The last human warrior

by leaderofstars

and now the day ends

Let us form one body, one heart, and defend to the last warrior our country, our homes, our liberty, and the graves of our fathers.
Tecumseh

No one said anything else for a while. Everyone was forming their own opinions about what leaderofstars had said. Some viewed him as a asshole only looking out for himself, for others he had a new perspective on their past actions.

Only Pinkie Pie saw that what he said wasn't meant to be insulting, but a glimpse into his culture. Despite leaderofstars coming off so harshly, she saw that there was still a certain kindness in how he described this small portion of his world. It wasn't perfect sure but it was still his home. She knew how he felt, leaving your home and traveling around. But where as she could return to her parents' rock quarry at anytime for any reason, there was no one left at his home for him to return to. She couldn't imagine how lonely he must feel, being the last of his kind. “leaderofstars. I'm throwing a party tomorrow night and would love for you to join.”

Everyone looked at the pink party pony and all but one chalked it up to Pinkie just being Pinkie.

“Why are you throwing a party?”

“Oh, its your 'thanks for saving Ponyville' party. I wanted to throw one for you when I found out you had arrived in Ponyville, But then I got you sent to the hospital. I want you to feel welcome to Ponyville even if you did get hurt badly today.”

leaderofstars touched his crusted-over head wound and realized he never did clean the blood off of his face or his clothes. No wonder the waiter was freaking out and I was getting death stares from everyone. Crap, I’ve becoming my dead, oblivious father.

He was going to need a proper shower to clean up properly before he went back into town anytime soon. It was one thing not to clean off blood when living off the land by yourself, it's a whole other can of beans not to clean up in front of those who don't eat meat or deal with blood a whole lot. “Before I meet your grandmother, Ms. Jack I’m gonna have to clean up a bit first. I must look scary with all the blood on my face.”

She scoffed at him, still mad at what he had said earlier. He wasn't winning any popularity contests with the locals, it was like they never had to deal with criticism before. He may not know the specifics of what happened during discord's brief period of freedom, but as long as no one died there was no real reason to imprison the poor bastard in stone.

Regardless it seemed that the life he grew up into and the life these ponies were living was much too different to ever coexist. Back home humans had killer instincts that party drove their every thought and action, but not here. This land was filled with creatures that had no such instincts and as such never knew what a murderous rage felt like.

Oh boy. They never had to deal with someone like me and they hate me because I refuse to change for them. What do I look like, a lump of clay waiting to be molded. As long as I still breathe I will not change who I am or what I do for any reason. He mentally sighed, starting to feel regret for acting like such a dick to the only ones willing to put up with his bullshit. I fucking suck. Here I am acting like a total prick to the only ones on this damn planet that don't find me a complete threat.

“Look y’all.” he said stopping in his tracks. “I want to apologize for acting like a giant prick earlier. It's just that I kinda know what this discord fellow is going through right now since I went through something like that at one point in my life. The whole thing leaves a bad taste in my mouth because it fall under, according to human law, 'cruel and unusual punishment'. Those type punishments are generally considered way worse then outright killing someone since it prolongs one's suffering in horrible ways.”

The whole group was staring at him. “What do you mean 'you know what discord's going through right now'?” Twilight asked, puzzled at his confession.

“I’ve been alive for far too long now. By the time I left Terra, it was stuck in the grip of an ice age and I'd spent many a cold lonely night sleeping inside of an icy caves that used to be buildings. I should be dead right now, but I’m far to good at surviving. So I’m asking y'all to forgive me for my outburst and perhaps take it easy on me when my culture clashes with yours.”

“Ya didn't hafta make it seem like we were monsters fer trapping discord into stone.”

“That would be called 'cruel and unusual punishment' back home and would be illegal to do anything like that. Regardless what your intentions were, what you did still seems unnecessary cruel to do regardless what he did.”

“Well I guess yer right. Bu what would've you done if you fought him?”

“Try to get him to stop so I could arrest him or if worse comes to worse, kill him. Death is better then leaving him alive in constant pain.”

Despite his apology to the group of ponies, most of them cared little for his past plight to change their opinions about him as they walked towards the rapidly appearing farmhouse.

