The Fool
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Twilestia is Bestia956 stories ·3,265 members
Twilight Sparkle12,269 stories ·4,753 members
Celestia Is The Best Pony2,577 stories ·2,888 members
Twilunestiance825 stories ·1,041 members
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This was an experiment in many ways, some more apparent than others.
i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/721/721/508.png
Well, it did pull off one difficult feat: a sex scene that's neither excruciatingly clinical nor embarrassingly jejune.
And "Only Mare This Side of Zebrica Brave Enough to Try" is simply brilliant.
Hmmm... on one hand, Twilestia doesn't interest me a whole lot. But on the other hand, holy shit is this a long story, all condensed into one chapter. And yet, on the other, other hand, your avatar speaks to my heart and soul, so reading shall commence now!
This was possibly the best erotic fiction I've ever read. I can't believe how perfect this was. Personally, the length was a bit off-putting for me since I had planned on being productive, but every word of this was worth it. The only flaw I could find was "That" being written twice in at least two places, but that's just a petty nitpick. Let's see how long this takes to be featured.
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Just want you to know I'm happy that someone went into such detail on an immortal remembering having done something but it still feeling new because it had been generations.
Very, very nice.
There's a lot of thoughts I have, but I'll go into them when I'm not ready to fall asleep.
Suffice to say, you now have my attention.
Your story has eroded my moral fiber, and has significantly reduced my ability to discern right from wrong.
I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.
Liked. Favorited. Followed.
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I love you all.
Very well written, and clearly very well thought out. The dialogue and progression felt very natural and I think that really did the story justice. Many often fall into the trap of pressing things onwards far too rapidly, though this one definitely hit the mark.
If I had to offer any critique it would be that several times the word prodigy is used where the word protegé would be far more apt. The fact that I have to resort to being so pernickety in order to find any fault speaks volumes of the quality of your work.
Thank you very much for writing it.
i like it
Yes, yes, the Twilestia sustains me. Really though, I'm glad you wrote this.
good but would be better with more story and not stop here
I have to say it like this, but there's absolutely no innuendo intended. This was a real pleasure to read.
I don't know if I've ever read an erotic work of fiction where the actual sex acts were given a meaning beyond the obvious. It really shows how much thought or experience you've put into writing it. Really, I wish I could write something meaningful like this, but I'm even struggling with blatant clop that satisfies my own, actually very low, requirements for such a story, but you're a great inspiration.
I've rarely seen anybody who could say so little, with so many words, and make it feel so meaningful (That might've sounded a bit strange, but take it as a compliment, please. I don't know how to phrase it in a better way, especially since it's 00:30 here.) Even the slightly lengthy part with the two guards didn't feel misplaced in this story, even though it had no visible connection to the actual storyline.
There's just one tiny little thing I can correct you on, and I'm only this nitpicky because it shows me that you're still in mortals' reach
labiae is the plural in latin. Labia is already the plural in English, and the singular is labium.
By the way, was it right that I read the "Spoilers" part in River Song's voice? Normally I'd be certain, but coincidences shouldn't be underestimated.
You should really use single quotes for thoughts rather than quatation marks, as it makes them easier to differentiate.
Other than that this is a spectactular story.
i enjoyed this greatly, congrats on being featured.
I'd like to see a continuation of this. It was a really good read.
Edit: I ask all of those who downvoted this comment of mine to please explain themselves in a reply. I promise I won't pick a fight, I just want to hear your thoughts about it.
Honest!
Your Celestia is darn good at trying to excuse pedophilia. Sapient colorful magical ponies aside, there are some differences between a young, a maturing and a mature brain. And this is only if we count the neurophysiological aspects! There's a difference between two young people using each other to discover both their sexualities and an older person "helping" a younger one to discover his/hers through the act itself. Even if actual love is in place, teenagers tend to be very, and I mean very fantasious and, therefore, easily manipulated. There is, however, a difference between acting on it or not, I'll admit. I mean, when I was 14, I thought 14 year old girls were sexy. Now, I still think 14 year old girls are sexy. When I'm 80, I'll still think 14 year old girls are sexy. The difference is that my mind is my sanctum, but my actions could have serious consequences. I know there are some big generalizations here, but I digress; there are more than one reason for why pedo/hebe/ephebophilia is a definite no if one of the parties is already past the age, even if you're an all-powerful thing.
