THE PRETTYFUL PRINCESS TWILIGHT SPARKLE!!!
Well aren’t you all a dastardly bunch! I straight up tell you I plan on tormenting all your favorite little ponies and you all are like “That’s awesome! Here’s some evil suggestions, go nuts.” No “Oh no Discord! Don’t hurt them!” or “I knew they should have kept you in stone where you belong!” not a single one. You’re all wicked little... things aren’t you?
I think we’re going to get along just fine!
Now let’s dig into your suggestions, shall we? Hmmm, CometandAqua wants me to keep making Pokemon references. I suppose she doesn’t realize that when you overuse a joke it’s not very effective (cue vaudeville drums). Blastdragon wants me to pretend to be a new visitor to Ponyville 50 different times and then watch as Pinkie Pie slowly loses her grip on sanity. While I applaud your efforts at attempting to replicate Cupcakes, I’ve been in Ponyville long enough to realize that this just won’t work. Did you know we have a new princess in town? Do you know how many ponies come to see her every day? Let me tell you, it certainly exceeds 50. And Pinkie throws a party for all of them.
EVERY
SINGLE
ONE
This has actually become a serious problem for Ponyville’s economy because everypony is so busy going to the near-constant parties to actually do their jobs. It’s become such a problem that Princess Twilight Sparkle has actually started sneaking ponies who want to see her into Ponyville in the middle of the night. She’s recently contracted a secret underground tunnel to be built for this express purpose. Cheesypower (you all have really odd names) says that I should turn into Prince Blueblood and vandalise Ponyville. This would be a great idea if Blueblood hadn’t been banished from Ponyville for insisting that the whole populous willingly become servants to the new princess (not quite the sharpest spoon in the yogurt that one). Not much point in putting on a disguise that’s just going to get me arrested on sight.
GoWeegee says that I should pretend to be Derpy with a PhD graduate in theoretical physics. I would do this, but me and Physics kind of had a falling out after I dumped her a couple millennia ago. I mean, the relationship was good while it lasted, but she just kept holding me down with all her “laws”. Quite a control freak that one. Such a hypocrite too, I mean just a few swigs of quantum entanglement and she becomes the life of the party. Last I heard she was in a pretty stable relationship with Botany. Shadow the Devil Pony has gone above and beyond the line of duty and thought of an eeeevvviiillll changeling name for me: Deranged! I’m so pleased with this that not only does he get the distinction of being my #1 evil minion, but I shall use his suggestion for today’s evil plan! I have always wanted to be a princess...
---
“Oh hey Twilight! I thought you were going to be at Town Hall all day dealing with all the ponies you snuck in last night.”
“YOU SHALL ADDRESS ME AS THE PRETTYFUL PRINCESS TWILIGHT SPARKLE KNAVE!!”
Oh, right, context. So I just walked into Twilight’s library, there are books everywhere, yadda, yadda, yadda. Her little dragon friend, Spike, appears to be the only one here. I’m disguised as the purple princess herself, complete with full royal regalia. Spike is wearing a *snicker* cutsie-wootsie apron with a widdle heart on it. Oh also I’m using the royal canterlot voice, because I don’t think princesses can yell any other way.
“Um, ok ‘Prettyful Princess Twilight Sparkle’. So did you finish with your court early today or something?” Spike asks me.
“THOSE FOOLISH MORTALS WERE NOT WORTH THE PRETTYFUL PRINCESS TWILIGHT SPARKLE’S TIME!” I reply. I survey the room and am displeased by the lack of a throne that I might place my royal hindquarters on, this shall not do! I fire up my magic to summon one and... you must construct additional pylons. Dammit! I should have been keeping better track of my supply. “DRAGON SLAVE! I COMMAND THEE TO CONSTRUCT FOR THE PRETTYFUL PRINCESS TWILIGHT SPARKLE ADDITIONAL PYLONS SO THAT SHE MIGHT SUMMON A THRONE TO PLACE THE ROYAL HINDQUARTERS ON!”
“Right away Twiligh...”
“WHAT DID WE SAY ABOUT ADDRESSING THE PRETTYFUL PRINCESS TWILIGHT SPARKLE?”