Meanwhile back in Ponyville a bright green mare was having a bit of fun wearing the jacket and glasses the human had left behind.

“Lyra take those off, now.”

“Oh but Bon Bon I’m just trying it on so I could see how it feels to wear human clothing.” Lyra said looking at herself in a mirror. “It's almost like a dress to me, it's so big and heavy.” she was trying to shift her body around to better fit the human's coat.

“Take it off Lyra. I don't think he'll like it when he finds out you've been wearing his coat. Just put it back and go earn your half of the rent.” she said slipping back into the kitchen.

“Can I wear the glasses still?” Lyra asked hopefully.

“No.”

leaderofstars was looking a lot better, having cleaned the blood off of his face. He felt woefully under-dressed to meet this “Granny Smith”. Applejack and her brother were inside talking to Ms. Smith, no doubt regrading the horse shit he did on the way here. As he sat around looking around the farm, he saw there was no standard human crops like corn or cotton, just tons of apple trees. This ain't a farm, it's a orchard. He thought as he looked around. Scratch that more this place is more like a ranch with that barn. Almost all of the other ponies were talking among themselves about something, Twilight made many motions around her head and chest. Almost all of them, Pinkie was enjoying the belly rub he was giving her. It started out as the human petting her head, but she then she jumped on his legs, belly up and begging with big ol' puppy eyes.

His thoughts were interrupted when he heard a door opening. “So where is he? I want to see if what ya'll sayin' is true.” leaderofstars turned around to face a green wrinkled pony.

“Hello ma'am. Are you Mrs. Smith?”

“Yes dearly. I’m Granny Smith. What is your name?

“I prefer to be called 'leaderofstars'. I used to be soldier before leaving my home-world.”

“A soldier? Whats that?”

“I protected the people of my homeland from any and all who attempted to harm them.”

She said nothing else as she stared at the human. Her eyes, filled with wisdom, looked upon him. After a while she walked over and sat down, looking at the farm she had spent all her life on.

“I heard about what you did yesterday. Tell me, is this land your home now?”

“Home is where the heart is. Where I came from will always be my home, for that is where my heart remains. I only protected the little ones yesterday because they needed to be saved.”

Granny Smith nodded as he finished talking. The human was much more polite then her kin had said he was. “Tell me,” she said pointing towards her farm. “What do you see here?”

“The result of many years of hard work. The land is ideal and your trees are big, healthy and strong. Much care went into them that I can see.”

Every single one of the ponies had walked over to hear the conversation a bit better.

“So leaderofstars how would you like th' work here at Sweet Apple Acres?”

“Sounds likes a bad idea to me. Your grandchildren seem to pretty much hate and I don't want to make things worse. I’ll find some other source of income to help me purchase supplies so I could live in the forest.”

Everyone there seemed confused at what he said. “Why would yeh want to live there? There's nothing natural about Everfree forest.” Applejack asked.

“What do you mean? ok... granted the wooden wolves are a bit weird, but after I cull their numbers they should no longer be a threat to the town.”

“What she means is that Everfree isn't like Ponyville, you'll be at the mercy of its unregulated weather.” Twilight explained.

“Unregulated weather? What's that supposed to mean?”

Rainbow Dash smiled. “We pegasi can control the weather with clouds produced at Cloudsdale. Beat that.”

leaderofstars felt his pride under attack. Action must be taken to prove he can do better things then her. “Oh really? We humans wiped a deadly disease off the face of our planet, to the point that samples of it only existed within several labs around Terra. Beat that.”

She huffed and turned around trying to come up with a good comeback. “Well...uh... your mostly hairless.”

“Don't quit your day job. You gonna need it to pay someone with a funny bone to write your jokes.” he said with a face that was trying so hard not to laugh or smile.

“Well now. Yeh ain't as bad as my grandkin said you were.” Granny smith noted out-loud.

“OK.” His face turned to her still wearing his bad poker face. “What did your grandchildren say about me?”

“They described yeh as a hard flank that should learn his place before they make yeh.”

Oh that's fucking nice, he thought to himself, “Yeah, good luck with that, I think. Anyways I should be getting back to Lyra’s, since I feel unwelcome here.” He stopped rubbing Pinkie's belly, who looked at him with a sad face.

