Timepiece sighed a bit, happy that the two female ponies has been too absorbed in their conversation to notice him much. He stayed behind while they went through the hole in the wall, leaving him alone with his thoughts. His head was pounding, and he felt nearly as surprised as the strange purple pony that was apparently Luna's daughter. In all this craziness, his life had seemed almost tame. He pulled a small device from its hiding place in his mane, pressing a small button on it. A tinny female voice rang out, echoing in the small room.
"Agent 4792, status report." The voice commanded.
"Agent 4792 reporting, I'm in." Timepiece cleared his throat a bit. "It would appear that there's more to this royal family than we thought. Princess Celestia isn't as crystal-clean as expected, and Luna appears to have quite a large secret under her sleeve. A daughter-sized secret. Luna has a descendant. A unicorn... well, an alicorn, soon."
"Good, good." The voice was laden with malice. "Don't act just yet, watch them, figure out their plan, then strike when the time is right. I am counting on you, Agent 4792. Don't mess up."
"Of course." Timepiece grunted, placing the device back into his mess of a mane. He sighed a bit, pretty sick of taking orders from the mysterious female pony. Unfortunately, this was the only way he knew how to keep his family safe, the only way he knew how to find the bastard that killed his mother. He hated the idea that some of the ponies he killed may be innocent, but he found that if he didn't think too hard about it, it didn't really bother him all that much.. He focused hard, making sure to get back into character. He knew it was slightly cliche, but he felt that when he pretended to be Timepiece, he really was Timepiece. He sighed a bit, feeling the timidity coming back. He was under control of it, after all, he was the one making himself like this, but it still felt weird. He jumped into the dirt tunnel, crawling through the soil. He poked his head into Twilight and Big Mac's room. The room was far too crowded for him to come in, so he simply stayed in the tunnel with only his head showing.
Luna looked to him, nodding a bit. "This is Timepiece. He is the one Celestia wanted me to mate with." She explained.
"Well, howdy, there, Timepiece. I'm Big Macintosh, but if ya' want, you can call me Big Mac, or even just Mac if you'd like." Big Macintosh smiled. Twilight was resting against him.
"You already know me." Twilight shrugged a bit. "Not really much else to tell... not that I'd even be sure that anything else would be true..."
Luna hung her head. "I apologize."
"Stop worrying about it. We don't have time for you to." Twilight said a bit impatiently.
"Right, of course." Luna nodded. "But as I was saying. I think Timepiece would be the best to sneak topside and alert the bearers of the other four elements. He would draw less attention than an alicorn, so Twilight and I are out, and Rainbow Dash thrives on attention, so she's out, and Big Macintosh is... well... big. Celestia doesn't seem to be as powerful as she was before... at least... not yet..." She frowned. "I sure hope the power of the six is enough."
"Well, the six were found on accident, really, maybe the seventh will be as well." Twilight sighed a bit. "I sure hope everything will be okay." She extended her newly grown wings a bit. They were still slightly underdeveloped, the feathers lying askew and the wings unable to extend to their full length. Her horn pained her as it extended. She felt more powerful magic than she had ever felt surge through her, only to be diverted to the brace her leg was held in.
"I say we just go up and give her the old one, two punch!" Rainbow Dash said, grinning.
Twilight sighed, rubbing her temples with her hooves. "Rainbow, this is Celestia that we're talking about. I think we'd all like to see this come out with nopony getting hurt."
"Maybe you would, but from what Luna says, Celestia deserves a good kick in the head." Rainbow said stubbornly.
"Hush." Twilight said. "If we do this carefully, we may be able to avoid a huge war."
"Say, Princess, what made your sister go bonkers anyways?" Rainbow asked.
Luna sighed a bit. "Well, I'm afraid somepony from her past has... shall we say... popped back up?"
"As in..." Twilight thought for a while. "Like, a rival or something?"
"Quite the opposite. There was a time when Celestia was kind, like the Celestia you all know. It wasn't really until after she left her mate that she began really getting bad." Luna said.
"First you tell us she was always bad, then you tell us she was sometimes bad, and now you're staying she turned bad after a while?" Twilight said a bit irritably. "How about a bit of consistancy?"
"When I said always, I was using hyperbole. I thought you of all ponies would appreciate a literary device." Luna said, seeming a tad miffed. Her face quickly softened. "I'm sorry, Twilight, I'm just a mite stressed." She sighed.
"I know how you feel." Twilight grumbled a bit.
"I know this is really hard on you, Twilight, and I'm sorry." Luna frowned.
