• Member Since 4th May, 2013
  • offline last seen Dec 7th, 2016

BillRT


Comments ( 104 )
BillRT #2 · May 5th, 2013 · · 4 ·

2528713

It's "Lockheart," isn't it? I haven't played in a long time. Anyway, it is explained in the story. And that is such a funny image!

2528716
Sooooo...
You basically made my favourite Sonic character a stalking pervert and shipped him with a FF character for no reason? :trixieshiftleft:

2528732
...I want to learn how to write, and you're really discouraging me here. You didn't even read my story, you're just insulting me and why! I'm sorry you don't like it, but you don't have to cyberbully me.

Comment posted by Roarin Thunder deleted May 5th, 2013

2528757

He doesn't sex twilight up right away, and what a crude way of putting it! There are deeper themes to this that I'm only hinting at so far. There is a reason why Tails and Twilight are in this world! There are reasons they are all used to it by now!

I can't go and just TELL you these reasons, because that'd ruin everything! But there are definitely hints, and as I go along they will be supplemented with other hints, followed by a conclusion which will wrap everything up nicely.

Twilight and Tails have been friends for a while, so It Can Work.

2528741

One trick was to break into her house while her family was outside after he set a small fire in the attic and they ran outside.

Arson and breaking into private property, you are SO going to be arrested by G.U.N. for this, Tails.

Another trick was to figure out what she is allergic to and give her a tiny bit of it in her 2% milk at lunch

...You're seriously creeping me out...

One of Tails' favorite things to do in sex ed class was imagining sex with Tifa, while sitting right behind her he always got to look at the back of her head and imagine shooting sperm loads all over her hair.

cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/250x250/31259140.jpg

2528826
MIND
CRUSH

The fuck did I just read?

~Skeeter The Lurker

2528875

The Tail of Tails, my first story. I'm excited to write some more stories once I finish this one! Thanks for the comment. :)

2528888

This can describe this story.

Dafuq did I just read?:twilightoops:

2528894
That's just... insanely hurtful, and not helpful at all. I'm sorry i'm not good enough for you. i wish someone would just help Me and not insult me for once. this always happens to me

Boring.

Nobody's in character. Stop. You want help? You see that link that says 'helpful guide by Ezo' or whatever on the 'submit story' screen?
FUCKING CLICK IT.
You're welcome also fuck clop.

im so sorry everyone, id idn't mean to make everyone mad

2528907 You misrepresented a character that people know from experience with every game that has ever come out! And you've probably offended the readers of Archie Comics if they see this. I'm pretty sure (Not completely, mind you) that Tifa Lockhart refers to a game character that has never met Tails nor was she in the comics. This story has some bad dialogue at some points and made it very hard to want to read. You have him sexing Twilight in the first chapter and being perverted as hell towards this made up (Not completely sure, mind you) character "Tifa Lockhart" and expect us to not judge this in a logical, or confused way. I can't like this story because it makes no sense!

Tails being somewhere else and not taking it in a realistic way is very disheartening. He would be emotionally unstable at the loss of his friends. He would have to gain friendships slowly rather than being able to have sex right away.

The sex and perverted Tails is what's wrong with this story. Change the narrative and represent the character a bit more, then you might get a more positive response!

2528945
i I will try to fix the story and keep those on mind, this is very very helpful. Thank you for giving me hope that it's worth trying to fix myself. thank you so much :)

firfst first

2528931

Sound advice is sound.

2528939
Dude, lemme be nice for a moment. Some advice: FIMFic is a very fickle community. They will enjoy the stupidest things but will leave intelligence in the dust; however, at other times, they will enjoy the most introspective of things and give stupidfic writers their due (damnation). If you want to get in good with us, we recommend:

1. Good grammar.
2. A plausible OR fresh-idea storyline.
3. Correct syntax/good grammar.
4. No dumb cliches, like stupid OCs, etc.
5. Good grammar, too.

We're kinda big on grammar.

Also, don't worry, we don't dislike it because it's raunchy (this is the least disturbing thing I've read all night... for some odd reason): we dislike because of poor characterization and no storyline buildup - it's just thrown in our face.

Good luck on (hopefully really good) future endeavors.

I've been on this site for over a year.

I've amassed two hundred followers.

I've published many stories.


With all of this experience under my belt, I hope you'll listen when I tell you that this...IS THE GREATEST STORY EVER!

There is a slight chance for you to make this cut.

A little story editing, character fixing, grammar editing, etc.

Writing a clop fiction as your first story also has a high chance of getting yourself some followers; if the story is worthy enough, that is. :rainbowwild:

So... we'll just leave you alone as you try to fix your story, okay?

I´m not a fan of Sonic. But your writing format is good. But you made the story move too fast. You have a potential of a good writer, just have to practice is all. Sadly most MLP and Sonic fans cross blades. So it is really hard to make a Sonic fanfic that doesn't have many dislikes. But don't let haters stop you from writing. I suggest writing a few one-shots, to get a feel of writing in different ways.

You get a upvote:twilightsmile:

Up until the Twilight scenes I was laughing my ass off, loved it.

