Voidrunner

by The DM

Crew Q&A

//NOTE: This “chapter” is optional. It is NOT important to the story, nor does it really add anything of importance. It is merely for fun and should not be taken seriously.

A large crowd of humans and ponies sat, waiting in the massive entry hall of Canterlot castle. Before them was long table with multiple chairs set up on one side, much like one would find at a convention panel. Today was going to be an exciting day for the journalists, Princess Celestia had organized the event as a way to build relations between humans and ponies.

After a few minutes, a number of the crew from the Tuscany entered the room, followed by both Celestia and Luna. Everyone moved to their respective places and quickly sat down. Celestia moved closer to the microphone set in front of her as she prepared to speak.

“Thank you everypony for coming today. I know you all have some questions you would like to ask, so we will get started right away,” The solar Princess stated. A number of hooves and hands went up, trying to gain the attention of the panel.

“You there. The guy with a black jacket,” Daniel said, pointing at the crowd.

“Thank you. I have two questions. First to the SPARTANs. How do you feel about the SPARTAN IV program?”

Dior leaned forward as she formulated her answer. “It’s quite a bit different from the days of the SPARTAN II and III programs. It’s safer and more successful. As to how I feel about it? I enjoy being a SPARTAN.”

“Really? You enjoy being an intergalactic badass for a living? Shocker,” Andrew smirked, leaning forward to look at the SPARTAN.

“What can I say, not everyone’s cut out to be this awesome,” Dior said with a shrug, earning a hearty laugh from the other SPARTANs at the table.

“Alright, and now a question for Andrew,” the reporter continued. Andrew instantly leaned forward expectantly. “Can you calibrate stuff like Garrus Vakarian?”

“Pfft. Bitch please. Most of my stuff can calibrate itself. Hell, that’s ninety percent of why I install an AI in just about everything I own. I’d put an AI in my shaving razor if it would improve performance. So to answer your question: I’m better.” the eccentric engineer replied.

A bit of laughter echoed through the room as the next reporter stood. “Hello there. My question is to any ODST or SPARTAN. Have you, or someone you know, ever contracted the helljumper’s disease?”

“I’ll answer this one,” Ahmad replied, leaning forward toward his microphone. “None of us on the Tuscany have contracted it, though I knew a few guys who did get it. Luckily they were killed by the Covenant before the disease could kill them. Since then, changes have been made to the drop pods and to the shielding around FTL drives.”

“Thank you. Now, have any of you SPARTANs met the Master Chief or any other SPARTAN II?” The reporter asked.

Trent leaned forward as he answered. “I did actually get a chance to meet him during a crew change on Earth. He’s... very quiet. If it’s not business, don’t expect to have a lengthy conversation.”

“Great, now to Andrew. Have you been able to reverse engineer any recovered Forerunner technology?”

Andrew began to chuckle as he spoke. “Ah, yes. We have made some progress in figuring out how all their cool toys work. We have had quite a bit of success with hardlight shields. Though weapons still prove to be problematic.”

The reporter sat down as an ice blue pegasus stood up. “This is a question to all. What would you do if gryphons tried to destroy the Tuscany and ponynap Luna?”

Every human at the table began laughing.

“I would wish them good luck,” Kelly said with a grin.

“Yeah, followed by the full fury of the UNSC seventh fleet bearing down on their heads,” Jonathan added.

“Basically it would not end well,” Daniel finally finished.

The pegasus finished taking notes before sitting down. A human reporter was next to stand.

“Now, my first question is to the SPARTANs. What is up with this helmet?"

The SPARTANs all looked at their datapads as the opened the picture. A few began laughing while others just groaned.

“Oh... that thing. Yeah, we don’t like to remember that it exists,” Raze answered with disappointment.

“Oh be quiet. I’d wear it,” the SPARTAN at the end of the table said with a grin.

“Well Mark, that’s because you’re as queer as a three dollar bill,” Raze replied with a chuckle.

Dior couldn’t hold in her laughter as she put her head down on the table as she laughed.

“Pfft, you're just jealous of how absolutely fabulous I am.” Mark said in a sing song voice, making everyone at the table laugh even harder.

“Oh god it hurts to breath!” Andrew said as his face turned red from lack of oxygen.

The reporter eventually recomposed himself as he prepared his next question. “Now my next question is a two parter for Captain Ryan. Has humanity regained itself in space? And, would the races of Avalon be able to expand and colonize without stepping on the toes of the UNSC?”

