A Secret to Fear
Dawn had come, and the gold of the sun barely rising in the horizon pried the unconscious unicorn’s eyes weakly open. Altruise murmured with her eyes squinting to the sunlight, and she rolled over with a groan.
“Uuughh… Wh…what happened…?” The filly muttered, trying to stand to her hooves, her knees weakly lifting her body up from the ground. She glanced around herself with tired eyes, and they jolted open when she realized she was standing in the center of a field of craters and rubble.
“I-it wasn’t a dream?” She panicked to herself, looking up at her horn between her eyes, “I r-really did this? Oh goddess… Oh Celestia, what’s wrong with me? What did I do?”
Altruise looked around, seeing random destroyed debris of rock and burnt trees in the area. Circling where she stood, her lips separated from disbelief and terror. She bit her lip and let out a small whimper, and she turned and ran from the scene, back into the forest in Trottingham’s direction.
The white unicorn covered in soot ran, not looking back at her self-inflicted destruction. She was frightened; frightened of herself.
* * * * *
Returning home, Altruise contemplated going through the front door, but felt that she didn’t want to raise questions as to why she was even outside. She knew she couldn’t tell her parents what just happened. What would they say? What would they do? And most importantly, what would Princess Celestia have to say about this? Even so, would they believe her if she told them anyway?
Altruise climbed up the ladder into her tree house, trotted to the open window of the structure and onto the branch leading to the roof of her house where she had exit from. Carefully balancing across the thick branch, she leapt onto the roof, and opened her bedroom window, climbing through it quietly onto her bed, and closed the window behind her.
Exhausted, she stepped off her bed and sauntered toward her dresser at the mirror. She squinted at the sight of herself; she was filthy of soot and her mane was a tangled mess.
“Aw, man…” She needed to clean herself up if she was going to hide all this from her parents. Opening her top dresser drawer, she pulled out a red towel with her front hooves and began wiping her dirty face with it. Just then, she heard a voice behind the door.
“Altruise?” It was her father, “You awake?”
“Uh…” Altruise stuttered, and quickly threw the dirty towel into her laundry hamper and trotted silently toward her bed, crawling under her covers to avoid suspicion. “Yes, Dad, I’m awake.”
The door creaked open and the pegasus trotted into her room with a booming voice and wide eyes. “Wow, did you hear that wicked storm last night? I haven’t seen anything like that!” He looked out the window at the dawning sun, “I’m surprised the sky patrol didn’t call for a storm like that.”
“Heh… S-storm?” Altruise blinked, trying to hide any suspicions.
“What? You mean you slept through that?” The father blinked a few times, “Wow. You must’ve been really tired then.”
Altruise nodded, forcing a fake yawn. “Yeah, I sure was.”
“Nice bed-mane.” Her father pointed out her tangled gold mane with a bit of a chuckle, “You sleep okay?”
“Uh… Yeah.” Altruise murmured, “I think I’m going to lie down a bit longer though.”
The father shrugged, “Well, alright then. Come down when you’re ready for breakfast.”
“Okay, Dad.” The filly nodded, waiting for the pegasus to leave her room, hiding the rest of her soot-covered body under her blanket.
With that, the stallion turned around and exit her room, closing the door behind him. A relieved sigh escaped her lips with the fortune that he didn’t suspect anything. Once he had left her room, the filly threw her bed sheets off of her and hopped out of bed, trotting back to the mirror in silence. If she was going to go downstairs, she was going to need to bathe first. The unicorn looked like she had just rolled in the garden.
Through the mirror, Altruise glared at her horn. Her eyes were fixed on the small pointed object on her forehead. For so long she had been pouring all her heart into casting magic, but after the aftermath from last night, she wasn’t sure if she wanted to cast magic any more at all. What if she hurts somepony the next time she tries using magic? She would be feared if ponies saw what she was suddenly capable of.
She glanced down at her heart-shaped cutie mark. This magic outburst didn’t represent her in any way. Glancing back into the mirror, she gave herself a concerned look, a look of fear; scared of herself, of her magic.
With a deep sigh, Altruise sauntered to the door and quietly opened it, glancing through the crack of the door to see if her parents were in view. With the coast clear, she trotted out of her room and down the upstairs hall toward the bathroom where she would clean herself off.
* * * * *
Altruise’s parents were relaxing in the living room, reading books. The silence was broken to the sound of trotting hooves coming down the stairs. They both glanced up at their daughter—who was now properly cleansed from soot—making her way down the steps into the living room.
“Good morning, Sweetie.” Her mother smiled up at her, “You feeling better today?”
“Sure.” Altruise exclaimed, trotting over to a sofa chair to take a seat.
“Can I make you breakfast?” The unicorn mother requested, “What would you like? Pancakes? Toast? An omelet?”
