I'm here to 'track' stories, maybe write a few if I can think of any. I'll probably be less active here as I am on my DeviantART, so you can go ahead and check me out there. I never log out of it.
Vinyl Scratch, best known for her stage name "DJ Pon-3", decides that she wants to experience an everyday pony's life, instead of the infamous one she currently leads, for about a month or so. The things like Pinkie and her friends do. An everyday pony life. Right?
Cover image by me. Can be found on my deviantART account, Element-excellent.
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You know, boy, Fleetwood Brougham, a marekiller, gangster, Cadillac owner, and gambler, do you think he'd maybe want a little bit of a break, and live a normal life for one day?
NO WAY, MAN!
207278 xD; I honestly have no idea of what you're talking about.
Uh......... Happy Fluttershy is happy?
208905 Ahaha, you'll find out why!
"As much as I would love to have another me around, a thousand of me around would be total chaos!"
And somewhere in Canterlot, Discord's ear twitches.
Also, happy Fluttershy is also stalker Fluttershy?
With the exception of a few tense slips here and there, it reads just fine on a technical level. The issue I have with this, however, is that it doesn't seem quite pony enough, if that makes sense. To be more specific, use of phones, television, and airports come across as far too human. As it is presently, the mental image this story forms is less about ponies and more about humans with pony names. I also want to say that her relationship with Octavia is kind of taken for granted. Try to establish the childhood friends thing a bit more strongly.
I think that's it. Basically, I just think you could use a bit more practice, but don't let that discourage you!
A bit better as far as the story being about ponies is concerned. Talk about hooves and stuff more. Quadrupeds move a lot differently that bipeds. Don't just take for granted that the reader knows who the characters are and what they look like. Also there's a train to and from Canterlot, silly! As a rule, I generally assume that the level of technology available to them is Victorian, which of course excludes planes and most cars.
216857 Comment 1: Yeah, I had that thought as well. I should have done a letter, but that idea completely blew over my head. Basically though the first chapter was just to see how well it could do and where I can improve on in the future. Also, I chose to do an airport because of the luggage pick up; Vinyl Scratch being interested in the way the the luggage pick up was supposed to be a little symbolic, showing that she's interested in things she spin. It's a little farfetched, I know, but I thought it could work at the time.
Comment 2: I know what you mean. I knew I'd screw up on some parts, as I've never really written from a horse's point of view, so I was bound to screw up on their walking patterns. I see what you mean by Victorian. I think that if they were to purchase a car, (However they aren't in the story) it would be one of those early 1940's cars.
Once again, thank you for your time! I appreciate it greatly.
216821 Those were my thoughts exactly! XD
And who knows? C:<
217461
Not even 1940's! You're close, but think even lower tech than that.
Okay, this is not at all harming my Stalkershy theory...
............
Okay, at this point, you're just teasing me with Fluttershy implications...
daft ponies? omc that hilarious
259396 I thought so too! XD I make way too many puns in this story.
Stalkershy...
reads author note at bottom: don't worry i don't like rarity that much either.
Ah, there's nothing quite like a tale of self discovery...
Yay good story. But I don't really like modern technology in the pony world.
327453 Thank you muchly! And I am disappointed I did that as well. I forgot about the other forms of mobility and communication they had.
I'm so HAAAAPPPPYYY
372392 Might I ask why? XD
374937 Because MUFFINS
And now Flutterstalker is thoroughly confirmed. Flutterstalker is best stalker.
Using etymology, you can determine the different consumer categories. Spike, in this chapter, would be a Geovore. Geo - Earth, Vore(Vorare) - Devour,swallow
Pony - Herbivore
Dragon - Geovore
Griffon - Likely omnivore
Changeling - Amorivore (Amor - love)
Just thought I'd put this out there. I thought it was cool that you could do that.
Anyway, awesome chapter. Never would have thought Spike might be a water poke- I mean dragon.
662649
I did not think of that! Thanks!
I actually had to research that type of dragon for that part. XD I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter!
"They all stuck their hands up and gleefully..." That should be "hooves"
852753 The small details are so easy to miss. Thanks! I will fix that.
25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m5i4z42gJo1qh0djuo1_400.gif
That is all.
852923 Oh I see. XD
O_O that cover picture is ... GODLY!!
So when are we finally going to see Fluttershy's closet shrine?
3...2...1... YAY!
Can't wait to see what you have for us next!
956201 I'm already working on it!~
This is a great Vinyl story, and the fact you avoided the over-done Vinyl/Octy relationship/shipping wasgood idea. I have not seen a slice of life for either of them that focused on anything but what I mentioned above. I will be recommending it to my friends. (Posting on my phone I know the grammar is horrible.)