Just Desserts
Justin Bieber vs. Equestria
Just Desserts
Author: Draconis187
The changing room at the Los Angeles Memorial Stadium was currently playing host to the biggest, young singing sensation since the Jackson Five. Except this was a singular singer, not a group. The star was going over his look in a mirror, looking at his jeans and black leather jacket. His hairstyle – similar to Lady Gaga’s fashion sense – matched his attitude as a knock thundered through the room and broke the singer’s ‘concentration’.
“What the fuck do you want?!” Justin Bieber shouted callously.
“Five minutes until showtime Mr. Bieber,” The assistant deadpanned, ignoring the young man’s outburst.
“Whatever, just fuck off,” Bieber muttered as he slumped down into his chair and looked up at the ceiling.
**** **** **** ****
Lyra Heartstrings. A very light aquamarine coloured Unicorn and local lyre player of Ponyville was humming a small tune as she walked through the town. It was just like any other day in the loving community that accepted almost anypony no matter how bad they were. The sun shone brightly, the birds were chirping in unison as a yellow Pegasus was conducting them on a group of branches.
“Sup Lyra,” A white Unicorn with electric blue hair greeted. The travelling DJ-PON3 was visiting Ponyville to relax for a bit… it has been two months now.
“Hi Vinyl,” Lyra greeted back, blowing a lock of her pale, greyish cyan mane out of the way.
“So whatcha up to?” The mare grinned. It was difficult to see her eyes as she wore those ridiculous purple shades over them.
“The usual. Playing in the park, getting lectured by Bon Bon, nothing new. How about you? Finished having your ‘little break’ yet?” Lyra asked, getting a grin from Vinyl as a result.
“Yeah, I’m heading to Canterlot by the end of the day. Tavi is probably getting sick with worry,” She replied, sticking out her tongue as she said the last part.
“At least she didn’t come around like last time,” Lyra shuddered as she recalled the previous ‘extended break’ the DJ decided to have, “I never knew she had such a temper.”
“I never knew she was that strong,” Vinyl commented, rubbing the back of her head as she remembered where she got hammered, “It’s a mistake I’ve yet to repeat.”
As Lyra was about to respond, a faint voice called out… and it sounded angry. The two mares looked at the source with fear until they saw who it belonged to. A cream coloured Earth Pony with a pink and dark blue manestyle was storming towards the two.
“Lyra! I told you to be home by 4:30!” She vexed, pointing to the clock tower in the distance, “It’s 4:35 and where were you!? Talking to this excuse for a musician?”
Vinyl had been called many things – most of them came from Octavia Philharmonica – but to be called that by a pony more uptight than Twilight Sparkle was an insult too far. She stared Bon Bon down, looking ready to pound her to the next Grand Galloping Gala.
“Now, now… there’s no reason to fight ladies,” Lyra pleaded as she attempted to diffuse the situation, “Bon Bon, Vinyl is a respected pony in Canterlot. Not only that, she knows Octavia. I know you like her music.”
Bon Bon scoffed, “A classy lady such as Miss Philharmonica would never associate with such a ruffian.”
This time, Vinyl laughed as all seriousness left her body and her anger forgotten, “I know right? And yet… we went to the Grand Galloping Gala together last year. Oh, the looks on those uptight nobles’ faces! I couldn’t stop laughing and Tavi couldn’t stop blushing!”
The white unicorn almost fell on her flank as she used Lyra for support. The lyre player grinned, “I’m glad you found something funny. Bon, she’s telling the truth. Vinyl’s nothing if not honest… even if she has to be critically so.”
“Whatever,” The Earth Pony replied callously as she turned around, “I’ll give you ten minutes to get back home otherwise I’m locking you out.”
Lyra considered it for a moment and wondered if it wouldn’t be too bad an idea to not be with Bon Bon since she seemed to be in a less than favourable mood. She shook her head and mumbled something along the lines of agreeing with the mare’s condition. As she left, Vinyl fell out of her giggle fit and looked at Lyra seriously.
“Damn, how do you manage to put up with such a hardcase?” She asked, “I mean, I know Tavi’s not exactly without fault but she’s still cool, ya know?”
Lyra gave the mare a small grin, “I know but she was the only one with room to spare when I moved here. If you think she’s bad now, you should have seen her when we first met. She gave me a fifty page ‘tenant’s contract’ to sign.”
Vinyl let out a low whistle, “Damn girl, that’s harsh.”
“I best get going,” Lyra said as she began to start taking a few steps away from the DJ, “I’ll see you around and say hi to Octavia for me will you?”
Vinyl lifted her glasses from her head, revealing her red eyes, “Of course. Stay cool Lyra.”