"No, I love finding out that I'm the daughter of what used to be the most evil pony in existence and that my whole life has been a lie. Thanks, Mom." The last word was said particularly acidic.
"Twilight, that ain't like you at all!" Big Macintosh said.
"I know, I know." Twilight sighed, looking to Luna apologetically. "My whole life has just been turned upside-down, and I'm having some very conflicting emotions."
"I understand. Your recent... kinship... with Mr. Macintosh probably isn't helping." Luna said.
"I keep tellin' ya, you can call me Big Macintosh if ya'd like. I've never been too partial to 'Mr. Macintosh." Big Macintosh said, trying to be friendly.
"So, what do we do now?" Rainbow Dash asked. "Are we gonna send the pipsqueak up or not?"
"I don't want to endanger him..." Luna frowned, looking to him. "He seems to be frail, and I couldn't forgive myself if I let him be hurt."
Timepiece spoke for the first time the entire day. "I thought you were the dark one..."
"I thought you'd never heard of me." Luna looked at him, surprised.
"I didn't! I mean... I haven't." Timepiece said quickly. Damn. He thought. I'm getting sloppy.
"Well, either way, do you think you're up to it?" Twilight asked.
Timepiece sighed, a bit relieved. "Yeah, sure." He said casually.
Luna stared at him for a few seconds. "Then come with me back to our cell, it's the closest to the surface entrance, and I have to write a note for you to send." Luna stood, her knees shaking weakly. "The sooner I get this band off, the better." She mumbled. She weakly climbed through the tunnel, jumping out into the room, collapsing almost immediately. Timepiece followed close after her, frowning.
"Are you alright, Princess?" He asked.
"I'll be fine." Princess Luna said. "Alicorns can live without magic, we are just very weak. On an unrelated subject, when exactly were you planning on killing me?"
Timepiece stumbled back a bit. "W-what?"
"You are a spy, are you not?" Luna asked, still putting on a slight smile.
"I... I..." Timepiece was speechless. "How did you know?"
"Female intuition." Luna said. "Not to mention that you got sloppy. The whole communicating through small transceivers thing doesn't work very well when your mane is too short to hide it."
Timepiece stared at her, stunned. "Why haven't you gotten me, then? Why haven't you snapped my neck while I slept?"
"Oh, I could never do something like that. Despite what rumors Celestia may have spread during my incarceration, I have never killed anypony. So, are you going to tell me who you work for? Or are you just going to kill me?" Luna asked.
"You aren't even going to try to defend yourself?" Timepiece asked.
"I doubt I could." Luna said. "I'm severely weakened, not to mention that you're small, and could more easily escape."
Timepiece sat down slowly, unsure of what to do. "So, you want to know why I'm spying on you?" He asked, a bit unsure of why he'd be willing to tell her.
"It'd be nice." Luna smiled kindly at him.
"To be honest, I don't know. I've only dealt with her over the transceiver, and before that, some strange pony came to me due to my..." He cleared his throat a bit. "Distaste for a rival spy faction."
"Why?" Luna asked. "Did you used to work for the rival spy faction?"
"No." Timepiece sighed. "They killed my mother."
"I'm very sorry to hear that." Luna frowned.
"You're telling me." Timepiece grunted.
"So why haven't you killed me yet?" Luna asked.
"I was under orders to observe." Timepiece sighed. "I was not to act yet."
"Do you really want to be a spy?" Luna asked skeptically.
"Why wouldn't I? The pay's great, my family is guaranteed protection, and I have an outlet for my rage." Timepiece said.
"Because for every pony you kill, you may be putting many young colts and fillies in the exact same position you were in. You aren't a bad pony. You wouldn't do that." Luna said gently.
"Great, now the princess of darkness is lecturing me." Timepiece grumbled, obviously knowing that she was right. "You don't even know me."
"I apologize." Luna said. "But I think it's obvious from your actions that I seem to know you better than you yourself do."
"Shut up." Timepiece said quietly.
"You came here expecting to mate with me, then kill me, didn't you?" Luna said.
"No! I wouldn't have mated with you!" Timepiece's cheeks were rosy.
"You really wouldn't have?" Luna raised an inquisitive eyebrow.
"No! Not at all!" Timepiece said.
"You see? You're not a spy or an assassin. You're just a kid that got in way over his head." Luna said gently.
"You're wrong!" Timepiece screamed.
"Oh, really? If you're such a big man, prove it." Luna challenged. "I won't believe that you are a killer if you don't."
