The Cutie Mark Clash

by Captain Gamer

Chapter 3

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
The Cute Mark Clash, Chapter 3

While Twilight Sparkle was getting herself together on the other side of Ponyville, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy were poised outside DJ PON-3's Rave Palace.

"Oh... I don't do well in loud places..." Fluttershy moaned.

"Well we're not here to listen to music... we're here because of HIM." Rainbow Dash struck a hoof at Gil, the warrior they met yesterday, as he walked into the building.

Fluttershy tilted her head, "Is he a fun-loving pony under all that grit? He would get along really well with Pinkie Pie."

"I don't know. He's always rocking that iPony. Maybe he likes music! All I know is he said he's going to be watching me... So I'm going to one him up! I'm going to watch him watching me!"

"Ooohhh... I wonder if he's watching you watching him watching you?"

"Uh... then I'll watch him watch me watching him watching me!" The two pegasi stared at each other trying to comprehend what was just said. Eventually Dash got behind Fluttershy and pushed. "Just follow him."

Inside the Rave Palace, everything was bustling like normal, despite the day being relatively young. Gil was looking around, occasionally looking at his equipped Hoof of War.

"He must be looking for an opponent," Fluttershy said aside, "if you can't find anypony, the Hoof of War can find one for you." When noticing Dash's quizzical look, she hid herself behind the pillar more, "That was, um... part of the tutorial. "

Gil looked around before walking up to the bar. "Hey," he called the barkeep, "is this what Ponyville ponies do all day?"

The barkeep shook his head, "Oh, no. This is a special occasion. Ms. Vinyl Scratch, AKA DJ PON-3, is holding a farewell event before she departs to participate in the Cutie Mark Clash."

Gill double-took, "The Cutie Mark Clash?" He briefly took a look at his Hoof of War before noticing the music and lights died down... save the spotlight on him and the music emanating from his iPony. The DJ, who he had disregarded until now, was looking straight at him.

Gil walked out onto the dance floor with the lights and the attention all on him. He made to turn down the volume on his iPony, but Scratch lifted her hoof then nudged it up. Going along with it, Gil turned his iPony up, allowing his theme to fill the Rave Palace. Scratch bobbed her head with it for a few moments, then flipped and pushed some things on her soundboard. The result was some added beats and pitch changes that gave the theme more bounce. The other ponies in the rave palace responded well to it. Gil, however, gave a competitive scoff and flicked his iPony to a different rendition of the theme. This one was at a much higher tempo, already worthy of a rave.

Scratch was up to the challenge. She upped the tempo of her own beats and threw in a high violin note accentuate the song. The crowd threw that remix to Scratch as well. Gil flicked the theme over to a more instrumental, horn-based theme. Scratch popped a laugh and responded with a synthesized 8-bit background rhythm. The music battle went on until Scratch clopped on her table for a guitarist to come up. Together, Scratch and the mare on guitar composed a mellow guitar riff version of the theme.

After the rendition played out, Scratch leapt over the mixing table, parting the crowd, and pounded out the gestures to summon the Hoof of War. Gil leaned into his battle stance, all business.

They held their positions for a while, building tension. Gil's theme emanated, not from the iPony but beating from the Rave Castle's speakers. When it started, Scratch broke into an aggressive charge on Gil. Gil held his position, but not without purpose. When Scratch bore near, he reared onto his hind legs for a brief moment.

"Sonic boom!!"

With that shout, Gil crossed his front legs across his chest fast enough to whip up a blast of wind heading at the aggressor. Scratch adopted a stance, also on her hind legs, one front hoof holding her headphones, the other struck out fashionably. The outward hoof stopped the sonic boom in its place.

"That was IT!?" Rainbow Dash couldn't help but blurt out over the crowd.

Scratch closed the distance and threw a few aggressive hooves, forcing Gil further into his defensive position. She ended her flurry with a sweep, but Gil already braced himself for it. In response he pivoted and threw a back hoof, but Scratch kept up her fair share of the defensive game as well. The kick forced her back, but Gil's kick still caused a delay to recover. Scratch took advantage of it by picking up a pair of records and swiping the air in front of her. The force of the gesture and a little bit of unicorn magic generated sound waves that pounded Gil and shoved him back.

Gil picked himself up and anticipated Scratch's follow-up assault. He rose with a front hoof strike. Scratch saw this coming and adopted her stance again, taking the glancing blow.

"Flash kick!!"

Gil came off his jab, landing on his front hooves and immediately using them to propel his back legs forward and up. His right rear hoof caught Scratch in the stomach with enough force to generate another gust of wind. Scratch was sent flying into the air and Gil completed a back flip. Scratch got up just in time to take a sonic boom to the face without blocking. It stood her up and caused her to stagger back a bit. Gil came in with a sweep, but Scratch recovered enough to improvise. She quickly grabbed her headphones, planted them on Gil's head, and cranked up a dial that blasted reverb into Gil's ears so loud that everypony on the dance floor cringed. Naturally, Gil screamed though it and keeled over.

