My Little Western

by Laurence Brown

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

Still fuming over the reception that her show had received, and not wanting to return to Appleloosa right away, Trixie decided to follow The Coyote Colt. After a minute during which the grey unicorn had kept silent, she trotted up next to him and asked, "So, where exactly are we going?"

"It's a short ways, not too far." The Coyote Colt responded. "Me and my boys can't be too close to Appleloosa, after all. Otherwise, those settler ponies would form a posse and force us even farther out into the desert. Being pushed out once was enough for us to begin with."

"They pushed you out?" Trixie asked, surprised that a unicorn would allow himself to be pushed around by a bunch of earth ponies so easily.

"Yup." Pausing to spit off to one side, and ignoring Trixie's shudder at the act, he then continued, "Back before there was an Appleloosa, I lived all alone out here. Had myself a nice little parcel of land. You weren't too far from it when you were performing earlier tonight. Then word got out to the so called civilized parts of Equestria. Ponies heard that there was room to grow up here, a place to make their own. So, they all came on up in large numbers, and before I could do anything about it I was smack dab in the middle of a town I wanted nothing to do with."

"What did you do?" Trixie asked, drawn in by the stallion's tale despite herself.

"Well, first I tried to see if I could sell my land, maybe get a different parcel further out. I like my privacy, you see. But the amount of money they offered me wasn't close to the value of my property. But what else could I do? The sheriff flat out told me, I could either take what they were offering, or stay put and cope with how things had turned out. Finally, I caved in and took what they offered, and tried to settle a new plot farther out. Of course, just a month later, the townsfolk decided that where I had moved to was the perfect place to plant an apple orchard. So, I was told to move again. No choice in the matter this time either." The grey unicorn stallion fell silent, and continued walking.

"So," Trixie said after a brief pause, "what? You moved even further out then?"

The Coyote Colt nodded. "That I did. It's an ugly patch of land, but I reckon them Appleloosans won't bother me for a bit this far out. And even where I am, I've managed to make some friends. Some others who share my dislike of those greedy settler ponies." He turned to look Trixie straight in the eye. "I'd like you to meet them. I think you just might fit in with us."

Trixie started to feel a little uneasy. "Well, I'm not certain about that..."

"Let me ask you a couple questions. Exactly how much did all those fireworks of yours cost? Did you get them for free, somewhere?"

"No. As a matter of fact, they're fairly expensive." Trixie admitted. "Not that money is of much concern to the Great and Powerful Trixie."

The Coyote Colt nodded. "And just how much money did you make from your show? Enough to to break even?"

Trixie stopped in her tracks. "Why, now that I think of it, I don't think I was given even a single bit by anypony! Not a single one of them, and I stayed and watched them all leave too! The nerve of them!"

The Coyote Colt stopped and turned back to face Trixie. "Everypony knows, even me, a pony who lives way out here, that you still toss a few coins onto the stage in you liked the performance when it's over. They were all willing to cheer and stomp for you during the show, but could any of them be bothered to part with even a single bit? Hmm?"

Trixie felt herself growing indignant at the how she had been treated, when a question occurred to her. "Say, just how do you know what happened, anyways? You seem pretty well informed on what those cheapskate settlers did and didn't do."

Using his magic, The Coyote Colt levitated a pair of binoculars that Trixie had missed were attached to his bandoleer on the back of his neck. "My buddy Douglas saw your entrance into town, thought I might be interested that another unicorn had arrived. So, I came out to take a look from a distance, since the settler's aren't too keen on me coming into town. I could tell right away what you were doing, so while you were setting things up, I did my best to sneak in as close as I could. Thanks for holding your show at sundown, by the way. Made it that much easier to get up close and see what all happened." He shook his head sadly. "I still can't believe how unlucky you were, with things going wrong like that."

Trixie frowned. "I can't either. The only thing I can think of is that coming down the trail as fast as I did shook things up in the wagon. Even that doesn't explain why the record player came back on all of a sudden though."

"Well, we can worry about that later. Here we are, at my homestead." The Coyote Colt gestured with a hoof at a run down house with a small vegetable garden on one side. Light shone out from the window, and Trixie could see shadows moving inside. "Why don't you wait up here for a second, let me clue the boys in that I brought a visitor back with me. They can all be a bit... jumpy when a stranger shows up without them knowing ahead of time." Without waiting for a reply, he galloped down to his home and entered.

