• Member Since 15th Apr, 2014
  • offline last seen 9 hours ago

Dalek Saxon


T

Under New NEW Management!

100 - 1000 word, prompt based mini-fics by the authors from the FlutterDash group here on FiMFiction.

If you want to join in on this project, follow the link to read the rules.

Chapters (82)
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Comments ( 134 )

Awesome, so what's the next prompt?

2510892 Go to the Prompt Tag game to see :pinkiehappy:

2510902 it's Date
I would clam it but... Can't be bothered

Mr. Dash: Totally called it.

Mrs. Dash: It's not funny when you call it in the DELIVERY ROOM, dear.

What's with the dislikes? Are they from the AppleDash collab?

2512598 Nah, those guys are cool. It was them damn FlutterMac'ers again :rainbowlaugh:

2512598 All the collabs have some dislikes. The AppleDash one has 23.

"I'm gonna be Awesomom!" Rainbow Dash declared

Took that from 'the embarrassing parents of Rainbow Dash"

Also, what does their look like exactly?

2517883 From what I gathered, she's blue like Dash, but has a "wild, pink" mane so it's the same color as Fluttershy's mane, but it's probably spikey and messy like Dash's. Also she has blue eyes.

Aww, this was cute, and I'm sure Fluttershy would just adore being a mother.

"ALWAYS when you're on your scooter!" the older pegasus scolded. "You could have been concussed, you could have gotten a fracture, you could have been killed! Where do get the idea that this sort of behavior is acceptable!?"

Rainbow Dash walked in the door. "Um, hey Flutters, do we, um, have any wing splints?"

Where else? :rainbowlaugh:

25182512517883
Yes, I did steal that and yeah, that's pretty much how I visioned their foal. Her eyes aren't the same color as her coat though - they're kinda like an indigo, actually. Just think of RD's original design, Firefly, with a reverse color palette. (That's basically all I did to think the kid up. I'm actually quite lazy, lol.)

Ok this was kinda crap

... Uh... That was... super forced.

Lol. Funny as hell. Trollestia FTW

Hahahaha! :rainbowlaugh:
I love Scootaloo

I surrender please no more fluff or will die:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowkiss:

Grammar Score: 9/10. You could have formatted better (horizontal rules, etc.) The right way to format for online writing is different than what you learned in school.

Pros: Strong feels. I remember being shocked and scared the first time I read this.

Concise. Especially in this format, it's good that you don't waste any words.

Cons: Forced. I have to agree with 2563059, this seemed like Fluttershy died of Handwavium, not an actual Equestrian threat.

Lots of headcanon. This might work in a larger piece, but in this format there's too much stuff you just made up. Not just the clouds (I get that) but pegasus sense, Alicorn immunity, Fluttershy's unexplained lack of pegasus sense, etc.

Voice. The ponies don't talk like they do in the show (it's a tough talent to build sometimes). AJ doesn't drawl, Twilight isn't wordy, Fluttershy doesn't mumble or equivocate. (I have a strong inner Twilight myself.) You'll want to work on that.

Conclusion: Not a bad effort. You don't make ametuer mistakes, and I know this isn't edited so your grammatical and spelling strengths show up well. I'd say you need to work on voice for the ponies and plotting, mostly, based on this.

Me again!

Grammar Score: 9/10 again. One spelling mistake, not bad for a rough draft.

Pros: Better voice for Dash. Even though she doesn't talk much, she thinks like Dash.

Nice use of In Media Res. Starting with action is a great way to hook a reader.

The visuals you used were strong too. I could really see Flutterghost, with only a few words.

Cons: I really only have one complaint with this. Dash's decision, at the end, to turn to the ghost, makes no sense to me. This might be a side effect of the short length, but that's the nature of this format: characters can't really deviate much from canon or accepted fanon. Dash giving up just doesn't seem like something Dash would do.

In tragedies, the hero ultimately fails because of a decision that they made. In good tragedies, the bad decision was the only choice they could possibly have made, because of who they are. In this case, I don't see Dash as giving up. I see her running away forever.

Conclusion: Not bad. The story idea doesn't hold up to a hard look, but for prompt tag you display a lot of skills with just a few words.

Hi!

Pros: You got Fluttershy and Dash's voices down much better this time.

The fight scene (three changelings) actually worked, which is rather hard to do in prose.

Some of the jokes worked. (the idea of Chrysalis going after a random gift was quit funny)

Cons: Twilight sounded more like Rarity than Twi. :duck::twilightoops:

Some of the jokes didn't land. (I'm not a big fan of Trollestia anyways, so I might be biased.)

Lampshades are bad. If you have the characters point out bad writing, it's still bad writing. The format gives weird constraints, but that's something you saw coming.

Conclusion: You challenged yourself and sort of succeeded. There's no accounting for humor, but the whole thing wasn't a fail, despite what some said. They weren't wrong; but everyone's opinion counts.

Grammar Score 10/10: no errors that I saw!

Pros: Once again, a fight scene that works.

Concise in a good way, too. No extra details, nothing that didn't advance the plot.

And, yes, this is accepted fanon if not canon, so Avenging!Fluttershy is teh awesome.

Cons: Despite time constraints, I'd still say this was a bit too short. More build up would have strengthened the final emotional impact.

More description would also have been good. Visual details of the castle, more details about the demon, etc.

If this were a rough that you intended to publish a few drafts from now, I'd tell you to rewrite the ending.

Conclusion: You write action good. Do that more.

Boom and that's how you win a bet.

I'm sorry, but I laughed at the end. Does that make me a terrible person?

Too sweet....MALFUNCTION!

Hey I know this is flutterdash but why is there never a good Derpy/rainbow fic?:twilightsheepish:
Good chapter to:fluttershysad::rainbowkiss::heart:

I love this type of flutterdash where rainbow dash isn't the strong one she has feelings that can be hurt ajd flutter shy has to support her and help her deal with these feelings :twilightsmile::pinkiehappy::rainbowkiss:

Yay fluttershy style:twilightsmile:

I have a sudden craving for cake...can't explain why

2839745 only one I've ever seen was one porn fic where they all talked about their first times and Derpy was RD's. it ended with them getting back together after a lengthy estrangement.... Can't remember the name of it now...

2840926 Feels Like The First Time by GarcinoGeneticist

2840935 how the hell did you know that off the top of your head?

2840944 I've only read one DerpDash fic and your description matched perfectly

Had to play Far Away for this

Look at all the Flutterdash, Vegeta :pinkiehappy:

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