“Not hungry, Mom.” The filly replied quietly.
The father couldn’t help but notice her bitter behaviour. “Altruise, are you feeling okay?”
“Fine, Dad.”
The pegasus squinted his eyes, “Is there something you’re not telling us?”
“Huh?” Altruise gulped, trying to act natural, “I don’t think so, why?”
“You’re just acting…” Her father couldn’t pin-point the exact word to use. “…different.” He finished.
“Different…? Huh?” Altruise blinked, “I, er, it’s…” She thought up a quick and believable fib. “I think I’m still just nervous about school tomorrow.”
“Hm, I see…” The stallion nodded, leaning forward in his seat, “Don’t worry, you’ll figure out how to use your magic when the time’s right.” He smiled at her, “Soon you’ll start casting spells you didn’t even think you possibly could!”
Altruise looked back at him, and gulped. “Y-yeah.”
“Oh you’ll do just fine, Honey.” Her mother exclaimed in a cheerful manner, “Come now Sweetie, I haven’t seen you smile since yesterday morning. Let me see a smile!”
Hesitant at first, Altruise faked a convincing smile.
“There it is!” The cyan unicorn beamed, “Now come on, there must be something you’re hungry for. What would you like?”
“Ehh…” Altruise shrugged, contemplating on what to eat. “Pancakes sounded good.” She managed to say, keeping her smile.
“Pancakes it is!” Her mother stood up and trotted to the kitchen, “I’ll call you to the kitchen when they’re done.”
“Okay Mom, thanks.”
“So, Altruise.” The pegasus glanced over to her daughter from across the coffee table in the center of the living room, “One more day before school. What would you like to do on your last day off?”
“Ehh, I dunno.” The filly shrugged with a very plastic expression.
“Perhaps we could play some soccer in the backyard.” The stallion suggested with enthusiasm, “Or do some piano practice. Would you want to try practicing your magic? I’m sure you—”
He was cut off by his daughter with a loud and abrupt “NO!”
He blinked a few times, and gave her a look, “Sweetie, you’ve been acting very strange.”
“I-I mean, no.” Altruise corrected her sudden spasm with a quieter response. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to raise my voice… I…”
“Sweetie, its fine.” Her father tried to smile, “Please, I just want to know what’s wrong.”
“Nothing’s wrong…”
“You’re acting like you’ve seen a ghost.” The stallion exclaimed, raising a brow.
Altruise sighed, “Can we not talk about this, please?”
“Sweetie, I’m your father, you can tell me these things.”
“No.” Altruise shook her head frightfully, “I can’t.”
There was a glare between the two ponies in the living room, and a long pause of silence.
“It’s just better if we don’t.” The filly added to her statement.
Her father sighed, and stood up from his seat. “Alright. Some other time.” He said in a concerned voice, sauntering to the kitchen to talk to his wife. “Just don’t forget who you are.” He requested, turning to her as he said that, then turned back to the kitchen and moved on out of view.
Altruise sighed, and looked out the window, seeing her mirrored reflection in the glass. Her eyes squinted thinking about what her father just told her, and she silently asked herself, “And who is that?” She glared at her horn in the reflection, thinking of the destruction, fearing it. She was the gentlest unicorn in town, but with the strangest and most dangerous magic condition she’s never heard of. “I… I’m not doing magic. Ever again.”
* * * * *
After a quiet breakfast, Altruise left the house to get some air. Since what happened to her last night, her motives have flipped upside-down. She felt just as broken without magic as she does now with it. The filly strolled onward to the south in the open grass park just outside of the forest.
She rested on a park bench in relaxation, watching other foals play. The specific groups she watched were the unicorns, all using magic to play their games. A sudden daydream took over her thoughts as she imagined herself playing catch with magic, and a wave of destruction over the park filled her thoughts.
“No…” Altruise shook her head and snapped out of her brief daydream, looking back up at the joyful ponies. With a sigh, she looked down at her cutie mark. She couldn’t seem to take it seriously now.
“How can a unicorn with uncontrollable, dangerous power have a cutie mark that represents the very nature of love?” The filly suddenly felt alone. Now even her cutie mark was mocking her. At first she thought she understood it, being the upmost caring filly in Trottingham, but now that she feels like a walking bomb that could go off at any unwanted moment, she couldn’t picture herself as a pony that could bring out the happiness in others. She could hardly even bring out the happiness in herself at the moment.
Altruise looked up to the noon sun with a deep sigh. She couldn’t stop thinking about going back to school tomorrow. What if the same thing happens in class that happened to her in the forest?
