Chapter Thirty Four
Chapter Thirty Four
June 11, 0002 ANM
Dear Ulquiorra,
To begin with I really don't believe that this casual and informal approach is really the best way to go about relaying information of such an important nature. But as part of the group I was outvoted by a significant margin when it came to including the dates, report numbers, and various other important information. Apparently the others believe it's not important to mark the date since your arrival in our dimension seventeen days ago. They seem to think that your arrival being the twenty sixth of last month is enough to know.
Excuse me. Spike says I'm rambling about proper decorum and organization again. I guess I am.
As per your request, the others and I have been keeping tabs on everything going on around Ponyville to try and discern if there's any pattern that could predict possible attacks in the future. I'm happy to say that we're leaving no stone unturned in our efforts to be thorough.
I'm also sad to say that I literally mean no stone is being left unturned in our search. You can blame Pinkie for that one...
Having learned from the changeling encounter we're also performing daily check-ins with each other to ensure nopony in the group has been replaced or otherwise compromised. Unfortunately, we're still entirely uncertain of just how to go about verifying each other. Not that we have any distrust among us, we're just trying to figure out the best course of action. Spike suggested we simply continue relying on the password confirmation system we used prior to Chrysalis' capture. While this can work just fine in most instances, there's always the possibility of a potential imposter eavesdropping and hearing the word at some point. If you have any recommendations we'd like to hear them.
Getting back to the report. The others and I have been compiling our observations into lists to try and discern any type of pattern, anything that might coincide with the days of the previous two incidents. In my case, however, I've gone further back to analyze everything that's happened since the day of your arrival to see if there's been any noticeable activity that could raise a red flag.
Most of the details we've seen are mundane. Really, really mundane. Interactions with certain ponies, the usual happenings that might be expected in a town of this size, occasional unexpected events but nothing that would seem out of the ordinary. Even Pinkie's ability to sense what's about to happen isn't detecting anything.
I've looked back to the days prior to discovering Fluttershy's replacement by a changeling. According to Applejack, two days prior, there was something that greatly disturbed the timberwolves that prowl the Everfree Forest at the edge of Sweet Apple Acres. However I'm not aware of anything that could disturb timberwolves in a manner like she described, and there have been no other such incidents with them.
The most outstanding incident that's occurred locally in Ponyville since your arrival, at least that any of us has been aware of, was a ten degree difference between the estimated and actual temperatures seven days ago, or the day after the timberwolf incident. This might not seem particularly outstanding to you, as weather by nature is very hard to predict. But our reports come from Cloudsdale directly, and their estimates and predictions of the temperature are accurate to within a three-to-five degree margin of error, so TEN degrees difference is highly unusual. So far none of us are certain of the significance of this deviation. Whether or not the deviation in weather is even tied to the timberwolves is a mystery in and of itself. The only time I've heard of timberwolves acting up is during Zap Apple season, and right now that's months away, so it couldn't be that.
This is a really frustrating report to submit to you, Ulquiorra, due to the fact that we have so little to actually report. This whole report more or less states that we have nothing to report, which really removes the whole reason for it to even exist, other than to satisfy some requirement for paperwork to actually exist. Of course if we were going with that route then numbering and dating would be necessary. No worries, I can have the reports numbered correctly if that's it.
Rambling again. Sorry.
So cutting straight to the bone of the matter, there's very little to go on. The fact that we've lost Chrysalis leaves us devastated, both in a professional manner and an individual manner. I certainly had no love for her after what she did to us, but to find out the situation was so dire... even I can't bring myself to hate her. To think that they might've been in that state the first time they showed up and we just kicked them out so brutally...
Right. Sorry. Professionalism.
I can't even begin to imagine how things are from your perspective, and how the details about the changelings are computing with your logical outlook to life. To think that the changelings would encounter a love that was so pure, it ultimately proved to be their own undoing. Perhaps they truly weren't the mindless beasts we thought they were.
I wish I had more information to report, but sadly I have nothing. I don't even have a thousand words for submitting a halfway decent report on the activities around Ponyville. So I'm going to close out this report for the time being, and will continue to keep an eye out for anything suspicious.
Signed,
Twilight Sparkle
Ulquiorra scanned over the page before setting it down, contemplating this day's reports. Twilight Sparkle was nothing if not thorough in nature, even if that thoroughness entailed explaining how she had nothing to report and apologizing for such.
The holders of the Elements of Harmony, as well as Spike, were taking their fracción duties surprisingly seriously. That was both good and bad for many different points.