**** **** **** ****
In the Ponyville Library known locally as Golden Oaks, a lavender Alicorn was sat by a table near the window, quietly reading a book while a quill was levitating in the air nearby. It’s been two weeks since her coronation and she had been working hard to try and think of a new spell. The table she was using to take notes was missing as a mountain of scrunched up paper engulfed it several hours ago. She failed to notice the sun had set quite some time ago.
“Twilight, you should go to bed. You know what happens if you stay up too late,” A small, purple dragon with green belly scales and spines gently warned.
“Sorry Spike. I’ve just been trying to make a new spell to show Princess Celestia when she visits next week,” Twilight replied sheepishly as she closed the book and tried to place it on the table nearby, only to find out how much parchment she went through, “Maybe a ‘reuse parchment spell’.”
Spike gave a small laugh at Twilight’s bad joke, “I’m sure she’ll understand that this stuff takes time Twilight. It can wait another day.”
“You're right,” Twilight replied as she blew out the candle before following her number one assistant upstairs to their respective beds.
Unbeknownst to her, a spell she had tried and thought to have failed earlier was still active. Beyond the visible spectrum, the magic’s tendrils stretched to find something to latch onto in order to complete itself. It tried to latch on Vinyl Scratch as she began to board the train only to find it couldn’t. It tried again with the various denizens of Ponyville to no avail. The spell could not latch onto a target with residual magic. It couldn’t even connect with an animal or the plantlife.
The spell was about to fade away and become inert but it found something. It could feel a different kind of magic, as ancient as the land itself, tied to something far away. The tendrils touched the magic and felt a surge in power. It found the other side of the connection and began to creep along the ancient pathways to find a target.
**** **** **** ****
“Mr. Bieber, it’s time,” The assistant called from the other side of the door as he came to collect the singer.
“Fuck,” The singer mumbled, “Be right out.”
He got up and walked towards the door. As the knob turned, Bieber felt… wrong. It felt like something was out of place and he couldn’t place it. He looked down to his hand and he saw the twinkling of a star in the centre of it. The door opened outwards as the assistant looked at the pop star.
“Uh, this doesn’t look good,” He muttered under his breath as he saw Bieber’s body begin to sparkle at various points on his body.
“Don’t just stand there gawking! Help me!” Justin pleaded.
“I don’t know what to do!” The assistant responded helplessly.
“I don’t care, just do something you stupid shit!” Bieber shouted as his body flashed with the intensity of a star going supernova. He screamed like a little girl as he faded quickly from existence.
The assistant lowered the arm he used to cover his eyes and looked around to see the singer was nowhere to be found, “Well… no small loss.”
**** **** **** ****
The sun returned to Ponyville as regular as clockwork, Princess Celestia not missing a beat in well over a thousand years of rule. Sadly nopony could enjoy it as the local weather team decided to schedule a thunderstorm for the duration of the morning to make up for the lack of rain from the previous week.
Twilight yawned as she stretched her body. Her wings still felt odd but she was steadily getting used to the appendages. She looked across her room and saw Spike’s bed was unoccupied. She smiled as she began to trot towards the bathroom. The two of them had a simple rule: whosoever got up first made breakfast for the pair of them.
Meanwhile Spike was busy making his famous flapjacks with corn syrup as he heard a scream belonging to Twilight, coming from the bathroom. He dropped everything as he charged up the staircase as fast as his little legs could carry him. The scene that greeted him was beyond description: Twilight was completely soaked, a towel draped over her body. What made her jump out of the tub and scream was some hairless monkey covered in clothes that Rarity would have an aneurism over.
“Spike, we need to send a letter to the Princesses… now!” The Princess of Magic commanded as she retreated to the doorway, keeping an eye on the creature that just appeared in her bathtub.
**** **** **** ****
In a stately well kept house, a grey Earth Pony was stirring from her sleep. She rolled to the right side of her queen size bed and opened her eyes just a tad. What greeted her could be summed up in a single word: ‘wubs.’
“Good morning Tavi!” Vinyl Scratch shouted, her voice barely audible as Octavia was literally wubbed out of bed and fell off. The walls were threatening to crack while objects of various size, value and design jolted a few inches into the air with each beat of the gigantic subwoofer the Unicorn was using.
The music died out as quickly as it started. Octavia’s head popped out from where she fell, her face red and furious, “Vinyl! What in the name of Celestia is wrong with you?!”
“Nothing, I’m just awesome!” The DJ countered with a grin usually seen on the face of Ponyville’s resident party mare, Pinkie Pie.
Octavia facehoofed, “You're insufferable.”
She quickly found Vinyl’s arm around her neck as the disc jockey gave the mare a small peck on her cheek, “And that’s why you love me. Come on, we need to get ready. It’s time you took a break.”
**** **** **** ****
Justin Bieber was coming to, the light shining in his eyes, “What the fuck?”
