• Published 9th Jul 2013
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The Conversion Bureau: A Pint of Cherry - Da Bunnana King



A night of drinking shouldn't of left me as the oppostie gender, yet here I am. A mare and hung over.

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A Prologue of sorts

The Conversion Bureau: A Pint of Cherry
By Da Bunnana King

A Prologue of sorts
= + = + = + =

Usually when I leave the house to go for a night of drinking, the last thing on my mind is having to worry about drinking a pint of beer that was full of ponification potion. Well let alone it being the potion that turns you into the opposite gender... and a pony.

But I think I’m getting ahead of myself, let me introduce myself, I’m Daniel and I live in a world inhabited by both humans and ponies. Now that probably sounds crazy, right? Well it’s not.

About seven years ago there was this bubble thing that appeared in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. At first, most of the world thought it was some sort of super villain’s evil lair or some sort of science experiment gone wrong. Then ponies started emerging out of the bubbled and their leader horse god thing too, although she was called Princess Celestia, and at first everyone thought the end of the world had come or talking horses come to take over the Earth.

So yeah, at first there were a few riots and a lot of civil unrest, but that was pretty much expected. With the idea of doomsday on everyone’s minds they panicked and lashed out at each other to protect family, friends and anything they held dear. Although the other stuff that went on was crazy, like you would never believe it to be true even if I told you.

Turns out those ponies are actually out of a kids show called My Little Pony but it gets weirder. Apparently there was this whole fanbase that had all this stuff in it. I think it was called the Conversion Bureau or something but I don’t know. To cut a long story when they started offering conversion a whole lot of fans who called themselves “bronies” signed up for it. There was no real reason to convert, the bubble that separated Earth and Equestria didn’t didn’t really pose a threat and it wasn’t a giant wall of death as everyone speculated it to be. It was just like a wall, but it gave people a fresh start and a lot of people found that appealing.

Myself on the other hand I could care less. I had it set. I had an alright job as an architect, a nice car, an alright apartment in the city and I had a girlfriend who I was going to proposed to.

And again I’m getting ahead of myself. Lets just start this crazy story at the beginning. It happened about a year ago when I went out drinking with some of my friends after Jacob had a small windfall when he won half a million dollars in the lottery.
= + = + = + =

“So,” I said as I merged in with the traffic of the freeway, “Where are we meeting up again for drinks?”

“Just park somewhere in the valley and meet up by the train station,” said Jacob over my iPhone’s speakers.

“Why can’t we drive there again?” I asked as an idiot in a sedan began tailgating me.

“Because there are never any parks there and all those horse drawn carriages ponies seem to use. Anyway, just find a park and we’ll catch the train to South Brisbane and hit up the clubs there,” he said as I heard one of my friends call out his name in the background, “Look I got to go, John’s here and I better make sure he doesn’t do something stupid.”

And with that the phone clicked off.

“Man parking’s going to be a bitch,” I moaned as I continued to drive down the highway.

I knew South Brisbane was where they had one of the larger Bureaus in the Brisbane region. Along with that a lot of Equestrians seemed to move in around there but along with them came the PER.

Well the Ponification for Earth’s Rebirth is their official name but everyone called it the PER. Anyhow, they decided to set up some sort of base so now there are random ponifiyings in that area. Luckily they’re a tiny group and are mostly harmless but still they did figure out that you can put the potion in a super soaker and in two pumps they could turn anyone into a pony.

Then there was the Human Liberation Force. Now they were some scary people. Most of the time they stayed quiet and never really did anything but when they did. Oh boy. Bureau’s being bombed, ponies being murdered and often times than not the odd pony supporting politician went missing. It wasn’t pretty and the worst part was that most of the police in Australia couldn’t do much about it. Not because they were hiding in the shadows of Australia’s underground but because no one knew anything about them.

But I don’t worry that much about them. I kept my nose clean and just stuck to the grindstone and all for one thing. It wasn’t a large thing in size but a small one, a small gold ring with three small diamonds on top.

It was an engagement ring and I was planning to give it to my soon to be fiance. I had been dating her for almost two years now and I think it was about time I proposed to her. I had it all planned out; I was going to take her to a fancy restaurant and propose to her there in front of everyone. Sounds cliche but I loved her with all my heart and I thought she loved me too.

I sigh and turn off the freeway towards the train station to meet my friends for a night of drinking and fun.
= + = + = + =

“So,” Jacob said as our small group sat in the small four seats of the train, “Do you guys have any ideas which pubs to hit up first?”

“Why not that one on the main drag... Umm, The Queen’s Hotel. I hear they have good food there as well,” Max said. He was one of the newer members of our small group. I can’t remember how we met him but I think he played rugby with us when we were in final months of high school.

“Yeah, naa. How about the Bannered Mare? Hear its got all that weird and crazy drinks from Equestria,” said John. He was the last member of our small group. John, Jacob and I were longtime friends from the early years of our schooling lives. I remember we all met on the first day of year five where we, the awkward kids sat at the back of class drawing pictures all over the back of our books.

