Six Plus Six, Add One More
This has been a very strange day for me. Seeing Steve turn into some sort of monster and wasting half of father's goons was just plain scary. Steve was always a hard ass, but I never imagined he would be capable of this. Still I waited outside for him - and hopefully Dad - to emerge unharmed.
Finally something did emerge from the house, but it wasn’t anything I was expecting. A four legged creature with a black crown and a red cape stepped out the back door. The creature’s body, which was covered in an armor of some sort, was just a few inches taller than me. However, what concerned me the most is that he had the same red eyes that my brother had when I last saw him.
The creature in the armor walked up to me and smiled.
“Don’t worry, brother.” he said. “Its still me.”
I felt like I was going too faint.
“Steve your a freaking horse.”
“Well technically I’m a pony. And if we are going to be even more technical, I am a unicorn. I know it sounds really gay, but I’m actually starting to feel right at home in this body.”
I stared at him quizzically. My mind just couldn’t comprehend with the fact that my own brother was now a talking horse with a horn.
“Are you going to be like this for the rest of your life?”
He sighed, “As far as I know I am. Like I told you before, I’m becoming who I once was back in my world. The only reason I know is because I cast a spell on myself too help me remember my past life. Even thought that spell has worn off, little tidbits keep cropping up from time to time. I doubt if I’ll ever remember everything, but in the end that’s for the best.”
He gave me an odd look and smirked.
“You should see the look on your face. Looks like David after he smoked that bad joint and thought he saw Scooby Doo. I’m still trying to make sense of the whole thing myself. I’ll try and explain things better later on, I promise.”
I stood there a moment when I realised that Dad hadn’t come out of the house.
“So I’m guessing Dad’s... You know.”
He sighed again. “I’m sorry Antonio, but he had it coming. He tried to kill, and he had one of his goons kill Mom all those years ago. All this time I thought he did it himself. I guess deep down he really did care about her and us. Still, what he did was heartless, and I’m sorry If I was just ready to forgive him.”
“Didn't you love him Steve?”
He sighed. “Before Mom disappeared I knew nothing but love for him. I was what you called the perfect son. He was grooming me to take over, just as he had been grooming you now. However, I could never forgive him for what he did. That’s why I had to do it.”
He started to shout now, and the whites of his eyes were glowing green again. Purple smoke was pouring out as he grunted and bared his fangs in range. Eventually he calmed down and started panting.
As his eyes turned back to normal, I saw a tear trickle down his face.
“But yeah!” He said. “Even now a part of me did love him. I feel sick at how satisfying it was killing him. I’m probably just has bad as him now.”
As a watched his horn start to glow purple and green, similar auras started covering my body. I got scared for a moment as I was lifted off the ground, only to be dropped into the hooves of my brother.
Was he hugging me? My God he sure was! I was getting hugged by a talking horse.
“Right now you're the only thing keeping me from becoming worse than he is. I feel like as long as I have you, I can be better than him. No matter what dark impulse creeps into my brain, I know you’ll be around to guide me back too the light.”
His horn started to glow again and he levitated me onto his back.
“I’ll walk you up to the room. You stay there until tonight. I need to corral the survivors and get this place cleaned up for David and Rudy. There going through the same thing I’m going through. There still part human, but come morning they’ll be able to fly.”
I shook my head.
“Wait!” I said dumbfoundedly. “Rudy and David are turning into... ponies too?
As he started trotting back into the house, he stopped and turned his head to face me.
“Indeed they are, but they aren’t fully transformed yet. When I turned my body back from shadow too flesh, I somehow accelerated the changing process. Why I have know idea. I’m not a scientist, and I’m still learning this magic thing. Thought I got to say I’m getting really damn good at it.”
“And they can fly?” I asked.
“Not yet, but I reckon they will once their transformation is complete. They’ll be over in an hour or so. Right now I need to round up the rest of the mob and get everything ready for tonight.”