“Yeh saved Applebloom. You'll be always welcome here.”

“Hmm.. thank you.”

Pinkie Pie piped up almost immediately, her sad face gone, while staring off into a random direction, “End of fifth sequence and fade to black.”

“wha...”

Derpy Hooves was just finished organizing the mail-room that she worked in, singing a tune she came up with a few days ago. She really enjoyed singing this tune because it showed her love of muffins. “We're no strangers to love; You know the rules and so derp I; A full hot muffin's what I'm thinking of; You wouldn't get this from other pegasi; I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling; Gotta make you understand... oh?”

A package appeared in front of the gray pegasus and landed on the urgent/same-day pile. It was unusual, getting a package so late in the day. As she examined the package with her good eye, she saw that there was no mailing address. All it just had a name, 'Poncho Taylor', the seal of the royal family imprinted on it, several tags like 'hoof-deliver', fragile, and a drawn picture of that creature that had wondered into town a few days ago.

“Oh!” she said as everything fell in to place. Princess Celestia must want this package sent straight to that creature that dances funny. Placing the package inside of her saddle-mailbag, she looked long and hard at the picture, taking in all the details of what the recipient looked liked. She didn't want to make a mistake, it was bad enough her lack of depth perception made her really clumsy at flying around town. But she was the best at delivering letters despite her lazy eye, nopony could deny that.

Just one more package and I’ll go home to dinky, She thought as she locked up the post office. It wasn't going to be easy finding him in town, but Derpy could always play amateur detective and ask around town to see if anypony had seen him.

Ponyville wasn't the biggest town around but it was large enough to get lost in if you don't know the area. Derpy flew up into the sky, and looked around. Maybe I should start looking around in the market place, some-pony’s bound to have seen him she thought as she started gilding down to the ground toward the section of Ponyville with lots of stalls and shops.

After asking around the shops, she found that even though it's hard to miss him no-pony had seen him. It was going to take a long time at this rate and Derpy didn't want to take too long on this run because she still had to prepare supper for Dinky. Still it wasn't looking like she'll be getting home anytime soon. She took the skies again to scan the surrounding area. As she looked around she noticed Lyra walking to the park with her lyre. Derpy remembered that Lyra had let the human she was looking for sleep in her house, maybe she knows where he went. She glided down, careful to avoid any hazards in her way and landed next to her.

“Oh hey Derpy. What's are you doing?”

“I’m trying to deliver a package to Poncho Taylor.”

“Poncho Taylor? I've never heard of that pony before.”

“I'm sure you have. You let him stay with you last night.”

“You mean leaderofstars? Yeah he left with Twilight earlier after he got attacked.”

“Do you know where he went?”

“No. He didn't tell me where he was going.”

Derpy groaned. If it wasn't for her dedication at her job she would have left the package back at the office and went home to her daughter. Thanking Lyra for all her help, she flew up into the skies again. The sun was going down little by little and she wanted to deliver the package before dinky got hungry.

As she flew around town, she saw a small group of ponies walking into town on the road that led from sweet apples acres. As she focused on the group she saw that one of the ponies was a lot taller then the other. With renewed hope she flew straight toward the group.

“No.”

“Why not?”

“No. no. no. no. no. no. no. a thousand times no.”

“I have a spare bed you can sleep in.”

“That’s not the point.” leaderofstars was getting annoyed at the purple unicorn's constant attempts to get him to stay at her library for the night. While yes, the offer of a real bed was tempting, he wouldn't go anywhere without his gear first. And because he was far to tired to go anywhere else after grabbing his gear off Lyra’s couch, it was a good place to nap as any. “Can we do this tomorrow, after I wake up? I’m far too sleepy to do anything besides pass out.”

Twilight didn't hear his complaints, and kept on bugging him. She wanted to copy everything he knew down onto paper. While still feeling sad about what he had said to her earlier, Twilight still wanted to learn everything about his world. Just because he's jaded from being forced to live by himself is no reason not to try and be nice to him. She felt he was trying to avoid getting close to anypony because of the differences between their two cultures. If she could break down the walls he was using to surround himself then he would lighten up a bit more.