One of the bad points was the varying degrees of seriousness they employed. While they all had enough sense to compile group reports to submit for his reading, most of the others saw fit to submit their own individual reports of what they experienced on their own.
The majority of what was written was trash. However there were exceptions. The reports submitted by the unicorn Rarity, were quite detailed in nature, however those details tended to become bogged down in irrelevancies that had no bearing on anything other than her work and social interactions. Unless she believed her weekly spa sessions with Fluttershy could give insight into establishing a pattern, he really saw no point in the inclusion of details relating to mudpacks, hooficures, and mane styling.
While Rarity's reports tended to be bogged down with rather excessive detail about irrelevancies, the reports Rainbow Dash submitted tended to be the direct opposite, the information contained being sparse and disorganized. Half of her first report had been spent asking him to teach her the same profanities he'd taught Twilight Sparkle on their first meeting. The fact she was so much like Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez already served as effective motivation to keep him from doing such.
Fluttershy's reports were difficult to categorize, due not only to their nature, but also the nature of the pony who submitted them. Apparently her ability to communicate and work with animals was a two-way street. According to her initial report she had deputized her "animal friends" as it were, and told them to keep her informed of any strange activity they might encounter. So far there was nothing they had to report. Not that he was truly surprised by that fact.
The reports submitted by Pinkie Pie were by far the most... bizarre in nature. He'd believed Rarity and Twilight Sparkle to be competing for having the longest reports, but neither of them had anything on Pinkie Pie. The pink earth pony's first report had been well over one hundred pages long, and included charts and graphs, details about the various ponies that lived in Ponyville, as well as various details about the town that had no logical importance. Notes on ponies who moved to town, who moved away from town, the usual day-to-day activities and who was doing what, and where they were doing it. There were even star charts, and a map detailing the position of the moon in the night's sky.
And all of that had pertained only to the information he could readily decipher; there were still many things he couldn't yet. And considering it was Pinkie Pie, he wasn't entirely certain he wanted to. There were some things in the world that the mind simply wasn't meant to know.
"How long do you intend to remain there, before speaking whatever you've come to say?"
However a lack of coherency and understanding of the enclosed documents did nothing to affect his pesquisa and prevent him from knowing when Princess Luna was lurking around the corner to the library.
"How you can always tell when somepony is near by, it is quite annoying," Luna commented as she stepped into the room. She'd been so quiet in her approach, not even touching the ground this time as she stepped on a cushion of condensed air. And it had all been for naught, as she'd been discovered all the same. "Another late night of reading, it would seem. What do your friends have to say this time?" she asked.
"The bearers of the Elements of Harmony are not friends of mine," Ulquiorra replied simply. "Pertaining to what reports they have submitted, quite little of any relevancy or usefulness. If there is any useful information to be found in these documents I have not yet located it," he explained as he turned his attention back to the stack of papers he had in his hand.
Luna remained silent as she looked about the library, documents spread about the room in some manner she sure had some semblance of organization, but she had no understanding of it herself. From her perspective it was just clutter.
"Have you had any success in cross referencing what they hath submitted, with the information housed in the royal library?" she asked.
"Not at present time," he replied.
"Then perhaps now is the proper time to make such an announcement. Since your arrival in our world you have spent every day in the library, studying in a manner that would make Twilight Sparkle turn green with envy. While you may feel this is adequate, others do not feel the same. We have arranged for a set of quarters for thee so that you do not have to spend every moment in here," Luna explained.
"I do not require rest in order to survive. As such personal quarters serve little use to me," Ulquiorra replied without hesitation, "and I believe ever since the meeting, you've been attempting to adjust to the modern dialect, and no longer refer to yourself in a collective sense."
"WE as in my dear sister and myself, smartass," Luna replied with a wry grin at his comment. So few ponies seemed to understand just how hard it was to change from a manner of speech that was all one had known for a thousand years. Old habits were quite hard to break, and hers was perhaps one of the oldest. "Be that as it may, you do have a set of quarters to retire to, so that you do not need to stand at all hours of the day as a statue. It is... how to put this without it being insulting... quite disturbing to others who visit the library."
His intention was to point out that it was none of his concern, or his fault, if others were disturbed by his mere presence. He was a resident of this dimension thanks to Discord's actions, if those native to here couldn't accept that fact then perhaps it was their issue instead.
However he stopped just short of vocalizing such a fact. The diarchy wouldn't have arranged quarters for him simply because his presence in the library was disturbing. It would make no sense. Something else must have been up for such a development to take place.
