Two years ago Dr. Lorenzo Faust, a renowned American physicist, discovered a way to travel to alternate dimensions and stumbled upon the land of Equestria during his research. Within the span of a year two facilities were constructed - one on Earth and one in Equestria - to establish a bridge between the two worlds and allow the inhabitants to cross over into each others lands. Princess Twilight Sparkle is charged by Princess Celestia to serve as the Equestrian ambassador as well as judicial liaison on Earth. She asks her friends to come with her to help accomplish their greatest task: to save Planet Earth, starting with the American people. But can a world plagued with millions of sick and distressed animals, savage new weather patterns, and severe shortages of clothing, food and happiness be saved by six ponies?
TimidWolf
Joined 15th Jun, 2012 ·
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Uhh... do you need an editor?
2730211 I do not at the moment. If you or anyone else feels they are willing to take the time and give my work the criticism it needs. I had an editor who gave a first look at Ponyville Pawn Stars that definitely improved the quality of the story. I would like to see this picked up by EQD, but since my last story got snubbed I'm not getting my hopes up.
If anyone reading this downvoted my story and could tell me why you did, then fire away. I've got thick skin.
Okay,
2731084 whoops, I left out part of my last comment. I meant to say that I would really appreciate it if you were willing to edit my work.
2731578 Yes, yes I am.
Sit back, because I'm gonna tell you one hell of a critic comment here ;p
First of all, I think it will be a big waste of time re writing this story. The reason why is;
The plot is too boring— or just too farfetched. I do not think ALOT of people like having the ponies be the one helping the humans. It basically makes humans the antagonists here. And with those Conversion BEREAU fics out there and dem misanthropic plot stories.
Its better if you make a entirely different story...with a WHOLE different plot story.
Another thing is that much time has passed. So people are looking for more complex stories that has more juicer details in them. Global scaled Human to pony contact is really a VERY VERY difficult thing to do.
The only one that has successfully manage to do that ( of what I know ) are the original authors of the first conversion BEREAu fics.
It's best if you stick to something much smaller. What I'm trying to say is I recommend a much much smaller contact like a few humans with a few other ponies.
Try not to go full on global scaled contact.
Another thing is, the prologue of yours. It feels a bit random. As If you just picked a random pony to start with >_>.
Your grammar seems good enough. Also put a space between "anyplace" it seems you got mixed in with pony puns lel.
My tip?
What I see is, the more popular genres are those DARK SERIOUS HiE or PoE stories.
Try writing those :3
I would help you with plot ideas ( as I have read over 1,500,000 words so I know which are good and bad. I also have such deep ideas that it could easily go over 100,000 words. )
Well, if you think I'm exaggerating a bit, the rating of this story ( no offence ) can aleardy prove that it's well...bad.
A decent rating has atleast 5 times more likes that dislikes. While a good rating has 10 times more likes than dislikes.
Yours? Well 13-13 that's pretty bad.
Anyway that's all my critic.
Still, if you do agree with me. But need help coming up with ideas. I will be more than glad to help you ^_^.
I also know of a chat messenger that let's you talk with multiple people at once.
It's called KiK messenger.
If you don't know what that is look it up.
Why I suggested this? Well I was thinking around and if you do need some help. We could then all talk at the same time since judging from the comments you have an editor.
So yeah more people more opinions better outcome of the story.
P,S I love PoE stories aswell as HiE's
Datjapanesekid out,
Also message me back if your interested.
why no more