• Published 30th Apr 2013
  • 422 Views, 32 Comments

Early Retirement - CancerousGingerScorpio

Unknown to the unfamiliar terrain, he must find a way to survive in this new environment.

  • ...

I Just Love EOD Suit Wearing Buffoons with Semi-Auto Grenade Launchers. Don't You?

PUM-PUM-PUM went Woods' XM25. He was having the time of his life at the moment. These ponies and unicorns didn't meet the level of skill it took to take on Woods. He blasted through them, not caring if they were dead or if he stomped their heads. Deadshot was providing covering fire from a nearby guard post, which she had taken with no effort. She centered her reticle on a stallions head-CRACK. His head disconnected at the neck and was gushing blood for a few seconds.

"C'mon! Is that the best you can throw at us? You got anything else for me to kill?" He shouted over the deafening sound of the grenades exploding upon contact. And the soldiers, in fact, had something new to throw at them. An EOD squad, outfitted with Milkor Medium Grenade Launchers and C4. Woods took a shot at the EOD squad. They were still standing.

"What the? Oh ho ho! So ya wanna play with that armor do ya? Well then, good thing those don't have built in gas masks!" He said, pulling the pin on a grenade with tear gas. The EOD squad looked at the grenades, thinking they were just flash bangs, and looked away. That didn't protect them from the gas (obviously). They coughed and choked, all except for one. And that one was running straight towards Woods, firing off his MGL.

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" The stallion yelled.

Woods jumped over the stallion, and pulled a frag out of his belt and stuck it in a chink of the EOD armor. The stallion stopped charging, and tried to get the grenade out. It was too late however. The grenade went off, severing his legs and leaving a nasty piece of loose flesh hanging off his side. The stallion sat there, looking at the spot where his legs should have been, muttering something in Arabic. Woods pressed on further into the building, encountering more resistance.

"Looks like these guys don't want to give up. I guess that means I need to PUMP UP THE POWER!" Woods said, grabbing a Rocket Propelled Grenade off a dead soldier. He pulled out his XM25, and held both, poining them at the center most thing in the room which was a red mare with blonde hair. The mare tried to scream, but we all know you can't scream when you're gagged, and it came out as a weak moan. Woods hesitated. Should he really pull the trigger and kill this poor horse.

"Screw it, LETS DO THIS!!" He said and pulled the trigger.


The red mare was no longer there, and all the combatants near the explosion didn't fare much better. One stallion was missing a forearm, and others were missing other parts of their bodies. Woods walked past them, pulling out his M4 rifle, and kicked down the door to the nearest room. Big mistake. As soon as he kicked the door, three chemical warfare soldiers along with a lone EOD man were behind the door. The chemical warfare soldiers pulled out what appeared to be a sort of poison gas gun, spraying a sickly brown gas into the room. Woods quickly ran to the nearest emergency room, and put on a gas mask. He came out the door, watching as the chemical warfare soldiers and EOD guy searched for him. He ran up to one of the chemical warfare ponies, and punched a large hole into the glass screen of the mask. The unicorn's face turned a mottled shade of brown, then began to turn the sickest and worst colors you could imagine. That's when Woods learned what would happen if the gas killed you.

The mare started to cry out in agony, releasing her digestive organs (literally) all over the room's floor, staining it a sickly shade of red and mottled brown. The other ponies in the area heard the noises, and found Woods. He turned around and grabbed one of the chemical warfare ponies, snapping his neck, and exposing the other to the toxic nerve gas. He looked at the EOD pony, who was standing there, not moving anywhere. The stallion pulled out a sort of gun that looked a lot like a giant wind tunnel, and pointed it directly at Woods. The stallion tapped the fire button.


Woods was blown back through a wall, effectively knocking the wind out of him. He tried to stand, but found the lack of oxygen made his legs weak. The EOD pony came through the wall and observed Woods.

"This is only thing here to take down this base. Well you did pretty well, I'll give you that, ape." The stallion said, poining a shotgun at Woods, " Any last words?"

Woods looked at him, and said, "Yeah, I do. Ya like walking? 'Cause you're not going to anymore."

BOOM chk chk BOOM

The shells hit the floor, signifying something sad just happened.

The stallion cried out in pain and agony.
"Did I have to save you, Woods?" Deadshot asked.

"No. I was going to do it myself, but then you came along and shot him for me. Thanks." He replied

The stallion looked up at them, yelling at them witha few choice words. He tried to stand up, but with no muscles under his horse knees, he couldn't. He started to crawl towards Woods, holding a short dagger. Woods pulled out his Python and shot the dagger away, and then shot the stallion's foreleg twice. The stallion screamed in rage.

"Lawl, u mad bro?" Asked Deadshot with humor in her voice.

"Look at him! Look at him and laugh!" Woods said pointing at the stallion. They both started to laugh at he stallion. His rage was intense. It literally almost melted the floor. Deadshot stopped laughing and walked up to the stallion, taking of the face mask and helmet. She examined the stallion who was a unicorn.

"We got him Woods!" She said.

Author's Note:

Thank you for reading chapter something. Criticism is welcome.

Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!