"You're aware the prison cells are physically incapable of holding me, correct?" Ulquiorra asked, reminding her of what she had bore witness to just five days ago during their last communication with Chrysalis.
Luna chuckled in an amused manner at his words. "Do you truly believe you would be confined to the dungeon?" she asked. He said nothing and simply continued reading the documents held in his hand. "After all of the good that you have done for Equestria, I will not allow something like that to happen even if my sister did try such. No, Ulquiorra Cifer, we have picked out quarters much more suitable for someone of your hero status," she explained.
"Hero?" Ulquiorra asked as he lowered the notes and turned to look at her. "I still find it ludicrous that I would be considered a hero. You and the others are aware of my history and my nature of being. I do not qualify as the hero type. I don't act out of noble intention, or a desire to save others because they're in harm's way. Nor do I desire fame and fortune for my actions. I am merely doing as I was instructed upon my initial arrival in this world. The simple fact that several of my actions have been considered heroic is nothing more than a matter of coincidence," he explained bluntly.
"And yet here you are, pouring over notes submitted by those that hold the Elements of Harmony, looking for any possible clue to explain just who or what may be putting Equestria at risk of harm, even though you are not required to provide such assistance. If that is not the actions of a hero then we know not what would be," Luna explained and shook her head. Ulquiorra seemed unconvinced and simply shuffled to a new page to read. She frowned but decided to try again. "Tell me, Ulquiorra Cifer, you know of my past better than anypony... anybody apart from my sister. Do you believe that I deserve to be respected and loved by our subjects after what I did more than a thousand years ago?" she asked.
"The two matters are not similar. One thousand and three years ago you were possessed by the entity that transformed you into Nightmare Moon. As you explained, you were forced to do what you did, as you had no control over your body. I do not have a convenient excuse and was responsible for my own actions. In your case you were possessed by a demon, in my case I am the demon," Ulquiorra replied, not once taking his eyes off the notes he held in his hands.
"That does not change the fact that since your arrival, you have been a hero to many. It is not an understatement to say that without you, Equestria would likely be in a very dire position right now. You have saved Twilight Sparkle and her friends, you have even saved my sister. You can claim you were simply following orders, nopony will care. Some of history's best heroes were simply following their orders at the time," Luna replied.
Ulquiorra remained silent for nearly a minute after Princess Luna's statement, all the time trying to discern the page of Pinkie Pie's notes. After being unable to determine the importance of cake frosting, he spoke again. "The difference between someone who is a hero, and someone who is a war criminal, often depends on which side is asked."
Luna frowned in response to Ulquiorra Cifer's words. If he was suggesting he was a war criminal, then what did that say about her sister? She could give a number of retorts on the matter but stopped herself. Arguing with the Espada was an exercise in futility, his intelligence as well as his analytical nature, had already been underestimated far too many times. If this back and forth trade of points was continued they would be here all night trying to leave the other speechless. That or he'd just decide he had nothing left to say and go back to reading, and utterly ignore her presence.
"Have it your way then..."
Ulquiorra turned back to his notes, assuming that was the end of the discussion. However he soon discovered that while the discussion was over, the matter was not. The next thing he knew he was subjected to a most unusual sensation, as his whole body was enveloped in a blue aura, and he found himself floating off the ground, along with the discarded pages that laid about on the library floor.
"You wish to do this the hard way, Ulquiorra Cifer? Then we shall do it the hard way," Luna stated and smirked. "You may have no need for your quarters, you do not even need to use them. But at least be aware of where to find them," she stated and trotted out of the library, the Espada firmly in tow.
Ulquiorra was silent as he took stock of the situation, and weighed his available options. Currently grasped in the magical field of the second most powerful being in this world -that he could detect anyway- and being forcefully taken to see a room he hadn't requested, and had absolutely no need for. His available options for response were quite scarce. There was little more he could do in this situation other than go along and silently wait to be released, at which point he would return to the library and continue his work uninterrupted.
"Rather extravagant."
Luna had been expecting some sort of statement in response to the Espada seeing the quarters that had been selected for him. However what she'd gotten was... underwhelming in nature. She'd expected something considerably more than just those two words as he was set down inside the room.
"We were not quite certain how you would like your room to be furnished, so we erred on the side of caution. If it is not to your liking it can be changed accordingly," she explained as she placed the various notes down on the desk.
