How can the Best Day Turn...
Finding myself upstairs in my room, I paced the floor in the bright morning sun. I just couldn't practice it enough times. Each time I made an effort to imagine her in front me, my legs became weak and my heart would thump out of my chest. Turning to the mirror I tried it again. Okay Shutter we just danced, the party is at its peak, and I just invited her outside to the garden. She's standing in front of you with her dress and her hair is all made up, The adrenaline began to pump throughout my system as I lowered my forelegs and pulled out a golden band with a sapphire gemstone shaped in the form of a dove. "Lora Silkstep will you marry me... No... Will you do me the honor of... Come on! I got to get this right for tonight. I have been waiting far too long for me to mess it up on the delivery," I shook my shoulders to loosen myself up. "Okay... I think I got it..." I lowered myself and presented the band in front of me once more, "Lora Silkstep, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife... Yes, that's it! That's how I will do it and if... No... When she says 'yes'. I will be the luckiest stallion in all of Equestria!" Standing up, I began to rejoice at the thought of being united with my beloved Lora. This is going to be the best night EVER!
"...What makes you think the creature will be here, Twilight?" My ears popped open to the name of a certain lavender unicorn.
Oh...No.
"Rumors around town say that the creature has been spotted around here. And what I heard from Fluttershy seemed to prove that it exists and is residing on the outskirts of Ponyville." Sticking my head outside my window, my eyes sighted the element of magic with her small, purple baby dragon riding on her back. They were trotting along the white picket fence and my eyes grew nervous, thinking she might search here for Chris.
"But the rumors also state that the creature has razor sharp talons and a wicked looking fangs that can gobble little colts. Do you really want to find it that bad?"
That's really my fault then, huh? Sorry Chris I guess I really didn't help your image with that.
"Spike, if this creature is terrorizing the town, then it is my civic duty to figure out how to stop it. And a little research on it would never hurt anypony." My body began a nervous twitch at remembering the time she did a 'little research' on me. It was because of my inherited ability to manipulate light without a horn.
That day was so painful I hope I never have to go through that again... Uh oh she's coming to the house.
"Are you going to collaborate with that one science group if you do find it?"
"Oh please, Spike. The P.A.S. comes to me for help anyways. Finding the creature will bypass that, I'll be sure to share my findings with them, though. The Princess would probably love to hear about it tonight."
When she came within ten yards of the house, I dashed downstairs. Mom was in the kitchen prepping food for breakfast, while my father was no where to be seen.
"Oh morning sweetheart, why are you in a rush? Breakfast is almost ready."
"Mom we got problems," Her face became worried as she saw my state of panic.
"Is it more P.A.S. coming to take Chris away?"
"No much worse... its her," My mothers gold eyes grew wide and immediately stopped making breakfast.
"Distract her the best you can... I'll go hide Chris," She raced out of the kitchen and her hooves could be heard going down the hallway towards Chris's room.
I will try, but it's only a matter of time before she finds him, Upon opening the door, Twilight's hoof was poised to knock. Her face was little surprised when the door opened without her knocking. "Twilight, what a totally unexpected delight that you would be here on our doorstep. Can I offer you something to drink? Juice? Milk? Water? You know I heard something about how water is the most important liquid and is probably the best choice. Wouldn't you agree? By the way any good books that you would recommend? I have been dying for a page turner. Finished this recent one about the beautiful relationship between a mother and her son. Almost cried for days. Got any more like tha..." Her hoof was on my mouth and she gave me a glare of annoyance.
"I don't quite remember you being so ostentatious the last time we met Shutter Flash. Why are you acting so strange?" I flicked her hoof away from my mouth.
"Me acting strange? No... That's insane. I am perfectly acting normal," A sudden closing of a door behind me made Twilight peer inside. Moving my head in front her, I looked at the little dragon. "Hey Spike how have you been buddy?"
"Hey Shutter Flash I've been doing good. Take any more pictures recently?"
"Yeah I just did a photoshoot with Rarity. She modeled in her newest designs," The dragons eyes started to stare off as if he was in a dream and a wide smile formed on his face. He let out a loving sigh.
