Zecora Eats a Pear
Zecora smiled as she looked at the juicy green fruit she held in her hoof. It the last pear of the season, and was the best of the bunch.
The large, beautiful pear looked so tempting; Zecora could not wait to bite into it. But first she had to make the necessary preparations.
First she tucked a satin napkin in the top ring of her necklace so that it hung over her chest. She had to protect herself from nasty stray drops of pear juice. Next, she placed a plate on her wooden table to set the pear down on when she needed to. It would be horrible if she set her pear on a germ-covered table instead of a clean dish. Zecora locked her door in case anypony tried to disturb her as she ate, and finally sat down at the table. The pear looked even more delectable now.
But wait! Was that a speck of dirt on the pear’s green skin? Zecora gritted her teeth and quickly used her napkin to rub the dirt off. But the speck did not go away. Starting to panic, Zecora rushed the fruit over to a bucket of water, and carefully dipped it in, rubbing at the stain furiously. Thanking Celestia, Zecora grinned as the dirt washed off.
She set the pristine pear back on it’s plate, using a soft blue towel to daintily dry it off. She once again sat down, picking up the pear with her hoof and opening her mouth wide.
Her ears flicked as she heard a small poof coming from behind her. Groaning, she turned her head around. One of her cauldrons had smoke rising from it, which filled up the room quickly. Darn it. She had forgotten to add the last ingredient to the concoction which would have made it non-explosive.
Setting the pear down delicately, Zecora rushed to push the boiling cauldron outside before it exploded and blew her precious pear up. Oh, and it would blow her up as well. Couldn’t let that happen.
Zecora heaved and huffed, and eventually pushed the cauldron at least ten feet away from her house. She rushed back inside before hearing a huge bang outside. Little pieces of caudron shrapnel clattered on the house’s walls.
Now. Now she could eat her pear in peace.
Pear in hoof, Zecora’s muzzle inched closer and closer to the fruit’s green surface. She opened her mouth, and in what felt like slow motion she bit down into the juicy, crunchy pear. She could have sworn she heard a chorus of angelic voices singing as she chewed on the absolutely scrumptious delight from heaven. Flavor burst onto her tongue, sending her reeling in pleasure. She closed her eyes, letting out a satisfied sigh.
Pears were really good.
Suddenly, Zecora heard a loud slam. She once again looked behind her, this time to see a furious brown-coated stallion banging open her once-locked door. His nostrils flaring, he stormed over to Zecora and slapped the pear out of her hoof. She sat in shock, staring at where the precious pear lay splattered on the dirt floor. Her mouth hung open as her eyes welled up with tears.
“Do you have any idea what you have done?!” the brown stallion boomed, pulling on his green tie in frustration. “You’ve torn a hole in time and space!”
Zecora looked up at the pony, tears streaming down her face.
“You actually bit that pear!” the stallion screamed. “I always told people that pears were evil and deserved to be sent into the depths of the nearest black hole, but noooooo!”
Zecora was getting mad now. “What are you doing, smashing my pear!? You really need a breath of fresh air!” she cried.
The stallion ignored her, using his hoof to smash the pear as hard as he could into the ground. Then he galloped out the door. Enraged, Zecora followed him.
“You must fully pay me back! Else many limbs you will soon lack!” Zecora screamed at the stallion.
A large crack appeared in the Equestrian sky. It spread across the blue expanse, ripping faster and faster.
But Zecora hardly noticed. She chased after the stallion as fast as she could, her silk napkin slipping out of her necklace and landing on the muddy ground.
“Listen, zebra! That pear you bit was a living being, an alien part of the Friutinian planetary system! He was the leader of all of the pear-people! Once you hurt him he sent out a distress call to his compatriots, who in their panic activated a deadly machine that will destroy the universe!” The stallion explained as he galloped.
It was then that Zecora looked up at the sky. She gasped as she saw the crack opening up to reveal millions of flying pears flooding into Equestria. Little laser cannons popped out of their stems, and they began shooting everypony in sight.