Ulquiorra looked around the room. On the east wall was a large picture window, beneath which was a writing desk and simple chair. North sat a bed of simplistic design, its frame large enough to hold his own if he were to use it. To the right was a large wardrobe, a most curious sight seeing as he only had the one set of clothing with him. The west wall featured a closed door, to the right of it was a green sofa next to an empty book case. On the south wall was the doorway that lead to the room, next to it a light switch. It would seem logical, that if this world had electricity from hydroelectric dams, that Canterlot palace would be supplied with such. Glancing upward revealed a rather intricate light fixture dangling by a chain interlaced with electrical wiring.
"I'm not certain as to the importance of the sofa," Ulquiorra commented as he stood in the center of the room. Everything else served a purpose that he could understand and accept. Except for the sofa. "I can see the use of the bed. However the sofa and the chair seem superfluous in nature."
Luna blinked at Ulquiorra's statement. In his mind, the chair and the sofa were excessive and extravagant in nature? The room was quite spartan in nature and very plain, far more stripped down than they would be for anyone else that would be afforded quarters. And yet in the Espada's mind even this barren setting was in excess. It was... depressing to hear, saddening even.
"It is always possible that you might one day have guests to stay over. The sofa folds out into a bed," Luna explained, hoping the suggestion would inspire him to consider the possibility. The look of response on Ulquiorra's face told her that he doubted the legitimacy of her statement. Undeterred, Luna pressed on. "Ulquiorra Cifer. You may have doubts, but you will have friends, even if you do not believe such."
Ulquiorra remained silent. Princess Luna's words held no relevance for him. Despite everything he'd been through in his time here, he still had reason to doubt the legitimacy of her claims about friendship and such. He had reason to reevaluate his previous outlook. He even had reason to at least give consideration to what was being said. But as of yet he had seen nothing of significance, that would actually make him stop and readily embrace what he was seeing as truly valid. At best it was merely a curiosity that might warrant being further explored at some point.
"We shall see," he replied simply. Now it was Princess Luna who was silent as she approached him, stopping only once she stood before him.
Ulquiorra quickly found himself in a position not unlike he was four days ago in the dream world, the pony enveloping him in an unwanted hug. However unlike with Twilight Sparkle, Princess Luna's height was enough to allow her to easily wrap her legs around his neck and rest her head on his shoulder.
"You may represent emptiness, Ulquiorra Cifer, but we shall not allow you to be condemned to remain in emptiness. We all see you as more than a living weapon. You are not intended to be used during times of crisis, and then discarded when no longer needed," she explained, before releasing him and setting back down on her hooves. "I must take my leave for the evening, and tend to my royal duties now. In recent times there have been a great many bad dreams in need of address. A good evening to you, Ulquiorra Cifer," she told him before turning around and exiting the room.
Ulquiorra stood silently as Princess Luna exited the room, leaving him to his own devices as she was needed elsewhere. There was an irony to her words and actions. Whether or not she was aware of it, he didn't know, nor did he truly care.
These ponies continued to provide a source of interest to him. As well as confusion, and even irritation. Despite everything they knew, they still stubbornly chose to believe that he was someone in need of friends and company. They had discounted the unpleasantries of his past, and even his basic nature. They had chosen to believe that he wasn't a monster that was beyond reform, but someone who deserved the companionship of others. And they chose to maintain this belief, despite knowing full well that he could easily kill all of them if he was so inclined.
If any of the lower ranked Espada had been brought to this world instead of him, all of these ponies would be dead by now. Equestria would be little more than a mass grave, with only Princess Celestia and Princess Luna surviving to tell the tale.
Perhaps that was why Discord had selected him specifically. Perhaps the spirit of chaos knew full well that he wasn't inclined to harm others in response to the irrelevant annoyances they could present. However that still did nothing to answer the question of just why he'd been brought here in the fist place. What mission did he have to fulfill?
He could ask the same questions over and over again, devoting entire months to the subject, and still he wouldn't be any closer to the answers he sought. The only one who likely knew was Discord, and the spirit of chaos was nowhere to be found since the last time Princess Celestia had summoned him for the purpose of setting the changelings free; something he had regrettably been absent for, as it had occurred when he'd gone to retrieve his uniform jacket from Rarity's shop. Without the spirit of chaos being present, there were many things he was left unable to sort out.
The situation was the metaphorical equivalent of banging his head against a stone wall.
There were many, many questions right now, and not a single viable, tangible answer for any of them. Even with enlisting Twilight Sparkle and the others, it did nothing to clear off the many mysteries he was facing. Even with all he'd read about this land and the strange beings that dominated it, he was no better off than he had been upon his initial arrival in Equestria. Not with those five questions hanging over their heads just as the sword of... the sword of...