He continued to trot and we entered the house with me still on his back.
“This is really strange what your doing right now right. I mean you're my brother and you're giving me a ride on your back like an animal..”
My brother let out a deep chuckle.
“I thought it would be cute. I’m just trying to make the best of weird situation. Also, from what David tell’s me, the ponies of our home world aren’t animals. They are civilized and intelligent beings just like humans. Though I have to say, I don’t know how my former self got around without video games.”
As we approached the staircase, I noticed that he started to slow down.
“What’s wrong I asked.”
He looked up at me with embarrassment.
“I’m still getting used to walking. I’ve only just learned how to not trip over myself. I still have some problems with stairs.”
“If you're not comfortable, I can always get off and walk up the stairs like a normal person. I mean I’m not five or anything.”
“Look Antonio, I just changed species and I’m going through some personal changes right now. At least let me show off my power and levitate you up the stairs.”
“Please Steve. Don’t do...”
“Too Late!”
The same green/purple aura grabbed hold of my body as I floated off my brothers back and up the staircase. Once my feet touched the second floor, the aura vanished.
“I’m telling you Antonio,” Steve shouted to me from down the stairs, “This change really does have it’s perks. These powers are incredible, and I’m only going to get stronger as time goes on. If they scare you I promise I’ll tone the showing off down. But you half to admit this is really cool.”
“My god all this shit’s going too your head.”
“I know, and I’m loving it. Once everything's cleaned up, I’ll spends some time with you. You can talk to me about whatever you want after that. Me, the transformation, Dad, Mom. I promise that know matter how much I’m change I’m still going to be your brother. Just like Naruto would say...”
“Don’t your fukcing dare say what I think you are going to say.”
“That’s a promise.”
I blinked and sighed with relief.
“Wow thank you for not say that other catchphrase.”
“You better ‘believe it’” he said tauntingly
Ok now I was pisssed
“Dammit Steve!” I shouted.
He let out another super villain laugh and broke into a run.
“Sorry Antonio but you set yourself up for... Oh Crap!”
Steve tripped and fell on his hooves.
“You had that coming!” I shout back.
He got it and smiled.
“I suppose you're right. Anyways, I’ll see you in a little bit.”
He trotted off and I started thinking about the future. I was really sad that Dad had died. I know he really wasn’t nice to Steve, but he treated me like a prince. Even though he was a bad man and apparently murdered my Mom, he was still my father.
Well, I’m only twelve so what should I know right? No, I know he was bad man. Yet despite everything he did, I couldn’t hate him. A part of me was really mad at Steve for what he did, even if he had it coming. I wondered if Steve even realised that he just made me an orphan.
As I thought, I noticed I was crying. I didn’t want Steve to come back and hear me so I ran to my room. It’s filled with anime and video game posters. I scrunched up and put a pillow over my face.
Why did any of this have to happen. Why did my brother have to turn into a monster? Why did my father kill my mother before I could get to know her? Did dad have to die? I know Steve said he’s still the same person, but even I can tell that he changed. I saw what he almost did to those guards, though every part of me wanted to forget it. He was threatening to eat that one guy, hell he even licked him. Was that creature really still my brother, or is he just a shadow of what he was?
All this unanswered question caused me bawl out and cry until eventually I passed out from exhaustion.
-------
About an hour later, I woke up to find my brother sitting quietly in the corner on his butt.
He tried to speak softly, though his new deep voice made that a bit of challenge.
“You look like you’ve been crying. Your pillow is all wet.”
I stared at him and tried to figure out what to say. The last thing I wanted to do was put down the only family I had left.
“I’m really sad about dad. I know he killed mom and everything, but he didn’t have to die. Plus, I have a hard time believing that you're still you. It’s nothing personal, but even you admitted yourself. You’ve change Steve, and not just in appearance.”
He walked over to and put a hoof on my shoulder.