Despite the competition, Dash couldn't help but think aloud, "Is she allowed to do that?"

Fluttershy answered, "Only if she maintains the hold for no more than three seconds."

Dash spared another look, "What are you, Twilight?"

Gil still managed to get back up and stare his opponent down. She was still shuffling and bobbing to the music. Exactly with the rhythm, in fact... Gil narrowed his eyes and beat a run forward. Scratch stopped shuffling in preparation. Just as the music reached a crescendo, Gil stopped immediately. Scratch, however, moved forward with her counter, bringing forward the ranged sound waves. Gil saw his chance and leapt over the waves, which represented themselves as magical wisps of light. Gil turned in the air and came down on Scratch with a back hoof to her neck. He landed, immediately launching into a few jabs and a lunging headbutt into her chest.

When Scratch recovered from the headbutt, she made to lash out, but didn't check to see what the stallion was doing. She paid for it with another flash kick to the floor. Upon getting up, she hunkered to defend. Gil swung around her, locked his hooves around her waist, and hoist her backwards to let gravity do the damage on the slam down. Surely, she wouldn't get outplayed on the next rise up. At least, that's if Gil would let her try.

Gil reared up and freed his front hooves. "Soooooonic..." Scratch was barely up and had to time to fully dodge, "HURRICANE!!" Gill crossed his front legs viciously, stirring up a disc of wind that was several times larger than the sonic booms he had thrown before. This disc rotated in one place, lashing at Scratch instead of moving for one hard hit. Scratch defended against the attack, but her stamina after the assault was too low. She tried to keep on her hooves, but they wobbled under the fatigue and the pressure. A particularly thick bar of wind rotated around and struck Scratch, lifting her off the ground and knocking her lungs empty.

"K.O.!!!" the Hoof of War bellowed.

The remaining wind whipped around, dying out. It was still enough to sweep the drinks off the bar, which caused a collective "Awww..." from the patrons. The drinks returned, shuffled in order. "Ooh!" the patrons cooed at their unexpected changes in order.

The music died down like a halted record player. Gil approached his felled opponent under the gaze of all in the Rave Castle. He stopped when Scratch lifted her head and shook vigorously. All were waiting on bated breath for either of them to say something.

"Personally," Gil broke the ice, "I prefer to fight to my own rhythm." He then stuck out a hoof to help Scratch back up.

Scratch considered it for a moment, but quickly broke out her characteristic smile and reached for the helping hoof. The ponies in the Rave Castle gave a good-natured cheer, the music started up again, and all continued as normal. Gil found his way back to a far wall where he'd be out of the way.

"The mares at the end of the counter have bought you this." The bartender pushed a raddish-tini and indicated a group of waving, winking mares.

Gil nodded to the mares in recognition, and then pulled out some bits. "Tell them that it's on me, now. A soldier doesn't drink while on duty." He excused himself with a salute. That is, until Scratch pulled him away to share her remixes of his theme onto his iPony.

-

"I've so got this!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed as she and Fluttershy exited the Rave Castle, "The only thing I was worried about was this sonic boom thing he has, and it's just a bunch of wind. WIND! I didn't win the Best Flyer's Competition by getting pushed around by every stream and current going my way!"

"That's because you won by dumb luck, Rainbow CRAAASH!"

"Who-!?" Dash looked forward and saw two of her Cloudsdale 'rivals,' Hoops and Billy, "Oh... YOU guys. What are YOU two doing here?"

"The better question is... What are THOSE doing on YOUR hooves?"

Dash lifted her gilded hoof, "The Hoof of War? I'm part of the Cutie Mark Clash! Bet'cha never heard of it." She then saw the two other pegasi lifted their own gilded hooves. "Oh..." In a reaction nopony saw coming, Dash's face scrunched, then she burst into laugher. "I've beaten you cloudbrains at everything you've challenged me to... EVERYTHING! What makes you guys think that's gonna change NOW?"

Hoops scowled, "That's 'cause it's always racing! And everypony knows that fillies have an advantage in racing! But this ain't racing; we're FIGHTING! And if there's anything colts are better at, it's fighting! Come on... we'll take on you AND Klutzershy!"

"Fine! Bring it!" Dash reared up. She looked over to Fluttershy... who joined the ring of ponies giving space. "Fluttershy, what are you doing!?"

Fluttershy smiled, "Oh, I don't want to be in the way when your partner arrives. I didn't know you had another friend whose name also ended in 'shy.'"

Dash slapped a hoof on her forehead, then pointed it at Fluttershy, "They were talking about you!"

"They were? Oh..." Realization snuck up on Fluttershy. "Oh...!" In a yellow-pink flash, she was hidden behind the nearest object.

The two antagonizing pegasi shared a laugh, which caused Rainbow Dash's face to light up in embarrassment. She chuckled nervously, then flew herself to where Fluttershy was hiding. "Fluttershy, no! You HAVE to do this for me! Do you see the way everypony is looking at you? At ME?"