"Rarity..." Twilight rolled her eyes and brought her attention back to me.
"Shutter I was wondering have you seen anything lately. Like a tall scary creature."
"He's not that scary to me..." Crap! Realizing what I just said I nearly facehoofed. "I mean he doesn't sound scary to me," Twilight's eyes narrowed on me.
"So you have seen the creature then."
"What creature? you make it sound like there is some sort of animal in our part of the neighborhood."
"Shutter Flash this is serious! Have you or haven't you seen a creature that's described as a bipedal, fur-less, and intimidating."
"I may have recalled seeing something like that the other day, however I can't be too sure. I was slightly impaired due to working with photo chemicals all day," She seemed to lower her head in almost pleading manner.
"Shutter you don't understand the fate of the town could in jeopardy if I allow this thing to go around, not knowing if it's friend or foe. You have to let me search for it for all you know it could have been in your house while you were sleeping." Her eyes grew to be like those found on a puppy and I slightly felt for her cause. I found it difficult to resist from staring into her violet eyes. "Please allow me to enter and do a simple search."
"Twilight...I can't..."
"Oh please Shutter Flash. No harm will be done I will just be quick about it," I let out small defeated sigh and stepped to the side.
"Go ahead and look, but I don't think you'll find what you're looking for here." Her face beamed as she gave me a hug around my neck.
"Oh thank you so much, you won't regret this," She trotted in and I watched her as she took a stance in the middle of the living room. Her horn began to glow and a thin layer of purple light scanned the house. She sat on her haunches and had a perplexed look to her. "How can that be?" She glanced in my direction. "Are you by chance housing a teenage unicorn here?"
"No why?" Her eyes got big and she allowed a wide smile to form on her face.
"Gotcha," Her magic dissipated and she started her way down the hallway.
This isn't good she must have picked up Chris's magical signature... Crap! Think shutter, quickly, "Um, Twilight may I suggest the upstairs."
"I'm getting a better sense of its magic down here. I told you Shutter it could be in your house," I quickly followed after her as she got ever closer to Chris's room. Her horn still glowing she waved it around detecting the air for the magic. Just as she crossed the bathroom she halted. The purple dragon on her back leaned forward.
"What is it, Twilight?"
"I can't sense it as much but I know it's nearby," Her head turned to the bathroom door. "It has to be in... Here!" At 'Here' she threw the door wide open to reveal my mom dripping wet and wrapped in towel. The room was completely filled with hot steam. Levitating in the air was a brush that stopped mid stroke through her mane. She gave us a surprised expression and slightly blushed.
"Oh, hello Twilight. Hello Spike. Wasn't expecting to see you today," Spike spun around and covered his eyes and I did the same with my foreleg. "Thank you gentlecolts for having some class."
"I'm so so sorry Mrs. Flash I didn't mean to barge in on you like that."
"It's okay sweetie no harm has been done."
"I have only one quick question, before I won't bother you again."
"Go head ask me anything."
"Have you seen a two legged, fur-less creature in your house lately?"
"You know, recently I have noticed misplaced food and other various items. It wouldn't surprise me one bit if something like that is running around these parts. I really appreciate what your doing, Twilight. It's very noble of you to care for our safety and well-being."
"No problem Mrs. Flash, sorry to disturb you I'll be going now."
"Okay sweetie, you and Spike take care now."
"We will thank you," With the door closed I lowered my foreleg and glanced up to Twilight. She had a hoof to my chest. "Shutter I'm greatly concerned for your family's safety knowing that this creature is roaming through the house unnoticed, If you ever need me please don't hesitate to find me at the Golden Oaks Library," Putting on a fake smile I lightly pushed her hoof down.
"Sure thing twilight," She smiled at me and she started to trot back towards the door. "See you again you two," Spike, who was still turned around, waved to me.
"Bye Shutter, can I get a copy of your pictures?" Twilight used her magic turn him around.
"Spike..." The little dragon turned his head back to me in a pleading manner. I gave him a nod and his face beamed with happiness and joy, as Twilight turned the corner heading towards the front door. Going to end of the hallway I watched as the two left, closing the door behind them.