Twilight was standing a short distance away from the human, flanked by her five friends: Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Applejack and Fluttershy. They were eying the human intently, wondering who and what he was and how or why he appeared in Twilight’s tub. Twilight was courteous enough to dry him out with a simple spell but she unceremoniously proceeded to dump him on the floor on the ground floor of the library.
Bieber’s eyes finally adjusted to the light, allowing him to see where he was. He wasn’t happy, “Again, what the fuck? Where in hell am I and what are a bunch of farm animals doing here?”
The group eyed him curiously as Twilight spoke up, “I didn’t understand any of that. How about you girls?”
She turned to her friends who all shook their heads, except for Pinkie Pie, who had vanished as usual. Twilight’s face drained of all colour as she wheeled around and saw the sight before her.
“Hi I’m Pinkie Pie! What’s your name?” She asked, bouncing up and down on Bieber’s chest.
“Get the hell off me!” The singer shouted.
“Oki Doki Loki!” She replied cheerfully as she did what she was asked.
Twilight stared at her friend with shock and wonder, “Pinkie… you can understand him?!”
Pinkie tilted her head slightly and gave her an annoyed look, “Well duh! I read this book.”
As she said this, she pulled out a black and yellow book from her mane. It had a small picture of a human coloured black and white with short, spiky hair and he was pointing to the title above him which read: ‘English for Dummies’. The ‘Dummies’ part was scratched out with pink permanent marker and the words ‘Pinkie Pie’ were written above it to replace it.
The book was levitated out of Pinkie’s grip by Twilight, “Pinkie, where in Equestria did you get this?”
“From Quagmire when he visited last week,” Pinkie replied as Twilight flipped through the book.
As Twilight looked up, she found both her and Bieber had vanished. She gave an exasperated sigh, “One of these days Pinkie… one of these days.”
**** **** **** ****
“So Get The Hell Off Me, what do you think of Ponyville?” Pinkie asked as Bieber was essentially dragged across the small town.
Bieber looked around and saw the denizens of Ponyville. Just as vibrantly coloured as the six ponies he met earlier. Most ponies would scream and run once they saw the odd creature but the citizens had experienced things far worse than one seemingly harmless human.
“This place is a dump,” Bieber commented, “There doesn’t seem to be a single person around here.”
“That’s because you're the only one GTHOM,” Pinkie replied cheerfully. Somehow, she pronounced her made up acronym flawlessly.
“What in the hell is that?” Bieber asked, pointing to the sugar coated building that could easily pass as the set for a movie of Hansel and Gretel.
“That’s Sugarcube Corner!” The party mare declared with pride, “Come in, I’ll bake you something to eat.”
Bieber shrugged, “Whatever, I just want to get home so I can get to my concert.”
“Concert?” The pink mare asked curiously as they entered the bakery.
“I'm a singer where I’m from. Very famous too,” He said curtly, getting slightly irritated that he was on another world not only populated by talking ponies – only one of which seemed to understand him and she was the most annoying creature to ever draw breath – but he also no longer had his fame and attention.
“Wow! Remind me to introduce you to Lyra, oh wait there she is! Oh oh Lyra! Lyra!” She cried out across the shop, waving her forehooves frantically like a filly on a sugar high from hell.
The lyre player turned around and saw the party mare alongside a strange creature. A while back, ponies teased her of her study into mythical creatures, specifically ones long thought to be the ramblings of nutjobs. One particular species were known colloquially as ‘humans’. She had very little material to go on at the time but they were supposed to highly intelligent creatures that used the aforementioned intelligence to circumvent their lack of magical affinity or natural flying capabilities. Whether she was excited or not about being proved right was a mystery.
“Hi, Pinkie. Who’s your friend?” She asked, levitating a bag of treats that she usually got for Bon Bon.
“Oh, his name is GTHOM. He’s a human singer,” Pinkie replied, ignoring the look of disdain Bieber had on his face.
“This place looks like it was made by a four year old. No wait, a four year old could do a better job than this,” He complained.
“What’s he saying?” Lyra whispered, trying not to draw the human’s attention.
“Oh, he wants to hear you play your lyre,” She replied happily.
“I didn-” Bieber was cut off as Pinkie brought a microphone out of nowhere and placed it in front of him before rocketing to the curtains and closing them, darkening the room.
“What in hell is going on?” Bieber asked to nopony in particular as a spotlight came out of nowhere and fell onto him and Lyra. He recognised the microphone that looked like it came from the bad side of the 50s and gathered from the pink menace’s expression, she wanted him to sing.
Bieber cleared his thought as he got ready to improvise, “If I was your boyfriend…”
Lyra’s musical ear picked up on Bieber’s tone and tempo as she strummed along on her lyre which she kept in her saddlebags at all times for whenever inspiration or the mood struck. The music was beautiful and despite the fact that nopony other than Pinkie Pie understood what he was singing about, ponies began to hum along.