Fluttershy stuttered, "Y... you fight them! We're in the middle of town and there's no cute little animals that can be hurt here!"

Dash groaned as if her brain were about to burst. "PUH-LEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSE!!!" Dash sat on the ground and held her hooves over her bowed head, "I promise I'll be right next to you the entire time and take every hit and we practiced all yesterday WHY WOULD WE PRACTICE ALL YESTERDAY IF YOU AREN'T GOING TO FI-I-IIIIGHT!?

Fluttershy looked at her begging friend, trying to keep her quivering lip in check. She then looked to the two bullies, who dragged their hooves on the ground in anticipation. At that, Fluttershy squeaked and hid her face from sight again.

Dash opened an eye and saw Fluttershy cowering. The sight of the shivering yellow pegasus overrode Dash's pride. She sighed and placed a hoof on Fluttershy's head, "Fluttershy... this is about asserting yourself. If you can't stand up when there's nothing at stake, how are you going to build up enough courage when it actually matters? You're not going out there alone." At that last statement, Dash turned Fluttershy's head and forced her gaze into Fluttershy's cyan own. "You won't be alone."

It took a few moments of moist eye contact until Fluttershy looked away in thought, then looked back. "Do you PROMISE that you'll be there the entire time? And that you won't let anything happen to me?"

"I promise, Fluttershy. You believe in me, don't you?"

"Well... yes..."

"And I believe in you! So following that logic, should YOU believe in you?"

"Um..." I lieu of a proper answer, Fluttershy just held a front hoof out.

Dash sighed, took the hoof in her own two, and flew backwards to drag Fluttershy out into the circle. Fluttershy looked up, to which the Hoops snarled and stomped. Fluttershy squealed again and stayed on the ground with her hooves over her eyes. The bullies laughed.

"How about you two stop being such hoof-prints and get on with it!?" Dash snapped.

The bullying pegasi got serious and looked at their hooves. They tried a time and again to get the motions down, finally getting them right the third time to summon the Hoof of War for a team match. As soon as it faded, the antagonists jettisoned forward.

"Time to crash, Rainbow!!"

If Fluttershy's eyes were open she would have a heart attack. An idea popped into Dash's head.

"Love Hurts!!"

Fluttershy's ears perked at those two words. The words combined in a way that equaled an action; an action that had been painted on Fluttershy's mind over the past 24 hours of rigorous training that stuck in her mind purely by how arduous it was.

Rainbow Dash flew up expecting to see Fluttershy with her, then being surprised to see that Fluttershy actually WAS up in the air with her! Below, Hoops and Billy stopped short of ramming into each other where the two young mares used to be. They looked up and saw their opponents reach a breaking point and veering off, curving their flight paths until they were pointed directly at them. Dash and Fluttershy dove at angles, coming into hard kicks that slammed the two young colts together. Dash left a rainbow trail while Fluttershy left a trail of sparkles that resembled butterflies. Together, the trails formed the shape of a heart. Hoops and Billy sunk to the ground.

Fluttershy shook her head and looked at the results. "O... oh, my goodness... what did I just do??"

"That was AWESOME!" Dash cheered, "You pulled that off WAY better than in practice! I'll bet it's that Hoof of War magic making you a better flyer!"

Fluttershy took a moment to look at how swiftly her wings were beating to keep her aloft. "Maybe..."

Hoops and Billy picked themselves up quickly. "So you want to take it to the air, huh!?" They pushed off to where Dash and Fluttershy held up.

"Crazy Eight!"

At Dash's call, Fluttershy flew away from the approaching bullies while Dash flew at them. Billy was ready to intercept Dash, but was confused when Dash flew right by him.

"Keep your eyes on Klutz!" Hoops ordered.

The bullies stood together, Billy eyeing Fluttershy and Hoops... well, everypony was pretty sure that whatever eyes were under his hair were trained on Dash. Dash circled around to Hoops's front while Fluttershy circled around to Billy's front. The bullies readied themselves, then in a moment that can only be understood in slow motion, Dash and Fluttershy both performed barrels rolls, positioning them at the backs of the opposite bullies they were targeting before. Hoops and Billy could barely catch on before they were both headbutted in the back and sent falling.

Fluttershy groaned, "Ow..." and lifted her hooves to her head.

"Uh oh," Dash snapped back into the moment, "are you okay?"

"Actually..." Fluttershy checked her hooves, then gave as reassuring a grin as she could muster, "I AM okay..."

Dash laughed, "See? We've got thiRHF!!" she was cut off when Hoops came from below with a light-speed tackle. Fluttershy gasped at the sight of it, then her intuition told her to move just as Billy swooped up to attempt the same.

Billy stopped himself in mid-air, indulged in a cruel smirk, and dove back down at Fluttershy. The way she could so easily avoid his tackle clearly showed that he was toying with her.