That was far to close...
The bathroom door opened and my mom came out slightly wet. The still sleeping form of Chris was levitating in her magic above her head. "Shutter please grab him I need to breath," Moving closer she laid Chris on my back and I could feel Chris's weight put strain in my knees, causing me to put effort in supporting him.
"How did she not find him?" My mom took a couple of deep breaths before she spoke.
"The density of the steam in the air causes unicorns to dampen their magical ability. That was why I'm out of breath from carrying him."
"So that's why Twilight couldn't sense him anymore. That was ingenious Mom!" She gave me a smile, as she picked up Chris from my back.
"If you had a horn sweetheart, you would've known," She trotted down the hallway and opened the door to Chris's room. I followed her in and watched her place him ever so gently back onto the bed. The small lump on the bed lazily rolled over and snuggled up against his body. My mother gave the two an adoring awe as she nuzzled both of them on top their heads.
"So Drive is finally friends with Chris. That's good to see that they're getting along," I was Speaking in a low wisper as to not wake them. My mother pulled her head from Chris's hair and smiled at me. She spoke with a low, gentle, motherly voice that made both Chris and Drive slightly grin in their sleep.
"Oh, you have no clue sweetheart, Drive has taken to Chris like he was his surrogate father. You should have seen them two days ago. It's great that Drive has him as male figure to look up to."
"Yeah great..." I continued to stare at the warm embrace they shared and felt something stir inside me. That should've been me... How could I have neglected my duty as an uncle. I glanced over at Chris felt a smirk come across my face. I guess in a way it is me.
"Come, let them wake up on their own. I still need to prepare breakfast for them," My mothers foreleg lightly pushed me towards the door.
"Okay Mom I'm going, I'm going," Before exiting I glanced back towards Chris and thought to myself, I have a surprise for you later today, Brother.
-_-_-_-
I tiredly blinked my eyes as the little form of Flash Drive continued to snuggle up against me. Giving him a big smile, I wrapped my arms around his body and pulled him onto my chest. His little hooves fell to the sides of my body while he began to mumble something under his breath. "No... Not the... Talons," Softly laughing, my chest bounced with each laugh, waking him up from his slumber. His droopy eyes opened up towards me and he smiled warmly at the sight of me. "Morning, Uncle Chris..." He stretched out his hooves to the side and let them fall down onto my chest.
"Good morning, Drive. How did you sleep last night?"
"Very warm and comfy, thanks to you," He burrowed his face into my shirt and then jumped to the hardwood floor. "Today, I'm going to go meet up with a friend of mine, would you like to come Uncle?" I stood up to my feet and gave him a smile.
"Thanks bud, but I believe today I... I need to do something important." Drives little head tilted in confusion.
"What's more important than hanging out with your nephew?" Rubbing his brown mane, I walked past him and headed towards the door.
"It's an adult matter, Drive. Trust me when I say it doesn't concern you." Giving me a moan, he kicked the hardwood floor in frustration.
"That's what Grandma says to me all the time, I'm so sick of being a kid sometimes," I smiled down to him.
"Enjoy it while it still lasts Drive, before you know it you'll be as old as me," He shook his head.
"Hopefully I won't look any worse than you..." Giving him a playful glare, he stammered backward. "I meant that in a good way, I swear. It came out wrong." I inched forward towards him and he started to slightly panic. "Uncle Chris..." With his magic he rocketed a pillow into my face and galloped right past me.
"Oh no you don't, get back here!" He began to laugh as I gave chase after him.
"Try to catch me two legs."
While running through the hallway, the aroma of pancakes hit my nose and I immediately stopped to take in the the delectable scent of fluffy goodness of that only could be described as heavenly. My tongue hung from my lips as I dreamily stared off to the living room. A door open up and Thunder stepped out of the doorway the moment his eyes laid on my zoned-out state he gave me a chuckle. "Looks like you caught wind of your mother's cooking," I half-consciously nodded. He let out another Chuckle as he made his way behind me and gently pushed with his forehead. "Come on son let's actually get you to the table, you can seize up there."