The sight was beautiful and harmonious… until Lyra skipped a note by accident. This caused Bieber to stop instantly and vent at her, “What the fucking hell is wrong with you, you piece of shit?! Can’t you play a simple melody?!”
Now, Lyra Heartstrings can take criticism like any good musician but when she can’t understand the critic and when he is shouting from a position that rested just inches from her face, she broke. She dropped her lyre and the paper bag before charging out of the bakery, crying hysterically as she ran out of sight.
Bieber sighed and turned to the ponies that were watching him. The look of death he gave them cleared the bakery in seconds. The line of ponies waiting for their orders vanished instantly and the bakery was left empty, except for Pinkie Pie and the human. Carrot Cake and Cup Cake fled with the foals the moment the others did.
Pinkie didn’t give up, “So, your pony skills are lacking a little. No worries! We just need to find Lyra and apologise.”
**** **** **** ****
The train platform was busy as usual as the two of Equestria’s greatest musicians arrived. Octavia walked out of the train carriage with her head held high. Vinyl brought up the rear, carrying the case containing her marefriend’s prized cello with her magic.
“It’s good to come to Ponyville. It has a soothing, quiet atmosphere that anypony can appreciate and unwind in,” She said as she contemplated what their time in Ponyville will bring to them.
“Uh-huh, ‘unwind’. I’m sure you’ll do a bit more than unwind right?” Vinyl said cheekily.
“Ugh, I really wonder how I ended up with you Vinyl,” She muttered as they walked off the platform and into town.
**** **** **** ****
Bieber and Pinkie were standing outside the home Bon Bon and Lyra ‘shared’. Technically Lyra was renting a room and practically owned nothing inside due to the fact she had little say in the matter… it was part of their contract. Bieber stood there by the oak door, wondering why in hell he should apologise to a musician that couldn’t keep a note to save her life?
“Hey!” Bieber wheeled around and saw Pinkie Pie looking angrily at him, “Don’t you dare think that! Lyra’s a nice pony, don’t be a jerking McJerkerson.”
Bieber blinked as he tried to wrap his mind around the mare’s word choice and the fact that she just read his mind but was interrupted when Bon Bon opened the door. Her mane was slightly frazzled with a few split hairs here and there. She kept her composure as she stared down the human that stood before her.
“So you’re the uncouth creature that shouted at Lyra?” She asked.
“Uh, what did she say?” He asked Pinkie Pie, who stared at him.
“She called you ‘uncloth’ whatever that means. Hi Bonny, GTHOM came to apologise,” She said happily.
Bon Bon looked over her shoulder and saw the lyre player standing not too far from the door. Her face was stained with tears as she sniffed, still upset, “She’s not home.”
She turned around to find Pinkie had vanished as if on cue. Turning around, she saw Pinkie comforting Lyra. She would have objected… if she wasn’t watching the human who tried to look inside her home.
“Sorry but you are not co-” She was interrupted as she felt the house nearby erupt with music, “Oh no… not her again.”
The house nearby had a similar design to Bon Bon’s, except it had a weather vane made into the shape of a treble clef and mirrored pair of bridged eighth notes. The house was quiet for the majority of the year… until Vinyl Scratch arrived.
Octavia walked up to the human and Bon Bon, the former of the two quickly found himself closely acquainted with the hard dirt as Bon Bon charged past him to greet the cellist.
“Ms. Philharmonica! It’s a genuine honour to meet you,” She cried out excitedly as she shook the cellist’s hoof vigorously.
The Cellist corrected the pink bow on her white collar before responding, “And greetings to you as well Miss?”
“Oh, Bon Bon. I’m Bon Bon,” She replied as she began to hyperventilate.
“Have you seen a Unicorn called Lyra Heartstrings? Vinyl wants her to, ugh ‘come and jam’ with us,” She sounded disgusted as she said the last part.
“Wait, you and that pony know each other?” She asked incredulously.
Octavia sighed deeply, “I know. It’s a little hard to believe, but I digress. Do you know wh-”
“Here she is!” Pinkie Pie shouted, making both mares jump into the air with fright, “She’s feeling better now.”
Lyra looked behind them and saw the human trying to dust off all the dirt that wound up in his clothes. She smiled inwardly at the scene.
“It’s nice to see you again Pinkie Pie. What happened, Lyra?” The cellist asked, turning her attention to unicorn musician.
“Just a misunderstanding,” She replied, hanging her head as the human walked up to them.
Octavia picked up on her movement as the human joined them, “I surmise this… thing is the cause of all this?”
Lyra nodded, “I skipped a note by accident and he got angry.”
“Well, that’s rather rude. I know that perfection is hard but I gather the both of you had to improvise,” Octavia commented as she gestured them all to walk with her, “Maybe if all of us got together and tried again?”