Meanwhile, Hoops charged ahead, pushing Dash back and keeping his front legs to either side, preventing her from rolling out of his tackle. Dash adjusted enough to shout to him, "What is your PROBLEM!?"

"Let's see Klutzershy do anything without YOU there holding her hoof!"

Dash wanted to put up a tough front, but that was the truth. She cast a look to where her timid friend was doing all she could to just keep from being attacked.

Fluttershy was putting in the effort to avoid the dives, but it was still obvious that Billy was just making her flinch repeatedly.

Billy hung over, "Don't like it? Forefit!"

That thought kept Fluttershy in place with her front legs folded defensively. She didn't think too long before replying, "And... leave Rainbow Dash to both of you? No... This is really important to her! So I'm doing my best no matter how much you... Aren't there?"

Fluttershy looked to where Billy had been, and unfortunately wasn't heeding the calls and warnings from the crowd on the ground. She felt her hooves get clamped down on. She meeped and looked down.

"Too late!" Billy managed to approach Fluttershy from below. He grabbed Fluttershy's back legs with his front and pinned them to his shoulders. "You like the ground so much?" With a powerful beat of his wings, Billy lifted up and turn himself with Fluttershy upside down. To add to it, Billy began to spiral on the way down. "HERE YOU GO!!" Billy let go and dropped Fluttershy into the middle of the initial circle, crashing into the stone on the thick of her upper back.

The crowed groaned an aghast, "Ohhhh...!"

Rainbow Dash heard it. "Fluttershy...? FLUTTERSHY!!" No thought went into how quickly Dash was able to break out of Hoops's hold. Getting tackled so far took a lot out of her, though. She tried flying back as fast as she could until she appeared to get an idea. "Hey, feather-brain! You want me? Gimme your best shot!"

"Givin' it up, Rainbow Crash?" Hoops didn't wait for an answer. Instead he began beating his wings stronger than before, whipping up powerful winds that tossed Dash around until they formed a shape of a basketball around her. Hoops took in his hooves this basketball of wind, Dash flailing around inside, and heaved it away, destined for a harsh landing on the ground.

Meanwhile, Fluttershy's hooves managed to find their way to a firm stance on the ground. The way her legs wobbled, however, undermined that. In front of her, Billy stood and beamed intimidation her way. He dragged at the ground, ready to finish things. That is, until Dash's screaming punched through the air and announced her return. A general "What the...?" Passed through the crowd.

"PENDULUM ROCKS!"

Fluttershy lifted off, invoking her pegasus heritage now more than ever. Though her limbs seemed to be overworked, her wings were still powerful and graceful. The aerial stunt that Dash just called out helped the determination as well. Fluttershy stopped in the air at the height Dash was flying. When Dash reached her position, Fluttershy beat her wings against the wind basketball, bursting it, and caught her friend, turning with the momentum. Just like a pendulum, the two pegasi held in the air and Dash was swung back down in an arc. With that little momentum, Dash gave one last beat of her wings and plowed into the unsuspecting bullies who had just regrouped.

What followed was a tense staredown. Both sides were sufficiently worn down and using the time to get some sense back before this clash would conclude. Finally, Hoops pushed off the ground, prompting Billy to follow. They spread their wings and made for a final push.

Rainbow Dash reared back in preparation. "Let's give 'em the Flutterdash!!" She took off in her own low flight, this time kicking up enough speed to leave behind her signature rainbow trail. The other team looked for a confrontation, but soon found themselves in the middle of a circle that Dash raced around them. In fact, her circles sped up to the point that her rainbow looked like a solid object. She spend up more enough that there appeared to be more than one of her. Finally Dash reached a critical speed that created a rainbow vortex around the other team.

"Right... Flutterdash!" Fluttershy beat her wings again to take to the sky, going up higher and higher.

At about this time, another pair of pegasi were stirring up their own attention. Strolling into Ponyville as if they did it everyday were two members of the famed acrobatic group the Wonderbolts. Naturally, they garnered a lot of attention and fanfare.

"Here we are," said Soarin, a white young stallion with a wind-swept blue mane, "Ponyville. It doesn't... LOOK like the fighting kind of town."

"It isn't," concurred Spitfire, the orange young mare with an orange-red mane styled suiting her name, "it's a... 'nice' place."

"You've been here before?"

"Yeah, like once or twice. Ponyville's kinda boring... in a good way. You don't need to duck out of sight to just get some peace and quiet. I'm just as surprised there's a Cutie Mark Clash here."

"It doesn't seem so boring right now."

Spitfire noticed a bunch of the surrounding ponies looking up in the sky at a distance, including Soarin. So she looked and quickly found what was so interesting. A yellow pegasus with a striking pink mane was flying straight up purposefully. Not bad, Spitfire had to admit. The height gain was above average, but she was putting in too much effort with her wings and not letting herself get carried enough. Once the pegasus reached a good height, she tipped over and dove straight down. This wasn't expected, according to the swoon of nearby ponies.