“Ehhhh, sure why not? I mean its a nice change from beer and fish n chips we usually have when we get drunk off our asses,” I said as the train slowed down to our station.

“Yeah, why not? I mean we usually go to the same pub and drink the same drink and eat the same greasy fish n chips, it gets boring. That and it’s a good change from norm,” Jacob said as we began to move towards the exit of the train.

“So I guess it’s decided, we’re heading to the Bannered Mare,” John said as we exited the relatively empty train to a bustling train station full of humans and ponies alike.

It was strange to see how much our old stomping grounds had changed. Sure the park often had drunk teenagers sleeping, passed out or just being idiots because they’ve had too much to drink. But now among them were ponies that sometimes shared the same fate as them because the most alcoholic beverage in Equestria was hard cider, so a beer to them was like a whole bottle of whiskey.

Even as we exited the station we were greeted with the neon lights of the thriving nightlife of Brisbane. Sure most of the lights were there to lure in customers but now it seemed to be a competition between everyone to have the best and retro looking neon sign. From the small pubs to even those new dress clubs, everyone had a neon sign that turned the nights sky neon blue.

“Man this place has changed,” I said as we began walking down the street as we passed crowds of ponies and humans heading to or from the clubs or the various pubs in the city.

“Not really,” Max said all of us were somewhat hypnotized by the lights, “I mean all that’s really changed are the signs and a change of dancers at some of the ‘clubs.”

“I guess so but still, dress clubs?” I questioned everyone as we passed the Naughty Nurse.

“Hey don’t knock it till you try it,” John said as I looked at him like he had just murdered a litter of puppies.

“Anyway where is this place?” I asked as we continued walking past various clubs, brothels and pubs.

“I don’t know, I guess we keep walking till we find it,” suggested Jacob as we rounded the corner to only be blinded by a very bright red and blue neon light saying ‘The Bannered Mare’.

“Well, lets go waste some money,” Said Jacob as we walked inside.

* * = + = + = + = * *

“They’ve been here for two hours and they’ve already gone through most of the cider,” said Flash as he cleaned a large wooden mug with a rag as he watched the group of somewhat drunk humans from across the bar.

"Well lets give them the ‘Equestrian special,” I said as I turned around to find the strongest brand of cider we had.

“But we don’t have enough regular potion for all of them. Should we make one with cherries?” he said as he pulled out a small wooden box that contained three vials of regular ponification potion and two vials of cherry potion.

“Sure at least we’ll be doing our jobs,” I said as I poured four large pints of cider as Flash poured out the contents of each of the potions into each mug.

“Alright you go serve them and I’ll get everything ready,” I said as I placed the four mugs on a wooden tray table for Flash to carry as I slipped away to the back rooms.

* * = + = + = + = * *

“And then I said ‘that's not a door, that’s a wall of doors!” Max shouted loudly as we all laughed at his joke.

I knew we were drunk as we had already begun laughing at Max’s terrible jokes which were usually horrific but it seems after ten rounds of cider and a few shots of this strange equestrian drink that was salty as hell, I began to wonder why everyone inside the pub were ponies and why the two pony bartenders were staring at us the entire time we were here.

“Ohhh god, that’s terrible... who's up for another four rounds?” asked John as I shrugged off the idea.

“Yeah I’m good for a few more,” I said as I somewhat slurred my words.

“Okay... Bartender can we-!” began John as a yellow pegasus with four large mugs of cider came over to us.

“Here, its the strongest stuff we’ve got but after this you gentlecolts have to leave,” he said as he placed the mugs in front of us, “Well enjoy.”

He flew away with the tray table and flew through a door that must of led to the kitchen or something. Either way I looked at my large wooden mug of cider. It looked pretty much like any hard cider I’ve seen aside from the small floating bits of apples that must of been left in to make the drink stronger but it almost seemed to have a tiny red tint to the already light gold liquid. I wrapped my large hands around the mug and I could almost swear the mug was warm and almost emanated a sort of tingly feel from it.

“Well, cheers boys,” Jacob said as he raised his mug for a toast.

“Cheers,” the rest of us said as we all bumped our mugs together.

I pulled my arm towards me and opened up my mouth as I prepared to drink the sweet smelling cider. The cold metal ring that surrounded the mug touched my lips and I began to drink the cider that slid down my throat.


I could taste the apples that were crushed to make the drink but I also tasted something else. I couldn’t put my finger on it but it almost tasted like-

“God this stuff is strong,” Said Max as he finished the whole mug, “Also has a nice grape aftertaste.”

“Yeah its not that bad,” John said as Jacob passed out next to me, making him face plant into the table.

I quickly finished my drink and lowered my mug to the ground as I began to feel light headed.

“I think Jacob’s had a bit too much,” I said as the room began spinning around me and slowly turning black.

“Daniel you don’t look sooo gooooddd-,” John said as the world slowed down and the last thing I could see was the wood of the table before my world went black.
= + = + = + =

Author's Note:

This isn’t ogre till its ogre.

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