“Oh, Celestia help me… What do I do? I really shouldn’t go to school to avoid anything from happening. But if I don’t go, what would my parents think…?” The more she thought about it, the more it bothered her. “I should still go… Maybe I just won’t do magic and act like I’m trying to.” She grumbled to herself, “Ughh, but then the class will make fun of me like in Magic Kindergarten…” She blinked a few times and glanced down at the ground, “Maybe it won’t happen again… Maybe if I just tried again, my magic will be easier to control… Perhaps it was just a buildup from not being able to use it for so long.”
Altruise sat there, deep in her thoughts. She looked down at her cutie mark, and back to the sun in the blue sky. “Where’s the connection?” She asked in a forlorn voice, as if expecting an answer. “How does my deadly magic have anything to do with my talent?” She sighed and looked back at the ground, “Maybe the heart doesn’t mean what I thought it meant.” She knew this was an absurd thought to ponder; she knew what it meant, through and through. It was just a very hard thing for her to accept or understand at this point.
With a deep sigh, Altruise stood from the bench and sauntered back home.
* * * * *
The rest of the afternoon was rather quiet. Altruise really had nothing to say, and her parents were obviously concerned about that. She kept looking at the clock and the sun as if time was her enemy.
“Altruise.” Her father caught her in mid-daydream. She turned away from the living room window and glanced at her father.
“Dad…” She tried to smile, “You scared me.”
Her father raised a brow, “And you’re scaring me.”
“I… I am?” Altruise blinked, followed by a nervous gulp.
“You have never been like this before.” He openly said to her, “Not one day of your life.”
“Never been like what, Dad?”
“Mysterious. Silent.” He replied, pacing toward her, “You’re hiding something. Now I don’t know what that is, and it seems very important. I won’t pry it out of you, but if it’s something that your mother and I should know, you should really tell us.”
“Uh… It’s…” Altruise winced, and turned back to the window. “It’s nothing.”
“Well that is a lot of nothing then.” The pegasus stood beside her, looking out the window along side of her. “I can tell you’re afraid of something.”
“Afraid?” Altruise turned to look up at her father, who kept his eyes focused out the window. “What would I be afraid of?”
“That’s what I’m trying to figure out.” He glanced down at his daughter. “But whatever it is you’re afraid of, know that I’m here for you. I’ll always be here to protect you.”
“Yeah…” Altruise glanced back out the window with a deep sigh. “I’ll be alright, Dad. I just need some time to think.”
The pegasus sighed and shrugged, and turned to trot the other way. “Well, alright. Just let me know if there is anything at all that I can help you with. I’ll understand.”
“Yeah, thanks Dad.” She kept her glare out the window, eyes half open with a self-pity expression. It was as if all of the joy had been ripped out of her horn along with that outburst of magic. Focusing on her reflection in the window, she saw her pitiful expression staring back at her. Even she saw the disappointing difference in her personality just by looking at herself.
“No, this isn’t who I am…” Altruise shook her head, trying to stop thinking about what was depressing her. “I’m a happy pony, I’m supposed to be a happy pony.” She told herself, looking back at her mirror image, attempting a faint smile. Though, it didn’t take very long for her smile to slowly disappear again. With a sigh, she looked to the floor. “So… Who am I then…?”
* * * * *
Later that night, Altruise laid there in bed, staring at the ceiling with her mind spinning like a turbine engine. School was just around the corner, and now she was more concerned about it with magic than she was without. Tossing and turning, she murmured and grumbled.
She had a great deal of pride over her cutie mark, and she still had no thoughts about wishing she didn’t have it. Her magic on the other hand, would this affect the way other ponies viewed who she was?
Slowly as time went by, she felt herself growing sleepier. Her eyes grew heavier, and slowly her tired body gave in to her exhaustion, and she fell into a deep sleep, where her dreams took over her foal mind…
* * * * *
Explosions casting from horizon to deathly horizon, a grey cloud filled the sky as lightning kept pouring down over Trottingham. A white filly unicorn consumed by a magical aura, ponies all around her were shrieking in fear as her world was being torn apart by her own magic.
“Celestia help us!” She heard familiar voices cry among the streets.
“Altruise, what are you doing?!” Her mother screamed at her, angrily and frightfully, “You’re going to kill everypony!”
“I—I don’t know!” The filly sobbed as her horn released powerful blazing energy. “H-help me!”
Ponies ran around, screaming, all uncertain where to hide from her endless destruction. There was nothing she could do other than watch them all fear her, hate her, scream at her. She then turned to her father who was standing aside her mother. He only gave her a glance; a shameful glance.
“D-dad, help me!” She cried, “Protect me! You said you’d be there for me! Please help!”
“You’re a broken unicorn.” He said to her, in the upmost cold voice she had ever heard. “I’m ashamed of you, Altruise. You’re not my daughter.”