Soarin tensed, "Should we do something?"

"I don't know. This could be a Ponyville thing I'm not aware of." Looking back at Soarin, she spied his gilded hooves exposed through the rolled-up sleeves of the Wonderbolts uniform. "Maybe she's part of the tournament."

"A delicate-looking pony like that?"

Spitfire smirked, "That's what the Commander said when he first saw me." She noted Soarin relaxing a bit, then saw the yellow pegasus start a corkscrew dive. Definitely not something you see every day, even in Cloudsdale. The rate she was spinning and diving, combined with her displayed novice skills, made even Spitfire look tense as the Pegasus's dive took her below the town's skyline.

Shortly after the pegasus disappeared, there was a loud boom followed by a ring of kicked-up wind that rustled through the town. A magical voiced bellowed, "K.O.!!!" followed by cheers at the site of the action.

"Whoa!!" Soarin yelped, "She came down hard enough to knock out somepony!"

"I've got to see this..." Spitfire mused to herself, prompting Soarin to follow her.

At the scene of the fight, Hoops and Billy were undeniably out cold and being helped by some Cutie Mark Clash medical ponies. Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy were converged upon by the impressed crowd, stumbling around less out of fatigue and more out of dizziness from their finishing attack.

Failing to keep her rolling eyes in check, Dash landed her front hooves on the shoulders of the nearest yellow pony with a pink mane. "Fluttershy, that was AWESOME!"

The pegasus that Dash picked quickly grinned empathetically and said, "Hehe... I'm Parasol."

"Oh. Sorry." Dash turned around and grabbed the next yellow pegasus. "Fluttershy, that was AWESOME!"

The pegasus hugged Dash, then said a chipper "Nope!"

"Aw, come-" Dash shook her head and looked to the third Fluttershy in her vision. "Are YOU Fluttershy?"

"Umm..." said the pony.

"Fluttershy, that was AWESOME! I can't believe you pulled off the Flutterdash so perfectly! Especially that last part. OH WOW was that epic! Thank you sooooo much for this!"

"Oh... it was nothing, really. I just wanted to help. I'm sure you have better moves that work with other partners."

"No way! Flutterdash is the best!"

"Oh, well..." Fluttershy looked away to blush. Or at least she figured she was looking away. "Yay..." She muttered before she and Dash sunk to the ground, the latter beginning to snore.

"Aww..." Hayley said, looking at the two ponies close enough to be cuddling. "Don't see much of that in Clopperfield. I could make a cookie out of that. Though that excessive fatigue DOES worry me. Not supposed to happen. I suppose it's only natural when one goes through a strenuous activity, and that rainbow one definitely LOOKS the type for reckless abandon... but no. No no, not taking any risks. Into the infirmary with you." He summoned up a gurney, which scooped the two ponies up, and wheeled them in to a nearby tent.

He was almost inside when a tap on his flank startled him.

"DAH!! Not- not now! The complications of Hoof of War magic require urgent attention. Well... there actually haven't BEEN any complications to date, but we are not taking any chances. If you wish to visit, you can come back later."

Immediately the tent was set upon by nurses.

"You never told us this!"

"We want to help!"

"What are the signs?"

Hayley watched awkwardly as most of the nurses piled in. "That's... that's all right... I can handle it my... Ohh, fine..."

Locked outside the tent, Spitfire and Soarin shared a look. Soarin muttered, "Well, THAT'S a bummer."

"Come on," Spitfire sighed, "We'll get another opportunity later. We're not going to keep our sponsors by waiting around here. Especially after what happened at the Gala..."

-

Meanwhile, some distance from Ponyville, a lone red horse walked the outskirts. Even though he knew he was in the right by sticking up for himself, Big Macintosh just couldn't shake his remorse for having treated his sister the way he did, no matter what the reason. Thus, before engaging in any more fighting, he took a cleansing walk.

He reckoned it would be a brief one.

His travels brought him to the edge of the Everfree forest. Though the forest was a dangerous place, looking at it from outside brought a strange sense of calm. It wasn't as if something would jump out, he always said. Something like those bright yellow eyes piercing directly into his soul.

And then the cloaked figure jumped from the shadows of the forest and blocked Big Macintosh's path. A deep female voice chanted, "Prove to me your future isn't a wash... accept my challenge, Big Macintosh!" She wasted no time in stamping out the Hoof of War.

Surveying the cloaked figure standing ready to fight, Big Macintosh sighed a reluctant but accepting, "Ehyup..." and readied himself.

The fight begun, the cloaked figure took the initiative and launched forward. Big Macintosh kept his eyes on her trajectory, and then lost it when the figure closed the gap in an instant and swiftly kicked him across the face. He instinctively backed up and opened his eyes to nothing. He found himself struck from his left flank hard enough to topple his back legs and the rest of him with them. He hit the dirt road hard and looked up for the cloaked figure's aerial strike to hit him while he was down. Right before she landed, he held his hooves out to intercept her attack. Using the momentum, Big Macintosh tossed the cloaked figure the other way. Unfortunately for him, she landed on her hooves neatly by the time he picked himself up.