“Humanity has recovered very quickly in our ability to field spacecraft, so thats not really an issue,” Daniel replied with a dismissive wave, “Now, if the races of Avalon wanted to expand, I can’t imagine any issues with it. They are technically considered a planet under the UNSC sphere of influence, so quite frankly, the UNSC would not only let them expand, but we would even give them a list of possible destinations.”

“Great. Now for the whole crew: red or blue?”

“Blue,” Daniel replied.

“Nah man, red,” Andrew challenged.

The table quickly devolved into the humans shouting either red or blue, ending with a fifty-fifty split.

“So yeah, looks like it’s evenly split. Even though we know blue is master race,” Daniel nnounced with a chuckle.

The reporter thanked the panel before sitting down. A light blue pegasus then stood.

“So Andrew, do you have ADHD?” The pegasus asked bluntly.

“ADHD. Attention Defi... oh dude! That guy has a fez! That’s so cool!” Andrew shouted while waving at a pony wearing a fez.

“Does that answer your question?” Daniel asked with a smile.

“Oh yeah,” the pegasus said while sitting down.

A yellow pegasus reporter then stood up, intent on asking a question or two. “Does it bother you that Princess Luna is sleeping with you and holding you as if she was your girl?”

A series of “Oooo’s” echoed across the table. Daniel sighed, while Luna’s cheeks turned bright red. Celestia couldn’t help but laugh at her sister’s reaction.

“Uhh... no comment.” Daniel quietly muttered into his mic.

“Oh come on!” Andrew shouted across the table.

“Yeah, I wanna hear this,” Zerom said with a shit-eating grin.

“Oh fine. Does it bother me? No, why would it?” Daniel replied, trying to divert the question.

“Oh please. There’s more to it than that.” Celestia said while chuckling at Daniel’s discomfort. “The two of you were quite adorable on the flight back from Ecotonia.”

“Why me...” The Captain muttered.

“Hey. It’s your fault for sleeping with Luna.” Andrew said dismissively.

“What!” Luna shouted at Andrew, causing the engineer to hide behind Dior.

“If she comes for you, I’m throwing your ass out there,” the SPARTAN said threateningly.

The other humans at the table continued to laugh at the scene unfolding in front of them. “Oh god, this day just keeps getting better,” Zerom said between laughs.

The reporter jotted down the responses before sitting down. Finally, the last reporter stood up. A grey earthpony with a recorder on a lanyard. “Now, my question is for Princess Luna. Have you had any trouble with any human video games? If so, which ones?”

The lunar Princess quickly recovered from the previous embarrassing question. “Hmmm... the only really challenging game I have come across was Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. The Water Temple has been giving me so many problems, but it hasn’t been enough to deter me,” she replied proudly. After that point, the questions began to taper off until the room sat in silence.

“Well, I think that’s enough for today.” Celestia began to address the crowd. “Thank you all for coming today. We will see about doing another session like this at a later date.

With it all said and done, the reporters gathered their belongings and made their way out of the castle. Daniel and the others at the table also got up, going back to their own work.

Author's Note:

I gotta say, I enjoyed this. It's silly, unedited, and should not be taken seriously.

ONWARD TO THE REAL STORY!

Comments

[RoadRunneR]

Just FYI: the picture of the helmet is broken.

[Solowing32]

In accordance to Lulu's last Q, I want to play a game of Battlefield with/against her.

[Cunt_Crusader]

Eugh, LoZ. Bad.

[CanadianFluttershy]

Omg i loved it!! What you did with my questions was perfect thanks man

For those who wants to know my question, it's the two last.

[EverfreeSparkle]

That last question... The Water Temple... God, You win a win.

[Goopgon]

You did my question! Yayyyyyy

[dawn_rising]

I love the unicorn helmet. Anyone who says otherwise will die

[ToscoFarrax]

3025231 say dat to my 13+ K/D!!!! Lawl, I wish I had a K/D like that U.u

[Necrogen Lord]

Dear Luna,

Two Words: Dark Souls.

Sincerely,

Your Evil Half

[cjusa1234]

Lol Water temple is SO ANNOYING.

So I agree.

[That Forerunner]

Shit if Luna were to play call of duty with a bunch of noobs, just imagine all the screaming and accusing her of being a hacker.

[Titan Commander Sebaste]

Oh god, this has me laughing so hard!

[bookworm917]

F**K the water temple. Seriously.

[0Z0mbie]

BLUES FOR THE WIN

[DrCygnus]

A bit of laughter echoed through the room as the next reporter stood. “Hello there. My question is to any ODST or SPARTAN. Have you, or someone you know, ever contracted the helljumper’s disease?”

that's... not a thing