• Member Since 5th May, 2013
  • offline last seen Jun 20th, 2023

FoxVillain321


Just a Brony who decided to write pony fanfics. What you not get?

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For years, a group of pegasi with bat wings have been terrorizing the land of Equestria. Pilaging, rape, murder... There's nothing they won't stoop to. Many crave that the bat winged pegasi be given no mercy and swift death.

But what if...what if there was one bat wing pegasi who was kind-hearted. A gentlestallion of sorts. Does he deserve no mercy?

Does he deserve death?

Chapters (11)
Comments ( 11 )

Author's Note:
This story set is on Deviantart as well. But know that I am FoxLegend300.
If that is not okay, then I will remove it from Deviantart and keep it here.

hmmmm. Very interesting idea...that much is certain!
Ok. the tips:

Pacing could use some work. First chapter- pretty darn good!
Then when it switches to D-pad's PoV, things get pretty choppy, and could use some more description and paced out.

ALSO: A BIG ONE:
You may want to tie in how Luna's guard are generally seen as the pegasi with bat-wings....the idea that all bat-winged ponies are bad without taking that into account seems a bit one-sided.
Hope this helps! And best of luck with this story!
-RB

2545640
That was going to take form in the fifth chapter. This is my first story set, so I'm kind of experimenting with ideas. But thanks for the comments, I'll try and work on my pacing.

Chapter 5.
To be honest...this chapter is not my favorite...when I finish this story, I may come back and redo this.

2617984 it feels like it needs to be split up into two chapters with a little more added to explain the events. Thats just my opinion. Otherwise I'm enjoying it so far

Aaaaaaaaaaaand I just realized that I switched from spelling out the numbers to putting the numbers in the titles...
:facehoof:

Epic. Now, to favorite this....again. Since it didn't work yesterday morning.

2848407
1. Thanks for the favorite.
2. A TIME LORD HAS FAVED MY STORY! ER MER GERSH! :pinkiehappy:
3. WHY AM I DRAGGING THIS OUT!?

:rainbowlaugh: Just like i'm currently writing! An outcast story! Are you a spy?:trixieshiftright:

3754161
No....maybe.........wait.........no...:scootangel:

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