Lyra looked at him for a second and wondered but her train of thought got derailed as Pinkie Pie gasped and grabbed them all before running towards Vinyl’s and Octavia’s house. Bieber tried to get out of her grip but it felt like it was made of titanium, barring any hope or chance.
**** **** **** ****
Octavia used the large, vinyl record door knocker to get the attention of the only pony in the building. Strangely, it didn’t make a sound that you would expect from a knocker. Each knock felt like the beat of some heavy bass instrument over and over again. How Vinyl managed this was something short of musical and magical genius.
The door opened and the group were blasted with a full onslaught of wubs. Bieber fell back onto his rear end, covering his ears with his hands in a vain attempt to stop the noise. As much as Octavia could reciprocate the same feeling but she did tolerate it out of professional courtesy. Her opinion of the self-proclaimed singer was starting to dwindle.
Vinyl Scratch popped out of nowhere in a fashion that would make Pinkie Pie proud, she laughed at the DJ as she noticed her ‘Wub the cook’ apron.
“Sup, everypony and… thing,” She said, turning her attention to Bieber who had gotten up but refused to remove his hands from his ears, “Too loud huh? I guess I can turn it down a tad.”
“He doesn’t understand us,” Pinkie explained as the volume dropped a few decibels, “Well, I can translate for him. Language barriers are so fun!”
“Only you could think language issues are fun,” Vinyl smirked as she gestured for the others to get in.
The house was a mixture of colours: the floor looked like a spider web of neon lights, pulsing in a myriad of colours. The walls were whiter than sheets, reflecting the floor’s lighting perfectly. The house was a pet project to improve the ambience of the club she played sets in back at Canterlot. How she got Octavia to agree with it was a question as mysterious as Pinkie Pie’s strange physics breaking capabilities.
“So what brings this monkey here?” Vinyl asked as she took the apron off and found her glasses.
Pinkie shrugged, “I don’t know how he got here. He just appeared in Twilight’s bathtub.”
Vinyl fell onto her flank, laughing hysterically. Octavia blushed slightly and bit back a retort that would have been aimed at Vinyl while Lyra raised an eyebrow.
“The-that’s buck-bucking h-hilarious!” Vinyl managed to wheeze as she failed to regain any form of composure.
Bieber stared at them incredulously, “What the hell is she laughing about?”
“Nothing in particular, she’s very punny. You should try it,” Pinkie replied.
Luckily for them, Octavia regained her senses and cleared her throat, “Vinyl dear, we shouldn’t make fun of the circumstances to how this creature got here. He’s a singer in need of some musical accompaniment.”
That was enough to set Vinyl straight. She got up and picked her glasses up off the floor, her eyes wide in disbelief. She gazed at Octavia who merely nodded at her. The Unicorn vanished as she ran up the stairs.
“Now what?” The ‘star’ whined as he heard Vinyl coming back down, carrying Octavia’s cello and her favourite turntables.
Octavia’s cello wasn’t truly unique, it had seen quite a lot of use over the past number of years and she had to replace the strings quite often. What made it unique to her was the fact that she played the self same cello when she got her Cutie Mark. Nothing in the world other than Vinyl Scratch was more precious to her.
Vinyl’s turntables were simple, two platters with a control apparatus that looked beyond the comprehension of any normal human being. Vinyl made this herself and a number of other wub related instruments and devices that defied logic. Her Subwoofer Dishwasher was a prime example.
Octavia picked up her cello’s bow from its confines in the case and stood up on her hind legs, the bow in her hoof. Vinyl plugged in a few jacks to the front of the turntable, eventually creating a network of black cabling that lead to every speaker and subwoofer in the building. Lyra had her lyre – presumably given to her by Pinkie – and stood alongside them, feeling comfortable that she had somepony to help her should she make the same mistake twice.
Bieber on the other hoof… was not interested. He turned for the door but soon got cut off by Pinkie Pie, holding the 50s microphone on its stand in her forehooves. From the expression the party mare had on her face, Bieber knew there was no getting out of this and took the microphone out of her grip with so much force, she flew clean across the room and landed gracefully on a pale violet couch that Octavia gave Vinyl some time back.
“Fine,” He said as he took up a position in front of the musicians who were waiting for their cue, “As long as you love me…”
Once again there was near perfect harmony as Bieber’s singing was accompanied by Octavia, Vinyl and Lyra. Vinyl made her records play much softer than she usually had them and was able to listen to the creature’s singing. They all did… and they liked his voice. As the song carried on, Pinkie Pie found a lighter and swung it around slowly in the air, the flame waving gently as she did so.
As the song reached the bridge… one of Octavia’s strings snapped, “Oh, dear. Sorry, it’s a good thing I bring spares.”
This did not sit well with Bieber. He walked up to the cellist and began another rant. They were lucky they didn’t understand as much as a single thing as his language was becoming more colourful than Discord’s body. Pinkie Pie’s ears fell flat against her head as she tried to block out the singer’s rage.