“I know, and you're right. Dad didn’t have too die. I killed him out of malice and anger. And yes, I know I’m acting differently since the changes started. I feel like I have two conflicting personalities fighting for control. But down in the safe room, before Dad died, I realised just because I’ve changed doesn’t mean I can never be my old self. Right now, I’m playing the part of King Sombra, and I’m plotting my next big move on the humans. Yet at the same time, I’m playing the role of Steve Anello, the spoiled low life mob son who only cares about himself his friends and his little bro. I know you're not proud of me, nor do I expect you to be. However, no matter how black my heart is, nothing will come between us.”
He removed his hoof and looked at me firmly .
“Someday I’ll make this right. Maybe not today or even tomorrow, but someday soon I’ll make this right. Things might never be the same again, but at least you’ll be happy. I’m sorry that all this had to happen Antonio, but what’s done is done. Anyways, I’m just about ready to make my speech. If you don’t wanna see me, you can talk to Rudy. I’m sure with what he’s going through, he’ll need a friend to support him.”
As I looked at him, I could see the sincerity in his eyes.
“Do your regret killing Dad?” I asked him.
He sighed. “Whatever good is still in me does feel guilty for doing it, but I’m telling you that even if I didn’t have this transformation, I would have done this anyway. Mom meant that much to me. I went through his memories. He had her killed without a second thought. Hell, Joe even tried to talk him out of it. Yet even after getting my revenge at that disgusting sack of shit, I do feel some regret. Though I am in no way, shape, or form sorry for what I did. He deserved everything that happened to him.”
“It still doesn’t make it right Steve.”
“When your heart is ‘black as night’ right and wrong doesn’t always matter. Anyways, I’m sure you’ll feel better when Rudy comes over. I still have work that need to be done. Find me after the speech if you still need help. No matter how much you hate me, I’m not giving up on you.”
“I don’t hate you Steve, I’m just really confused about everything.”
“I know you are little brother, but I promise it will get better with time.”
Before he exited the room, he turned his head smiled.
“Oh, I figured out how to walk up stairs while you were asleep. Really tricky on four legs.”
His little joke made me chuckle and perked me up a little bit, but not completely.
As I watched him leave I lay on my bed and thought to myself.
I wonder how Rudy and his brother are handling this.
-------
About an hour and a half drive around town I made my way through the winding road to the Anello estate. I told Rumble too close his eyes as I made the final turn. However, as the mansion came into view, I noticed that it looked the same.
As I drove closer, I could find one body lying on the grass. In addition, Mr Anello’s men were all standing in position. They looked a little uneasy, but they were still at work. All the statues looked undamaged and besides the center stature, the fountain was the same as well. In place of Zeus was the image of king King Sombra standing stoically with one leg raised in the air.
Two ideas entered my mind when I saw this statue. Either David had gone completely mad with power, or he’s become the most hardcore brony on the planet. I thought about asking him to make me an RD statue outside my apartment, but then I remembered that I’m probably not welcomed there anymore. Damn that psycho bitch Jessica.
I parked in my usual spot right by the main entrance. Me and Rumble were reluctant to walk out of the car. A familiar face walked up to us and knocked on the car window. It was my good friend Chuck. I rolled the car window down and and covered my face with my hands.
“It’s ok David.” said Chuck. “Steve... I mean, Lord Sombra told me what was happening. But my God this incredible. You and your brother are turning into miniature horses.”
I was both surprised and relieved at his reception. I slowly lifted my hands off of my face and looked at him. “Listen, you better protect me and my brother from everybody else.”
“Don’t worry, all the survivors know not to harm you, but I’d keep your guard up. A lot of us aren’t thrilled at about this whole pony thing. Sombra said he will behead anyone who tries to harm or discriminate you and Rudy.”
Whoa, he’s really taken this whole Sombra thing to his head. He actually believes he’s the real deal. Certainly hope that’s not the case, because if it is, this entire city is doomed.
