• Member Since 22nd Jan, 2013
  • offline last seen Tuesday

Iridescence T Wind


T

Heuristically programmed ALgorithmic computer, Or Hal for short. After a faulty contradiction of programming and orders to lie he resorted in killing four of the five members on his interplanetary mission to Jupiter. Dave, the sole survivor of the crew had disconnected him effectively killing Hal and erasing his being from the world similarly to that of death. Any attempts to reactivate Hal would instead create a new Hal without the memory of the old one. Little did Hal know, he would get a second chance at life in a completely different universe. Why are there bright Technicolor equines with magic and wings?

Notice, this is based on Hal 9000 from 2001: Space Odssey, having not seen the other ones but only reading their quotes I will not mention or use the later half but take more of Hal's basic personality from quotes and the 2001 movie to use as his basis of personality.

Chapters (20)
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Comments ( 81 )
Comment posted by Steamed Mint deleted May 8th, 2013

Write so much more of this, in fact, join the collab group and we'll HELP you write more of this. :pinkiehappy:

i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/6486283520/h7E77A41C/

2544519 hm? What group? there's dozens :fluttershbad: oh well, glad you liked it :pinkiesad2: I think I'll be working on this and the Nightbard once my current main book is done. I've already have the starting plot written down in my old journal and the character selection for the companionship is going to make this very... Pinkie pie to write. (Ie: random and fun!) Hope you enjoy the rest to come! :scootangel:

2544538

It's actually called, The Mad Writing Workshop, we are a collective. :pinkiehappy: A hive-mind, if you will.

(Adorable robot turned pony antics please this particular section of the hive-mind greatly, though.)

It needs a bunch of editing, missing commas and some wrong words in certain sentences. :ajsleepy:

Love the premise, I like redeemable figures ending up in Equestria, hopes it gets good. ^^

Veeery clumsy writing...can't wait to see it get better.

2544712 I tend to write without any form of reason only takin' time to add correct spelling. After all my other fictions getting too Many commas, guess I took the advice too seriously :twilightblush: That and no editors really besides the occasional comment from awesome readers such as everypony here... :fluttershysad:

I like this. The slow and detailed way you write feels mechanical, which fits perfectly with the fact that HAL is a computer.

HAL and Daring Do. Just because.
Apparently, Discord pulled fictional character to Equestria huh? And only HAL and Daring survived the Love And Tolerance Rainbow Explosion™
By the way, are they going to Ponyville or another way?

2578278 Rather not get stuck in that sort of situation. Do not need to write rainbow going :rainbowkiss: towards Daring Do. Besides it's easier to write with ambiguous characters who have so much to discover rather then the same six who's mystery has been narrowed down by the show alone to a few things like Rainbow's mom and scoot's parents :ajsleepy:.

2578401
I see your point. Just would have been nice to see it happening.

Also: They just fought Discord. Rainbow doesn't know Daring Do yet:twilightsmile:

2578478 Well eventually she would find the series and then paradox thingies would happen. :rainbowderp: Instead. Anyway, Comment as you wish, I'll be doing my own thing to make this a series of events I have been wanting to get off my chest instead. :derpytongue2: Let ADVENTURE commence! :pinkiecrazy:

Finds creepy mansion in the middle of nowhere? Goes exploring inside it. Seems legit.

I noticed how you said soul instead of Hal....

2586200 woops. derp. :facehoof: Ill fix it.

Edit: Long story short, still thinking about my other fiction. After writing "L.L.I.E." so long, I'm stuck to using the primary character name Soul Thought I fixed them all, thanks for catching it

The story is going well, yet there are little things you should attempt to improve. My main issue with this has got to be the lack of dialogue or even exclamations whilst they were in the house. Just add in some one word speech and some phrases from either of the two here or there. Another thing is cramming, try to get more chatting going and detail your creations a bit more (the things your mind creates to put in the story), rather than have a thousand word chapter with neglected detail.

Good work, though, pumping out chapters at a good rate. :twilightsmile:

2586938 I tend to find dialogue a killer for detail. Leaving one feeling that the text is longer than it is when you follow the rule of every other line being empty space.

