• Published 30th Apr 2013
  • 9,625 Views, 108 Comments

Snip by Snip - ThunderChaserCreate



Rarity is in despair over the death of Spike, but she thinks she has a solution.

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Alternate Ending

Rarity didn't care about the tiny voices that called for her. She stood over her true love, and a tear splashed onto the dry dirt before her.

"I love you, Spike. I don't care what anypony else says. I love you with all of my heart, and I only wish we had had more time together." The mare stood diligently over the grave of the small dragon, watching the tear soak down into the dirt beneath her hooves.

"Rarity!" Sweetie Belle whined from the doorway, "When are you going to make us breakfast?"

"Oh," Rarity quickly wiped her eyes and turned to her younger sister, "um-"

"Do you hear that?" Sweetie interrupted her, looking at the unmarked grave that Rarity was standing over, "What's that weird sound?"

Rarity gasped and, not caring what Sweetie saw, began to dig frantically. For the fortunate mare had heard the cries of a tiny, impossible dragon as he called her name.

"Rarity..." the muffled sound came from below her, "Rarity..."

"Well, don't just stand there!" Rarity yelled at her sister, "Dig!"

The two sets of frenzied hooves unearthed the sack, and now Spike was screaming for Rarity, yelling her name through the burlap over and over.

Rarity used her magic to untie the sack and lift out the blackened body that was once Spike.

Sweetie shrieked at such a sight, and ran to the door, shooing all of the Cutie Mark Crusaders away from the house. She hollered something about zombies, but Rarity didn't care one bit. There were so many things she wanted to say to him, but all she could do was hug him close and sob into his shoulder.

"Rarity?" the dragon whispered into her ear.

The mare shushed him, but he asked again, "Rarity? W-what... am I?"

Comments ( 64 )

2513553
2513436
2507159
2510730
2511769

As you wish... It kind of messes up the premise, but there you are.

Exquisite. I liked the original ending but I love this too.

"Rarity?" the dragon whispered into her ear.

The mare shushed him, but he asked again, "Rarity? W-what... am I?"

Your a sin against nature, Celestia, Luna, Cadence, and everything the Elements of Harmony represent.



:trixieshiftleft::trixieshiftright:
You know, I think I liked the original "Tell Tale Heart"/"Cask of Amontillado"-esque ending where Spike dies a horrible second death.

Though this ending allows for a continuation in a sequel where Spike tries to figure out what he is, Rarity tries to stay sane, and everyone else either tries to cope with what he is or tries to kill him since he is a zombie thing.

2522361

I WOULD FUND IT.

2522385
My sequel proposal?

2522402

Yeah. The author has shown us that he has quite a good ability to show emotion in few words. I cannot imagine how good that idea for a sequel would be, if it was well explored in another story.

I liked the original ending better, musta been the punch to the gut of it in the last few lines.

2522121

Zombie Spike...
There is so much potential for horror in this. New chapters where Rarity begins feeding her beloved pony flesh so that he can continue to live, Sweetie bell knowing exactly what's happening but doesn't want to tell anyone because she doesn't want to get in trouble. Spike and his zombie instincts trying desperately to reconcile.

And the words "Cutie Mark Crusader Zombie Slayers" needs to be thrown in somewhere.


Oh and thank you very much for the alternate ending.

"Rarity?" the dragon whispered into her ear.
The mare shushed him, but he asked again, "Rarity? W-what... am I?"

So little words, so horror, horror of unlive. :pinkiesick:

Oh, my God! You gotten again! Oh, man!:pinkiegasp:

I will have nightmares, again and again, and again.

Oh, myyyyyyy God!:twilightoops:

If you know the Forsaken' history, you could have a good material for the zombie Spike problemas. (Forsaken are from Wow - Wolrd War Craft).

Forsaken
As the Forsaken are undead, that makes it impossible for them to reproduce via biological means. To this extent, the Banshee Queen (Rarity?) has employed the val'kyr (Luna?) after the death of their Lich King (King Somber?), who ressurect enemies who fall in battle to serve the Dark Lady (Rarity again?). This makes them different from the first Forsaken, who died by the plague during the Third War or by the Scourge (Nightmaremoon army or Discord army or King Somber army?), while these new Forsaken have been risen by the leader of the Forsaken to bolster their numbers.

2522487

OMG I will send a Pinkie Pie to your house to hug you! That was so nice! :pinkiehappy:
Also, I'm a girl.

2522713

Oops, sorry. You know, i tend to assume...