What was that tale of legend?
Yet another question to add to the pile.
Without a word he picked up the stack of notes and began sorting through them to regain his previous place, trying to make sense of what the pink earth pony had reported on. To some, this information would seem as a massive invasion of privacy. Would those mentioned be consenting to such if they knew it was all in an effort to save them and their friends?
Friends. Yet another mystery this world held. For all his efforts to understand it, it still remained elusive, incapable of being unraveled. It was something he saw no practical need for, and yet it was embraced by the residents of this world as if it was vital to life. It made no sense at all. It was through "friendship" that Rainbow Dash remained loyal to the others even after Mare Do Well. It was through "friendship" that the holders of the Elements of Harmony remained united through good times and bad.
At one point in time, his eyes saw everything that existed in the world. Everything that could be explained was plainly visible to him. It was simple, it was logical, it was right.
And then Orihime Inoue had, in a very roundabout manner, made him see that this perspective was incredibly limited, and there did indeed exist things that were beyond the physical limitations of his eyes.
He couldn't see love. Yet, in this world, love not only existed, but was physically tangible in its own right; a fact he had to accept when he witnessed Chrysalis feeding on Princess Celestia, both with and without her consent. The two had been involved in a display the likes of which he'd never seen before, and as much as he didn't want to, it was a fact he had to accept.
Just like love, he couldn't see friendship. And yet, just like love, friendship supposedly existed in this world, and was apparently tangible in its own right. It was a concept that was so foreign to him, so impossible to consider, and yet in this world it was accepted as existing and wasn't even questioned.
There was no logic to it at all.
+++
"Friendship isn't something that's easily defined from an analytical standpoint, my student Twilight had to find that out firsthoof. Friendship is something that has to be experienced to be understood, and even then it isn't understood in simple black and white terms, there are no clearly defined boundaries or prerequisites for categorization. I'm afraid the best concrete answer I can give you is that friendship is a relationship of mutual care and affection shared between two or more individuals."
+++
Princess Celestia's words ironically echoed in his mind at that exact moment. It was almost as if she'd known from the beginning about what he would encounter in his quest for knowledge.
And now Ulquiorra found himself presented with another question, this one dealing with Princess Celestia. Had she known? Did the alicorn know full well that his quest would prove fruitless in nature, and simply allowed him to discover this fact for himself? Did she know that his analytical nature wouldn't serve him here in this new world, and simply stood back to let them realize the fact for himself?
The questions were piling up higher than ever now. The more he thought on everything, the more he soon realized didn't make much-to-any sense.
"Perhaps this is a matter that I cannot simply think my way out of. This very well may be a situation that requires submersion and participation to truly understand..."
...
Did he really just think that? Was he seriously considering a hands on approach to try and understand what friendship really was, and if it truly had any merit?
"If nothing else, making them believe I've committed myself to the endeavor may serve as an aid in getting to the bottom of the five questions, and discovering my true purpose in this world. If they no longer have to distract themselves with the silly notion that I need to have friends, there will be more time to devote to important matters."
From what he could see, the decision reached was a simple, logical conclusion to arrive at, based on all the information he had available. It would provide a learning experience to uncover one mystery -in the process, perhaps showing these ponies that friendship wasn't a valid concept, and they were merely deluding themselves with nonsense- and potentially assist in uncovering another, much greater mystery.
From what he could see there were few negatives to the plan. If he was correct then these ponies would learn a hard, but much needed lesson about the realities of existence, and they could focus on more important matters. If he was incorrect... then perhaps he would be one step closer to understanding the heart; that mystery of an intangible concept he had been so close to having a grasp on back in Hueco Mundo.
With his notes in tow, and without further discussion, he proceeded back to the library, in hopes of being able to garner some information that would actually be useful.
Luna was silent as she walked into the throne room. The matter pertaining to Ulquiorra Cifer was indeed a complex one with no easy solutions available.
On the one hoof they were faced with the simple fact that the Espada didn't believe he had friends in Equestria. But behind the simple fact of the problem was the complex issues of how to go about correcting it. Was it really their place to meddle in the matter? Ulquiorra Cifer had said he didn't have friends, however he had not said that he wanted friends... but at the same time he never conclusively said that he didn't want friends.
There were many options available for them to use, but was it really their place to actually go about using them, simply because they believed they were right in doing it? They could try any number of things to make him friends, but if he had no desire for friends was it even right to try? How right was it to meddle?