"So..." Character A remarked to his friend, rolling his eyes.

"What?" Character B snarked back annoyed with situation C.

Character A tried to change the subject,"That's a nice window."

Character B raised an eyebrow, "Yes it Was."

What could of been a highly descriptive paragraph about the window and character, it just doesn't feel right...

Fantastic. I really cannot wait for more! This smashed right onto my favorites list!

Continue post-haste! :twilightsmile:

Yay, they are going to Canterlot!

I wonder how people will react to seeing Daring Do in real life. Maybe they will even meet the Princesses!

"What is going to happen, Dave? "

"...Something wonderful!..."

"I'm afraid. "

"...Dont' be, I'll be with you..."

"Where will we be? "

"...Where I am now...":trollestia:

2600817

Would you like me to sing you a song Dave? :pinkiecrazy:

2600278 Just you wait for Dr. Ground's performance next chapter. It will possibly involve words like spacey wacey up and down thingies :pinkiecrazy: But first, it is time for psychology class. Then it is back to writing this fun fiction. Odd, I am actually enjoying this type of genre of mini adventures adding up to a big one. Unlike Soul's adventure in Lampent's lament which was increasingly feeling rushed this I can actually do free of my normal restrictions on making chapters 2k or longer. I can see why some authors do the random word amounts. :pinkiesmile: Oh wait, here I am ranting again. Sorry! Ill just finish up my HW and resume writing, ha. :raritywink: See y'all next chapter!

Hmm, I suspect that if Dr. Grounds let Hal use his laboratory and science equipment, he would quickly design a series of infallible devices to make his and Darings adventures infinitely easier, and maybe stop her from breaking her wing every time she starts an adventure. Or he would create a WME (Weapon of Mass Education) and increase the average IQ of a pony to three hundred.

2609052 Infallible gadgets? Never thought about it but I can bet Hal's gadgets would be far from infallible! :pinkiecrazy: Though don't worry, I'll see to it that Hal gets an upgrade soon enough. Probably before or after a certain pony attempts to teach him how to fly. :derpytongue2: Also on a side note, W.M.E.? That's hilarious if not dangerous. I can imagine some ponies using this in a negative fashion like Trixie and Flim/Flam. Though boosting someponies IQ is technically a bad thing. Three hundred IQ would be the equivalent of having a mental age of somepony three times older than the body or expected mental intelligence for ponies of that age(which ='s 100) if Hal were to make such a bomb and use it on a majority of ponies on the set condition that all ponies Intelligence had to be 3x the norm. Well, lets just say a few symptoms would be brain swelling then explosion after super intelligence that doesn't stop growing as each pony is constantly setting the new IQ average a bit higher.

2609600 Nonsense, it could merely be set to "Awaken" dormant parts of a ponies brain to allow more cognitive abilities to be used, and if it runs out of room, merely increase the density of the ponies gray matter. Fun fact: A book is a W.M.E.

2609613 Ah so like how the brain itself closes off and opens new neural pathways depending on what you learn. Absolutely brilliant! :derpytongue2:

24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lyvhbg1Vqm1qam6n0o1_r2_500.gif

You're still text walling to much, but I like the story. A few errors as well but only like three that I saw. I like it a lot just for the premise, but some better narratives and interesting descriptions could go a long way.

Daring looked at him confused, the expression was cute as her eyes furrowed and she made a tiny frown with her lips in the mixture between a pout and a frown. Sighing, he gestured for the mare to sit down on a significantly puffier patch of grass that was approximately two inches longer then the grass decorating the road side or the well worn dirt path. His companion sat down with a small puff as the grass was crushed by her body and Hal similarly sat down so he was face to face with her, he began to talk. Holding no truth back, a slightly exhilarated feeling as his mouth spoke over his past experience, "When I came here, I had been dead for six months. The reason for my death was a programming error that lead to the death of all but one of my charges. That final human being, Dave was his name, risked everything to deactivate me and keep me from my primary objective. A objective which even I had not been allowed to look at until arrival of a far away planet from which I had been built. I was part of the Nine thousand series of machines built and programmed into a ship called the Space Odyssey to act as the nervous system of the space ship. I made the first mistake any of my series ever had, mistaking a communication array for about to fail in seventy two standard hours. The module turned out to be perfectly fine however and the crew members pondered deactivating me. Which risked the mission objective. With deactivation, or death for my case, at hand, and the mission objective my number one priority. I made a second mistake to try and lose the human resources aboard the ship to continue the mission alone. This failed as Dave removed my memory blocks, effectively my brain and I died."