2529104
Don't forget: don't try to alter an existing character's personality too much from their canon personality in the series they come from, unless you have a very good reason that can be fit into your narrative.

what...was it a comedy?... imagine mic the microphone reading this

Congratulations on your success.

2528713>>2528781>>2528826>>2528931>>2529106>>2529205>>2529218 Oh guys, give the guy a break, he is just a pipsqueak among us giants who troll the new story section... wait...

Tails the Fox, after an emotionally draining breakup with Tifa Lockheart, finds comfort in the bosom of a humanized Twilight Sparkle.

I uh... Oh my... Um... urgh.... AHHHHHHHH!!!!!

God dammit... just you had to go and make me go all asshole up in here. Just really? Now seriously? Lemme start off things with, a rather fun idea. Sonic, the character of sonic and his pals have been done so much, that he has literally owed coins to Sega for fucking ten years. Not because it's his fault, but because like all other characters from Nintendo, he was supposed to be everlasting glory of a childhood character. However, that did not happen. Two words... Pokemon and Mario. They will be immortalized as the most memorable games ever because people keep buying them. Sonic will not, because they let the games go to hell due to the terrible idea of 3-d platforming and speed because the systems were not good enough to handle that type of gaming.

-ahem- now as all things go on this site, there are times when we get sick of overdone fics and characters, as in O.C Alicorns, overpowered alicorns, Mary Sue, and Gary Stu. Those really get us in a hateful mood. We do not like the same reoccurring characters show up in every noobie story we read. Given there are a few that are good and done well, but damn is that rare. This, Sonic and his pals already being overused, and the fact Tails, who sounds more like an angsty teenage fuck of an O.C making love with a HUMANIZED TWILIGHT! Ugh I shudder at the thought.

Okay okay, I apologize for that, it ain't pretty but it is some damn honesty. I love Tails I really do, I love the Sonic characters, just I don't like any of the games anymore. I have a Sega Genesis to play all of the originals like they should be played. So, because this fic is pretty bad, i am going to give you a few pointers, even though the majority of what needs to be done is pretty much take it down and find something else to write about.

-Cracks fingers- alright here we go. Your story isn't necessarily lacking content, just story. It has no real plot driver and that is a major part of story writing. Another thing is the detailing from scene to scene is so abrupt. Hey I like Tifa, hey I love Tifa, Hey I want to fuck Tifa and cum in her hair. Yeah that did it for no one I'm sure. Makes the character unbelievable. Now I don't know about you, but I felt as if you just rushed into this fic and loaded it with a lot of filler not really taking the time to keep things in canon. Now given with fanfiction there is a lot that is already out of canon about these, however characters should never be out of canon. Tails is not a teenage boy that always thinks about sex, in fact he is more of child.

"But I'm going for a grown up tails" okay cool, then keep the aspect of him being uppity and happy there. Ready to fight with his friends, and on top of that make sure to keep him under some conditions that make his thoughts, not so teenage at least. Now this may be a personal preference but you get a lot more out of a sane level headed nondramatic nonhormonal character. Anyways, no I do not know if his character would change, I just know the character everyone would like to see. As for the whole hummanized Twilight thing, keep everyone consistent. Tails is obviously a furry, then have Twilight as her normal self, or go anthro. Anthro isn't so bad sometimes. No real complaint about your writing style, I mean it's story telling style, but you seriously might wanna consider some prereaders to make sure your stories will do fine for the mast majority of the people on here.

If you need a pre-reader, I'm always open, so don't be afraid to message me. Trust me, I don't yell at people who ask for help, just people who need help and didn't seek it out. Anyways, I have only one thing left to say, and you can go about deciding the next step. Delete this comment, lose my respect and I'll damn make sure the other people who follow me have no respect for you either. That is one big thing we hate on this site is people who delete comments. Yeah you have the power, but just don't use it. Let the (rather lenient) mods handle repeat abusers.

Final Verdict: Yay, a double overused character, and your childhood friend wants to fuck Twilight!

By the way I stopped about one thousand words in. Sorry if I don't like it I won't read it all. Unless it deserves a rage review, and this did, but it is a little over my limit on the amount of words.

2529440
I was being serious, this guy is leagues above you and your shitty fictions.

2529471 Yeah and, why would it matter if this is better than my fics? You opinionated fucks Chuck asshole. You know you would have gay secks with Knighty and Poultron. Ya master of sarcasm you...

2529480
My homosexual love for the mods does not change the fact that you, compared to this shining beacon of literature, are a sack of coagulated pig shit.

2529497 I have no idea why that would matter, but the real question is, can you see the why kids love the taste of cinnamon toast crunch?

2529508 I'm glad someone likes my explanation for why this story just doesn't work.

2529505
No, this story is better than Cinnimon Toast Crunch.

2529521 It could be with a lot of editing, but that remains to be seen.

2529104
Fuck you, this story is simply far too complex for your simple mind.
You Sorren wannabe.

2529521 Oh yea, well you'll never catch me or my Lucky charms. This story is just too cereal for me I guess...

2529526
Nonsense, the grammar represents the kindered spirit of America.
You're just too stupid to see it.

2529552 Quite, i am sorry for offending you great fuck chuck.

2529440 Wait... I'm considered as troll?

Well, that's a new title for me... I guess...
Anyway, please do carry on.

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