“GAH!” The stallion stopped in front of a strange blue box that said “Police Box” across the top and opened it, galloping inside. “I need to stop this,” he said, gritting his teeth.
Zecora stepped in after him, staring in horror as she saw that the box was bigger on the inside, filled with all sorts of contraptions. Who was this stallion?
The crack in the sky got bigger, and more and more flying and laser-bearing pears seeped through. Equestria was in flames.
The stallion was hurriedly fiddling with his contraptions, panic in his eyes. “The TARDIS isn’t responding!” he cried. “The evil pear-people got to her!” The stallion frantically grabbed a mop.
Zecora spotted a bunch of pear juice covering the controls and mechanics of the machine. The contraption was shorting out and smoking. The strange stallion was trying his best to mop out the goop, but to no avail.
The crack was covering the whole sky now, the air filled to the brim with trigger-happy pears. Flames consumed whole towns and forests, burning up anypony who got in the way.
Then the universe and time itself collapsed, destroying everything.
Whoops.
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- InkRose · 4.6k words · 44 11 · 1.8k views
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I couldn't help but "wut" at this. Intensely. And in a good way.
And Zecora's threat was...
LOLWUT
Wat
what................
This is why I HATE pears. Bad-bad-pears...
This story is hilarious.
Successful trollfic is successful.
HAHA! I love the ending!
I have watched Doctor Who, and I understand why in the wide wide world of Equestria the Doctor hates pears
ApPEARently the 10th Doctor hates pears. 
That is hilarious. Nice job on the zecorah rhymes.
I LOVED it!!!!!!!!!!
Well, there goes my love for pears.
Oh Inky... You so silly. Sending you the final version now!
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one word:EPIC. thats all i have to say about this story.
Else many limbs you will soon lack!” greatest line EVER!!!
That was a hilarious and very timey-wimey story! I do feel sorry for the space-time continuum, though.
What is this . . . . I don't even . . . . . *Explodes*
Gotta love it when perars have lasers... because physics n' stuff.
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Wat.
ERMAHGERD THIS WAS THE FUNNIEST STORY IVE EVER READ
Myyyyyyy gawwwwd
Oh...OOOOooooooh I see where this is going.
is that correct?
Aaaaaand everything bursts into flames. Of course. I like when things bursts into flames!
Well, now we know why the Doctor hates pears.
YOU HAD ONE JOB DOCTOR!!!
OMG THIS WAS PUBLISHED ON MY BIRTHDAY
That......was.......so.......AWESOME! Gotta love this story. It's so funny!
OMG This story is hilarious! I love how it ends with Whoops.
um... ok. this was good.
What the f*ck?
3469313 Yeah you don't want to mess with the Apple family.
Funny... Check
Completely random... Double Check
Dr. Hooves... F--- YEAH!
Good job Ink!
Oh sure! The ZEBRACAN (being from Zebraca) destroys the universe!
I hate pears too.
This story is hiralious by the way.
I don't even... But in a good way!
When I realised what was going on I was already grinning my head off, I love this and wouldn't mind if you wrote a follow-up.
It has no explanation whatsoever. This is great!
This is why me and Hope hate pears. :P
I read this after seeing your story about Celestia and Luna's begginings. #ZecoraGotKilledByA Pear. Nice story even though it feels a bit bland. Subscribed to you too. I wish you would do a story like this. MORE OF THAT PLEASE!
I love you right now. That is all.
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This is the best crack fic I've seen in awhile
THE PEAR OVERLORDS ARE COMING!
I had a feeling of Doctor Whooves vibes (and not the canon one, either)...
You cease to amaze me.
This is why more people should be allergic to pears
2554160
I was lucky to meet David Tennant once, and I asked about that. ApPEARently, he hates pears too, and most of that line was ad-libbed by himself. He said it cracked up the crew after he'd said it, and they started playing pranks on him related to that pet peeve.
Uhh wow that was pretty random story but interesting I guess but hey keep up the good work
This is really really weird.