• Published 2nd May 2013
  • 1,909 Views, 84 Comments

Discord Turns Himself Into a Changeling and then Does Evil Things - AhriSafari



Discord trolls like he's never trolled before. Except all those other times when he trolled better than this time.

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Buy Some Oranges!

I’m bored. Well, actually I’m Discord, a Discord who just happens to be very, very, very bored. This is not a normal state of affairs for me, or at least it didn’t used to be. Oh no, I used to be a big bad ‘meanie-pants’ who could do whatever he wanted and have all the chaotic fun in the world. Now I’m a ‘good friend’ who isn’t allowed to do anything! I mean it’s always “No Discord you can’t turn Applejack’s trees into llamas” this or “No Discord you shouldn’t hypnotize Rainbow Dash into thinking time is moving backwards” that. No fun at all I tell you.

You see, my so called ‘friends’ lied to me, which is my job. They told me that friendship is magic. After experiencing friendship myself I realize that the truth is actually this: friendship is a contract. I’m stuck doing good for the rest of my life! Or at least Fluttershy’s life. Only after I’d committed myself did I remember why I didn’t really get into the whole ‘doing good’ thing: it’s just not nearly as interesting as being evil.

So I’ve decided, since Discord can’t be good anymore, I’ll just take a break from being Discord! That’s right; I’m going to go back to what I do best: doing my worst! Of course I won’t do too much evil; I don’t really want to invade Canterlot or the Crystal Empire or anything. Just causing a bit of a ruckus should do the trick.

But then if I can’t be Discord, who can I be? I need a form that’s chaotic and fun, but undoubtedly evil…. ah ha! How about a changeling? Think of all the mayhem I could cause changing into ponies and mucking about their business. Plus changelings’ dark colors and bug-like designs mean that as a species they’re automatically evil! Oh this is going to be so much fun!

Ok, so I drag myself out of Fluttershy’s couch, and yes I mean out of not off of. When a newly-ascended alicorn yells at you every time you so much as set one hoof outside of your friend’s house you have to find new and creative ways to crash on their couch, like settling yourself in-between its molecules. Anyway so now it’s time to do some shapeshifting. Forgive me if I’m a little rusty with this.

Well now I’m a banana… that’s not right.

Hmmm, for some reason as a donkey I feel very discriminated against.

Pika, pika pika… pika?!?!? Pika pika pikachuuuuuu!!!

I seem to have misplaced my face, but this suit is quite dashing!

Ok I got it. I’m a changeling now. I don’t really like the whole ‘faceless drone’ look changelings have going, though. So I’m going to make a couple changes. Let’s see here, I’ll stretch the legs to make myself a little bit taller, add a wispy grey mane-thing, make myself a stallion (how’d I miss that?), and finally the most important piece: making one tooth longer than the other. Hey I have to maintain some consistency when I shapeshift, it’s in the villain’s handbook I just made up!

Let me tell you, it feels like such a relief to be a villain again. I mean, as a changeling I’m not nearly as powerful, and I intend to be more of a comic-relief villain, but it’s still so relieving. It’s like itching that scratch that’s been bugging you all millennia but you haven’t been able to do so because you’re busy being stone. I know we’ve all been there. Now all I need is an evil scheme… and I think I have just what the doctor ordered.

---

“Hey, come buy some oranges!”

Hmmmm, all these ponies are giving me weird looks. Oh right! I forgot the accent! Silly me.

“*cough* I mean, boy howdy how ‘bout y’all come an’ buy some o’ dese traditional Apple family oranges sugarcubes! Rodeo! Howdy!”

Flawless Discord, flawless.

I suppose I should probably clue you guys in, considering I just did a scene transition and all. I am currently Discord disguised as a changeling disguised as Applejack. I’m manning (or would that be mareing?) her stall in the middle of Ponyville’s market. I’m selling a bunch of oranges for ridiculously inflated prices. There are a lot of ponies around. And my favorite color is pineapple. Can I go back to messing with everypony now? Giving descriptions is pretty boring.

Hey look! A wild Rainbow Dash appears! Geodude, I choose you!

“OW! Why the hay did you throw a rock at my face AJ?” she says, though I kind of wish she’d hummed, “And more importantly, what in Celestia’s name are you doing selling oranges?!”

“Now why would y’all ask a silly question like that Rainbow? Oranges are the greatest fruit in all of Equestria!” I hum. I then realize after a couple moments of Rainbow Dash giving me an odd look that ponies can’t understand humming and quickly repeat myself in words. Even though I know she understands what I just said she’s still giving me that weird look and rubbing her head like she’s confused. Or perhaps she’s just rubbing the bruise on her head from the rock I just threw at her.

“Are you feeling alright AJ?” she asks me.

“Sure! Ah feel as good as a ‘hog in a catfood factory!” I say. Man I’m good at this disguise stuff.

“Ok then AJ… well um… I kind of have to… uh… file my mane! Yeah… Kthanksgottogobye!” she says as she shoots off into the sky. Well that was really rude of her. I mean, sure I’m evil, but I’d never run off in the middle of a conversation.

Wait, a new challenger approaches! Some mare with a cream-colored coat and a… oh to the Canterlot sculpture gardens with it, it's this one. I think her name was Octavia or something. She appears to want to make a purchase.

“Hey Applejack! Can I have a dozen apples please?” she says. Called it, you all owe me 5 bits.

“Now why would Ah have any apples sugarcube? Those done taste like sandpaper. Ah got’s me some delicious oranges right here, if’n you be want’n some.” Ah says. Oh dang, now I’m doing the accent in my narration too. The damn thing’s infectious!

“Ummm, but aren’t you Applejack, so shouldn’t you be selling apples?” she asks.

Unfortunately I’m unable to give an appropriately witty reply as I’m distracted by my new changeling biology. You see, in my natural form I don’t get hungry like most creatures do, so I sometimes forget to eat when I shapeshift. Because of this, I’m what most would call “starving”. Now what was it that changelings ate again? Tofu? Coolness? First-born children? Oh right, love! But how to get love? Hmmmmmmm… ah ha!

I jump over the counter and knock my customer flat onto her back. I stand over her and slam my mouth into hers in a passionate display of lesbian affection. Also I’m wearing socks now… just cause. Mmmmmmm her lust sure tastes gooooood. I think some more description just might be in order here…

“What in the hay?!?” the real Applejack yells from across the marketplace, interrupting my snack time. Now THAT is rude, I really need all I can get! I’m so skinny you can practically see right through me (cue vaudeville drums)!

Ok now she’s coming towards me all mad. Time to make a great escape (complete with evil laugh), meet you all back at Fluttershy’s couch!

---

So here I am again, back on my spot on the couch. I managed to loose Applejack in the crowd of ponies who had been watching the entire scene (I hadn’t described them or their reactions because they’re not important or funny). So as not to cause suspicion from my landlord I have taken on the ingenious changeling disguise of Discord, spirit of chaos and disharmony. I just hope my acting skills will be up to the test of playing such a complex and handsome character.

This whole being an evil changeling shtick is pretty fun! There are all sorts of things I could do, like pretend to be Pinkie Pie and make sense. That would freak everypony out! Hmmm, so many possibilities… oh I’ve got an idea!

What do you all think I should do?

Author's Note:

Sooooo yeah. Sometimes when you have like 3 different stories you're working on the urge strikes you to work on a spur-of-the moment idea. It feels so good to just write something and be like "Ok, I'm just going to have fun with this and not give a damn what anybody thinks."

If you guys don't like this I probably won't continue with it. However if you do be sure to comment on what you want you're favorite draconequus disguised as a changeling disguised as a draconequus to do!

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