Finding herself left alone, Trixie thought back to the warning that the sheriff had made about outlaws causing trouble for Appleloosa. Was The Coyote Colt and his still unseen friends the ones the sheriff had been talking about? She decided that she really couldn't tell just yet. The sheriff hadn't even mentioned if one of the outlaws was a unicorn, and judging by The Coyote Colt's story, he seemed more like a pony down on his luck than any sort of trouble maker. Deciding that she could at least hear these ponies out, and figuring that she could use her magic to easily get her out of any trouble that might arise if they were a group of thugs, Trixie waited patiently.

After a few minutes of standing alone, Trixie was about to turn around and leave after all, tired of the growing delay, when The Coyote Colt finally exited his house and trotted up to her. "Sorry about that. The guys had made a mess while I was away, and they wanted to clean things up real quick before you came inside. It isn't an everyday occurrence that a lady visits us way out here, after all." Trixie smiled at the compliment. He led Trixie down to the front door, and paused. "Just as a warning, the fellows are a little bit nervous around strangers the first time they see them, so try not to take any silence on their part as anything other than them getting used to you." That said, he opened the front door wide.

Trixie was surprised by the fact that inside, only one other pony could be seen. She also saw a pair of buffalo, and a tall, upright creature that made her think of a dog or a wolf. Seeing her confusion, the blue grey being grabbed his black cowboy hat from his head and bowed respectfully. "Hello, ma'am." he said in a deep, raspy voice. "Might I judge from your studies of me that you have never seen one of my kind before?"

"Um, yes." Trixie replied, taken aback by how civilized his speech patterns were.

"I am a diamond dog. My kind prefers to live underground, but I never enjoyed that kind of life. My name is Douglas, and it is a pleasure to meet you..."

Trixie realized he was waiting for her name, and she replied, "I am the Great and Powerful Trixie. I am glad to have made your acquaintance as well."

The Coyote Colt stepped forward, and gestured to the two buffalo. "These here are the brothers Tumble and Weed." Tumble had a shaggy coat of light brown fur, while his brother Weed's was of a much darker shade of brown. Each grunted in turn as their name was spoken. "They both sympathize with my plight, as they have been forced to watch their own tribe be slowly pushed away from their traditional lands by the settlers of Appleloosa. Tired of watching their chief have to make compromise after concession, just to keep the buffalo people from being utterly shut out from their ways, they have joined up with me. The hope is that, together, we can find a way to make the settler ponies at least recognize the thoughtlessness of their actions against the natives of this land."

Trixie nodded slowly. "I am sorry to hear of that. It was something The Great and Powerful Trixie was unaware of."

The Coyote Colt chuckled angrily. "Of course you hadn't heard of it. It isn't like the settler ponies would up and announce to any and every pony who arrived in their town everything they did that might make them look bad." He then pointed at the brown pegasus, who Trixie realized had only one wing to go with his cutie mark of a whirlwind. "This here is One Winged Willie. He used to help out Appleloosa with the weather, make living out here in these harsh lands much more bearable. But he got bit by a rattler one night, and the poison of the snake was so bad, it atrophied his wing and made him hurt all day long. Finally, at his pleading, they cut it off to stop the agony. But since he was unable to do his job anymore, they pretty much pushed him out of town."

"They done and bushwacked by bird feathers, they did!" the pegasus said in a high pitched voice that made Trixie wonder if he was drunk. "Gone and made me like a scorpion without his stinger, yup yup yup!"

The Coyote Colt leaned in towards Trixie and whispered into her ear, "He isn't all there anymore, if you know what I mean. Which makes the townsfolk forcing him away all the more tragic, if you ask me." Straightening up, he said to everyone, "Trixie here suffered at their hooves like the rest of us. She went and tried to put on a exhibition of magic for their entertainment. But when some bad luck happened, they mercilessly laughed at her, made fun of her!" The rest of his gang shook their heads in dismay, and muttered how unfair it all was.

Trixie felt her pride swell. Finally, some folks who sympathized with her, who seemed to understand! "Well, it is a good thing indeed you found her then, boss. We wouldn't have wanted her to be caught up in your plan for tonight!" Douglas said.

