• Member Since 27th Dec, 2012
  • offline last seen Mar 16th, 2014

CelestiasLover123


T

Twilight's compassionate adventure to confess her love to her goddess... Will she be able to or will she fail?

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 17 )
Comment posted by CelestiasLover123 deleted May 9th, 2013

I really enjoyed the story, but one thing that needs to be done is separation of character dialog. It gets confusing trying to read one set to jump right into the next. Other than that over all I'd give this story a 7/10. I will keep this favorited for future chapters. And thumbs up. :twilightsmile:

This was an amazing chapter, but I have to agree with dj-cyrix. You need to fix the separation of character dialog. It also seemed to be rushed a bit. Other than that, it was very good and can't wait for more chapters.

-BMAGIC678:twilightsmile:

2548280 I really apperciate the feedback! I made this as a quicky to show my type of writing style and to see if people liked where I was going. I will start a new chapter soon if people like the story!

It really cute! I love the whole Twilestia thing, its one of my fav ships! Anyway, keep going at it! :twilightsheepish:

2548444 Um wow. That really means a lot to me! Thanks so much! You got it mate!

2548557
Your welcome! :pinkiehappy: I'm going to write my own Twilestia fnafiction soon as well. I'll be making my own cover and everything!

Oh Heavens thanks after all this Dark Twilestia stuff lately, finally someone who don't need this Tack for his Story.

Please do me/us a Favor and separate this Wall of Text at the End and I have to agree with dj-cyrix its getting confusing trying to read the Character dialog like this.

But seriously nice Story so far, feels a bit rushed. Well let’s see where this leads.

Thums up and Favorit.

Consider yourself Watched:twilightsmile:

MFG
Raitythunder

2548870 Thank you soooooo very much!!! You got it! I wrote down all of your submissions and I think people are liking it so. Chapter 2 coming soon!

Please for the love of my brain change to people talking in " ". I keep thinking they are thinking to themselves.

Also it went a little fast but other than that this story is Neato.

2551032 The story was just a preview of my writing style... chapter 2 will have all the bells and whistles for sure!

2553570
But still for a better First Impression it would be wise to do a little Formatting of this Chapter:twilightsmile:

2554523 Fair enough well said :P ill look into it thank you for reading everyone!

Lil. Rushy. Slow down just a lil. Give a lil more exposition. Expect a message of recommended Edits from me.

A bit of critisism. Whenever a character starts talking, a new paragraph starts. In addition, quotation marks should be used for dialouge.

So:

’We’re here Twilight’ She said with a warm stretch. ’Great! What should we do first princess?’ Twilight exclaimed. ’Oh Twilight, It's getting late I will escort you to where you are sleeping tonight’ Twilight and Celestia got out of the chariot and began walking into the castle. Celestia led Twilight to her old guest room at the castle where she stayed when she was younger. ’It hasn't changed at all, Thank you princess’ Twilight said warm heartedly. ’Twilight please call me Celestia, you have no need to refer to me as your princess in private. I want you to treat me like an equal, not a princess’ Twilight walked over and gave her a nuzzle, ’Good night Celestia’ (I love you) Twilight wanted to say it so bad but knew she couldn't.

Becomes:

"We’re here Twilight" She said with a warm stretch.

"Great! What should we do first princess?" Twilight exclaimed.

"Oh Twilight, It's getting late I will escort you to where you are sleeping tonight"

Twilight and Celestia got out of the chariot and began walking into the castle. Celestia led Twilight to her old guest room at the castle where she stayed when she was younger.

"It hasn't changed at all, Thank you princess" Twilight said warm heartedly.

"Twilight please call me Celestia, you have no need to refer to me as your princess in private. I want you to treat me like an equal, not a princess"

Twilight walked over and gave her a nuzzle, "Good night Celestia" (I love you) Twilight wanted to say it so bad but knew she couldn't.

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