“Right away Prettyful Princess Twilight Sparkle!” Spike says before running off into another room. A second later he comes running back in like the little idiot that he is, “Ummm, what’s a pylon?”
“UGH, THOU ARE USELESS AS ANYTHING OTHER THAN A FAX MACHINE. PLEASE TAKE A LETTER FOR THE PRETTYFUL PRINCESS TWILIGHT SPARKLE.” I say. Twilight would be better off with a probe as her assistant. Spike walks over to Twilight’s writing desk and picks up a piece of parchment and a quill. “DEAR PRINCESS CELESTIA. I DEMAND ANOTHER ASSISTANT, THIS ONE IS DEFECTIVE AND WE'RE SENDING HIM TO THE MOON. ALSO YOU’RE FAT. WITH LOTS OF LOVE, THE PRETTYFUL PRINCESS TWILIGHT SPARKLE.”
Spike, being the nimrod that he is, doesn’t actually process what I just had him write and sends it off to Celestia with a big goofy smile on his face. It seems somedragon is holding the idiot ball this chapter. Slowly his grin slips away as he realizes what he just wrote. “Wait don...” I don’t get to hear the rest of his exclamation because I just finished the spell that sends him to the moon. Wow, I’m getting pretty good at this whole princess thing! Celestia would be proud.
Oh don’t look at me like that, he’s a dragon! They can survive anything! Also what part of Discord Turns Himself Into a Changeling and then Does Evil Things do you not understand? So don’t you all pretend you’re on a moral high ground.
Well, now what do I do? There’s nopony else here to mess with anymore. Well this is a library, so I might as well enjoy myself with some light reading... and by reading I mean getting out a giant stamp that says PROPERTY OF THE PRETTYFUL PRINCESS TWILIGHT SPARKLE and stamping it on the cover of every book. That counts as “reading” right? I’ll just timeskip until after I’m done
---
There! Every single book claimed for the narcissistic monarchy! Twilight should really thank me for this. But now I’m sooooooo huuunnngggrrrryyyyy. Maybe I should have kept Spike around for a snack. Wait, would that be incestuous? I mean, Twilight is kind of Spike’s adopted mother. But I’m not actually Twilight. A better question is do I actually care? Nope! Wait, I hear a knock at the door, time to get back into character.
“WHO WISHES TO SPEAK TO THE PRETTYFUL PRINCESS TWILIGHT SPARKLE AND FOR WHAT PURPOSE?” I ask as I open the door to reveal the same mare I snacked on yesterday, Vinyl Scratch I think.
“Oh princess! I thought you were at Town Hall! Well I kind of wanted to ask if I could check out a book on relationship advice. You see yesterday something weird happened and...”
“THOU TALKITH TOO MUCH! THE PRETTYFUL PRINCESS TWILIGHT SPARKLE DEMANDS THAT YOU SWAP SPIT WITH HER!” I interrupt the mare before pouncing on her, causing her to once again land flat on her back with me on top of her. True to my word I start passionately snogging her. Unfortunately she is too busy being frozen in shock to be a very receptive lover. She still tastes extremely good to my changeling biology though and I am quite satisfied.
“THE PRETTYFUL PRINCESS TWILIGHT SPARKLE APPRECIATES YOUR EFFORTS, BUT SHE HAS HAD BETTER. PERHAPS IF YOU IMPROVE ON YOUR SKILLS YOU MIGHT ONE DAY JOIN THE ROYAL HAREM!” I say, swaying a little bit as I get up off of my dinner. Is this what being love drunk feels like? Or maybe I’m just love tipsy. Either way I kinda feel like just going back to Fluttershy’s and passing out underneath the couch. “THE PRETTYFUL PRINCESS TWILIGHT SPARKLE MUST NOW DEPART. ENJOY THE REST OF YOUR EVENING MORTAL.” I say as I fly off into the sunset... upside down. Ehh, close enough.
I wonder what sort of evil things I’m going to do tomorrow? Oh who am I kidding, I’m too lazy to think of ideas. Minions! Tell me what evil I should do next!