Her sister's actions with Twilight Sparkle had been a necessity. Had she not been guided into friendship with others, the soul devouring evil of the foul demon Nightmare Moon would... she'd really rather not think about that right now...
But Ulquiorra Cifer was different. He couldn't possess one of the Elements of Harmony, nor was she aware of a single prophecy that could in any way be connected with him. While there was a magic in friendship, she found herself wondering if there was truly an urgency that needed to be addressed in this case.
All of that dealt with the matter of the one hoof. There was an entirely different hoof and corresponding different matter to address.
Beyond the simple matter of Ulquiorra Cifer and friendship, was the mystery that had been uncovered during the conversation with the ponies Rarity and Fluttershy. The five burning questions for which they had no answers. The five questions that all seemed tied to Discord, who was conveniently absent and unable to answer a single one of them. Was it deliberate on his part? She'd learned long ago to not put anything beyond the spirit of chaos.
She would assist the Arrancar in any manner she could on this matter. Twilight Sparkle and the others would most assuredly be assisting on the matter as well. Even her sister would be assisting how she could. Two alicorn Princesses, one dragon, and six exceptional ponies amounted to a considerable force to reckon with. Surely between them all they had to uncover something that would make some sense out of everything.
"My sister is right," she said to herself as she slowly ascended the stairs to the throne, "some days it truly does not pay be be a Princess. Matters of this great complication should not be experienced by anypony..."
With a sigh she closed her eyes, turned around and sat down to begin her royal nightly duties...
... And immediately leaped back up to her hooves on the stairs as the throne emitted a sound most undignified in nature, surprising her in the process and causing her cheeks to redden.
"Good gracious!" she stated. That hadn't been her, had it? Immediately she turned around and began scanning the throne, quickly finding something that was out of place. There, placed underneath the plush cushion that sat naturally on the throne was something entirely foreign, something made of rubber.
"A cushion of whoopee?" Luna asked in disbelief as she levitated it up to her. When had that been placed there? It must've been done before her shadow guards came on duty so... "Oh dear sister, this is without a doubt your hoofiwork, thou mischievous sprite. But 'tis crude even for thee," she growled as the gag item fell to the floor, another obscene sound coming from the device upon impact.
Behind her she could hear the snorting of barely repressed snickering. Her guards were laughing at her plight, and doing a poor job at trying to hide the fact. She scowled in response and disappeared in a flash as she teleported in front of them.
"Thou doth find this funny? That thou's Princess has been made a mockery of with such a foal's toy?" she asked them. Both guards were extremely tight lipped, doing their best to look dead serious... and struggling not to think of how things had unfolded as it would simply get them going again.
Luna didn't fall for it for a second. If anything their stone faces only drove her onward with a wry smirk. "Thou didst not take humor in it? Thou were not biting back laughter at the fluster of thine's Princess being taken by surprise in such an undignified manner?" she asked pointed as she paced before and between them, eying each of them as she passed by them slowly. Finally she stopped in front of the guard on her right and looked him straight in the eyes. "Thou didst not giggle at the perverse noise of this toy?" she asked as she levitated the whoopee cushion over in front of him.
She observed the guard do his best to bite his tongue and remain stone faced. She smirked wider to herself as she used her magic to squeeze the device and make it sound off, loudly, several more times. By now the barely suppressed smile of the guard was twisted in misery and he was going cross eyed in a desperate effort not to laugh; his partner was hardly doing any better at it. Slowly she walked over and faced the guard on her left.
"Thou doth look like one who wouldst enjoy a cheap laugh," she said as she leaned in closely until their noses were almost toughing. "A little amusement at some unsuspecting pony's expense. Thou didst not derive amusement from such a cheap tactic?" she asked a she brought the whoopee cushion forth and squeezed it, quite slowly to drag out the rude sound it made to a ridiculous degree.
By now the poor guard's eyes were starting to roll upward as he desperately tried not to laugh, to snort, to chuckle, to do anything that would inform his ruler that he was indeed amused to no end, and her inquisition was only worsening the matter.
The guard on the right was less fortunate and collapsed in laughter, unable to contain his amusement another moment. Luna looked at him, and then back at the other guard, who by now looked close to wetting himself. "Thou aren't most naughty little colts we find ourselves tasked with," she scolded in a disapproving manner, "thou shalt be punished for thee's actions here this night..." she warned.
And then went with a deliberate mood whiplash tactic of sticking her tongue out and crossing her eyes before him, blowing a long raspberry and sending the guard over the edge in hysterics as he pounded his front hooves against the hard marble floor. Luna merely looked down at him and smirked.