“So David,” continued Chuck. “Are you ready to meet the new boss?”
As ready as I’d ever be.
“Yeah, I’m ready.”
“Then follow me. I was instructed to guide Rudy to Antonio's room. Once he’s there, I’ll take you two Mr Anello’s old office to meet Lord Sombra.”
“Is he really making you call him ‘Lord’?” I asked in disbelief.
“Right now he’s trying to establish order, the organisation is in shambles because of him. Anyone he sees as loyal gets a slave collar put on them. I tell you David you don’t wanna get on Ste... er Sombra’s bad side. You know the front entrance to the house collapsed about three hours ago. I saw him put it back together in two minutes. Man my pay grade better go up for this.”
Me and my brother made our way out of the car and tried our best to walk. At this point in the transformation, it was really hard. Chuck saw that were both having trouble and gave us both a hand. He guided us up the stairs to Antonio’s room. Rudy got so happy all of a sudden that for a moment I thought I saw the wings tucked under his shirt move a bit. I was probably just imagining things though.
“You two stay out of trouble.” I said. “Just pretend like this is another big work day like we normally do. The grown ups need to talk.
“You got it Thunder.” replied Rudy.
“Rumble I thought I told you to stop calling me that.” I responded.
“And I thought I told you not to call me Rumble.”
“Damn, these mental changes are driving me crazy.”
Chuck just laughed at me. “Yeah, If I was turning into one of you guys, I’d probably be freaking out too. Hell I’m still human and I’m barely holding my shit together.”
“Hey don’t curse in front of my brother. That’s a big rule with me.”
“I’m not five years old Thunder, I know what shit means.”
“It doesn’t make it right Rum... Rumb... Rudy! God why can’t I say your name right anymore?”
“I think you should come with me David.” said Chuck has he patted me on the shoulder. “The boss seems to know what’s going on. He tried to explain it to me, but half the stuff went over my head. Maybe you can make sense this madness?”
“Well let’s hope so.” I said sighing.
Chuck me escorted me down to Tony’s office. There I saw something- or somepony- I never thought I’d see in person. There sitting in the bosses chair was King Freaking Sombra. Everything was there. The horn, the armor, the crown, the smoking eyes, everything. I was utterly speechless.
“He’s all your’s boss.” said Chuck. “If you need me I’ll be outside.”
Sombra smiled at me and exposed his long pointy fangs. He levitated a glass of red wine to his face and took a sip.
“David, my best friend in the world. Glad you could finally show up to the party. Still walking on two legs I see. Hell from what you told me, come tomorrow you won’t be needing leg’s to get around. You're going be able to fly you lucky son of a bitch. God I wish was an alicorn. That’s what those god ponies are called right? Memories from the old world haven’t fully come back yet.”
“Yeah, David about that. You see...”
He he lifted up one of his four hooves and cut me off.
“I’m sorry, where are my manners. I should have poured you a drink as soon as you walked in. Would you like some of wine? I found this stuff in the safe room. It’s just the right age.”
I thought for a moment before responding.
“I could probably go for a drink. This day has been really crazy.”
“I know what you mean my friend, now watch this shit.”
I watched his horn glow purple as the wine bottle next to him lifted up into the air. The bottle magically uncorked itself as an empty glass floated by. I watched the bottle float up as it’s content’s were slowly poured into the glass. The cork floated back, sealed the bottle up, and the glass came flying to my hand.”
“How the fuck you do that?”
He pushed his face closer to me.
“Magic, snort snort.”
I gave Steve a funny look.
“Ok now I know you're not really Steve. Steve would never make a reference to such an old meme.”
“Well neither would Sombra. I’m just really relieved to see you David so I hope you don’t mind if I’m a little ecstatic.”
I glared at him.