"They smell so good."
"Just wait until you taste Applejacks famous applebutter syrup, I picked some up just yesterday," My eye nearly twitched from imagining both my favorite breakfast meal with those amazing apples, in a syrup no less. My body trembled in delight as the smell intensified from the kitchen. Aurora Looked up from the pancakes on the stove and smiled at me.
"Morning sweetheart, how did you sleep?" Thunder stopped pushing me so I could speak to her. Not noticing that her fur was slightly dampened, I stepped into the kitchen to give her a hug. As I embraced her, the wetness soaked through my shirt and she gave me a quick glace. She began to giggle as she saw the water stained on my red shirt. "Oh sorry honey I took a rather... unexpected shower today," Her golden orbs lovingly stared at me through her blonde mane.
"It's okay Mom, I got another shirt from Rarity yesterday," Aurora shot me a worried look and pulled me in closer with her magic.
"Chris I need you to tell me exactly what happened yesterday," Feeling slightly bewildered, I stepped back from her.
"What do you mean?" She flipped the pancake before turning to me. Her eyes were filled with concern.
"I mean with Lora. What happened to you two that would cause you to act like that around her?" My body nervously twitched at the question. "Chris as your mother you should know that you can tell me anything."
"I... I think it's best that I go," On turning around, I suddenly ran straight into an invisible wall smooshing my face against it like a window pane.
"Chris Andrew Flash... your not keeping secrets from your own mother now, are you?" Her voice seemed to stab through me.
She's reading me like an open book, what I'm I going to do? If she's anything like my mom it's only a matter of time before she'll find out anyways... I let out defeated sigh Fine... I'll tell her. Slowly turning around, I faced Aurora, who had one eyebrow up and wore a stern face. "Mom... I... I kissed Lora..." Her face immediately changed to from stern to one filled with both shock and earnest concern.
"Ohh... Well, that explains some things then... Sweetie... Why?" Her motherly tone was tender and made me feel comforted as I struggled with my explanation.
"It wasn't on purpose, I was in the bathroom... Sorry let me rephrase that... I was in Shutter's temporary darkroom, when Lora wanted to come in a talk. At first I thought she knew that it was me, but when she kissed me I..." The memory of her lips pressing on to mine caused me to slightly drift off sentence as I remembered the pleasurable bliss that the kiss had brought me.
"You realized that she honestly thought you were Shutter..." Her voice brought me back to earth. I dumbly stared back at her eyes and sadly nodded. She must have seen known how I felt, because without much warning I felt myself get lifted up and gently pulled towards her. I curled my legs up as she made me approach her. Letting me go, she wrapped her forelegs around me and began to rub my back. "Honey, you didn't do anything wrong. Why didn't you come to me sooner?" Her soft motherly tone brought a single tear to my eye as I rested my head on top of hers.
"I thought I could make it better, myself." I felt her rub muzzle on the side of my head as she lightly spoke into my ear.
"You still can, you only need to tell them what happened," She kissed my forehead as we pulled apart. "But I think it would be wise to do so after the day is done."
"Why's that, Mom?"
"Shutter has been planning for a very long time for this night with Lora. Their love can handle this, but I believe right now would be a fragile time for the both of them," I slightly nodded, but felt something inside me beginning to burn with guilt. She returned quickly to her pancakes just before they were overcooked. "Don't worry my child, I know you will do the right thing."
"Like you say huh Mom, 'The most bitter of truths is still better than the sweetest of lies'" Her face became flummoxed as she peered back at me.
"Chris I haven't said that saying to you yet. Did Shutter tell you that?" Smiling, I gave her hug around her neck.
"I guess you can say that mom... Thank you." Her fur bristled the side of my head as she rubbed her check against mine.
"You're welcome sweetheart."
Sitting at the table I dug into the succulent pancakes that laid before me. I was so indulged into the bliss of the miraculous combination of the applebutter syrup and Aurora's perfect golden pancakes, that I almost didn't noticed the missing couple at the table. Realizing this, I scanned the house in search of Shutter and Lora. Thunder saw me and with a little bit of syrup dripping from his muzzle asked, "What are you looking for son?"