The cloaked figure, despite her aggression before, held her ground now. The glowing eyes narrowed and she said, "You are feeling stressed, this is true... a calm mind will be of help to you."

That WAS true. Big Macintosh knew that he hadn't entirely walked the encounter with his sister out of his system. Over the years, he didn't let a lot get to him. He and everypony around him has been better off that way. Applejack sure enjoyed testing that out. No... he couldn't dwell on her. She handled thing her way, he in his own. He took in a shuddering breath, but let it out calmly. He opened his eyes to the cloaked figure who had been kind enough to wait this out. After establishing eye contact, she leapt up like before and vanished like before. This time, however, Big Macintosh's ear perked at the sound of her coming down to his right. Literally bucking in the dark, Big Macintosh lifted his right rear leg and kicked it out. He felt it impact the cloaked figure and heard her grunt of pain.

She came at him a few times more, each time with him dodging out or landing a counter strike before she could finish her maneuver. When she landed in front of him, he braced himself firmly. When she tackled into him, he took the hit in stride without losing footing. In response, he tackled back, impacting the figure's chest and front legs. Caught by this action, she keeled over a bit. Big Macintosh wasted no time in turning himself around and getting a quick buck off to send all of her to the ground.

The figure picked herself up quickly, considering what she was just put through. Her visible dark grey mouth curved into a smirk. "I see you have conquered your mind's din. Now our match can truly begin!"

That didn't sound good at all. The figure leapt, this time producing a few segments of a pole, stacking them, and landing with a single hoof on the stack. She kept her balance perfectly. Big Macintosh was too busy staring to notice that the segments all slid into each other to form an actual single pole. The figure flipped, grabbing up the pole and aiming it to come down on the other's head. Big Macintosh sidestepped the attack, sparing a crucial second to look at it. He looked up to see the figure come at him and bring her hooves to strike him on either side of this head, dazing him. She stepped back purposefully.

"The elements are at my call!!" She shouted. Rather than flank Big Macintosh, she charged at him with a super-quick run that more resembled a single movement. Big Macintosh shook the daze out of his head soon enough to notice the reckless charge and held his hooves up. The cloaked figure did not count on this and rammed head-first into the block. This charge was aimed at a soft flank, not hard hooves. "... That is all." She quipped and stumbled back.

Big Macintosh considered how to take advantage of this. He reckoned he'd let it down easy with his flank strike. At an opportune time in the figure's stumbling, he slammed a hoof down, pivoted across it, and swung his back forward. It crashed into the figure like a fur-coated brick wall, completely lifting her off her hooves.

"K.O.!!!" The Hoof of War called.

The Hoof of War faded and Big Macintosh breathed a relieved sigh. He walked over to the cloaked figure. When he got close, she picked herself up again.

"You have proven yourself, as asked. You are capable of your given task."

"Now hold on," Big Macintosh replied, "you were all on about the future before. You fight me, and in the middle of it give me advice that let me win. And now you're talking about fate or something like that. You mind telling me what's going on?"

"I will inform you of my aim. But first..." The cloak was peeled back, revealing a black-and-dark gray Mohawk mane attached to the like-wise monochromatic zebra head. Despite the glowing yellow eyes under the hood, those eyes were now turquoise. "Zecora is my name."

The reveal brought a warm smile to Big Macintosh's face. "You're that zebra that Apple Bloom visits every so often. She talks about you plenty. We appreciate you having her visit and taking her mind off of Cutie Marks for a spell... and also keeping her out of our manes for that long, too."

Zecora finished folding up her cloak and placing it in a rucksack, and then looked at Big Macintosh with a nostalgic chuckle. "Apple Bloom is a well-meaning foal... Like any other, she just has a restless soul. I do apologize for all the pain. I shall explain..." She lead a walk to nowhere in particular. "I almost never knew about this tournament until I received a letter informing me of the event. I thought this to be a curious case since I don't even get mail in the first place. For some reason, the Cutie Mark Clash felt troubling. I felt something more insidious bubbling. I thought it was nothing, but I had to be sure. I conjured up a brew to see into the future. I do not know what will transpire, but the outcome could be dire. Since drinking the broth, I have had many visions outlining many ponies' missions."

"And how do you reckon a humble apple-bucker like me fits into all this?"

"You play a significant part by virtue of your selfless heart. I am unsure what you must do, but surely you have felt destiny's pull, too?"

Big Macintosh's head snapped up and forward at the mention of destiny. "That darn feeling is what got me into this mess in the first place."

"I see. So it is a mystery. Whether your destiny is set or must be crafted, I am afraid that you have been... drafted."

Big Macintosh took a moment to lift one of his front hooves and look at the gilded lining around the outside, as if it would provide an answer to what was going on. He put it down and kept walking, sighing a resigning, "Eh... yup."