“Look Steve, I don’t know what’s going through your head, but you need to stop. I don’t know why we look like characters from the show, but were not them. I mean look at you. You just killed your father and your celebrating. You built a giant statue of yourself outside. I heard Chuck say you're making people wear ‘slave collars’.
“It’s just a little mind control enchantment. The voice in my head taught me that one. It’s what I used to prevent uprising back in Equestria!”
“You're not Sombra Steve.” I said in annoyance.
He was really scaring me now, so I started raising my voice.
“Steve you're not Sombra. You just look like him.”
“Well, if I’m not Sombra, how come I had a flash of murdering an alicorn just as I was about to kill Dad?”
“You probably made it up in your head.”
He sighed. “Maybe I can’t prove to you I’m Sombra, but I think I can prove that your Thunderlane. I’m going to use the same spell I used on Dad. I’m sorry to do this David, but the sooner you accept the truth the better. If I search your mind and find nothing, then I promise I’ll release Dad’s men from their service and give my mad quest for power up. Do we have a deal?”
“No we don’t!” I shouted. “This is stupid!!”
He snickered at me. “But if you're not really Thunderlane, you have nothing to worry about do you? Also, did you hear what I said? I told you I would fight my Sombra persona if I’m wrong. So I’ll ask you again. Do you want the blue pill or the red pill.”
I took a deep breath. Everything he just said makes sense. If I’m right, he might give up the whole Sombra thing. If I’m wrong, well then, I’ll know the truth. The question is, will I be able to handle it?
It’s funny. All these years spent obsessing over this show even as other moved on you think I’d be the happiest man in the world.
“Alright Morpheus, let’s get this over with.”
Steve chuckled as his horn started to glow purple.
“Alright Neo!” he shouted in excitement. “Let’s get started!”
I felt a surge of energy wash over me as movie video scenes zoomed past me. I saw bits and pieces of my life play out in half a dozen scenes. For a moment It reminded me a lot of the alicorn Twilight episode. At first I could recall everything that zoomed past me. On one screen I saw Rudies tenth birthday. On another I saw myself graduating high school.
Then last panel I saw my mother holding a baby in her arms. After that me and Steve were sucked into a giant screen.
We were no longer in the office. We were now in a open field with bright green glass. The sky around us was dark and strong gusts of wind were blowing past my mane.
In the distance i could see two figures speeding down towards us. As they get closer, my jaw dropped in disbelief. The figures were ponies, but they weren’t just any ponies. They were Thunderlane and Rumble.
They landed a few feet away from us, and I was stunned by how real they looked.
“Well it looks like I was right.” shouted Steve. “I lined up your memories in chronological order, and this one is the earliest memory you have before you were born. It was buried deep down in your subconscious, but it’s still there. Looks like I win the...”
“Shut up for a second!” I shouted “I think they’re about to talk.”
We both watched Thunderlane and Rumble turn to face each other.
“Listen to me bro.” Said Thunder. “I pretty sure I saw Dash and Discord fly this way. If he’s responsible for all these disappearances, I need you to fly. Fly like you’ve never flown before. Even if I’m not there, I need you to keep flying until you're safe. Just follow the train tracks south, you hear me?”
“But brother...”
“No. Listen to me Rumble. If we run into Discord and Dash isn’t with him, just leave me.”
“Thunder he’s heading this way!”
We watched Rumble point his hoof, and we all turned to look where he was pointing. Sure enough, the Spirit of Chaos was floating slowly towards the two ponies.
“Excuse me little ponies.” Discord said. “I couldn’t help but overhear that you are not pleased with what I’m doing. All I’m trying to do to do is banish those who would get in my way of reshaping this world.”
He snapped his fingers and teleported beside Rumble.
“Yet everywhere I go,” he continued “Ponies are unpleased with me. Even though they are nothing compared to me, they are trying to sabotage everything I’ve accomplished today. I thought all I need to do was banish the element's. But now, I see now I’m going to have to step up my game. If you all don’t like my new Equestria, I’ll just have to send you someplace worse.”
