• Member Since 7th May, 2013
  • offline last seen 8 hours ago

Akumokagetsu


NOT NOW SWEETIE

Sequels1

T

Now part of the extended Millerverse!

Part One in the Dawnbreaker Trilogy! Check out Part Two here!
It's got clichés! It's got action! It's got foul language and cheap humor!
Ryan Miller, after heaving himself into an all-too-clichéd partially unexplained Vortex-o-Doom that opened up after his twin cousins and a Doctor with a time machine nearly ended the world, finds himself in a place that very well may kill him.
A place so full of kindness and friendship that it could make him vomit just thinking about it.
Ryan Miller is not a nice person.
However, everything is not what it seems in Equestria, as a looming threat steadily grows on the horizon. Uncovering a vast political conspiracy and the dark underbelly of what at first seems to be a carefree paradise, the very borders of the universe are at stake and all of reality may come unraveled!
And our (almost) hero could not possibly give a shit less.
Will the only human in Ponyville save the day?
Or will he even make it home alive?
FIND OUT IN THIS NOT VERY EPIC STORY BEFORE THE NOT VERY EPIC CONCLUSION!

Credit for the awesome story cover goes directly to Ikemtz16, who worked tirelessly to pour his awesomesauce onto paper and give it life.

Chapters (40)
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Comments ( 449 )

HISTORY HAS BEEN MADE.
This story now has more 'likes' than 'dislikes'!
....
Aaaaaaaand.....
.................................
Jinxed it.

Well...

I haven't seen many HiE stories where the protagonist, if you can even call him that, is a complete... jerk...?

But this is hilarious, and you should make more.

And he couldn’t possibly fathom why.

Yeah, now I KNOW he has brain damage.

Did... are....

Is our asshole protagonist getting character development... that's positive!?

Yes! A new fabulous chapter. It is delicious to my mind. Tastes like a sundae. I like sundaes. Keep up the good work!

2592152

Fear!? I fear the brain freeze!? NEVER! I accept the pain like a- oweoweowe alright nevermind, but it is always worth it. Always.

(For the record, Dan is not in this story. However, Dan and the protagonist(?) do share certain similarities, which I found downright hilarious.)

Biggest disappointment of my week right here.

2610786
Don't worry;
I never said Dan wasn't showing up.
(And sorry for the disappointment. It probably smells like toast.)

Your exquisite use of the word "Blargleflargle" has me intrigued.

2624272
I AM MOST HONORED AT YOUR AMAZEMENT OF THE EXQUISITENESS THAT IS BLARGLE FLARGLE, GOOD SIR OR MADAM!
...
Damned Caps Lock...

Damn you... what an end to this chapter.

2624930
Is that a good 'damn you,' or a bad 'damn you'?
I can't really tell.

Three broken ribs, a broken leg, a broken arm, one dislocated shoulder and if his skull is intact after THAT distance I call dibs on Celestia putting a prevent death spell on him. :pinkiecrazy::rainbowlaugh:

It didn't work Rainbow Dash, Ryan. What made you think it would work for you?

Just offer the dragon a bribe.

This guy reminds me of mickey the dick.

2634901
XD
I hadn't even considered that one. I wonder how well he'd fare in Equestria as well...
Also, since this story has gotten so many unexpected Likes and Favorites, I've decided to pull another all-nighter in order to get the next chapter up in a reasonable amount of time.
:twilightsheepish:

JBL

Damn Fluttershy!

JBL

Ouch, kicked in the nuts :raritycry::raritydespair::pinkiesick:

JBL

Maybe he should threaten to eat them, that'll keep em in line! :rainbowlaugh:

JBL

Bahahahaha well at least now he can ruin Rarity's reputation! :rainbowlaugh:

2637176
Hang on... are...
Are you commenting per chapter?
...
NOW, THAT'S HOW IT'S DONE! :D

JBL

2582628 Because she's Trollestia, that's why!

JBL

Welp, he must feel like an idiot. Although something tells me he's going to get well acquainted with that feeling!

JBL

Oh daaaaamnnnnn

JBL

He had absolutely no intention whatsoever of hurting any of these little ponies.

Well fuck.

JBL

The plot thickens!

JBL

With all the abuse he's getting, he should just move in with Lyra and guilt trip all of them!

JBL

2637195 Indeed I am, good sir, indeed I am :moustache:

Glad to finally be up to date. It's been going good so far, but now the constant injuries are wearing a bit thin. Now, I realize that Ryan isn't an evil person per se, but I was hoping he would be more reactive whenever he gets banged up like that. Maybe it's time he decides to use his brain a little more! I was serious about him guilt tripping the ponies, delicately and deceptively done to ensure maximum payoff. If nothing else, he has a lot of ammo he could use!

2637438
... You read this all in one sitting?
That's... not bad. :trixieshiftright:
Well done.
Should have the next chapter up soon.

2634318 Not that I know of, but given the distance between the mountain and Ponyville, that just seemed the most likely stats to occur. Mainly because he suffered only skin wounds so far :derpytongue2:

The poor, poor bastard. :facehoof:

JBL

Well now I guess he ease up on Twilight a bit more, but no reason not to make some of them, a la Rainbow Dash, feel guilty as hell.

JBL

Damn, there goes the perfect window for some angst. Hmmmmm of course, he could investigate what Rarity has been saying about him, make her feel like crap and get some sweet revenge. The whole 'Ryan is a punching bag and keeps accumulating injuries' shtick is starting to wear thin, though.

2642564
Believe me, I know that (I wrote it). It happens for a specific reason, though.
BUT I'M NOT GOING TO TELL, BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE A SPOILER!
MWAHAHAHA! :moustache:

“I swear to Celestia, if you harm a single hair on her mane I will fuck you up.”

You realize, now, that me reading the rest of your story after that fuckin' line will delay me writing the next chapter of my own fic, right? I hope you're happy. :ajbemused:

Just one gripe, though. Line breaks between paragraphs, or at least indents. (I personally find it easier on the eyes if there's line breaks, though.)

2646761
XD Sorry to delay your own masterpiece in progress... From what I've read already, it's very good. And I noticed the lack of paragraph breaks about four chapters in, I've just been too lazy to go back and re-edit thus far. It will be done eventually, though.
Sigh. That's what I get for using defaults on Microsoft Word.

Fun story so far, like where this is headed. I'm a bit lost with the 'dawnbreaker' deal though, is that a reference or is it meant to be a mystery at this point?

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