(I caught the double meaning of the sentence, though; she doesn't care that she's one gazillion years old and her lover/consort/fuck buddy is, comparatively, only a morula. While I agree that there is nothing wrong with loving--emotionally and physically--someone who is much older/younger than you, ages 0-18 are still a no-go if you've already reached maturity. Some authors state 0-21, since the brain is still under development, but that's an issue not meant to be discussed here.)
Otherwise, yeah, that was very interesting and a unique experience. I don't like clop per se, but I glanced at the word count and thought: Either this is one long smutfic or there's something else to it. And you know what? I'm glad I read it.
Wow.
That was... beautiful.
I am easily won over by good romance, but wow, I can't even describe how much I loved this. The descriptiveness and similes were absolutely flawless, and the emotion and love was palpable. 12 out of 10, Thank you for enriching the world with your fabulous writing. I must now go subscribe to you, O Lord of Wondrous Tales.
Beautiful... and very well written
I can't wait for chapter 2 :twilight smile:
I like this story, and wouldn't mind at all if it became a multiple chapter story
Anyone else agree with me?
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Giving the guards characterization was an effort to show that Twilight and Celestia's isn't the only story, so to speak. It's the focus, of course, but there are countless others, any one of which could, theoretically, have held the spotlight. That's one way in which this story is an experiment.
Haha! I've often been told that for all the words I use, I say very little, but this is the first time it's been noted in a positive light. Thank you.
"Labium" just sounds weird, but I appreciate the clarification. That's always been confusing. Is "vulvae" also improper? "Vulvum" sounds... well, conceivable, anyway.
Yes, that was intentional, and I'm very pleased you noticed.
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Others must have their reasons, but I'm glad you read this one.
You raise a valid point. If Twilight is underage, I have to agree. Her age is never really defined, though, and while she's shown to be young, I imagined her being old enough to think rationally about such things. Whether or not that's unrealistic of me is another matter.
For the record, I'm still very fantasious, if by that, you mean something to the effect of "given to fantasizing." The day I cease to be is the day I cease to write these things.
I ended up liking this read a lot more than I expected, that means only one thing... Great job.
~OreoKookie
4159522
Sexist
4159522 you are taking my little pony fanfiction remarkably serious
4164702 Hmmm... true. Her age is never really stated. I guess I shot my own foot on that one, huh? Hehehe
Fantasious is... well, kind of what you defined. I guess it is my fault once more since I didn't define what I meant. Though, by your definition, I too am very fantasious. I guess that what I meant was "given to fantasizing" but almost making it a delusion (believing on the fantasy so much that, to the person, it becomes true). Well, it is one of the 10 criteria for the normal adolescence syndrome (yes, this is a thing).
4166243 Nearly every time you appear, you act childish. Out of respect, let me comply to your chosen code of conduct, then:
I'm so proud of you! You're trying so very hard!
Now, why don't little baby reggie-weggie come sit on mama/papa's lap and tell her/him all he knows about sexism. Because mama/papa here believes he simply doesn't, judging by the way little baby reggie-weggie stated his thoughts so eloquently.
Oh, mama/papa here believes that reggie should just keep repeating the same silly sentence he did a few years back: "When I gwow up, I wanna be an intewnet twoll!" and stop trying to accomplish anything but. Not that little reggie ever could, but mama/papa digresses.
4166247 It's a story. Although it is about magical, nude, talking, colorful horsies, the fact that this is a story remains. And the message, which is the core of some stories (this being one of them), remains very real. Your generalizing approach is very short sighted, IMHO. But do as you please, t'is your own life after all.
My comment was just dissecting a small sentence and I took the chance to state my opinion (and a bit of knowledge) as well. Is that so wrong?
4166903 people may not appear to be who they seem
4167486 That is absolutely correct, although I think you were trying to go for "people are not [always] who they may seem/appear to be".
And I fail to realize the connection this assertion has with my comment. Unless you're talking about me questioning your generalization on your first reply. If so, you might be telling me that you aren't like that on real life. Well, then why act one way online and another offline? Isn't that a bit of cognitive dissonance?
I realize that I may be assuming a lot. But that's just because you aren't being clear on what you're trying to say.
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Damn it, Lapis, when you find stories that are this intricately sex-dorable you're supposed to share it with the rest of the IRC.
I could have read this two days ago and been much happier for it.
