• Member Since 28th Jan, 2013
  • offline last seen May 24th

Quill Scribe


E
Source

Her changelings were starving. She was growing desperate. Murphy's law was in full effect. Queen Chrysalis was having a very bad day. Losing her toothbrush was just the beginning.

[First Person Past Tense]

So, my roommate came home from Trader Joe's with a new toothbrush. The packaging inspired the cover art and fic you see here. Go blame her for my insanity.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 18 )

2506334
I'm glad you enjoyed this. It was a lot of fun to write!

This is good! anything thats been written well and has cute changelings is a good story!

Nice story and all, but the picture, the description, and the tags don't really fit.

2506696
Do you have any suggestions for me to consider?

I chose comedy because of my sense of humor. I laughed quite a bit while writing.
Random was because it is, at least in my mind.

The idea for the story came about because I was making the picture, so I felt it warranted use.

Do you think the description doesn't fit because of the serious tone of the fic?
I kind of enjoyed the juxtaposition of the tone with the humor I threw in there.

Honestly, I didn't get it.

2506712 The picture, and the commedy + random tag, hint at a whacky nonsensical story, which you only emphasise in the description.

There were some funny things, but the meat of the story is clearly the worldbuilding, for the changelings, and the tragedy arround them starving.

Not really sure about the tag myself, since the story is kinda undecisive about what it is as well. Sad, Slice of Life, Commedy maybe...

2507139
The issue that I ran into is that while some parts of it are sad, it can't really be considered a sadfic, which is what the tag is for. I considered slice of life, but I feel that should be reserved for a day in the life kind of stuff.
Really, I don't think a proper tag exists for this.

I'll see what I can do about the description. I can understand where you're coming from on that, but I'm not sure how to proceed. I don't want it to sound too dark or upsetting because, for me at least, it's not. I see it as a fluffy comedy. Granted I have a rather dark and dry sense of humor.

TL;DR I don't know either. I'll work on it with my editor though.

Thank you for your input! Constructive criticism helps me be a better author.

Comment posted by kyttypony deleted May 1st, 2013

2507181 This is definitely Slice of Life. I have no doubt about it. You show Chrysalis in her daily routine, including hygene. You discuss her realationships with her drones. You have her plotting against the ponies. See, that's all Slice of Life stuff. Okay, that last example was a bit relative, but in her case, it counts.

As for Comedy and Random, you seem to have some very strange definitions of what you consider to be comedic or random.

All in all, a very well-written piece. I especially like how you used the concept of scented pheremones and a bit of body language for communication instead of telepathy and words. It's like real bugs. I don't think I've seen anyone do that before. Plus, they don't automatically hate her. They defended themselves, sure, but then they did that magic of friendship stuff and gave them a chance instead of letting fear and anger take over, as happens in all other changeling fanfics.

2509549
Thank you for the compliments. A good portion of which should go to my editor. Without him I wouldn't know a semicolon from my actual colon.

If you guys really think this is slice of life then I suppose I should alter the tag. Maybe I'm just bad with tags. :twilightsheepish:

Yes, I have a very strange sense of humor.

On a side note. I wish we could rate our tags out of ten or something depending on how much the story reflects the tag.

Even the ever unreliable TK421; that drone never seemed to be at its post.

Have you checked to make sure his com-horn is functioning properly?:rainbowlaugh:

Hmm, the ponies suddenly accepting the Changelings was a little abrupt, a little unbelievable. I would have expected them to be at least held in a jail cell for the night, since they, you know, tried to take over Canterlot. I know it was a matter of survival, which is why it'd only be one night (enough time for Chrysalis to explain the dire situation she and her children are in).

2511528
While that would be a fanfiction style resolution, I was going for something more in the spirit of the show.

this was caused........by a toothbrush package.....

2684545
Indeed it was. My mind works In mysterious ways.

TK421. For a second it took me a minute to catch on where I'd heard that number. Then a smile rose to my face and has never left it.

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