"Where's Shutter and Lora?" Aurora wiped her mouth with a napkin before she answered.
"They went to the Sugarcube Corner to relax before the big event before them."
"When will they be back?"
"Not until this evening," Sat back on my calves as I continued to ponder to myself.
I know Mom told me to wait for tomorrow, but why do I have an overwhelming feeling that I need to tell Lora tonight. I shook my head as I took another bite of pancakes. My thoughts seemed to melt away at the taste. Oh well...I better just listen to Mom...
-_-_-_-
Lora and I approached the bustling corner of the street where ponies could be seen going on their way of business. Careful as to not bump into anypony, we slowly made our way to the front door of the Sugercube Corner. Being the gentlecolt that my mom and dad raised me to be I opened the door for Lora and stepped aside to allow her to proceed ahead of me. "Why thank you, Shutter."
"No problem my love," She kissed my check as she past me into the shop. My checks immediately filled up with blood red coloring. I followed her into the building and the first thing we countered was the hyperactive pony bouncing table to table serving ponies their delectable sweets that were made here by the owners, the Cakes. They were incredibly nice to Lora and me whenever we went in to grab a bite from them. Always had something nice to say to everypony they greeted at their little store.
"Why, hello there Lora and Shutter you two are looking as lovely as ever." Lora bowed her head slightly toward a light blue earth pony with a pink two-toned mane that seemed swirl upward like frosting.
"Thank you Mrs. Cup Cake, it's always a pleasure to see to you as well." Pinkie on hearing our names stopped bouncing altogether and gazed over to us with wide eyes.
"Shuttery, LORIE!" We quickly glanced at each other slightly worried at what the pink mare might do. Without much warning she leapt up into the air and landed on top of us in a hug. "Aren't you two just so excited about tonight? I know I'm excited. Have you gotten your dress yet Lorie? You should see mine, oh I know come with me and tell me what you think." The overexcited Pinkie almost picked Lora straight off the ground as she pulled by Pinkie. "Don't you worry, Shuttery. I will bring her back. Come on, Lorie!"
"Um...okay... whoa." Lora flapped her peach feathers to keep up with the speed of the earth pony as they headed up stairs. A lemon colored stallion, with a candy cane bowtie, was nearly knocked over as they raced up the steps. He shook his head as he stared after the two mares.
"That Pinkie Pie, always makes this place seem so exciting." Trotting up to him, I lowered my head in greeting him. He readjusted his hat after dusting off his orange mane.
"Hello Mr. Carrot Cake how are you today?
"Oh, hello Shutter Flash, been a while since I've seen you last. Good to have you come back to your hometown. Are you visiting the folks?" I gave him smile and a nod.
"Yeah, Lora and I have been invited to this years Grand Galloping Gala. But before we went we wanted to visit one of our favorite places to eat and hang out." His head nodded as he wore a wide smile of appreciation.
"Well, thank you kindly, Shutter. So how is the photography holding up? Have you finally made a reputation in the photo business like you wanted?"
"Well it's been actually..." A tap on my shoulder from a hoof made me turn to see a lime-green pegasus staring at me with diamond colored eyes. Her yellow mane was done in a pony-tail and she had accents of pink on the tips of her bangs. "Yes, can I help you?"
"I need to speak to Lora right away, I'm in a bit of an emergency."
"Maybe I can help. What seems to be the matter?"
"It's this um... well..." She stopped as soon as Lora and Pinkie descended the stairs. "Lora!"
"Nimble Cheeryfeather... what are you doing here?"
"I need to ask you question, you're the only one I trust." Lora glanced at me before giving her a concerned look. "Please follow me..."
"Ooo... is this about the new..." Pinkie saw the stern look I was giving her and she zipped her lip with her hoof.
"New...What?" Nimble gave us all a confused stare. Lora fluttered down and landed in front of her with a graceful land.
"Oh it's nothing really...Come on lets go and you can ask me your question." I watched them trot outside before I turned back to Carrot Cake.