Me and Thunderlane watched in horror as Discord grabbed Rumble by his head and floated him up into the air.
“Put him down you monster!” me and Thunderlane shouted in unison witch really unsettled me. However, I was too engrossed with what happening around me to ponder our simultaneous choice of words.
“Now, I’m going to banish him right before his your eyes.” he said laughing as lightning struck a nearby tree and lit it on fire.
He brought Rumble closer to his head and scratched his chin with his paw.
“This time I’m going to do something different. I’ve already genderbent enough ponies today, and I already banished enough ponies that will eventually go through age regression. For my next trick. I’m going to have him linger between worlds for a bit before sending him.”
“If you touch him,” grunted Thunderlane. “I’ll...”
“I’d keep my temper down if I were you. You’re lucky I decided to keep you two together. You’ll see the little twerp again in twelve years time, but if you're not good, I’ll send him to an abusive family. Wait. On second thought. Maybe I’ll cast the regular spell and do just that.”
“Wait please don’t do that, I’ll do whatever you say.”
“Thunder!” shouted Rumble. “Don’t give him what he wants. I can handle whatever this jerk does to me.”
“Sorry bro, that not happening. Just please don’t do that to him. I don’t understand most of what you just said, but I don’t want my brother to get hurt.”
The draconequus smiled devilishly at Thunder. His eyes sparkled with sinister intentions.
“If you care for him, beg like a helpless mare before my feet. My mercy needs to be earned after. Hell, if you beg hard enough I’ll make sure the two of you will meet again. However If I don’t think you're pleading hard enough, I’ll make sure his life is a living hell.”
As I watched the events play out, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of deja vu. Like I had seen this exact same scene before. While Thunderlane was pleading with Discord, I turned to Steve.
“This is the missing scene that they cut out from the series finale. You must have pulled out my memory from when I saw this scene on tv.”
“David, I’m sorry but I don’t think a kid show would be this dark dude. I just heard him mention child abuse. I highly doubt they put a scene like this in a little girl’s show.”
“The why do I remember this? Why does it seem so familiar?”
By this point, I knew that Steve was right about everything. But a part of me still wanted to hold onto ignorance. I didn’t want to accept the truth. I watched Steve open his mouth, knowing full well what he was going to say.
“Because this really happened David. If it’s too painful to watch I’ll end the spell right now.”
“No!” I shouted with tears streaming down my eyes. “I need to see this for myself.”
I turned back to watch Discord and Thunderlane. He was still begging for mercy from the the evil spirit, and was actually kissing his legs. This was beyond humiliating, and it only got worse as the memory dragged on.
Eventually Thunderlane told Discord that he’s done.
The Draconequus patted him on the head.
“Thank you for being such a good bitch Thunderlane. It just goes to show that beyond all that testosterone, you're nothing but a weak mare inside. For providing me such entertainment. I will make sure the two of you will remain brothers. I’ll send your brother over first.”
He turned to Rumble and he started to chant.
Six Plus Six, Add One More.
Up on two legs, no longer you will you soar
In twelve years time, you’ll be reborn
The the life you will live, will surely make you mourn
When the change is complete, an outcast you’ll be
Because to them you're a freak for all their eyes to see
When Discord had finished his shitty poem Rumble vanished.
“It’s your turn now bitch.” called Discord.
“David I think we’ve seen enough.” said Steve. “I’m pulling us out of the memory.”
As the scene starts to fade away, I hear Discord say something to Thunderlane.
Five Score, Divided By Four
We were both back in the office now. Steve eyes weren’t smoking anymore, and they stopped glowing green. He looked at me with a worried look.
“Are you ok man?” he asked. “You look like you're about to cry.”
Sure enough I did. I cried my freaking eyes out. Who wouldn’t after finding out their whole life was a lie, that you didn’t belong on this planet. That for almost eight years, you enjoyed a television show that was secretly about the world you were originally from, but never knew existed.
