That guy pictured above is not, in fact, Ryan Gosling. That would be the picture of a kid that enjoys manly activities, like looking good, eating cupcakes, and writing about magical talking horses.
(Only rated teen because of language at a point or two)
Would've... Could've... Should've...
What happens when someone you love goes off the "deep end?"
What happens if you were the only one who could've done something to stop the downward spiral?
What happens if you stood by and did nothing?
Fear not, there is still time to correct your mistake. But you better go now.
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I think you need to pace the conversations and scene transitions more, but otherwise pretty good. Definitely going to keep reading.
2578674 thanks for the constructive criticism, I'll try to work on the pacing a bit. Really here I was trying to get my own boring information out of the way as fast as I could, maybe that was my mistake. I learn as I go
2578798
I think your avatar about sums up your response. :)
2578832 I like the way you think, stick around will ya?
Ah some continuance. As far as I can tell, you're doing very well with this being a self-insert.
And to let you know, no interesting and good story is boring. Keep this up will you?
That fish had some pretty revealing characteristics.
well. that was fun.
funny dream
Well that was unexpected. Glad someone mentioned the unfairness of the situation.
2619090 long story short, chapter one was a dream I had and now we building a bigger story based off that storyline
Redundancy is redundant.
I like this version of the story. Less guess work trying to follow the flow of events. Sounds really interesting, I plan on reading the rest. I can only wonder what happens whilst meeting Pinkie.
There were so many things I want to comment on, but that would take way too much space. I love this chapter so much. On the official first day of summer (in my school district) I'm at home with a cold. Cold medicine always makes me act like I've been drugged or something, (which technically I am,) so I laughed so hard over the stupidest thing in this chapter. Thank you for an enormous source of amusement today.
I just skipped about 85 percent of this chapter. Honestly it was really unnecessary.
2619247 2619263 thank you so much for the feedback! And redundancy is redundant. I'll try to avoid doing that in the future
2619128
I got that part. But the sample was.......confusing. Anyway, these chapters are really good. I can't stop laughing. And I'm really glad that Ben brought up the injustice of her punishment. Because I'm really confused about that. Seriously, did none of those ponies even think about that? It's kinda obvious to me. Anyway, can't wait to read more. Although now I'm really curious as to how Luna shall be introduced.
2619343 oh you'll see. I'm going to try to slowly edge her into the story. I'm not gonna try to say "Oh hey a freaking princess out of nowhere." She's gonna be there the first few chapters, just not physically right now
2619399
Yeah that's cool. But from the 'preview(?)' I got the impression he met her in a nightmare about Slender-man. I can totally relate on that note. I was showed the game Slender in the middle of the night, like 11pm, the day before Halloween. Where multiple people proceeded to make it worse. But I'm curious as to why that's his (the main character's) reoccurring nightmare. I'm sure there's a story there. Can't wait to find out!
I'm anticipating lots of broken feels.
2630458 I'd say that was a nice warm up in my opinion. That brother thing really got me.
2630458 2630679 allow me to tear your heart to pieces
2632508 I don't know I feel about that...
the music actually fit the scene, it changed when the scene changed. Yay for timed reading!
Actually, Fluttershy is the Element of Kindness.
2634903 DID I ACTUALLY TYPE THAT?
2634922 mebeh
(yes, yes you did)
2635004 why did no one point it out earlier? I went back and corrected it.
2635668 They probably just skimmed it since they know what happened.
Keep up the fast updating :)
Really enjoying it so far.
That's funny. I'm funny
lol
Fucking run.
note to self, never, AND. I. MEAN. EVER... be tardy...
I do wanna know what happend with the poison joke
2661327 All in good time
t.qkme.me/3tae9v.jpg
Him at that moment: Timberwolves. Why'd it have to be Timberwolves? I HATE TIMBERWOLVES!!!
Sorry for your loss.
Wow, just...
Wow...
Sometimes bad stuff happens to us at random times.
Looks like it was on of those times.
I feel so Wash' right now.
Shweet.
Are you still following the prologue?
2677891 yes and no, I'm following the main jist of jist of it. But now I've been thinking. Like all the events are gonna happen. That's for sure, you'll actually see what I mean in the next chapter. But some are gonna be slightly different. And this is a Luna fic so I figure it's high time somepony makes an appearance.
2679579 lol, ok
Screwball?
Really?
2691886 something wrong with Screwball?
2692892 Not Screwball herself. I just don't see Discord revealing that he has a daughter to a foreign entity. Especially when Luna could potentially use her as blackmail if she finds those photos in a dream.
2692907 I see your point. As I was writing it, I just saw it as me stumbling onto it, less like he showed it to me. Also the character still has no idea who Discord is or that this little filly is the daughter of a chaotic diety. And why would Luna blackmail him? As far as everypony knows he's on their side.
2692914 If he is on their side, why is he involved in the nightmare?
2693189 quote: "We can't exactly put a hoof on the source of your nightmares..." Unquote
2693488 That still doesn't invalidate my point.