"So yeah um... I guess I'll take two slices of your strawberry cream cake... to go, if you don't mind."
Trotting outside with a bag filled with the two slices of cake, I noticed Nimble flying away in a hurry. I looked back to Lora, who was sitting on her hindlegs with a hoof on her head like she was flummoxed about something. "Lora, honey what's the matter?"
"She asked me if I had seen a two legged figure with a jacket that had a white falcon on it. Shutter that sounds exactly like..." My eyes widened in realization.
"Chris... has he been coming to town without us knowing?."
"I don't know... I wouldn't think we would, but perhaps his curiosity got the best of him. You know Shutter for wanting him to be a secret, you're not doing a very good job." Playfully, I pushed her and she gave me slight whack against the back of my head with her wing.
"Oh... now you've done it!" She let out a giggle as I readied myself like a dog about to pounce her. As I leapt at her, she soared upward and did a flip. Smiling down at me, she took her hooves and gestured for me to catch her.
"Let's see if you are as quick as we first met, Shutter." With a powerful flap of her wings, she flew over the heads of the ponies in town.
"You're so on!" Kicking my hoof off the ground, I chased after her with all the speed I could muster without ramming into any of the ponies in town. Following her, I watched carefully as she started to twist and turn through the air with grace and elegance. She glanced back to me with a loving smile.
"You'll have to be faster if you want to catch a pegasus." I returned the smile and pushed harder to reduce the distance between us. Breathing heavy, I could feel my legs start to burn as I darted through town. She was leading me to the open fields to the east of town, which would lead eventually to our favorite swimming hole. The memory of her and me playing there, a week after we first met, came rushing back. She glanced back again with her rosy mane and tail flowing through the wind. Giving her a smirk, I lowered my head forward to be more aerodynamic. Ever so slowly I started to pull ahead of her. A tree line ahead made her pull up and I began to rush past the trees as they made a whishing sound past me. A small clearing could be seen ahead and gentle river was flowing through it. I slowed myself to a quiet sneak as I approached the watering hole. Giving myself a moment to catch my breath I waited for her to show.
The moment she hits the ground the advantage will be mine. Sure enough, she came though the clearing and after some elegant twists and turns she slowly landed on the river's bank just in front of me. Hugging the tree I crept up behind her being as silent as I could possibly be.
"Shutter?" Her head twisted and turned as she tried to find me. "Where are you Shutter?" Lowering myself I felt as if I was a wolf about to snatch his prey.
"Behind you..." She spun around just as I leapt forward towards her. Wrapping my forelegs around her, we tumbled down the bank and landed in the water. She gave out a gasp of air from the coolness of the stream. Looking up to me on top of her, she gave me a leering smile. Her mane gently flowed in the water's current.
"So you caught me, not bad for a earth pony."
"If I had wings, I would've had you sooner..." She lifted up her hoof and laid it against my the back of my head slightly pulling me down towards her face. My stomach felt warm as I stared into her beautiful sapphire eyes. She propped herself up with her wings and gently slid her lips over mine. My heart erupted within my chest as we kissed.
Slowly pulling away, we both were heavily breathing. Everything was silent to me except for my racing beat of my heart. She leaned over to my ear and softly cooed into it.
"I love you just the way you are..." Overwhelmed with my love for her, I lifted my head back to her and kissed her again. We both lowered ourselves into the water's flow and embraced each other as her fur bristled my stomach. The afternoon sun continued to shine through the trees as we expressed our love under the canopy of leaves.
I love you so much Lora... No pony could ever take that away form me.
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Please remove the change in POV notes. Unless you're going to put them in throughout the whole story, don't put them in at all. It should be obvious who's POV it is anyways. Just saying.
First off, I am truly disappointed and peeved off at Twilight for wanting to do tests on Shutter Flash, or threatening him with them, and also trying to capture Chris
. Also, Shutter Flash, I am afraid that something might take that away from you. 
2763825 Thank you so much I can't tell you how much that means to me.
2791886 I'm hoping you aren't truly disappointed
2791905
I can definitely sure will, I don't know if I'm a good teacher or not though. 