What he did next sealed his fate as he wrenched the cello out of her hooves and slammed it against the wall, causing a few splinters to fly around like shrapnel from a grenade. Octavia was shocked beyond words, Vinyl’s blood began to boil and Lyra tried to slink away. She was grabbed by her tail and thrown onto the couch Pinkie was sat on, a bowl of popcorn in her hooves.
“Want some?” She asked, her smile not as broad as it usually was, “This is getting interesting.”
‘Interesting’ was an understatement as Bieber found the slightly broken cello missing from his grip, only to find it connecting with his face. He flew out of the building, smashing a window with his body as a result and crashing into the dirt a few milliseconds later. Blood was pouring from his nose and several cuts he sustained on his body as well as his face.
Octavia looked livid as she exited the house, Vinyl close by, vinyl records spinning in mid air like blades. Octavia still had her cello which she was carrying over her shoulder as if it weighed nothing at all. Lyra, Bon Bon and Pinkie were the last ones out as the two musicians chased the singer across Ponyville.
**** **** **** ****
“Wait… he was insulting us?” Twilight exclaimed, reading a certain passage of the ‘English for Pinkie Pie’ that covered the swear words that were used by the young human.
“He’s bucked,” Rainbow Dash snarled as she opened the door to the library, ready to get out there and kill Bieber.
“Hold on there sugarcube,” Applejack said, pulling Rainbow back by her tail, “Ya’ll can’t go bucking everypony that insults ya. Ah’m guessing he was mighty frustrated since he just appeared out of nowhere.”
“That does not condone his behaviour Applejack,” Rarity interjected, “He was rather rude to all of us when he came to. Although ‘bucking’ him seems rather extreme. I suggest we find him and talk to him.”
Twilight nodded, closing the book, “Rarity’s right girls. We need to find him and talk. If he’s hostile then you can buck him.”
Rainbow sighed, “Fine.”
**** **** **** ****
“Someone help!” Bieber cried out as he ran as fast as his legs allowed him.
Sadly he forgot that nopony understood him but the two musicians understood a cry for help no matter the language. Vinyl threw the records she had like missiles, flying past Bieber and slicing his jacket. He was lucky that his larger size balanced out his pursuers’ four legged stance.
“I’m sorry!” He shouted back, trying to get away, tears streaming from his eyes due to the pain, “I’m sorry!”
Sadly the musicians didn’t understand it and thought he was cursing them or something. Being four legged animals, they had more stamina when it came to running and Bieber was running out of options and breath. He collapsed just outside Sugarcube Corner, giving the musicians their chance to strike. Vinyl held him up with her magic as Octavia assaulted him with the cello.
“Stop!” Lyra cried out, getting between Bieber and Octavia, “Can I have a go?”
Octavia smiled and handed Lyra her cello who then proceeded to carry it in the golden glow of her magic as she proceeded to beat the singer. Bon Bon was shocked as Bieber’s body was covered in bruises, his face almost unrecognisable. Not even his mother would recognise him at this point.
“What are you ponies doing?!” Twilight shouted, getting glances as the growing crowd gathered to watch the singer get beaten.
“Wow,” Rainbow Dash said, “I want a turn!”
She dashed forward to get in line but Applejack stopped her once again. The cyan mare sulked as she was forced to walk past the other onlookers. They got there in time to watch him slump onto the dirt as Vinyl released him.
Twilight observed the bruises and cuts along his body. She looked at the crowd, horrified by the display of utter brutality the singer received. As she opened her mouth to speak, she was cut off as somepony pointed up into the sky. She turned around and gasped, Princess Celestia was arriving on a carriage pulled by the Royal Pegasi Guard.
“Twilight, it is a pleasure to see you again,” The white Alicorn said warmly, “And I believe this is our guest?”
Before Twilight could respond, Celestia gasped at Bieber’s state, “Twilight, what happened?”
“I-I-I don’t know. I just got here and found him like this.” Twilight replied sadly as Bieber’s body was limp as she poked him gently with a hoof.
Celestia looked carefully at him and noticed something, “He’s breathing. He’s still alive but the damage to his body is extensive.”
“What do you suggest Princess?” Twilight asked, unsure of what to do next.
“We send him back to where he came from,” Celestia responded, “But first… anypony care to inform us of what transpired here?”
Pinkie Pie burst out of the crowd, waving her hooves in the air, “Oh, me! Pick me!”
Celestia chuckled at Pinkie’s antics, they were always fun to see first hoof instead of through a letter, “Yes my dear. Please tell us.”
“Well…” And so Pinkie began telling the Princesses of everything that happened: from Bieber’s outburst at Lyra, to meeting Vinyl and Octavia, all the way to Bieber being chased across town by the two musicians until he collapsed.