"Once thou doth regain thine's composure, makest thou ready, for we hath much work to do. This act was a declaration of war against us, and we must meet with a proper response. Our dear sister doth wish to prank us? She doth not know what she hath started," Luna explained and shook her head disapprovingly. But not disapproving of the guards and their foalish amusement, but rather that of her sister's antics. "Our dear sister, thou doth wish for a war, thou shalt have war, for it! IS! ON!"
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LET THE PRANK WARS BEGIN!
Great chapter. For some reason I am not surprised that Pinkie would write a very large report, expected it almost.
Nicely placed humor at the ending, and so the war begins.
... Was that a Monty Python and the Life of Brian reference?!
That is all.
3773874 And Ulquiorra will not be amused.
So much conflict that ended with some lightheartedness; well-played
I, too, was having trouble with the sword reference. I was deciding between Excalibur and the Sword of 1000 truths from South Park
3774084
It's the Sword of Damocles. Has to do with a legend about a King of Damocles and a sword hanging above his head to represent the peril of being on the throne.
I really do hope this ends in Ulquiorra finding friendship and I also hope that he gets dragged into the prank war.
Aaaah, to see this scene in the cartoon.
3773946
That it was.
3775181 You, sir, are the epitome of epicosity.
And, thinking back, I realise - Seriously. They cannot be that slow as to how Ulquiorra's mind 'ticks'. He is a Hollow/Arrancar that doesn't see the point in friends, emotions and nonsensical talk.
Of COURSE the only room he'd ever possibly want is one with the bare essentials!
And another, though much shorter, list of what I find to be funny;
"It is always possible that you might one day have guests to stay over. The sofa folds out into a bed," Luna explained, hoping the suggestion would inspire him to consider the possibility.
He may have guests; They won't stay long enough for the couch to require being folded out.
"You may represent emptiness, Ulquiorra Cifer, but we shall not allow you to be condemned to remain in emptiness."
Not condemnation if he chooses it, dumbass.
I think these ponies need a... reminder, as to Ulquiorra's nature.
Perhaps a certain pack of dumbass ape-mutts that can be used as such?
Whatcha think, Charlie_K?
In the S4 flashbacks, Luna was seen holding the element of laughter. I would assume Luna is the
of her generation.
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So just four days after watching him slaughter changelings in their village and towns wasn't enough of a reminder of what Ulquiorra's all about?
And if watching him slaughter by the dozen simply doesn't turn them off to his presence, what more can he do to hammer the point home, without him slipping into the uncharacteristic sociopath territory? This isn't Nnoitra we're talking about here.
3775441 True.
You forget these things when you're a reader, you know.
Screw the mysterious enemy. We have a Prank War on the Horizon!
3775734
Sometimes even the princesses need a little stress reliever.
Or... was it even Celestia who put that whoopee cushion there in the first place?
Oh god yes, there will be war!!! >:D
3775895
Bet it was Pinkie Pie, just because.
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And on top of all that, more hugs for the Espada.
stuffpoint.com/my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic/image/75884-my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic-lol-aj.gif I loved this chapter!
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GOD DAMNIT MAN! YOU BEAT ME TO IT! I WAS THINKING THAT WHEN I GOT TO THAT SCENE AND SCROLLED DOWN TO MAKE SURE NO ONE ELSE HAD DONE IT, BUT ALAS, YOU BEAT ME TO IT! THIS MEANS WAR!
(I'm happy that someone got it though ^_^)
OK, several things must be addressed:
1.) I can't WAIT for Ulquiorra to do Segunda Etapa… whenever that may be. Whenever he does, and he gives them the 'I am true despair' speech, they'll probably back off of the whole 'friendship is magic, Ulqy' idea… It's going to happen sooner or later…
2.) Who else here thinks that Discord started the rank war from afar?
3.) PRANK WAR!
4.) I have to do this, it's been stuck in my head a week now:
Sorry, but it just wouldn't go away… I had to use it… I had to… wait for it, 'Let it Go'! Get it?
3775441 Now I want to do a Nnoitora story… but I already had plans to do a Barragan story… FUCK!
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How could I have forgotten about that? There is nothing quit like an awkward hug. Especially when it involves a merciless killing machine and pretty princess pony.
Ah good old comedy relief. I eagerly await this war of epic proportions
I also can't wait to see how Ulquiorra tries friendship. However you handle it, it's bound to be quite entertaining.
