The Real Wrestlers Of Equestria

by wrestleforever

The Long Road Begins

Gold was a small pony before wrestling, but as he grew older, he became a very muscular and powerful stallion. He had a white coat, black and gold striped mane which was jagged upon the the edges of his hair. He never got his cutie mark until he won the Ponyville Classic. As soon as he stepped up on the first place podium, his cutie mark appeared. It was a red pony suplexing a blue pony. But before that, the Ponyville Plowers had a match against you know who. Gold-"I-I-Im nervous, B-Big M-Mac!" Big Mac-"ain't nothin' to be worried bout Gold, it happens to everypony, it's natural." Fillydelphia had a pretty good looking team. Their singlets were green with brown outlines. Ours were black with a fancy gold capital P on the front and back of the singlet. Whooves, Wreand Jefferey pinned their opponents 20 seconds. Pretty soon, I was up. I stepped on the line, shook the colts hoof and the ref blew the whistle.that w I was thinking of pinning the colt in a cradle but...that wasn't gonna happen. As soon as the whistle blew, he ankle-picked me and sent me back 5 feet. He got on too of me and cross-faced the fuck out of me. He put me in a far-side cradle and pinned me in about thirty seconds. The ref raised the other colts hoof. I shook my coaches hand and trotted off the mat. I sat their...thinking to myself..."Losing fucking sucks! I'm never ever ever gonna lose another fucking match as long as I live!" Our next match was against Manhattan. I worked my fucking plot off. I never worked harder for anything in my life! I trained nonstop for two weeks. My body felt like crap beaten into crap. I was ready for my next match. After 4 weeks of nonstop training, and I was ready. Manehattan's ass was grass and I was the lawnmower. Boy was I wrong. Our entire team got wrecked. Only me, mac, and that buff pony(I never really learned his name) they had a filly on their team. She was the best wrestler on the team. Guess who had to wrestle her...me. When we stepped on the mat, she have me a cocky look. As soon as the whistle blew, I single-legged her and took her down. You will never understand how awkward it is to wrestle a filly. I was always raised to not hit a filly. I was always raised to never hit a filly, but when you're on too of her and her father is cheering her on from the stands...trust me...you don't wanna do it. I kicked her ass though. After the ref raised my hand, I got a feeling of happiness and pride inside of me. "So this is what winning feels like? I could get used to this!"

Comments

[wrestleforever]

Sorry for the spelling guys, I used my phone do chapter 3 and every time I spelled the word "top" it changed it to "too"

[CanterlotGuardian]

oh yeah like we haven't seen this before...

[wrestleforever]

2517254
So you've actually read a fanfic about REAL wrestling? Not WWE, but real wrestling? I doubt that. WWE is the gayest thing ever. Wrestling was the first sport and it's the hardest thing you'll ever do in your life. "Once you've wrestled, everything else in life is easy."-Dan Gable, 1972 olympic gold wrestling champion.

[CanterlotGuardian]

2517626
I did wrestling in high school (and I'm referring to "amateur" wrestling, not WWE-style wrestling). and yes, it was the hardest sport I participated in. (and yes, I did play multiple sports.)

[wrestleforever]

So why were you talking S on my fanfic?

[Bonanuu]

2517626 First of all, why are you calling him gay? Are you a homophobe? Whats wrong with being gay? Don't use gay as an insult please. And, If you can't take criticism, Than don't write, got it?

[wrestleforever]

Hmm...challenge accepted.

[Jewbacca]

2517626

The first act of wrestling was part of the first Olympic Games in ancient Greece. The men who competed did it in the nude.

Now, that's not to say that back then, no one really gave a shit about sexual preference (Hint hint, public bathhouses, anyone?), but times have changed.

Wrestling can appear homosexual on several fronts. When you have a bunch of dudes in tight leotards grabbing each other up, one may come to think.

Either way, your story seems to give off a smelly scent of mule droppings that give off some dark omen. I'll take a look at it, but...well...

[Chuckward]

2520433
Big, sweaty men in speedos clinging to each other?

Gay.

[LT_Lightning blaze]

Your stories are shit, kill yourself, you homophobia mother fucker.

[wrestleforever]

Im not homophobic, i'm open with my sexuality, I honestly don't care if i'm gay or not.