“And that’s that!” She declared happily.
A rude, obnoxious human?” Celestia muttered under her breath, “Best send him back before he causes more damage.”
“Pardon Princess?” Twilight inquired, shaking Celestia from her thoughts.
“Oh, nothing. I was thinking we had best send him back home, his loved ones must be worried sick,” The Princess of the Sun replied.
“I agree. Wait he’s coming to!” Twilight exclaimed as Bieber groaned.
He opened his eyes slightly and saw the crowd that had gathered around him. Before he questioned this turn of events his body decided to remind him of the pain he was in. He clutched at his ribs which was sure were shattered. He looked up and saw Twilight and Celestia eying him inquisitively as the others looked ready to kill him. Pinkie Pie was rambling on about a camel and a cow but nopony noticed.
Celestia finally spoke up, “Greetings human. I am Princess Celestia, one of the rulers of this land. Who are you?”
Less worried about how he could understand the towering pony and more worried for his life he responded, “I’m Justin Bieber. I-”
“Hey! You said your name was Get The Hell Off Me!” Pinkie Pike interrupted, sounding irritated.
“Miss Pie, please do not interrupt,” Celestia asked. Pinkie Pie responded by literally zipping her mouth shut, “Please continue Mr. Bieber.”
“I was getting ready to do a concert in Los Angeles but I found myself here instead,” Bieber explained, “Afterwards I’ve been dragged across this shitty excuse for a town and beaten up by creatures that dare to call themselves musicians.”
“As far as I understand it, it was you who were at fault and not my subjects,” Celestia responded.
“I don’t care whose fault it was,” Bieber retorted callously, “They still beat me up.”
“I… see,” Celestia responded calmly. “Twilight, send him home.”
Twilight looked up Celestia, confused, “P-Princess?”
“There is a small magical signature around him,” Celestia explained, “Yours to be exact. Judging by your response, it was not your intention to bring him here so I would venture to guess one of your spells went awry. You should be able to send him back.”
Twilight nodded and began to concentrate. As she was ready to cast one of the spells she used last night, Pinkie Pie interrupted by grabbing him and tossing him into her Party Cannon. Bieber cried out in pain while everypony was shocked.
“Pinkie! What are you doing?!” Twilight exclaimed.
“Sending I'm home silly!” She replied as she crept towards Bieber and whispered, “If you are rude to anypony ever again, I’ll hunt you down and show you a party that will rock you to death.”
Bieber gulped as he nodded his head, “Oki Doki Loki!”
As she pressed the button on the blue cannon with floral pink flower patterned wheels, Bieber vanished in a shower of confetti and cake batter. She turned to everypony and shrugged, “What?”
**** **** **** ****
“I don’t care if he vanished into thin air! Find him this instant!” An irate woman shouted at the backstage crew, “Those people are getting testy, they want my son!”
The sound of cannon fire rocked backstage and much of the stadium. Glasses fell, people stumbled and many clung onto loved ones as they thought it was another earthquake.
“We found him!” A voice shouted, “You aren't going to believe this!”
Bieber’s mother ran to the source of the voice and found paramedics leading him away on a stretcher.
“My boy! What happened?” She cried as she saw Bieber’s body was covered in bruises, cuts, cake batter and confetti.
“P-p-ponies,” Was Bieber’s only rely as he slipped out of conciousness, “Ponies everywhere.”
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Why do I hope that this gets featured?
2517071 Because you know secretly how brilliant this is
Please, for the love of the Royal Sisters... LET ME KISS THE RING ON YOUR FINGER, YOU KING!
Not going to actually read it but I have a good idea how it goes. Not ten seconds in, Equestria wins by a landslide. And Bieber has a cello, piano, and vinyl's turntables broken over his head.
This is genius
You brilliant person
2517096 I'm afraid you are only partially correct.
2517094 Consider my ring kissed.
Hope it was enjoyable.
2517151 Thank you very much. I worried I would be stepping on people's toes. In all honesty I have two of his songs but they are the only ones I like about him.
i wanted jesus and obama to come in a helicopter and shoot beiber.....im not insane
2517314 Too bad that doesn't happen.
I wondered if getting Chuck Norris in to Roundhouse him into the next era would have been appropriate but I couldn't think of a reason as to why or how he could get there.
I love you, OP.
Fuck yeah!!! I love this!!!
2517356 OP? I'm afraid I don't quite follow. Thanks though, may I ask which part/s you liked? I want to find where my comedy or storytelling as a whole is strong but more importantly where it's lacking.
2517358 Thank you oh so much.
2517385
OP=Original Poster. as for what I liked: the concept, the dialogue... the everything really.
2517385 You're welcome.
2517391 Thanks for the feedback, I appreciate it.
Yet another for my growing "What the Hell" list.