Comments

[Dusty the Royal Janitor]

Alrighty then, here we go...

Now, Again... I have to give credit where it's due. Aside from all the things that you got right in the first couple chapters... I have to admit that I really enjoyed the first fight in this chapter. Scratch, being a background pony with no set character, was an acceptable match, and her fight with Gil was at the very least interesting enough. In fact, I wouldn't put it past the usual fanon interpretation of her to join something like this... though I must say that the music battle was perhaps a better match for her character than an actual out-and-out physical fight. What would be even better than both of those though is a fight like the one with the fifth and sixth evil exes from Scott Pilgrim vs. the World. Somebody totally has to write a story like that. Vinyl Scratch vs. the World needs to happen now.

...sorry got a little sidetracked there...

While I'm a little bit off put by the number of OC's starting to crop up, I can at least respect Gil for what he is: A pony-expy for Guile. Hayley has long since gotten ungodly annoying though. If he were some sort of jester instead of a scholar and maybe cracked a joke or two at some point he might be more acceptable, but as it is he really just slows things down. Several times I've found myself screaming at my screen for him to just shut up already and get on with the point. Lady Aremis... has barely shown up at this point, so I'll let her slide for now.

The fight between Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy vs. Billy and Hoops was alright, though I can't help but find Rainbow Dash's pleading to Fluttershy a far cry from the "Leave her alone" attitude she had in, say, Cutie Mark Chronicles. This one's a bit iffy, but honestly I don't think I remember Rainbow Dash ever being quite so pushy to get Fluttershy to do things she didn't want to do, that might put her in danger, when it wasn't absolutely required (Like in Dragonshy). The cheering thing was harmless, and if Fluttershy didn't straighten up and fly right in Dragonshy, then Equestria could have been covered in smoke for 100 years, but other than that, Rainbow has been more defensive and protective of Fluttershy than anything else. Now Rainbow Dash is demanding and holds her friends to a higher standard, don't get me wrong, but while she may be brash and abrasive at times, I've never seen her as that much of an outright asshole that she would force her friends into dangerous situations when it isn't absolutely required. I suppose others might take a slightly different interpretation to this, but it still feels a little bit wrong.

Also, this bit sorta highlights Fluttershy's uncharacteristic stupidity in this story. If Fluttershy is so well versed in the rules of the tournament... then why did she join in the first place if she could obviously accomplish this job of animal defense easier if she weren't actually IN the tournament?

The part that really deserves looking at, however, was the third section with Big Macintosh and Zecora. This section sorta highlights all the character issues I've seen up until this point.

Now first, I want to point out simply how infuriating Big Macintosh is in this story. lowered inhibitions by the HoW or not... some things just simply can't be accepted at this point. What is his motivation in this story? We don't even know. Why did he join the tournament? What is so important to him that he would go so far as to beat up his own sister... Knocking her unconscious no less, suggesting that he would go so far as to outright give a concussion to his own kin to get... whatever it is that's so important to him? How could he possibly be so arrogant and selfish to consider himself still 'in the right' after doing something like that? I'm sorry but so far, about the only motivation I can think of for him from what we've heard is some quest for independence or attempting to prove himself to himself or something like that and that just doesn't fly.

You say he felt remorse for his actions. Quite frankly... I can't see it. If he felt remorse, he would go back and apologize or try to make amends... or at least take some action other than taking a little stroll. You need to SHOW us his remorse here, not just tell us what he's supposed to be feeling at a given point in time, because as it is, with his still thinking he's in the right and his willingness to jump right back into another brawl with a complete stranger, I'm not getting the sense that he's sorry at all. I get the sense that he's a sociopath, fighting people he doesn't know and even those he should care about, all for some vague agenda. As far as I can SEE, he has absolutely no emotion about his fight with Applejack. His actions in the previous chapter towards her all completely lacked emotion or remorse and he didn't even hesitate to jump into Mortal Kombat with her. It was his first course of action. And he didn't stop to check if she was alright after the fight or apologize or bring her back to the house for medical attention or anything. He just wandered off. I simply can't rationalize how in the hell anyone could think of him as being in the right, when I can't see anything more than selfish reasons for his fighting, and everything Applejack said was a damn good point and her only reason for joining, though it was a kinda stupid thing to do, was defensive in nature.

Big Mac is a horrible person.

But the real thing that lays all the problems with this story bare here is Zecora. Now, Zecora is a wise, mysterious witch doctor, right? Her mysterious nature shrouds her in a sort of enigmatic character, so I might be able to believe she would join the tournament for maybe some sort of cultural or traditional reason or something... but her actions in this chapter simply make no sense. And the thing about them is that they lay bare the biggest problem... the whole underlying issue with character development and portrayal that this story has.