Timepiece growled with rage, jumping on her back, placing a hoof on her chin and a hoof on the back of her head, preparing to snap the neck of the princess. An image flashed through his mind of the man who killed his mother. He was positioned exactly like he was, hooves ready to end the life of a pony. He began trembling, falling off of Luna's back. He shook, laying on the floor."I'm a monster." He whimpered, his eyes wide.
"Shhh." Luna put a hoof on his shoulder. "I'm sorry I had to do that, but I had to make you realize who you were."
"I really am a kid." Timepiece sighed. "A stupid kid."
"Saying that proves that you aren't." Luna smiled. "No kid I know admits to being a kid."
"I sure as hell am not a man." Timepiece said. "No man would go around hurting innocent ponies."
"You weren't a man." Luna corrected. "Now, I think you've learned your lesson pretty well."
"Thank you..." Timepiece said. "For everything." He pulled the small device from his mane, clicking a button.
The familiar tinny voice sounded once again. "Agent 4792, have you completed the task?"
"No, I haven't." Timepiece replied. "And I never will. I quit." He said the last two words with a strange jubilance in his voice.
"You what?!" The voice screamed. "Nopony quits on me! You'll regret this! I happen to know who your brothers are, and let's just say that you may be missing one or two when you return." The voice had particular malice, but it was out of control, as if she couldn't contain her rage. "In fact, I believe your brother is about to get married. It'd be a shame if somepony just happened to plant an explosive in the church set to go off at about the same time."
"What? Francisco would never get married! He's too timid." Timepiece said angrily.
"Well then, perhaps I could be mistaken." The voice had a strange happiness to it. "But I believe you do have another brother."
"...Stefano?" Timepiece gasped.
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Well, this chapter has been kind of a nightmare for me. I've been far too busy to write lately, and when I have, I haven't been in the mood for it. On a completely different note, I am looking for pictures to make a new cover to this story. Either send the pictures to me through the private messaging system, or email me at ydderf.rm@gmail.com. I will send my eternal gratitude to all who help me in the form of Thanks Points, a new system of money that I just made up that has no value whatsoever. Now, for the moment that you have all been waiting for... this week's spoiler: I will be very surprised if anypony figures this out. Goodbye, everypony, and happy readings!
Um...
Timepiece. Is. A. Whatnao?!
If you're going for the "wtf plot-twist" theme for your story, you are doing well. I just don't go for that kind of stuff...
Putting my bias aside, it was a so-so chapter; some of the scenes with Timepiece seemed a little corny, but otherwise it was okay.
12977 Maybe we should just stay friends.
12969 Sorry about that, but I personally love the plot-twists, and there's going to be quite a few more.
I could not honestly endorse this story to anyone.
I don't think I could relate my criticisms without coming off rude, but suffice it to say that the story stretches my suspension of disbelief waaaaaaaay past the breaking point.
*looks at the challenge issued by the A/N*
I'll take you up on that challenge!
This story makes me think of the song: Abracadabra by The Steve Miller Band.
ml hv kfvwv xlnyrmzi xlm fmz bvtfz l xzyzool
no se puede conbinar con una yegua o caballo
can not be combined with a mare or horse?
hmm i got a far as translating it to gibberish
13033
this is my attempt at translating the spoiler btw
Plooooooot Twiiiiiiiiiiiist! Haha, I love it.
13033 close, if you figure it out, please don't post it, send me a pm so others have a chance.
"Note: While it will be alluded to, this will not be a clopfic and will contain no actual sex scenes. Please do not read this is that is what you are looking for. "
Challenge Accepted.
Huh?
That message....I don't think I could translate it. Why? BECAUSE YOU ONLY USED THREE VOWELS MORON! YOU NEED MORE THAN THAT TO MAKE ANY KIND OF INTELLIGENT WORD!
................Sorry about that. It just irks me to no end when I see grammatical errors.
7190
well if you would take the time to use your mind, imagination fills in the lines of settings and such. I can see how it would cause that problem seeing as I have the same problem when I'm writing, but it does not mean that the story is any worse off for it. I honestly find it fun to read, and I'm only disappointed by it because I finished reading up to the recent chapter.
My patience is not something I hold high with pride, its very short spanned unless I'm really into whatever I'm waiting for, MLP being one such thing XD
excellent
Yay thank you!
(ps my keyboard is glitching again sorry i cant type correctly)
Why do I have a feeling that Pinkie can handle that...