So... wow! Thank you all for making this story much more popular than it had any right being! Please continue to give "Deranged" eeevvviiiiillll suggestions.
Also coming up maybe sorta kinda a plot! 
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- The Psychopath · 1.3k words · 76 10 · 2.1k views
- electreXcessive · 2.8k words · 80 0 · 1.5k views
- zelkova48 · 20k words · 75 3 · 2.6k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.093 seconds
Total duration
1,021 users online
2,311,324 hits today, 2,561,572 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
You need an alibi Discord... erm, "Deranged". I suggest you make a Discord Copy, and have a scrap with him, to make it look like that it isn't you that's causing all of this chaos, Just in case everyone finds out that it IS you...
I had to read that twice to make sure I read that right... My heart almost jumped out of my chest as I did.
Lord/King/Princess/What ever you prefer Deranged, I would be honored to be your #1 evil minion!
1. Turn into the original Rainbowdash from the old mlp shows and stalk her
2. Stare at Lyra as a human and when she looks out the window hide.
3. Turn into Big Mac and say that he is a magical princess while he skips around PonyVille
4. Turn into Celestia and banish everyone to the MOON!!!!!!!!!!
I dare say Cometail has good ideas
Gonna throw in some o my own though
1. Turn into Celestia and humiliate her in every way possible
2. Turn into Sombra and watch all ponies panick
3. Use the clone pool thingy, multiple Derangedes! Not sure if I said that right!
Ps. DOn't no matter what you do go loco.... by that I mean flipping your moral standard coin.
urn into scootaloo and do a sonic boom right in front of rainbow dash the look on her face should be priceless. or turn into each of the cutie mark crusaders with the opposite of what there cutie mark should be the chaos of what they will do should be hilarious to watch and will distract the ponies from you. or just turn into spike with a letter from celesita telling twilight she is disappointed in her that would cause some chaos. sometimes it the little things that cause the most chaos.
Turn into Pinkie Pie and put poison joke in all of the cupcakes!
Turn into Rainbow Dash and go to confess your "love" to Applejack.
Deranged could transform into Rarity. And "Rarity" could confess "her" love to Sweetie Belle (and Junebug). That's pretty evil right?
Turn into Princess Bic Mac and invite everyone to an Tea Party. The expressions on their faces should be priceless
make a pony other than dash to the sonic rainboom
Turn into Rainbow Dash and Reenact Rainbow factory with every Foal in Ponyville.
Ahhh, just the thought of their delightful shrieks is music to my ears!
Create a hive... Filled with your faithful minions to help you cause mass chaos.
2527905 While he's Fluttershy.
Try to ship Pinky with Physics.
2528321
No way! Physics/Botany is my OTP! Those two are so cute together
Turn into Time Turner, convince him you're him from the future and that he--and only he--has to build a time machine to save Equestria. Sabotage all his efforts, and when he inevitably goes to Twilight for help, turn into her and tell him that, while time spells exist, there's no basis for the possibility of time machines (this may or may not require assurance this is true from you as Princess Celestia--better to prepare in case it does). Sit back and watch him descend into confusion, self-doubt, and potentially and hopefully madness.
If he somehow succeeds... steal the machine, making him think he's failed anyway.
make fluttershy do a sonic rainboom!
........
Ideas, eh?
1. Switch the species of each of the Mane Six (like Pinkie becomes an alicorn, *shudder* Rainbow becomes an earth pony, Applejack becomes a pegasus, and so on.)
2. Feed off of Derpy in front of Doctor Hooves, or on Bon Bon in front of Lyra.
3. Become Pinkie Pie and care for the Cake Twins...You can imagine the rest.
4. Make multiple mirror pool copies of Celestia.
5. Transform into some random pony and then get into a fight with that pony about which one is the real one.
i still stand by my earlier suggestions! but today I add more.
Disguise as Trollestia, join pinkie and rainbow dash for pranks.
walk into the center of town as celestia, turn into a changeling version of her, make everypony doubt that's really what she says she is.
disguise as snowflake, agree to spend entire day with Sweetie belle, on grounds everything you do is in a public place.