The Coyote Colt nodded. "Indeed." he turned to Trixie. "Me and my boys were going to go pull a prank of the townsfolk tonight. They just finished building a new water tower a couple of days ago, and we thought it might be fun to go and paint our names on it. Let them know that, no matter how much they push us around, that they can't get rid of us as easily as they wish they could."

Trixie frowned. "That sounds a bit dangerous! I mean, if they have all been as rotten as you say they are, what is there to stop them from coming at all of you in force?"

The grey unicorn chuckled. "Oh, we're fully aware of the risks. But if we can get them to feel even a portion of the frustration they made us undergo, why, it'll be worth it. I was going to suggest that you stay here while we go and pull it off, though. Like you say, things could get out of hand. The Appleloosans might go a bit overboard, after all, if they see us too soon. Unless..." he paused, and shook his head. "No, I'm an idiot for even thinking about it. Forget I said anything."

Trixie felt her curiosity roused. "Oh? Surely it could not hurt to tell me about it."

His face blushing in embarrassment, The Coyote Colt looked to the side and said softly, "Well, I was thinking that, if you did something even remotely close to those awesome spells you were using during your performance, it would create the perfect distraction for the rest of us, easily buying us enough time to get in, make our marks, and get out again before they knew what we were doing. Especially after they didn't even give you a single bit for your efforts earlier, it'd be a way for you to get back at them for that slight too."

Trixie felt conflicted. After all, she didn't really know this group well enough-- she didn't know anypony out here well enough, really-- to be choosing sides in something like this. The obvious choice was to just stand back, maybe return to her wagon and curl up for the night. Pretend she knew nothing about anything related to this.

And yet, she also felt an urge to help this motley crew out. Even though she hardly knew them, they seemed to have warmed to her rather quickly. And as The Coyote Colt had said, the settlers had been rather rude to her. They had laughed at her, and treated her efforts as nothing more than a joke. Why, it would be delicious irony she realized if her tricks helped prick the pride of these settlers! If she was careful, they wouldn't even see her, and she could then slip back to her wagon.

"You know what?" Trixie said. "The Great and Powerful Trixie is intrigued by this escapade of yours. What all would you have me do?"

"You, you would really help us out?" The Coyote Colt said in awe, tears starting to well up in his eyes. "You have no idea how much this means to us, Trixie. We've been trying to decide on what to do for a while now, and we all agree that things have finally gone far enough. We either have to pack up and head far away, or make a stand. And as you can see, we decided that we we're going to make a stand, once and for all." The rest of the gang nodded solemnly.

The Coyote Colt's face took on a sterner edge, and he motioned everyone to gather around him. "Okay, here's what the changes to the plan are going to be then..."

---

Well, I'm back from the show, cousin, and I have to admit that I have mixed feelings about what I just saw. Trixie was as stuck up as you made her out to be. Using long words, always talking about herself in the third pony, and as prideful as any pony I ever saw. But her show was completely different from the one you described in your earlier letter. Instead of just standing there bragging, baiting others to challenge her, well, she actually performed!

And, I have to admit, what I saw her do was for the most part pretty impressive. It's just that things went haywire for her the whole time. Small glitches in the act that made every trick she tried to perform backfire and made her look more like a clown than a performer. I'm still undecided if she meant to have everything she tried to do mess up on purpose, or if she was just really unlucky.

Not sure about what else to write, Braeburn put his quill down and looked outside. A half moon was rising in the sky, giving the landscape a ethereal white tint to it. He could even hear the sound of the piano playing in the Salt Lick if he tried to, with it being a rather quiet night. Feeling restless, Braeburn headed outside and slowly walked down the main street of Appleloosa. With no destination in mind, he simply wandered and was surprised to find himself back at the stage.

He looked around at the area, surprised to see that Trixie hadn't even bothered to clean up after her performance. A giant pile of rope was still sitting off to one side, where Trixie had pushed it after crawling out from underneath it. Even more shocking was the fact that her wagon still appeared to be open.

"Hello? Trixie?" he called out as he slowly walked towards the open wagon door. Peering inside, he saw a mess. Burn marks were everywhere, and nothing was situated like he would have expected it to be. Braeburn looked around for a sign of the unicorn performer, and didn't see any. With worry evident on his face, he galloped back to town. "I've got to tell the sheriff!" he said as he made a beeline for the jailhouse. "I wonder if something happened to her!"