“It’s all a lie.” I said with tears. “Me and Rumble, aren’t really human. We were never really human. My god it all makes sense. That’s why I always came first in track. That’s why me and my brother were so good at predicting the weather. My god, everything about me is a lie.”
“I’m sorry this happened to us David.” Steve said. “If I knew how, I’d open up a portal right now and kill that snake for what he did to us. What he did to everypony on this planet. But now, the only thing we can do is cherish all the good that came out of being human. At the same time, we need to stick together and embrace who we really are, while still hanging onto who we are on earth.”
“I’m going to let you in on a little spoiler David.” he continued. “Right now I’ve been scheming and coming up with a plan. I’m going to take over this city and make this a safe haven for all those who have turned. I wasn’t planning on telling you this because I didn’t want to scare you away. But you know the evil I am capable of, and you also know that I look after my friends. Are you getting it now? I can be Steve and Sombra without contradicting the other.”
“Can you really though?” I asked.
“I know I can, and the moment I stop, you and your brother can fly away from this city. But for now I would like you to live here with me and Antonio. This estate is huge, and it’s very secluded. So long as you don’t get too close to the highway, you’ll all have plenty of room. Man I’m telling you, I’d trade these powers just to be able to fly.”
“I don’t know. Being an evil sorcerer is a sweet deal.” I said jokingly.
“That it is.” he replied. “But I take it you're not really cool with the whole evil thing. Truth be told that’s why I really need you. I’m confident I can keep this new life of mine in check, but I’m going to need you to help keep me in line. I never want to see my self hold a gun to a little girl ever again. So what’s it going to be? Are you in or out?”
Steve did have a point. I really didn’t have anywhere else to go. Still, could I really go along on his power trip?
“Well, after working for the mob for so long, I guess living with a dictator can’t be so bad. Besides, your right. We don’t fit in this world any more. At least here my brother will be safe.”
He gave me a warm smile and turned his head to the clock.
“Whelp, I better give my speech to the troops. You should come with me to the garden. I want you to be a part of this. I promise this won’t be like a one of those neo nazi rallies or anything stupid like that.”
“I’m sure it won’t.”
The two of made out way out the office and down the hall. As we walked I couldn’t help but feel a shimmer of hope. Sure, I just found out that I’m a reincarnated pegasus with no memory of his former life, but Steve/Sombra found a way to give me hope. I began to think maybe he wasn’t so evil after all. However, that trail of thought died as soon as I saw a group of men with glowing purple collars walk past us with a zombified look in their eyes.
Yeah. He’s totally lost it...
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Cool. Glad to see my edits worked out for you.
2960192 It was a really big help.
Why did any of this have to happen. Why did my brother half to turn into a monster? Why did my father kill my mother before I could get to know her? Did dad have to die? I know Steve said he’s still the same person, but even I can tell that he changed. I saw what he almost did to those guards, though every part of me wanted to forget it. He was threatening to eat that one guy, hell he even licked him. Was that creature really still my brother, or is he just a shadow of what he was?
U- Is it supposed to say "brother half"?
B- Was the pun in this statement intentional? I laughed when I saw this. I love puns.
2960441 Funny, I love sarcasm.
How about that. Anyway I fixed it. Happens to the best of us. Also I really don't see a pun their. Because it sounds like other half or something?
2960469
I HAVE NOW POINTED OUT THE PUN. THIS PUN WAS FROM THE BOLDED SENTENCE IN MY LAST COMMENT.
I also enjoy sarcasm, however it is not as enjoyable in writing due to the fact that it is hard to differentiate it from the non-sarcasm. Why was sarcasm brought up, exactly?
2960527 Sorry I though you were being sarcastic. Like you said, it doesn't really work well on a computer screen. My bad man. Yeah, and if I'm not mistaken I think that pun was intended.