“D-dad?” Altruise hiccupped and sobbed, her horn sparking of endless magic, “W-what? B-but I—”
With that, her father turned around, and he and her mother just left her; they ran. And they didn’t look back at her. She sat there, alone with the echoing screams of the surrounding ponies, and the flares of the loud explosions that consumed the streets and homes.
“Dad!” She hollered, but he was gone; vanished in the distant grey fog of Trottingham’s debris. “DAAAAA—”
* * * * *
“—AAAAD!” Altruise jolted up from her bed in a shriek, followed by sobbing gasps. She panicked, quickly glancing at the entirety of her dark room, wide-eyed.
“J-just a dream.” She told herself in a panting breath. “I-it was o-only a dream…” She threw her hooves over her eyes to wipe her tears as she caught a few needed breathes.
She heard hoofs trotting through the halls through the other side of her door, and her door was thrown open, and the bedroom light was flicked on. Her parents were there, both with concern. Altruise first glanced at them from across the room, and then slouched in her bed with her ears lowered and her blanket lifted to cover most of her face.
“I-I’m sorry I woke you.” She whimpered in tears, “Please don’t leave me…”
“Leave you?” Her father went wide-eyed, and he trotted into the room to sit next to her at the side of her bed, “Now why in Equestria would I do that?”
Altruise bit her lip. At this point, she wanted to tell her parents everything about her magic condition. But after that nightmare…
“I-I…” She hiccupped, and leaned into her father’s shoulder. Tiny whimpers escaped her lips that as she pressed her damp eyes against his wing.
“Altruise.” Her father wrapped a wing around her, looking down at the sobbing foal with deep concern. “I would never leave you.”
No words were able to be said from Altruise; only sobs. She continued crying, and her body trembled from her continuous tears. The pegasus looked up at his wife, and she looked back at him just as concerned as he was.
“Altruise, what is wrong?” The mother questioned her in a gentle voice, walking into the room to look down at her trembling foal wrapped in a pegasi wing. “Honey, it was only a dream.”
“I-I know…” Altruise looked up at her mother with her eyes damp of tears, “I just… I… I’m scared.”
“Aw, honey, there’s nothing to be afraid of…” Her mother softly said, “Your father and I are here.”
“I-I don’t… I…”
Altruise’s parents looked at each other, and then back down at their daughter. “Hush.” Her mother whispered.
“Don’t worry, my little pony.” The father exclaimed in a warm tone, gently lifting her daughter and placing her back in her bed.
“B-but I…”
“Hush, Altruise.” Her father covered her with her blanket.
“I… I’m sorry.” Altruise whispered a weep, with a yawn to follow.
Her mother tucked her in, and began to whisper a soothing song. “Hush now, quiet now, it’s time to rest your sleepy head. Hush now, quiet now, it’s time to go to bed…”
The filly’s parents sat by her side for the remaining moments until she finally fell back to sleep. Once she was fast asleep, the mother and father stood and crept out of the bedroom, flicking off the light and slowly closed the door behind them, leaving a small gap. They looked at each other, uncertainty filling their thoughts.
“What was that all about?” The unicorn mother’s mind was boggled.
“I have no idea…” The pegasus peeked through the crack between the door and the frame, glancing at their sleeping daughter. “I don’t recall her having any nightmares that intense on her before. I can’t help but think that something happened to her.”
“Well… what would’ve happened to her?”
“I don’t know.” The pegasus looked at his wife, closing the door the rest of the way in silence.
“Maybe this all has to do with her unable to use magic.” The unicorn suggested, “Maybe she’s worried that she won’t discover it at school.”
The stallion shrugged, “As easy as that is to agree with, I kind of don’t think that’s the case. This is far different.” His eyes squinted as this puzzled him, “When she looked at me… It was as if she wasn’t sure who I was; like she suddenly wasn’t sure if she could trust me.”
“That’s just absurd.” His wife disagreed, “Now why would she even think that way about you? You’re a wonderful father to her.”
“Heh… Well, I do try.”
The cyan mare smiled at him and gave him a quick tension-easing kiss on the cheek, “Come on, you’re thinking too hard. Let’s go back to bed.”
“Yeah, maybe you’re right…” The stallion sighed, trying not to think about it. With that, the couple sauntered back down the hall to their room.
* * * * *
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I really like this so far! Proceed!
Ill drop by a wall-o-text later as more chapter is up :P
235842
Thanks. :P Glad you like it.
236364 I really like how this is going, once a kind mare, always loving and giving turned into vengeful unicorn. I wonder if this will have happy ending or bad ending or both (alternative chapters)?
236485 Hehe, we'll have to see :P Not sure if I'll have alternative chapters or not.
237500 I think you should have both to satisfy both base of people who likes happy ending or bad ending. Of course, it is entirely up to you to decide upon on that or not.