Nice way to paint him as a gigantic douche. You have my respect. (He SUCKS.)
~Skeeter The Lurker
I wanted someone to cut out his tongue.
I wub you octy.
...nice job on the Feature. I guess.
I love the brutality,
that lil bitch deserves it
I really love ponies and hate Justin Beiber
Sheer brilliance!
This is very good, but your comma placing had me scratching my head. Here's an example of what I mean. I'll put the questionable uses in bold:
“Wait… he was insulting us?” Twilight exclaimed, reading a certain passage of the ‘English for Pinkie Pie’ that covered the swear words that were used by the young human.
“He’s bucked,” Rainbow Dash snarled as she opened the door to the library, ready to get out there and kill Bieber.
“Hold on there sugarcube,” Applejack said, pulling Rainbow back by her tail, “Ya’ll can’t go bucking everypony that insults ya. Ah’m guessing he was mighty frustrated since he just appeared out of nowhere.”
“That does not condone his behaviour Applejack,” Rarity interjected, “He was rather rude to all of us when he came to. Although ‘bucking’ him seems rather extreme. I suggest we find him and talk to him.”
Twilight nodded, closing the book, “Rarity’s right girls. We need to find him and talk. If he’s hostile then you can buck him.”
For all of the incorrect uses for your commas, you added unnecessary ones. Also, you went a little cray-cray on the descriptions. Other than that, excellent. Fix all the kinks and you'll be awesome in no time.
So the idiot finally gets the Metaphorical Beating that he deserves. Personally I would have sent him into a horde of rabid anime fans(Nothing against anime fans as i am one myself), but it was a good story.
On another note: YOU DO NOT DO THAT TO ANYONE/PONY'S INSTRUMENT! NEVER EVER DO THAT AGAIN YOU HALF-WITTED TWAT! OR I WILL FIND YOU. I think that was what Pinkie meant to say.
O_O what the buck did i just read O_O
Came for the cover art. Hoped that Octavia would murder him. That didn't happen like I hoped, and he wasn't brutally tortured, but this is quite acceptable. I approve
Does anyone else wish Octavia and Vinyl did this to him?
Well, it was bound to happen eventually. All we can do now is bask in gloriousness of it.
That youtube video was the best video i ever saw. Only if it was real
FINALLY!!!! HE GOT WHAT HE DESERVED!!!!! BRAVO!!!!!!
NO. YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO A HUMAN. ONLY HUMAN CAN DO THIS TO A HUMAN. ESPECIALLY BEIBER.
2518479 put that on endless youtube lol (Video on endless youtube
Justin biber gets shot for 10 hours lol
dammit no dark or gore tag......
maybe I'll write one
I had the Laughs!
Excellent work!
2517995 Wait...
This got Featured?! How in hell did I miss that?! This is what I get for living in a country several hours ahead of America.
There is nothing to explain how much I love this, especially that last line.
welp. my day is made.
followin'
2517319It's Chuck Norris. He doesn't need a reason.
He can teleport to any reality and roundhouse any Bieber back to the Big Bang so they die in the explosion, just because he wants to.
In all honesty, the little prick deserved this. It was cute when he was a little kid. Notice I said cute, not good. It was cute then, now he's just a bitch with an ego.
After what he did at the Ann Frank house, I can say he 200% deserved this.
Also, gratz on the feature. May not be the most serious work on here, but at least the love for ponies and hate for Bieber will spread further.
2520409 It's been on the Popular Stories Tab for hours!! I couldn't feel more proud. It wasn't ever meant to be serious, just a trollfic of him getting asswhupped. And Yep, Chuck Norris doesn't need a reason to be able to pop into Equestria. My bets are on him and AJ being pals.
At last! I was waiting for this! This is GENUIS!
2520524I'd say he'd be pals with Big Mac before he became friends with AJ.
2521079 Enter Chuck Norris Pony here.
Awww, and I hoped this story ended up with JB in a madhouse.
Still, a good one.
[youtube=www.youtube.com/watch?v=yNXOkONEdTc]
2517314
I just like to kill...
He so. Bucking. Deserved this.
Genius line!
MY FAVORITE BUTTON IS BROKEN!!!!!
Couldn't have happened to a nicer person!
I've seen a lot of errors in this fiction.
First of all, Justin Bieber is not a singer, and you've stated it multiple times in this story that she is a singer.
Second, Justin Bieber is not a 'he'; it is supposed to be 'she'.
Last, but not the least, why can't I give this more than one upvote?
2556509 I love your comment
. And yet for reasons beyond my imagination, girls fawn over the little turd. He's here in my country (South Africa) and there have been multiple fainting episodes amongst HER fans. I can understand if she could actually sing but sadly talent he lacks.
As for the last part of the errors you have brought under my attention... yeah, you're gonna have to ask Knighty to address that one.
This needs to be made into a real video.