• Member Since 12th Jul, 2011
  • offline last seen Last Friday

Shiron


E

They always say that there is only a thin line between love and hate but is that true? After Rainbow Dash’s coltfriend left her she becomes more and more depressed and testy. To forget about her broken heart she visits a bar outside of Ponyville where she meets the Pegasus pony Coconut. Although it's hate at first sight they are meeting each other on the following night in the bar…


pic by http://zirbronium.deviantart.com/gallery/#/d4j5rsx

Chapters (1)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 30 )

Yep I enjoyed reading this

Gak

Where to begin? :twilightsmile: This story was very well written. It was an original concept and I especially liked the letter to Princess Celestia because it made this seem like an episode that might air some Saturday. Very Well Done. Watched :twilightsmile:

Hmm, it was well written I'll give you that.
I don't normally like fics with Dash being sad, but the ending makes up for it.

This pleases me.:rainbowwild::pinkiehappy:

Lovely. Tracked.

hey is this the same coconut from echo the D-dog

425712
thx


425748
thank you^^ I'm glad you like it:pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy: I hope we'll get some more Dashie episodes in season 3

425757
I agree with you, happy Dash is one of the best Dashies:rainbowdetermined2: I had the idea for this fanfic for some time and since Dashie is my favorite character it was only natural that she has to be the main character^^

425758
thank you

426559
no, I used the background pony Coconut from S2E2 except that I gave him wings
Is echo the D-dog also a fanfic?

sweet story.:rainbowkiss:

Very nice one shot, enjoyed this.

I enjoy the fact that Rainbow Dash has a BOYfriend. I'm sick of her lesbian rumors.

426650 lol I will say that you had some trouble with phrasing but that wasn't a problem to fix Im glad you asked me to edit this for you.

Dragon ball reference much?

426650 yes it is and its a vary funny fan-fic with a lot of action :pinkiehappy::rainbowdetermined2:
The Ballad of Echo the Diamond Dog by Rust. hope you like it

First, this is the first Shipping Fic I Enjoyed, The letter at the end was COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL! made me think it was an episode, then, the idea, the characters personalities well captured, the story, this IS AWESOME! THIS GUY DESERVES 7 MOUSTACHOS!

:moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:

and a brohoof, /).

I must admit that I was blown away by this fiction.
You have a lot of talent my friend, I support you fully if you desire to write more fics and will follow your work.
5/5 Stars for you, good sir/madame.
Its writers like you that make me proud to be a member of the fiction making community though my current (and only) fic is sub-par at best.
Keep up the fantastic work.
D.Blade out. :coolphoto:

426755
thank you^^


427025
thx:twilightsmile:


427171
same here. Although I also love to read f/f shipping stories I prefer to think that all of the mane six prefer stallions especially Dashie. That’s a reason why I’ll mostly write hetero romance fanfics.


428045
thanks again for the help^^


429282
yep. I love dragons and Dragonball and I needed a good name for the bar:pinkiehappy:


431602
I searched for it here but I don’t think that I'll read it because of the categories ‘dark” and ‘human’. I don’t like any kind of ‘dark’ pony fanfics


441851
yay, thank you so much and a brohoof back to youXD I’m happy you liked my little fanfic :moustache:


449268
I already got many positive comments but I have to say your comment was one of the kindest and best comments I’ve ever read. After the rejection e-mail I got from equestriadaily I thought about making a big break of writing but you’re comment showed me that there are bronies that like my fanfics even if English isn’t my first language.

I’m very happy you like my fanfic this much and I hope you’ll also like my other fanfics like Rainbow in the sky.

thanks again for your kind comment :twilightsmile: (I’m a sir :scootangel: )

466096 You're very welcome sir and I'm sorry to hear that you got rejected by EQD, but still I say you should try again when you get better as I know you will.

466142
thank you but after all my problems with EQD in the past I doubt that I'll ever again send them anything. I'll stick to fimfiction and deviantArt to show our community my fanfics and my projects like my brony dictionary :pinkiehappy:

466096 ya np dude

...I want to hug that picture... :fluttershysad:

Saw that this story was added to the TECS group, and on a whim, I took a look at it.
I actually enjoyed this story thoroughly, and want to commend you on how you portrayed Rainbow's character. You brought out the competitive nature of her personality, and turned it around with a good amount of heartache and self-doubt. I love it.

On a more technical note, I did notice a few grammatical errors, and some dialogue punctuation issues, but your story progression and plot made up for them. I wanted to extend an offer to you, as I'm an editor for the group Overly-Extensive Editors, and we're a group dedicated to working one-on-one with authors, whether it be for a one-shot or a multi-chapter novella. It's ultimately your choice, but feel free to at least give us a look. We aim to please.

after all my problems with EQD in the past I doubt that I'll ever again send them anything

I share your sentiments here, I truly do. I honestly feel they think that they're college English professors, but it's Sethisto's site, and he can run it however he chooses. That being said, my invitation still stands, and we can work with you to make your story EqD material, should you choose to submit there again.