2523013

I don't really care. Pinkie's on her way.

Max

Woah...... this is... :rainbowhuh:

Interesting, I noticed that since Spike died again in the first story, it does not cancel the same sequence. :rainbowkiss:

Your original was so much better. Therefore, I must punish thee with a creepy ass picture of Woll Smoth.
images.encyclopediadramatica.se/8/8a/Woll_Smoth_original.jpg

2522361 A sequel would be awesome!
Given that dragons grow by greed he may even be able to restore himself to full health - but what, or who he needs to eat for it is another question. Though it could also be romantic and the thing that keeps him alive is her love. Come to think of it, maybe the holes in changelings are the result of them being undead and rotting, needing love to regenate faster than they waste away.

2524705

I was being threatened. I had no choice. I actually really prefer it as a one-shot myself, but now I'm knee-deep in this sequel business... :twilightoops:

2526409 Ah sorry to hear that... wait, sequel? Seriously? It was PERFECT as a one shot! No offense to you, but I may not read it. Might ruin this for me. May or may not give it a glance over but... yeah. One shots are my favorites, and this is a pretty damned good one. I guess I'll just have to see what you come up with.

And sorry about Woll Smoth. I didn't realize you were getting this much flak for ending the story like this.

2526425

I don't really care, but everyone's dumping sequel material right in my doorstep! I have to do it!

2526195
That is an interesting theory regarding the changelings:trixieshiftright:

Though wouldnt rapid greed growth rip him apart?

2528989 that would depend on how far his undead body can regenerate - given that he still needs air, is body still runs a chemical metabolism so he needs to have regenerated quite a bit to get it running again. So if he fully heals first (or as fast as he can) and takes care not to grow too fast it should be no problem. But if he grows too fast... Corpse-splosion!

xD now I think at Ms. Fortune from Skullgirls. Him going on a quest to find the Gem of Life would be a good story, even more so if it is a race against time before death reclaims him.
Or a Summer Vacation of the Living Dead style story https://inkbunny.net/submissionview.php?id=31657
Come to think of it, I may even write it myself, if I find the time.

2533312

Don't worry... I've got some terrifying plans. :pinkiecrazy:

2535694
Given how quickly he grew via greed, he's gonna asplode.

If you hadn't written that new ending I would have asked to write one.

I like the original ending better by far.

2538975 I like fics that don't always have a happy ending. Reality is not always happy, and this fic shows that.

A sequel?

Hmmmmm..... I've got a few ideas, if you'll at least take a look at them, I'll PM them to you if you want to.....

2541900

Sure. Why not? Everyone just dumped them here, but a little secrecy could be nice... :twilightsmile:

Braaaaaiins!:applejackconfused:

2755986
Thanks :twilightsmile:
It did everything it was supposed to, then.

Pretty sure dragons can't be hurt by fire, at least in the MLP universe. So what's this about Spike dying in "fire and smoke and ash"? :applejackunsure:
Don't get me wrong, you're a great writer and the story itself is awesome, but that doesn't make sense to me.

2828253
I left that open to interpretation, but in my head he was attacked by another group of dragons, most likely the teenage ones who bugged him before. Plus, although fire won't hurt his scales, it will hurt flesh. I believe I described bare patches missing scales?

2828286 Ah, alright. That scenario makes some sense. Also, I like this story because it takes a leap in the opposite direction from most stories about Spike and death, where Spike has outlived his friends.

See, now that is an effectively creepy-as-all-hell short story. My upvotes, good sir. :moustache:

2970585
Did you read it, or just the description?
I mean, either way, that's a huge compliment. I've gotten Lovecraft and Poe, but not Burton. :twilightsmile:

Well that reminded me of Pet Sematary and so I loved it. Short, sweet and to the point. :raritywink:

Now that is obsession. I like it.

This story has been reviewed by The Equestrian Critics Society.

Story Title: Snip by Snip

Author: ThunderChaserCreate

Reviewed by: Blankscape

Bluntly put, this story seems like a little bit more than an unfinished draft, and the lack of sufficient detail and exposition really doesn’t help, since these things assist convincing the reader to feel invested in the story. The premise is surely enticing to anyone who’s a die-hard fan of Spike, Rarity, Sparity stories, or all three. But as a stand-alone title, its incompleteness may leave some readers unsatisfied. It's a story whose urgency tries to compel deep and riveting emotions but fails to do so by avoiding everything else but the climax.

Full Review

Score: 5.5/10

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