My hope is to not be like Celestia and throw you out the door without any real instruction. 
2792023 No I am not disappointed at all with this chapter. Twilight just peeves me off of how she is acting. At leas Spike has some sort of decency and respect.
You know Shutter, I really have to think of something new to appreciate your work
(darn that is for some authors here..*looks to masters Lego and Feather*
May I continue all post from now on in german, maybe there I´ll find one or two more words that would fit...
2792146
Well it is Spike after all..(and he sure won´t be get in trouble with a source of rarity-pictures, right?)
Hmm Twi seems really interestret, no allmost fanatic about chris and a bit Shutter...Maybe the Pinkie-sense stuff left some marks behind?
I am really glad you expanded the relationship with chris and auroura, it was so sweet. also it appears its the sinister twilight that appears in this fic, I don't like that kind of twilight since it doesn't seem like she would act that way, at least not to that extent.
2793600>>2793662 don't worry I'm not out to give Twilight a bad name she is only slightly crazed on finding Chris because to her, he's just some unknown creature that may have came from the Everfree forest. I promise that she will return to her normal sweet loving Twilight we all know and love soon enough.
*is gently tapped on the shoulder, glances over to see a rather disapproving look from Twilight*
"You made me look like a half crazed mare. That's it I'm go post a one shot of you Shutter and make you look like a raving mad stallion that thinks his tail is his pet squirrel."
"No Twilight, please come back, I swore to them that I will make you look good again...Wait what are you going to do with that"
"Filly's and Gentlecolts I'm afraid Shutter might be on hiatus on his story for a bit, he'll be back once he fixes my character. Isn't that right, Shutter?"
"Yes ma'am, right away ma'am."
2794077 lol thank you
, and I know twilight can get overzealous on the unknown and new things. although what seemed a bit more off was her forcing shutter to do those experiments, she even sounded kinda hostile. and i still really enjoyed this chapter
2794233 At the risk of making her sound too mean I might revise it later, I myself really like twilight and it sorta bothered me as well. She really isn't one to force anypony to do something they don't want to do.
She might be crazy, but she isn't mean.
2794255 exactly,
2794278 Fixed it
2794526 awesome!
2794526 ok thank you for that, that sounds a lot more like how twilight would react.
2794564 I had to do some character research and it gave me a good reason to watch another episode of MLP LOL
*Twilight begins to pet Shutter on the head*
"See and you wanted me to sound like a crazy mare."
"Well you slightly are Twilight..."
"Run that by me again..."
2794580 yup lol, when in doubt go to the source material
2794535 <-- what he said!
2794580
May I again remember Twilight what happened back then..you know...Pinkie Sense....
Hmm maybe Twi should also learn the magic of baking
(or at least try to leanr coocking from Spike
)
It flows poorly and is completely RIDDLED with errors... it's really bad.
.
.
.
Not to mention your MC is painfully angsty. But that bit is opinion, but the fact it needs to be rewritten is not.
2825672 You know what I want to thank you for reading in the first place, Sure you downvoted it, but that's to be expected. I appreciate you taking some time to at least tell me why you didn't like it. I want to remind you that I'm just starting out as a writer and I don't expect that it's going to be masterful the first time through. I'm giving it my best shot and I hope to one day be able to rewrite it again and make it better. Again thanks for reading.
2825758 Oh I decided I didn't like it halfway through chapter 3. I just finished it to see if you would change my mind. Ok, gonna grab a random chunk of text;
Ignoring some awkward phrasing it should be:
See where I'm coming from? Needs to be rewritten, not deleted, rewritten. If something doesn't have potential it isn't worth a rewrite. Oh and, you put "I'm" instead of "am" ALOT. You also use spellchecker... I can tell because it corrected several thing to drastically different words that would have had 'similar' misspellings.
cant wait for the next chapter!!
2825672 bruh stop hating on his story if you don't like it why the hell are you bothering to read it and comment on it? if you really don't have anything nice to say about the story then DON'T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL AND KEEP YOUR HATEFUL OPINIONS AND THOUGHTS TO YOURSELF
ok good 