Sorry for the extended ranting, and I wish you all the best in your future stories!:twilightsmile:

-AB

2294478

thank you for your comment and sorry for the late reply. I’m glad you like my fanfic although there are still some mistakes like grammatical errors :twilightblush:

I tried my best to write a fanfic with my view of Rainbow Dash’s personality without making her look out-of-character. In my head-canon Dash always was sentimental pony who likes “sappy” stuff (a little bit like Fluttershy) but because of some reasons (maybe the Pegasus bullies) Dashie is trying her best to hide that part of her personality. Luckily some moments like Scootaloo’s episode or the second last episode of season 3 where she snuggled Tank proofs this :pinkiehappy:

Sadly EQD seems to accept only those writers and artist who are already a bit famous or who would change their fanfics/fanart to match EQD’s rules. I have to admit that the first and even the second rejection of my fanfic “Rainbow in the sky” were helpful because it helped me to improve it. However then EQD made up stupid rules (like “no oc alicorns” although they still accept them) or they just gave mean comments. Luckily there are still fimfiction and deviantArt^^

As soon as I have some free time I’ll look at your group and hopefully your group can help me to find all the mistakes in my fanfics and help me to become a better author :raritywink:

This story has been reviewed by The Equestrian Critics Society

Story Title: What the Heart Needs

Author: Shiron

Reviewed by: Errant

After reading the summary on FimFiction for “What The Heart Needs,” there is little else to be discovered by actually reading the story itself. Rainbow Dash’s boyfriend breaks up with her and she visits a bar where she meets another pegasus named Coconut. They hate each other at first but end up falling for each other. This is both a paraphrasing of the story’s description and a fairly comprehensive outline of the events of the plot. It cannot rightly be said to be bad, but nor is it particularly good. Mostly, it’s forgettable and unimpressive.

Full Review

Score: 5/10

2673383
First of all, I want to thank you for your review. I’m always happy for a detailed review on my fanfics, so that I’ll learn from my mistakes and to become a better author.

I already knew that there are many mistakes with commas or dialogue punctuation. Since English isn’t my mother tongue, I still have to learn a lot before I’ll be able to write an English fanfic without any mistakes. However, until I find a good pre-reader who helps me, I sadly will repeat many mistakes for anytime soon.

Since I tried my best to keep Rainbow Dash and the Mane Six in character, I sadly overlooked the personality of Coconut. I have to admit that, except of his background story with his last marefriend, I actually didn’t give him a good personality that isn’t close to a Mary Sue. Now that I know this, I’ll try to avoid this mistake in my future fanfics. BTW, Coconut isn’t an OC but a background pony from the show (S1E11). I just gave him some wings just like the show gave Lyra or Dr. Whooves some wings in some episodes.

I’m quite happy with the plot itself, but if I’ll rewrite “What the heart needs” someday, I’ll make it less shallow by adding new scenes/characters to make the plot less predictable and more exciting. Moreover, thanks to your review, I now know some mistakes and I’ll do my best to avoid them in my future fanfics.

Thanks again for your review and, if I’ll ever rewrite this fanfic, I would be happy if you would read the new version too, so that you can see my improvement as an author.

2713677
It was my pleasure to read and review, and I hope that my effort may help you craft better stories in the future. For what it's worth, none of the mistakes you made aren't the kind that can't be overcome with practice and experience, so keep at it.

Hey Shiron! Just thought I'd let you know, this fic inspired me to write a sequel/spinoff! You can find it here: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/311311/the-wrong-turn

6839614
wow, I don't know what to say:pinkiegasp: After being more or less inactive for that long, I never expected that anyone still cares about my stories or likes them enough to write a sequel. Thank you very much:twilightblush:

What kind of story do you have planned?

6840166 More of a darkish adventure/mystery kind of story. Not sure if I'll even finish it, but I didn't want that spark of inspiration to go nowhere! :heart:

6840748 Also, the story is still awaiting approval for some reason...but it should be up shortly for you to take a look at it! :pinkiehappy:

Wow that was so sad, so beautiful and so romantic I ha e ever read from it. :heart::heart::heart: I loved it my friend, love it. And I really love the song you wrote to, :raritywink: well done on that. :rainbowdetermined2:

8311686
Thank you, I'm always happy when someone likes what I wrote:pinkiehappy:
I didn't write this song. It's from an old scifi series called Babylon 5. I liked that show when I was younger and thought that this song might be fitting:twilightblush: The song is called "All of me" by "Walkabout"

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!