Zecora sees that something might be fishy with the CMClash, right? Okay... as a rational zebra what would be the smart, in character thing for her to do when she sees a pony like Big Mac, who she saw would play a big part in this upcoming tourney? The logical thing would be to call out to him and say 'Hey I need to talk to you" and then turn it into a rhyming couplet and take him to see Twilight Sparkle, right? Get to the bottom of whatever is so fishy as fast as possible with minimal conflict so as not to possibly exacerbate whatever is hinky with the CMClash, right?

But that's not what she does, now is it? Instead, she decides to jump Big Macintosh and challenge him to a fight for no reason other than 'why not?' and get her flank kicked.

And here we have the story's biggest, most unbearable, and yet sneakily hidden problem.

You see, on a personal level, all of the ponies (with the exception of Big Mac who I swear must be the Sweet Apple Massacre version of the character in this story) are completely in character. Twilight is bookish, sarcastic, cautious, but caring about her friends and eager to please them. Applejack is honest, cares about her family and wants to do them right, and joins the tourney for at least partially believable reasons. Rarity is artsy and wants to make business. Pinkie Pie is random and silly. The CMC are impatient and naiive. Fluttershy is nervous and loves animals and is soft spoken. Rainbow Dash is competitive and brash and wants to be the best. Everybody seems to be in character, right?

The problem is that you only have half the equation here. While everybody is in character on their own perhaps even more important in any story is how a character acts when interacting with other characters.

...and this is where the story messes up.

Zecora comes across as mysterious and wise, yes. But how does she normally act when interacting with other characters? Well, she treats them kindly, though she tends to be a little shifty at times due to her mysterious nature. She's very generous and giving, and more than happy to share her knowledge with other ponies. She is open and eager to meet new people, but doesn't force herself on ponies, and she doesn't take offense easily.

She does not attack ponies for no reason.

See where I'm going with this? When Rainbow Dash interacts with Fluttershy, she tends to act brash and demanding, but she doesn't get on her knees and beg her to do something that might put her in harm's way. When Applejack interacts with Big Mac, they act like close siblings, acting friendly and lovingly, but they don't go yelling at each other and then kicking the living crap out of each other, and when the other is hurt, they act casually, but not maliciously as this story suggests. When Rarity interacts with Twilight, she is occasionally caught up in the moment, but she is never outright dismissive of her worries or ignores her. Spike is a supportive friend, but he doesn't push his friends to do potentially bad or violent things. Do you see what I'm getting at? Virtually everybody in this story, when they are forced to interact with somebody else acts in a way that is unbecoming of them, and usually hints at something rude or unfriendly or even downright sinister. When the characters interact with other people in this story, most of them act CLOSE enough to how they normally would (with the exception of Big Mac and Zecora) that it's almost unnoticable, but there's something niggling in the back of your head that sorta says "something here feels very wrong." And this, combined with the well made personal character development, causes the characters to fall into a variant of the uncanny valley effect, and at the end of the day, the result just feels very very wrong. It feels like all of the happiness and joy and friendship and harmony that Equestria is founded upon and is so prevalent throughout the show is falling apart around them... and nobody seems to care. This is happening even before the tournament begins.

And that's where the problem lies. Among all the more obvious things that I pointed out earlier, the character interactions simply fall in just the absolute perfect place for everything to just feel wrong. It's like the ponies have been replaced with pods from outer space and are all acting almost right, but there's just something about them that you can't help but be wary about.

This was as far as I got when I tried to read it the first time, and at this point I've pretty much summed up my feelings about the story. I'm not going to chicken out this time, though. I'm going to go ahead and read the rest of the story. I won't be posting another review until I get to the end of Chapter eight, though (or whatever is the last chapter when I get caught up), so I'll leave you with the thoughts I've done so far.

Anyway, it was good to go back and review the first story I ever reviewed again with a little bit more experience under my belt. I hope I didn't offend at all. Most of the story is actually really well done. The fight scenes are absolutely brilliantly written and while you could do well to show emotion more often than you tell it, the atmosphere, original characters, and overall formulaic standpoint of the story are all really well done, and there are even a couple fight scenes that I can't help but enjoy. Despite my gripes about them, I did, in fact, enjoy the fights with RD and Fluttershy versus the bullies and I did, in fact, enjoy the fight between VInyl and Gil. The pacing is pretty decent, although it would be nice if you got on with the actual plot soon rather than just going down fight scene by fight scene, and the foreign elements necessary to make the story, such as Clopperfield and the Hoof of War, are at least decently introduced. Your only real problem falls into character interaction, unfortunately... that is a big problem... Made worse by just how close you really were from getting it perfectly, which sadly made the flaws feel all the more glaring, and landed you in that variant of the Uncanny Valley.

I would love to see this story with just some slight editing in dialogue and character interaction, because I know it could be one of the most enjoyable things I ever read. Just a few different words here and there in most of the conversations and actions when two characters interact (and fight) could make a HUGE difference here, and it would be great to see this story with that pod pony feel gone. For the most part you've done a pretty decent job here. I'd give it about a 'B' at this point.