I hate concussions. leaderofstars thought to himself. He was tired, that meant the nanobots finally finished fixing the concussion he had received. After a nice long sleep he would be far more willing to use his brain for what ever Twilight wanted him to do; If he didn't go crazy with her continuing to make a pain of herself trying to talk him into staying with her. He wanted to sleep with his guard down tonight, a first in a long period of time. Just lie down on the couch and not give a single fuck to the world around him.

Most of the other ponies had left the pair alone, each going back to their respective homes as soon as the group had reach the outskirts of town, leaving the human to suffer at the hoofs of the nagging purple unicorn. If he had his way he would have shot himself in the head, but the nanobots would prevent him from even pulling the trigger. All he could do was try to ignore the unicorn until he could get back to Lyra's and her couch. Occasionally she would stop talking but only long enough to breathe. She was still coming up the reasons why he should share everything he knew about his home-world customs, traditions, technology, and politics about with her and not keep it all to himself. He never said that he wouldn't share, he said that he wanted to sleep first before doing anything.

He was far too damn tired to deal with this unicorn, and her constant nagging was pushing him to the limit of his patience.

“TWILIGHT!” he cried out, raising his pimp hand. “Is this human gonna hafta to backhand a purple unicorn before you pay attention to what I said.”

“Don't be rude. All I’m tr...”

“And I agreed to tell you tomorrow. But you weren't paying attention to me at all. You was just going on and on about why I should spill my guts that you never heard me saying 'yes, lets do that tomorrow.'” His face was red with rage.

Before the two of them could say anything else, a gray pegasus flew down and around the human. “I’ve finally found you, Poncho Taylor.”

leaderofstars' face was full of confusion, after all as far as he knew he never told any of these ponies his full name. How did this one know my real name? I've never saw this one before now.

“Uh, Derpy. I think you got it all wrong.” Twilight pointed a hoof at leaderofstars. “That's leaderofstars, not Poncho.”

“No. he's Poncho. This package says so.” She said, pulling out a box out of her saddle-mailbag and giving it to leaderofstars, who made a slow attempt to grab it.

“How do you know my full name? Are you a succubus?”

“A what? No, I’m Derpy Hooves, Ponyville's number one mailmare.” She said trying to look her best.

“Answer me damn it. If this package is addressed to me, how did you know that it was me?”

Derpy was getting confused.”You mean how did I knew to give you the package?”

“Yes.”

“Oh.” Derpy pulled a picture out of her saddle-mailbag and showed it to leaderofstars. It was a crude, but accurate picture of the human.

“Did you draw this yourself?”

“No both it and the package was sent to the post office from Canterlot. Princess Celestia must have drawn it so it could be send straight to you, since you don't have a address to send it to.”

“Makes sense. But how did you know where to find me?”

“I didn't. I flew all over trying to find you so I could finish my shift and... oh no Dinky! I still need to prepare supper for her! Bye Poncho. Bye Twilight.” She flew off, narrowly avoiding a tree and disappeared behind some buildings.

Twilight spoke up. “So I’ll talk to you tomorrow then. After you get a good night's sleep, I mean.”

“Agreed. See ya. bye.” He walked off towards Lyra's house still holding the package. Rather then tear it open he decided to leave it be until he got to Lyra's.

Walking into Lyra’s house 10 minutes later, the awaking effects from the adrenaline, that had been pumped into his body when he yelled at Twilight, slowly fading away, he saw Bon Bon eating candies then spiting them out wrapped up a several seconds later. Dropping his package on the couch, he walked over to better see what Bon Bon was doing.

It took only a few seconds of watching to understand what she was attempting to do. “Mine if I help?” leaderofstars said, grabbing a few candies and wrappers.

“Hey stop that. You don't know what your doing.” Bon Bon wasn't happy that this human was messing with her work.

“Whats there to know, just put the candy in middle of the wrapper then twist and turn.... viola.” He held up a wrapped candy that was on par with the quality that Bon Bon set her wrapped candies to.

“That’s incredible I had to practice for a year before making them look that good and here you do it within 3 seconds.”

“It's my fingers, they give me the dexterity to handle this kind of problem with ease.” he said wrapping up some more candies with the kind of ease that 10 human digits could bring.