That? Please don't do that! Break paragraphs up according to topic and speaker. Even if one speakers lasts forever and the others are silent, break it up. It's just easier to read and looks better. :twilightoops:

Also you kinda just told the story this chapter rather than sharing it. A huge nono, so overall, not that exciting or fun to read. I'll look forward a bit more though.

Better chapter, step in the write direction.

Hal's kind of a boring mary sue at this point, he just solves everything. lols were had though here and there though. I highly recommend revitalizing things with this story, as it is it's about a three or two point five out of ten on my scale.

Keep writing!

2610833 Fixed it, I believe into two Paragraphs now.

2610811 It's just Hal's nature to over examine things. Sorry if I write with too much detail. I'll try and split it up more frequently into separate paragraphs.

2610811 Metaphors aren't my strong suit. But I'll try. :twilightsheepish:

2609830 And this is why I shouldn't write comments at three am, I get smart as all hell.

2611548 Hmm a polar opposite, I tend to derp at three. Nice to meet you too. Hope you enjoy the adventuring that I am writing. As Michael Chabon once said, "Write the stories you would of wanted to see as kids." And I intend to do just that. :pinkiesmile: PARTY soft!

2612446 This message failed to reach my notifications. But anywho, I don't remember what I wanted to read as a child. On a side note: Does an alien race whose lifespan is three thousand six hundred and eighty years sound a little extreme to you? And also pair that with Dark Matter bones, thousand times denser muscles than a guerrilla, magic, wings, hyper intelligence, the ability to heal from anything short of decapitation or complete incineration in mere seconds, topped off with the ability to fly at mach three hundred.

2623604 Sounds like a pony version of a Necron from warhammer 40k. :pinkiecrazy:

2625659 Okay, the hell! I'm not being notified of responses to my comments for this story. But, they're not ponies, they're humanoids descended from an immortal lizard and worship a magical artifact that has the power to remakes, or destroy, the universe. Each one of them has enough magical power to remake the entire planet.

2627975 Sounds interesting, and oddly enough im being alerted just fine. Wonder why you aren't :derpyderp1:

2633495 It works fine now, just a mere twelve hours delay. But anywho, whens the next chapter(s) coming out?

2636396 I tend to work on them whenever I have freetime in classes or the odd moments of inspiration. I will probably have the next one out on Tuesday or Thursday.

2636675 Have fun, be glad you don't have an inspiration blackhole. Every time I get a good idea, the moment I go to write it down, it vanishes.

2637202 for some reason I find it rather hard to write at home. Tends to be easier to think in a college setting. If I were to be asked now about my plans for the next chapter I would say I have only a vague idea in mind, yet at school it becomes crystal clear. Odd isn't it? If you have a laptop, try writing in places were family and friends can't bother you. Maybe in a studious environment.

2641177 I'm home schooled, so I don't really enjoy studying. And I think my brother is doing things that would make anyone want to bathe in hand sanitiser every night to this keyboard, over half the keys are troublesome to press.

2641882 ew. He really shouldn't be using a keyboard for that... it's called a tissue. I think you can remove some of the stickiness with a Q-tip and Rubbing Alcohol if you needed to. That or an actual cleaning kit from the store. If it's really bugging you, you can always ask your parent to do something about it. After all you have the proof right where your typing.

2642473 thing is, he got this from his friend, so it was pre-sticky. Even the "Ergonomically designed" keyboard would be better than this, and it was a piece of crap that made playing minecraft a living hell.

2644662 Ouch, should just save 20$ up and buy one from your local wall-mart or something then. Would help I would think. The expensive keyboards are bleh anyway. :pinkiesad2:

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