for deriving under the influence.
That's what she gets for using the geek alphabet.
Damn it, CloudHop, you were joking about this last night, you have no right to be this funny.
No right to make me want more as much as I do.
With a toothbrush? Wouldn't the kitchen sink get jealous?
Yes. Featured. Told you, cloud Hop, told you. Well, update it already.
2763682 Oops. Look like I didn't see the second chapter. Off to read it now.
2763682
Check my blog post about the 48 hour challenge I'm doing. The third chapter isn't expected until next Wednesday or later.
Loved this part, though I do think that after Rainbow Dash got annoyed over them all shipping her with females, Rarity should've tried to protest by saying something like "Well, there is one that pairs you up with Discord..."