The world's greatest failure at writing. I try.
On a return from a frustratingly dull mission, Captain James Tiberius Kirk and his crew stumble across Equestria, but soon discover a Klingon plot to devastate the entire planet, and eventually, conquer the Fedaration. Join Captain Kirk and his crew in:
Star Trek VII: The Equestrian Frontier
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I like this. Captured the Enterprise crew perfectly (love all the reactions to dropping off the diplomats), and the ponies were well done, too. Just one question. When Twilight is refreshing the brightness of the approaching ship, what's she using? A computer? Some spell built into the telescope?
Star Trek... in Equestria!?
BEST DAY EVER!
I can't really rate it so far, as there isn't much to go on, but I'm interested to see where you take the story. I've got an idea in the works for my own Star Trek crossover, but I can tell that it will be substantially different.
As for this, and what you might do to improve it... The perspective jumps around a lot, you may want to stay longer with a given character, even if that means the precise order of events is scrambled. At least put in clear indications that the focus is shifting, it'll make it easier to read. Something as simple as this can work:
-~@~-
Also, when someone starts speaking, put it in a new line, e.g.
Rainbow Dash walked into Sugarcube Corner
Pinkie Pie greeted her with a loud, "Hi Dashie!"
Rainbow Dash replied, "Hiya Pinkie."
203513
K, thx for the input. Imma gonna take that into account for my next edit.
And yes, in this story the ponies are just beginning to embrace technology, so she is using a computer. Nothing too complicated, just a lens that records the brightness on a scale of 1-10. Something that you could buy, build, and program in about an hour and a half.
i.imgur.com/pnQZ3.jpg
Unfortunately, I couldn't really let technology advance beyond the simple camera without it being a completely different storyline, as the whole plot depends upon the ponies being helpless before the Klingons.: twilightoops:
I've got this mental image of Pinkie Pie trying to get Spock to smile
Lieutenant not Leutenant
(Yep. The spell check in the comments caught it too.)
Oh, and please take those pictures off the bottom. If you want them, re-post the story and put them as a first comment.
Interesting. Im going to assume that Kirk will watch the series before they land, and become a brony. Spock will be like -_-. Until Pinkie Pie finds him. Nobody can resist Pinkius Piecus.
Fascinating.
Chapter Two, ready for reading! Enjoy, and tell me what you think of the first contact between humans and Ponies!
So, they shot the heck out of the manticore because it was there? They couldn't just stun it?
ΔΓ
Think of it this way. You're on a planet with almost no data whatsoever on local wildlife, fairly nervous with your finger on the trigger of a gun. Suddenly, a huge hideous creature that looks like a cross between three incredibly deadly/creepy animals surprises you and roars at you. Would you:
A. Shoot the fuck out of it
B. Sit down and offer it a cup of tea
C. Run away screaming
D. Turn the weapon to stun
Oh by the way, stun blasts are fatal at close range.
Also Kirk watched the show....
Although considering captain Kirk I was more expecting him to touch down expecting space babes....
It has been some time since I watched TOS. Is Kirk's phaser always set to kill? I remember that Piccard would sit down and have a cup of tea with the manticore, but I can't remember standart procedure for Kirk.
Anyway, no redshirt in the away team?
208699
Kirk does use stun frequently, but again, that is a life and death situation, making the use of kill instinctual.
Welcome to the herd, Kirk.
So, time for me to rub my STO stats all over Kirk. So, crew of 400? I've got about 1,000. Federation and Klingon alliance? Yea, that's gonna fail pretty soon. Consitution-Class Cruiser? I've got the Galaxy-Class Cruiser that Picard had. ITS BIGGER THAN YOURS.
Now the story. YES! IT PLEASES ME!
For those who don't know, Kirks weapons have no Stun setting. Thats because
A)he never takes a mission that involves capturing somebody. If he has to capture someone, he brings Spock along to give it a Neck-Pinch. Which is followed by kick to the groin by Kirk.
B) Thanks to Garrus, that phaser isn't callibrated.
i loved it and wanted to give five stars but im an idiot and can't find the stars part
269718 lol
good story
a> run update.exe
269718 it's a vulcan nerve pinch, not a neck pinch
852866 meh, whatevs. Story hasnt been updater for months, I gave up on it. Maybe ill write something using my character from STO.
Galaxy-class ? I got Soverign-class with me bitches!
1036628
Forget the Sovereign class, you do not mess with a federation dreadnaught.
1926815 you do not mess with a Sovereign, even the grand dreadnaught would not last long under the direct fire of a Sovereign-class cruiser, Spinal laser lance? I got quantum torpedoes!
Guys, this story is officially on hiatus. I wrote this a long while back, and have been having problems getting the story where it needs to go. I've decided that I'm going to work on some other projects first, and come back to this with more experience and an editor.
So, to you, the fans of two of the five best tv shows of all time, I bid thee adieu.
Live long and prosper,
Graviton
1926854
I beg to differ, partially when I have those too
lets see... cloaking device, breen energy displacer, harg'peng torpedoes (weak, yes, but use full)
1926980 cloaks are for those who want to hide away like a coward, Breen energy displacers can only work for so long and do not affect torpedoes, harg'peng torpedoes can be neutralized by Hazard emitters, while a Sovereign has quantum torpedoes, an antimatter deflector dish that can be separated from the hull and blown up at the enemy, and several other tricks up it's sleeve like the 'picard maneuver'
1933618
you know what.. forget it. I was never good at pvp anyway, even when I captained a sovereign. /summonelementsofharmony
Peace kept
This is awesome! It's written just like an old episode of Star Trek! Please, you have to keep writing this, it's the only non-ponified crossover with the original Star Trek that I can find.
Also, I've got just two gripes.
1. Kirk's willingness to kill the manticore. The show portrayed his as (mostly) a pacifist. Although he wasn't above fighting and incapacitating a threat, he would only kill if it was one hundred percent necessary.
2.
>"...I watched the whole series before we left."
>"Did that pony just talk?"
1926909 hope u finish this someday.
You just got burned by Spock. You are now as low as it is possible to be, McCoy.