Arriving at the jailhouse, he saw that the lights were out. Knowing that it was too early for the sheriff to be asleep already, he trotted over to the Salt Lick to see if he could find him there, or at the least somepony who had seen him recently. Just as he was about to enter between the swinging doors however, a loud boom rattled the windows. Braeburn jumped to one side as several ponies came running out of the watering hole to see what had caused such a ruckus.

On the top of a hill opposite of where the ponies stood, a small fire was visible. "What's going on here?" Braeburn turned to see that Sheriff Silverstar had indeed been inside the Salt Lick.

Trotting up to him, Braeburn said, "I don't know to be honest, sheriff. I was trying to find you when, just as I got here, well you heard it just as well as I did, I reckon. Maybe that's what caused the fire? Sort sort of explosion?"

The sheriff paused to consider things. "Well, we certainly can't leave that alone. Even though there isn't much of a wind at the moment, who knows when one will pick up and make it spread. Okay everypony, let's go put it out!" The assembled ponies moved off towards the hill, intent on stomping out the fire before it could grow.

"Sheriff!" Braeburn called out. Silverstar paused and turned back to him. "That wasn't the reason I was looking for you, sir."

"Oh, and what was?"

"I was walking down near the stage, and it looks like Trixie has just vanished. She didn't clean up after her performance, and her wagon is just sitting there, open with nopony around." Braeburn explained.

Sheriff Silverstar stopped, and gave a thoughtful look back at the fire on the hill. "I reckon those ponies can handle that problem up there. Why don't you come with me, son. All of a sudden I have a feeling that things are about to turn ugly."

Braeburn gulped. "Where are we going?"

"To the bank."

---

Trixie and One Winged Willie trotted down from the hill, leaving behind them a bonfire burning brightly. Trixie had used her magic to quickly gather up a large pile of wood, and then provided the loud noise. She then watched Willie, amazed at how quickly the pegasus had been able to get a flame going. "So, what do we do now?" she asked.

"Well, I reckon we can always skedaddle around the back way and join up with the rest of the gang at the bank." the pegasus replied.

Trixie paused. "The bank? Why would we go there?"

"Well, um, it's a place to gather at before we head to the water tower! Nice big place like that, in case we get lost, right?" Willie picked up his pace. "C'mon, let's get moving, we don't want to be late! Heh heh heh."

Trixie followed after the pegasus, confused at Willie's reasoning. How could any group get lost in such a small town like Appleloosa? But then, she realized, it wasn't like any of them lived in the town. Maybe they really didn't know much about the place? Trying to fit the pieces of the puzzle together in her head, she continued towards town. After they were a fair distance away from the hill, she saw a group of ponies racing up towards the fire they had set. Well, at least that seems to have worked out perfectly, she thought. The fire will be extinguished safely while keeping anypony from interfering with the vandalism that the others are performing right now.

"Ah, cactus needles!" Willie cried out. "They're gonna stop my precious fire! And so soon after I got her going too." he lamented. Trixie recoiled as a crazed look overtook the pegasus's face. "I guess I'll just have to start another one then!" Willie shouted in glee. With that, he dashed towards the town, heading straight to the closest building.

Stunned for a moment, Trixie galloped after the pegasus, wondering just what he had in mind. By the time she caught up to him, he had stopped outside a house, and was gathering up a bunch of wood and placing it under a window. "What are you doing?" She hissed at Willie, not wanting to draw the attention of anypony inside the house.

"Well, since those Apple-idiots are putting out my other fire, I thought I'd set another one right here!" He continued to shove kindling under the stack of wood he had gathered.

"There's no need to do that! We were just supposed to make a distraction while the others go and paint their names on the water tower!" Trixie looked around, glad to see that the two of them were still unnoticed by anypony yet. "Not only will another fire bring those other ponies back faster from the site of the first fire, you're likely to hurt somepony!"

Willie turned to Trixie and gave her a look that turned her blood cold with fear. His eyes were open wide, and yet his pupils were so tiny she could barely see them. "I know!" He said, his voice filled with malice and eagerness. "Wouldn't that be great?" He turned his attention back to his pile of wood, and pulled out his flint and steel from underneath his wing.

Trixie took a couple of steps away from Willie, fearful of what the seemingly senile injured pegasus had turned into. In the distance, she heard somepony yell, "The bank! Bandits are trying to rob the bank!"