Jerk.
Look at the story you deprived me of with your selfishness! Look at it?!
4167758 perhaps you are not talking to who you believe you are talking to
How long ago in relation to the first episode was this set in?
4159522 - I didn't downvote your post (I only downvote if someone is supremely bigoted and such), but I just wanted to share a bit from my perspective.
In my opinion, Twilight is an adult in every way in the story. For me, these events occur not but a few years before Season 1 begins, and as Twilight is blossoming into adulthood, she's understandably confused about a great many things, including her own sexuality. I've always seen Twilight as a late bloomer, just like I was when I was a young adult. Intellectually speaking, I was at the top of my game, but when it came to understanding the nature of sex, and dealing with those burgeoning feelings deep inside myself, I had no idea what the *yay* was going on, and would frequently panic as my body did what most adult bodies do around those it finds attractive.
As to the story proper, believe me when I say that if I thought for two seconds this was intended to be foalcon, it would not have been liked, or favorited. I have no patience, or tolerance, for foalcon at all, so that would have taken it right off the table if it had been explicitly stated as such, and the author did not do that.
What The Fool did do, however, was leave it open to fit our perceptions, which is rather cunning, to be honest, because then we can all see it our own way, and let our perceptions fill in the rest.
Just my two bits. Take them as you like.
-.Lotus
4170526 Good joke. Got me good!
Although, unfortunately for you, the comment still stands. Now it has only been applied to parasprite.
4171932 Yeah... I kind of realized that on The Fool's comment...
4174081 I can name a few times when I've acted above childish.
4174207 I can name a lot more when you didn't.
Not being an asshole a few times does not excuse you from acting stupidly most of the time (or even some of the time). At most, you'll end up looking like this:
1-media-cdn.foolz.us/ffuuka/board/vp/image/1364/75/1364758334381.jpg
We had this talk before, I believe.
4174417 nope
in fact, the only bad confrontation I can remember with you in on a JMJ story
4176031 Hmmm... maybe it was that Lurker guy, then. Anywho, what has said has been said.
4177723 Well, I'm still rather perplexed at why it needed to be said, considering
a) it was para pretending to be me
b) we are on relatively neutral terms to my knowledge (Hell, you even fixed my basic german errors way back when darf was still around)
4177920 Because the fact that you didn't act childish NOW doesn't excuse all the times you have been (and will be) childish in the future. My 'neutrality' comes from me respecting you as an individual, but I will call whatever it is as I see it. Even if you were my real life best friend.
4177996 Well, I have been doing my best not to act like a child anymore, and really, I don't think I've been particularly childish recently. I've moved on from the way I was a while back.
I come here expecting crappy clop and I get this. This was absolutely brilliant.
4180247 Good. Keep up the good attitude, then.
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So there!
4183514 potassium
4185764 kalium
wow, this here was utterly amazing.
I loved the part in the beginning about Twilight wrestling (in more ways than one) with her own imagination. There's a lot of symbolism there, and you could write a whole god damn story based on that idea alone if you felt like exploring it.
On the other hand, the scene with the guards was dragged out and didn't really add to the story.
Overall very enjoyable. I would like to see a longer, more in depth version, but this one is satisfying all the same.
Very sweet
The journey to Celestia's room seemed rather long and wordy, but still fairly entertaining. The guards' conversation was so boring I skipped most of it. But once Celestia was woken up, it was all wonderful... except for the "spoilers" thing, which was a little awkward being River Song's catchphrase, and I really can't picture Celestia on the show saying it.
Did I catch correctly that Luna is the other pony Celestia has tribbed with?
That's hot 
They should totally have a 3 way when Luna gets back 
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It's all relative, isn't it?
The guards pulled their weight in the story I wrote, but that wasn't the story everyone read. I get the sense that to many, everything leading up to Twilight and Celestia having sex was gratuitous foreplay. That's okay, though. There are many stories here, and that is one of them.
Tis funny, in all of this, the question I most want answered is 'Why is Celestia acting like River Song?' because I do not believe you would throw it in merely to make a Doctor Who joke.
The writing on this was rather brilliant; oh, there's a moral quandary or two regarding their relationship, but that just gives it a bit of extra depth. Which makes it all the more intriguing. Alas that it is a mere one shot, as the myriad potential stories in here as well as the developing relationship would be a fun exploration