Im sorry. I was interested in the story at first. But these last few chapters have completely thrown me off. I liked the "Clestia is going a little crazy and is forcing ponies to mate" however what with twilight being luna's daughter and time piece being a spy and also somehow being related to stefano...I just can't handle the oatmeal. So unfortunately I'm going to stop reading it. I hope you understand. No hard feelings. It just is no longer in my taste to continure reading. Thanks and Good luck.
Not sure why I read this. Kind of regret doing so.
Why is everybody saying that they're gonna stop reading? I think it's a nice plot twist, personally. If you can't take the heat, continue getting hot. "What don't kill ya, makes ya stronger", is how the saying goes. I think I'm gonna continue reading, thank you very much.
(*Clears throat* Chapter 9)
Okay, we're back on the main story. Thank you for finally getting around to timepiece's story, but let me start by saying this. VAGUE!!!! SO VERY VAGUE!!!! Your plot twist was, although nicely done due to the fact that everypony was expecting the doctor, but it was also vague and happened far too fast.
Timepiece: "Spy talk"
Luna: "Your a spy."
Timepiece: "Why yes I am"
Luna: "no your not, kill me."
Timepiece: "I CANT!"
And then he starts crying. You have a character hiding in there, he just didnt have enough time on stage to become likable.
Stephano is Timepiece's brother? Fine, it's a neat little way to tie two of the stories together.
Timepiece suddenly quits? Then he is not a spy. A spy would have continued to pretend to do his job. also, you'd better actually know what timepiece's job was and not had him say "I dunno lol" because you didn't know.
Twilight is acting a little schitzophrenic.
This chapter happened far too fast. it is a good 500+ words short of good chapter status, as it stands it is just meh.
The characterization is off here, and the dialogue happens far far far too quickly and is thus bare-bones.
phew... i don't mean to sound over critical, but this wasn't a great chapter. I love this story and really want it to continue down the great path it was headed, so there's my two cents.
Write the chapters are your own pace, if its not perfect (or as close as u can get) don't release it. The few that pressure you to make a new chapter as soon as possible don't see the consequences of rushing a chapter. So when writing a chapter don't try for a deadline try for perfect, it will make everyone happy.
13748 Yeah, this chapter happened a lot faster than I thought it did, and on my second readthrough, I realized how much work it'll take. I'm definitely fixing it for good next chapter, as I am going to start doing three full readthroughs first. I may also have a prereader or two, just to make sure everything is squared away. This chapter will have some additions, and don't worry, Timepiece's exact reasons for being there will be explained, that's one thing I made sure of. I hereby give my pledge as a writer not to release a chapter without reading it multiple times myself. Scout's honor. I am doing this to my computer screen right now.
I've only read the first like 5 lines. Thank you for making Timepiece more than just a... background character I guess. *Leaves to go finish story*
This story does not contain as much "Wut?" as the double rainbow story, but it is still interesting. Good to hear that you plan on proofreading more :P
14322 Oh, don't worry, I have a plan for her. I have a plan for many of the ponies, and all the mane six were decided before I even started on the first chapter. You'll see her soon enough.
12979 If you say so.
Good story. I do think it went to fast but I'm extremely happy that you will be proofreading.
And the plot is interesting.
Chapter good. Slow, steady. No rush. Getting tangled, this line is. Not sure where the end shall be, too knotted in holes and devices of plot, and of course The Latin hunk is Timepiece's bro. I figured that out with the word "Married". Sleep deprivation may kill me, but I'm gonna keep reading! READ ALL THE CHAPTERS!
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now im just confused timepiece a secret agent, luna twilight's mom, twilight luna's daughter, mac twilight's mate, the guy with the accent pinkies fiance, pinkie, guy's fiance, diamond dog, rd mate, rd, diamond dog mate. really confusing to keep up
um.....THIS SHIT JUST GOT REAL......sry i got exsited
Well.Let's start at the beginning.
I am seriously confused with Timepiece's whole thing. The dialogue between him and Luna was over too quickly.It seemed a bit rushed. I'm not entirely sure , but I felt the characterization with him was a bit wonky. I can see how he would not allow himself to kill Luna,that he couldn't,but the crying thing? Perhaps I am just screwing up in my mind with Timepiece/Spy Timepiece/Real Timepiece, but it didn't seem to fit.
Do like how Stefano and Timepiece tie in. Nice touch.
Sorry to sound critical.
Overall,I love this story.
HAVE MY STARS!!!HAVE ALL OF THEM!!
12979
So far the story is good, but in terms of a rating...
it gets a WAT/10
I have no clue what I'm reading, and I love it.