Things quickly fell into place for Trixie. Using her magic, she pulled the flint and steel away from Willie's hooves, and flung them on top of the house. "Hey! Why'd you have to go and do that for?" Willie protested.

Not bothering to answer, Trixie looked around, and seeing a clothesline in the neighboring yard, magicked it over to her. Seeing that Willie was starting to run off, she send the cord after him, and tangled up his feet with it, tripping him just before he got onto the main avenue. "Fellas! Help!" Willie called out. "That witch has turned on me! She stole my fire tools, and is trying to mrrfmrrf!"

The pegasus was cut off as Trixie grabbed a bucket with her magic and used to to cover his mouth. "Now, now." Trixie chided the pegasus. "That isn't a polite thing to say at all! I'm a magician, not a witch!" Running over to him, she quickly hogtied Willie up, and then cautiously looked onto the street.

It was chaos. The buffalo brothers were charging back and forth, chasing settlers away from the street, while Douglas and the Coyote Colt stood just outside the bank, staring at the sheriff and another pony who held their ground in front of it. Trixie cursed at her foolishness. Had she really been that desperate to hear anypony speak well of her that she had swallowed what were now obvious deceptions, and allowed herself to be manipulated the way she had? Looking at what was happening, the obvious answer was a painful yes.

She quickly checked on Willie, and seeing that the struggling pony wasn't making any progress on freeing himself, she tied one end of the clothesline to a fence post to make sure he couldn't roll into the street. She then stepped out onto the road and, using her magic, made a bright flare appear above her head, drawing everyone's attention to her. Douglas ran towards her, and the buffalo stopped to watch.

"Trixie, glad to see you made it. Where's Willie?" the diamond dog asked.

With a smirk, Trixie replied, "Sorry, he's a bit tied up at the moment. What happened to defacing the water tower? I didn't think water was rare enough to be considered a liquid asset in that manner." Behind her, she could hear the pegasus muffled yells become louder.

Douglas seemed able to hear them too. "I see. Really, you think you can take us all on, Trixie?"

Trixie laughed. "Well, I am the Great and Powerful Trixie, after all. And besides, didn't The Coyote Colt tell me that I should make a stand? I think that is just what I'm going to do." Douglas pulled a lasso that was coiled up from his belt, and started to twirl it above his head as Tumble and Weed started charging at her.

"Really? A lasso?" Trixie asked, scorn dripping from her voice. "You're making this too easy!" Her horn glowed brightly, and she pulled the lasso away from Douglas and used it to tangle up the feet of the charging buffalo, who became a tumbling pile and crashed loudly into the side of a building.

The diamond dog charged at Trixie, and she found herself just barely able to dodge his attempt to tackle her. He picked himself up from the ground, and growled at her. "Boss!" He yelled. "We have ourselves a problem here!" Trixie spared a second to glance at the bank. The two ponies who had been guarding it had been knocked to the side, both bleeding from cuts on their sides. The bank doors stood wide open, and The Coyote Colt was nowhere to be seen. Douglas cursed and ran off. Trixie let him leave, and galloped towards the bank. She had almost reached it when the sheriff looked up and saw her.

"Get away from here!" He yelled. "The Coyote Colt is inside, I won't see any other ponies hurt by him tonight if I can help it!"

Trixie laughed loudly. "Oh, don't worry, sheriff! I won't be hurt tonight! Instead, The Coyote Colt will regret the day he tried to trick The Great and Powerful Trixie!"

Just then, the Coyote Colt came walking out, holding several bags overflowing with bits in the air with his magic. "Well, well, well. Seems like somepony figured some things out." He dropped the bags of money on top of the sheriff and the other pony, a yellow stallion wearing a brown vest and with a red apple for a cutie mark, eliciting groans from both of them and also pinning them in place. "Looks like it's time for you to learn another lesson."

Laughing, Trixie dismissively waved a hoof at the outlaw. "Oh please, I just took out the rest of your gang without even breaking a sweat. What chance do you have against me alone?"

Scowling, he used his magic to levitate a couple of knives out of his bandoleer. "Nopony goes one-on-one against The Coyote Colt and wins. Nopony!"

The Great and Powerful Trixie smiled, her horn glowing brightly. "We'll see about that!"