Disguise as Big Macintosh, dress up as Mare-Do-Well and run around hiding Limburger Cheese Wheels/Wedges all around town.
Get your fat-ass of the couch and get a job you scrub.
1. Turn into Sweetie Belle. Brag about your new cutie mark to Apple Bloom and Scootaloo, then blow them off to hang out with Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon. Call them blank flanks a few times for good measure.
2. Be Zecora and tell everyone about your evil plan that has only just now come to fruition thanks to them finally accepting you into their community, the trusting fools.
3. Be Pinkie. Bake sugar free cookies.
4. Use your changeling powers to disguise yourself as another changeling. Then use that changeling's powers to replace ponies on dates. "Accidentally" drop fake changeling disguise. Repeat all day. No way this can go wrong. Nope.
5. A twist on 2520369. Transform into 50 different ponies and feed off of Octavia/Vinyl/Lemonhearts/whoever that was all in the same day.
1. Turn into Spike. Propose to Rarity.
2. Turn into Rarity. Run around town dressed in a ridiculous outfit. Make ridiculous outfits for all of Rarity's customers.
3. Turn into someone and then turn into a changeling in public, casting doubt on their identity.
4. Replace Rainbow Dash. A) Lose a race. B) Go to Rarity's and tell her you'd like to get in touch with your feminine side. Have a fun spa day and let her make a fancy dress for you. Wear it around all day. Take lots of pictures.
5. Replace Pinkie. Act normal and even a little dull. Watch pandemonium and paranoia ensue.
6. Turn into an animal that Fluttershy can't tame. Watch her go crazy trying to befriend you.
7. Turn into Granny Smith and do extreme sports or other things a woman of her age shouldn't be doing.
8. Replace Cheerilee for class. Teach wacky or embarrassing nonsense, then dismiss for all-day recess.
9. Replace Diamond Tiara. Confess to the Cutie Mark Crusaders that you don't actually have your Cutie Mark--you've been too embarrassed to be a blank flank, so you've been wearing make-up to hide it all this time, and you picked on them because you feel insecure about your own cutie mark. Make friends with them and do things that would embarrass the real Diamond Tiara. In front of the whole class, announce that you are now the newest member of the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Take pictures while wearing the cape.
2528298
Fluttershy is capable of kicking puppies on her own...
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/92582/fluttershy-kicks-a-puppy
2520369
Pinkie may be insanely energetic but she is not dumb. After the 5th or so "new" pony, she would likely decide to host a group-welcome party if there are any more of them rather than individual parties - assuming her Pinkie-sense does not tell her all those newcomers are actually the same.
Since Pinkie has a thing for getting along with everyone and getting in their minds to some extent, I would bet on Pinkie-sense tipping her off.
(Wrote this before reading the story... I guess it wouldn't be 'fair' to visiting legit ponies to not get the full Pinkie welcome experience. Still think she would notice if she were to welcome Discord multiple separate times though.)
This is too funny for words. With Discord doing Deadpool levels of referencing and snarking at the actions of others and an original idea, this should make for many more humorous moments.
As for my twisted suggestion of what Discord should do next:
Show up in ponyville as Daring Do and mess with Rainbow Dash by kissing her and then making her do whatever sadistic things you think she'd be willing to do for her Idol.
2530973
Indeed Pinkie is not dumb....
But she is Pinkie, go figure.
Hmmm ideas.....
1. Disguise as RD and check out EVERY book in the library, then burn them, in front of Twilight, and laugh, maniacally. (you wanted evil right? Also down with the narcissistic regime of PPTS!)
2. Disguise as Pound/Pumpkin/both and troll Pinkie and/or the cakes into Tartarus (metaphorically or literally, don't mind which) resulting in a shortage of sweets causing Celestia to ALSO go insane and on a rampage for delicious cake, which is now a lie.
3. Disguise as random ponies and at the welcoming party for each tell Pinkie Pie: "meh, seen better.", "You call this a party?", etc each time and wait for her sanity to break.
this sounds awesome :D
Hilarious chapter, but one thing you should know:
I'm a girl.