It's really cool how he's not grasping their concept of friendship so readily, and staying in character throughout the story. However you do it, keep up the good work author!
What about Barragan? He's ranked higher, but I'm pretty sure he would have slaughtered many. (Yammy is number 10 so he's still ranked lower.)
Honestly the only Espada that wouldn't kill for no reason is Stark, Hallibell, and Ulquiorra.
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Ulquiorra doesn't care for Barragan much. He's got no reason to bother with putting much thought into why he might not have been chosen by Discord for whatever purpose he has to fulfill.
Oh Ulqy you know damn well you want friends! xD
Its finally up to the part where he's considering friendship and it only took the death of chrysalis.
This is fantastic I can't wait for more!
Now about this prank war... will philomena be involved?
3778913 Perhaps thats an underlining reason why they're the one of the strongest of the espada in bleach? The creator wanted to convey a message that to have true strength is knowing when to use it?
That kinda thing. :P
Well as a positive note, Ulquiorra now has a refuge to retreat to if he ever needs to escape somepony that's annoying him.
And yes, epic hug from Best Pony Princess EVAH! 
Below are the edits for this chapter:
*the dates, report numbers and various - the dates, report numbers, and various
*come from Cloudsdale direct - come from Cloudsdale directly
*To think that the changelings would encounter a love that was so pure, it ultimately proved to be their own undoing. - I'm a little confused about this one. I could have forgotten the point you're referencing, but I just can't recall what this is about. Did you add this erroneously or is my old age acting up?
*ability to communicate and worth with - ability to communicate and work with
*He intention was to point - His intention was to point
*make him stop and actually stop and readily - make him stop and readily
*did nothing to clear of the many - did nothing to clear off the many
*and yet it was embrace by the - and yet it was embraced by the
*time he never conclusive said - time he never conclusively said
*indeed amused to not end, - indeed amused to no end,
*doth not know she hath started," - doth not know what she hath started,"
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No you don't. It's too OOC.
3779057 Boooooo.
He's willing to attempt to understand the point of friendship. I got my money saying he still won't give a shit.
... Has Ulquiorra met Blueblood yet?
Aspect of Emptiness, meet the Aspect of Arrogance.
3780585 And once he realizes its significants some 30 chapters down the line does he learn a bit about the heart? Thats something that interests me and looking forward too.
I'm not saying once he understands friendship will he be then smiling and laughing with pinkie. (scrub that image from my mind oh god...)
But I am saying somewhere down the line whether he realizes or not he will understand, Logically or otherwise.
And this chapter it is finally said he'll attempt to understand, many things have happened from simply attempting something.
And if by the end of this story does he not realize anything about the heart whatsoever I would have to say this would really disappoint me.
3779104
Then explain Barragan to me.
3781503 Uh... No? Why, does it matter?
Or did you confuse me for someone else?
OH well not everyone is gonna embody that message obviously take kenpachi for instance he was strong but he always was on the crazy side the only reason I think he didn't kill anyone who was as strong as he was because he had the title captain to uphold.
Sometimes creators have to spice it up by making the insane ones insanely strong.
*Note: I don't know who the fuck barragan is as I stopped watching the episodes around 450-500* xD
It's basically in reference to a point made earlier in the story during Chrysalis' interrogation, where she mentioned several of her children sacrificing themselves in order to keep her from dying first. They basically loved their mother so much, they were willing to die so that she might live on.
Unfortunately this event of undisclosed timing was the primary reason she not only went insane, but she contracted the changeling equivalent of mad cow disease; because of the purest, most selfless form of love they could imagine.
That is correct. You only have 923-ish words for the report, not including the formalities.
Ahh, gosh, the ending of this chapter!
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... What do you mean? In the S4 flashbacks the elements were seperate gems that could be possesed by anyone with the magical capability, thus how Celsetia could use all of them alone on Nightmare Moon.
Also, don't care if I am replying to a 20 week old comment.
4486126 That's why they were not at full strength. They banished her instead of curing her. Then celestia could no longer use them.
I don't remember which one, but I believe one of the links in this chapter leads to a dead video. If I am wrong, I know one of the recent chapters had one.
I really don't think Ulquiorra will be using that room much. He doesn't feel fatigue or need to sleep.
Sounds like a prank war is starting. If they try to get Ulquiorra involved, well I imagine he would evade any attempt. He is very hyper-aware of his surroundings, as he showed when he tricked Pinkie into using her joybuzzer on herself.
This shit slaps, I actually laughed, but seriously Twilight, please no rambling while you write