[usawrestling]

You shouldn't tell people to kill themselves, they just might do it you stupid cunt!

[The DM]

Why did this show up in my feed under "Writing Gold". Seriously... why?

[Chuckward]

2580054
Cause it's writing about a character named Gold.

[The DM]

2580062
I just about threw my laptop across the room.

[RibaBian]

Here is my constructive criticism of all chapters thus far:

The prologue was really short, even for a prologue. I would have lied to have seen more description to really set the stage for this moment. For example, maybe describe what the protagonist is feeling and how important this moment is. You also had a few minor capitalization and grammar issues.

The next chapter is kinda crowded and hard to read. I recommend splitting it into more paragraphs and either adding indents or more space between the paragraphs to take away from the confusion. Also, when you do quotes you tend to write them like this:

Caramel-"hehe, maaaybe."

It's better if you did it more like this:

Caramel laughed. "Maybe."

Or use words like "said" or "exclaimed", etc, to show speech. In another part, you mention that he saw images of "single legs, double legs, high crotches, suplexes, cradles, spladles, merkels", but at this point he wouldn't know what those things are. I get that he is telling this at a point in the future, but since this is him recalling a time when he was younger, it would be more interesting for him to describe what these things look like, especially if someone in the audience doesn't know what these things are, they could visualize it for future reference. Once again, more grammar issues and capitalization.

And the third...Mostly the same issues as before. I gotta admit that I had an even harder time getting through this one because it was like on big paragraph that gave me a headache. Once again, I'd like to see more physical descriptions of the wrestling moves named. Also, I noticed you used the word "hand" quite a bit instead of "hoof". You seem to have a grasp of all the other pony terms though, just that one was mixed up a bit. More grammar and capitalization issues here too.

Overall, fix these things and add more description and you should be able to work out a pretty decent fanfiction.

Good Luck

[The DM]

So I read this for some reason. I am now waiting for sweet death to take me.
images.wikia.com/smuff/images/e/e4/Nope_laser.gif

[BigMacintosh1]

2580135
I second that motion!!!images.wikia.com/smuff/images/e/e4/Nope_laser.gif

[The DM]

2580318
We need more lasers! Burn the heresy!
images.wikia.com/smuff/images/e/e4/Nope_laser.gif

[alexnine]

If you submit a story with three chapters but only a thousand words, you're gonna have a bad time.

Edit: why does he have a map of the United States on his butt?

[Whisper The Saint]

I don't understand why your fanfic is in half of those groups. Did you actually post it everywhere?

[bahatumay]

>In Lyra and Bon Bon group
>They aren't tagged nor even mentioned once

That's worth a downvoting in and of itself.
Add the walls of text and no dialogue formatting?
...downvote with prejudice.

[Paladin Redflare]

WHY U DO DIS?!

[Private Riften Guard]

2517626 I bet this comment is the main source of the of the gay wrestler comments.

[pegasister88]

Most retarded fic ever.

[Pirate Jesus]

2517626
The first sport was long distance running, followed by horseback riding, archery, and chariot racing practiced in Mesopotamia and Egypt at the earliest civilization on record. Wrestling as we know it today did not even come about until the age of Greece, over three thousand years later.

[Pirate Jesus]

2559303
Then why do you insist on using gay as a derogatory adjective? You're like, "Oh, WWE? Man, that stuff is gay." thus proving your own point wrong.

[Pirate Jesus]

2555604
Yeah, you need to shut the fuck up too. I am ashamed this is the second time today I've had to post a comment saying this on this site, but joking about suicide is never cool. I'm a survivor myself and I know and mentor many other survivors. I know to you it seems like just words, but that's more hate than should ever come out of your mouth.

[thechicken95]

2555604 well damn asshole. His story's bad, but don't go insult the author like that.

[lawefawdawdfsawadsa]

I come from the Overly Stupid Fanfictions!

[Pirate Jesus]

5398228
My point precisely.

[Sparklecat]

This is resulting as one of the most disliked fics on FimFiction.

[lingonberries]

http://i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/837/250/cc9.gif

[staryoshi06]

gg

[metroid_freak]

5398232
As did I!

[HelloMilky]

Honestly, I just came to read the comments.

[Mobile SAM]

Psst...hail Sithis