I can't wait to see what else happens.
2537186
whoops
Edited. Thanks for letting me know!
I'm still suggesting my multiple changeling sob story route.
replace cheerilee and give sex ed.
2529369 oh come on! isnt everyponys job related to their special talent? discords special talent IS chaos! he is the concepts pysical embodiment! the way i see it, hes doing his job quite well.
and i think you mean to say "get your fat ass out of the couch and get a job you scrub."
2552806 That was the joke...
2553997 ...oh. well...thats awkward!
Place a pie on top of an umbrella, then use its lamp powers to turn every other third rock from next Tuesday into pudding.
Then turn into one of the mane six and pretend to be drunk and start dancing in the rock pudding. Or get drunk for real, I don't care which.
DO all this while wearing an upsidown cheese sombrero made of pie.
Turn into Luna And send celestia to the SUN!
Turn into vinyl scratch and play the violin or turn into octavia and get drunk and be a Dj and play music as loud as you can and then throw discs at everypony that is there
Turn into rarity and walk around town with her perfect mane in knots and wearing a stained grey sweatshirt.
If you're going to step up your chaos in the future, you might want to find someone who can take the blame for it. Wouldn't want to be punished, now would you? Disguising yourself as the mayor and getting the town to start construction of a huge Prettyful Princess Twilight Sparkle statue in the center of town could further set Twilight up as the fall girl.
Scratch that, it would need to be a giant doombot.
Deranged, you need to let Bob, Steve, and the other personas (from http://www.fimfiction.net/story/35941/discord-is-bored) to take physical forms as other changelings but lower Bob's fury power by a ton... Make Bob {Fury and Hatred} a red changeling, Jim {Mischeviousness} orange, Steve {Arrogance} yellow, Mark {Laziness} brown, Sir Baron {Treachery} light blue, Sub {Subconcious} mirror image, John {Intelligence} purple, and Sally {Selfishness and Femininty} pink. Name Bob as Frenzy, Jim as Noxious, Steve as Conceit, Mark as Sloth, Sir Baron as Treachery, Sub as Converse, John as Sagacious, and Sally as Egoistic.
THINK OF THE CHAOS DERANGED!!! THINK OF IT!!!!!
2732875 [loading awnser/responseyes.png} I have and it is SO AWSOME!
so just give me and deranged more changeling suggestions!
2529781 (opening emoticonrewards.exe] ( good job.) thank you for submitting many amazing responses. here is a zoidberg.
(V)( ;,,; )(V)
2552785 welcome.
He should become Twist and 'suduce' everything with a sexy, perfectly slik smith voice! It would creep/ give mixed feelings to everypony!
Ps. Are you going to add any more chapters?
2953536
Yes! Eventually! Probably! This story just started off as a way to get myself to write a little more often (it was a colossal failure in that regard) so its lower on my priority list then...say...finally finishing Mirror, Mirror. BUT I still remember what I want to do with this and I feel like I'll have a lot of free time to work on it soon soooooooooooo keep an eye out
I love this story, and I seriously hope that 'Vinyl' comes to the real Twilight with mixed feelings
An evil plan for Discord:
1. Make Rainbow Dash fall in love with a piece of chocolate.
2. Turn Rarity into a stallion and make him get Fluttershy pregnant.
3. Turn into a ponified Darth Vader and tell Celestia and Luna you're their father.
4. Turn Pinkie Pie into a changeling queen forever.
5. Summon Pinky and the Brain to Equestria.
6. Swap Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash's colors, and turn Pinkie Pie into a pegasus.
7. Give Pinky and The Brain magic.
8. Troll every world leader(s) in the mutli-verse using Celestia's twitter account.
9. Insult everyone in Equestria with Celestia's facebook account.
10. After all this is done, get everyone in the same location, each believing they've shown up to receive an award for 'Best anything ever', and watch as all hell breaks loose while disguised as Bill Clinton playing the trumpet.
This is a recipe for chaos!!!
3305469
Have at it
Be mayor mare. Change EVERYTHING
Reschedule winter wrap up to happen in the middle of summer.