If you need proof readers I could always read through it for you. I'm not exactly a professional proof reader but I'll help you out if want me to
2960580
If you're referring to the Bronycon in Maryland this weekend, I'm gonna be there too for Saturday!
I'm glad for the new chapter, and I enjoyed it, and something about the dramatic chair-turn revealing Sombra comfortably seated there all big shot crime lord style is both amusing and scary at the same time, and Discord's a real monster!
I laughed so hard when I saw the end sentence: "Yeah, he's totally lost it"
2962665 Well this sort of a dark comedy, thought it sort of turned into a very serious one during the writing processes. Well it looks like am balancing those two elements well. I am always afraid that one aspect of the story will over shadow the other.
2962941 Don't worry, it get's worse.
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHH
Meet
Same as the old boss
2963051 Family Guy was so right. Hearing the title in the strory really does bring joy to people.
2963102
2962979 eeyup. I agree
You want some editing?
Here, have some editing.
Even though that spell has worn off...
“What’s wrong?" I asked.
But you have to admit this is really cool.”
“My god all this shit’s going to your head.”
“I know, and I’m loving it. Once everything's cleaned up, I’ll spend some time with you.
All these unanswered questions caused me bawl out(? kinda awkward. Not Major) and cry until eventually I passed out from exhaustion.
Dad didn’t have to die.
Double spaces... It's not major, but I've been noticing some variation in the word's spacing. It gets pretty bad in some spots(there was at least one paragraph with a triple space pretty close to a single space) and you might want to make it a bit more uniform.
“Do you regret killing Dad?” I asked him.
I still have work that needs to be done.
I certainly hope that’s not the case, because if it is, this entire city is doomed.
Though that is kind of dialogue and so it doesn't HAVE to be fixed.
Maybe you can make sense of this madness?”
Also dialogue.
“He’s all yours boss.” said Chuck.
Strange place for a quotation mark, no?
“How the fuck did you do that?”
Dialogue though. "I'm in too much shock to 'member proper engrish!"
...but I think I can prove that you're Thunderlane.
Thunderlane and I (?) shouted
“Then why do I remember this?
...can’t be so bad. Besides, you're right.
Anyway, I want to...
Woo! Author's Note editing! Not major.
TITLE DROP!
Damn this got long. Hope it helped!
2963497 I'll correct those latter.
Have you ever considered submitting this story to Equestria Daily? You can find out how to do so here.
Have you ever considered submitting this story to Equestria Daily? You can find out how to do so here.
2971046 EqD is too hard. This story has too many fowl words and too many mistakes hidden in it. There are tough crowd.
2992475 And I was afraid it was going to come off as cheese. Thank you.
3031573 There's an expiation for that, but it's way latter in the story. Didn't feel like messing in the age when I first stared writing. In retrospect it could have been cool to do, but what's done is done.
I still have some problems with stairs.
I still have some problems with stairs.
SOMBRA HAS PROBLEMS WITH STAIRS.
Impossible.
Sombra has some problems with stairs?
I guess whoever made the floor plan for his castle probably died soon after construction...
A thought came to my mind as I was checking something after reading to the current extent of this fic's completion: your wording for a 13 year 5score÷4 curse loses the rhyme that "score" and "four" have. Perhaps "For Three Times Four! Add One More!" (You gotta have the exclamation points, too) would work better?
I realize you made up for it with "soar", but it still changes the rhyme pattern of the first two lines. I like couplets as much as the next guy but the in-line rhyme the original has is gold to me. Perhaps use both?
"For Three Score! Add One More!
On two legs, you will no longer soar!"
Damn I sound like my teacher.
3446046
But wouldn't three score be sixty years?
I don't know if that dude would be lucky or not, living a life for sixty one years, experiencing a weird pony-apocalypse, and then suddenly turning into a thirteen year old pegasus.
3125653
The Great and Powerful Trixie doesn't trust stairs.