“You keep doing that I have more candies to make.” Bon Bon said running back into the kitchen amidst the clatter of pots and pans. It was a clockwork scene: Bon Bon would make the candies and leaderofstars would wrapped them up. This went on and on for a few hours until Lyra come back home.

“Bon Bon!” Lyra seemed angry. “I thought we agreed that I would earn more bits to pay for him staying here.”

leaderofstars kept on wrapping candies, tossing them into the very full buckets.

“Oh Lyra, I know but he's already paid for himself by helping wrap all those.” She pointed towards the buckets with her hoof.

Lyra launched into a rant about Bon Bon going behind her back and guilt-tripping the human into helping her with her job of wrapping candies. Bon Bon tried to explain that the human helped of his own free will but Lyra would have not of it. Her anger getting the getting the best of her, she attempted to throw one of the buckets around but was stopped by the human placing his hand over the bucket and keeping it still.

“Lyra, I helped Bon Bon with her task because I had nothing better to do at the time.” he yawned, the adrenaline having finally run it's course though his body, “And now I’m taking a nap, don't mess with my hair.” he walked over to the couch and laid down on his back.

Lyra and Bon Bon just looked at each other, with a hint of sadness in their eyes. They gave each other a long passionate kiss that ended with a bit of saliva reaching from both of their mouths. Their little moment didn't go unnoticed by the human who was keeping a eye open, just looking at the two lovebirds. He watched the two ponies walked out of the room and go beyond his field of vision. What a nice couple. He thought as he closed his eye and felt the sandman throw his sleeping sand in his eye.

Author notes
and after two weeks and some days this chapter is done.
I've just learned that the sun in Equestria moves across the sky. Whoops. I guess I could chalk that plot hole to jet lag since I’m sure that his internal clock tells him that it's something different.
I’m hoping I’m getting personalities right.

And because I felt like it here’s a bio page

Name: Poncho “leaderofstars” Taylor
Species: human (infused with nanobots)
Age: stopped counting after his 100th birthday
Personality: weathered indifference, suppressed rage/sexual urges/emotions, alcoholic,
Hobbys: surviving, killing/eating creatures that try to to kill him
Things he loves to do: not feeling useless
Goal in life: revenge! maybe perhaps after that maybe some death
Favorite Food: anything made with chicken, pork or beef
Past Story: joined the army when home-world came under attack, volunteered for experimental nanobot injection, survived event that wiped out the rest of humanity, survived though ice age, then was defeated by god-like entity that exterminated humanity, now finds himself in the land of Equestria
Equipment: backpack with built in replicator (power supply nearly drained), nearly white jacket with Kevlar stuffing, glasses swiped off of a lens crafters rack, hiking boots, blue denim jeans, shirt, miscellaneous ammunition, and 3 days supply of foodstuffs

Primary Weapons (ranged): RPD light machine rifle (held in reserve) modified with a stronger, better, longer barrel,
.177 bolt action air rifle (held in reserve) modified with more powerful co2 tank and x10 scope(and he lost the damn scope)
Secondary Weapons (ranged): 9 mm HK VP70 unmodified (held in reserve), 9 mm Beretta 92a1 (equipped) modified with a reinforced barrel to better handle +p rounds
Tertiary weapons: twin machetes (lost), combat knife (given to Fluttershy), crowbar (held in reserve)
Special power(s): body is immune to all magics, enhanced healing factor/endurance granted by nanobots
Weakness: immune to healing magics, nanobots are not immune to high levels of magic, soul/mind affected by certain spells
Traits: magic slowly build ups inside of him reducing the effectiveness of the nanobots before shutting them down, nanobots break down lactic acid as it forms in his muscles/ deal with annoying bacteria and viruses before immune system has a chance to react.

dammit why does this site not like my special formatting marks

all comments are welcome
if you have a question or idea on how I can improve on this... thing hit me up via the inter-user mail system I’ll always respond.

If you send me hate-mail expect me not to take it seriously . Hate mail amuses me so.

also this is my reaction when people track this thing: "holy crap people actually read this crap i make?"
then i look at the likes/dislikes: "eh seems about right"